>But for You
>I was looking at Babycenter a few weeks ago (which is, I admit, my Holy Grail of baby information) and happened upon a discussion board for new moms. They were commiserating about how everything had fallen by the wayside in the wake of their baby’s birth. Housework, social engagements, hot showers- all were forgotten in favor of holding their newborns and staring out the window in dreamy bliss.
Bitches.
What I wouldn’t give for an hour, just one hour to luxuriously drift in the postpartum fog that has replaced my brain cells. But I have a two-year-old who’s filthy and needs to eat, two teenagers and a husband who don’t have any clean underwear, and floors I could eat off of- if I wanted to spend the day with vomiting and diarrhea. Too often, Bruiser, who wants to be held around the clock, ends up crying until I can make the peanut butter sandwich or find the cordless phone or start the dishwasher. And it kills me.
At the same time, with Bruiser’s constant nursing habit, Punky ends up waiting for everything. Luckily, she loves her brother and enjoys fetching diapers and blankies for him, as well as worriedly rushing to me and shrieking “Oh no! Bruiser’s crying!” every time he opens his mouth. But I can’t help but think the whole newborn-needs-24-hour-a-day-attention thing is going to get old for her, fast.
A friend of mine gave me some great advice the other day when I told her about all of this. “My mom always said that the baby won’t remember crying,” she said, “but his older sister or brother might remember always coming second.” That really helps me keep things in perspective.
And so do you. I started this blog in the wake of the loneliness that came with having Punky. For the first few months, I rarely left the house and those were the most isolated months of my entire life. This time around, thanks to you guys and to my playgroup friends, I feel connected to the world despite the fact that once again, I’m pretty much under house arrest for the next month or two.
And so I thank you for your comments and your advice and to those of you who sent gifts and made dinner, I am simply overwhelmed by your generosity (and there are more of you, but I don’t have your blog links!).
Also, a big, huge thank you goes out to the mother-daughter team at Javis Davis, who made Bruiser’s crib bedding for me. It is stunning and gorgeous and I feel like an OC housewife with my custom-made crib bedding. If you’re looking for crib or kids’ bedding, I can’t recommend them highly enough- They make the fabric selection and ordering process so easy, you’ll feel like an expert.
(And if you’re wondering why there’s so much pink, it’s because Bruiser is sharing Punky’s room for the next two years until 16 goes to college. Rather than repaint and redecorate the whole room, I had a faux painter do some textured sage green stripes over the existing pink. And I LOVE the result.)
Anyway, Bruiser and I thank all of you for reading and commenting on this site so faithfully. I wish I had more time to read all of your blogs- and some day in the near future, I hope I will again- but please know that I read every one of your comments and e-mails and absolutely love hearing from you.
>Thanks for sharing. I have a daughter who is three and my son is due this summer. My anxieties this time are so totally different.How will I manage keeping up with the house? How will my daughter adjust? How can I make sure she doesn’t feel second? I keep praying that I will manage and something miraculous will happen between now and then creating a way for me to be able to stay at home and not return to work.Your entries are comforting.
>Blogging is what brings us sanity, isn’t it? My baby has to cry a lot too. I DO believe that his crying is harder on me than it is on him. But my older kids (not too much older–I have four kids and my oldest is barely 5) NEED me and my attention. They need to know that I still love them with all my heart. To this end, Hubby and I take the kids on a date each week. I love my dates with my daughter. We get to go do girly things. And my son and I go play with trains and bugs and whatever he wants. It makes each child feel completely adored, and gives me a break from taking care of the house and the other kids for a little while.Anyway, it works for us!
>You are definitely not alone in being a New Mom Under House Arrest.I don’t think my sister has left her house in over 5 years… she has a two-year old, four year old twins and a five year old (with Leukemia, to boot!). Before all of them could walk, she wasn’t able to leave the house FOR ANYTHING without another adult. But for her whole life, all she wanted to be was a mommy, and I have to say that she is the best mom I’ve ever seen. (apologies to my own mother…)Lindsay, after reading your blog for many months, I can safely say that you too belong in the “Best Mom Ever” category. Congrats on handling everything with grace and humor–something that will not be lost on your brood.
>Hey! Those were the same colors I was going to do my nursery in! I think pink and sage look great together…kinda Spring-ish!I was a Babycenter fiend, but never got into the message boards too much. I commented in one about a problem I was having with Ninja Boy, then a year later (after I ended my subscription), I saw someone had finally replied to it (I clean out my links twice a year) – and they were MEAN. And on top of that, I couldn’t reply to her mean comment because I was no longer a member. That was a useless story, but ANYWAY! We’re happy to have you around!
>With the combination of house arrest, exhaustion, and stress it’s amazing to me that more new moms DON’T get depressed. You sound like you’re handling it all smoothly anyway. It’s good to hear that it’s (kind of) possible. As a side note, I always try to pay special attention to the older sibling when I see kids of my friends. Most people coo over the baby and the older child often looks so sad and left out!
>Of course you’re most welcome… You’re doing a great job Lindsay… honestly, I don’t know how you do it all!Bruiser is looking completely adorable. Ohhhh! I just want to hug him. Sometimes the way I get through a crazy moment/hour/afternoon/day is to remind myself that it’s all temporary — the good parts and the not-so-good parts. And I only have 1 child and a husband!You are no doubt the heart of your home, Lindsay… Thank YOU for sharing your world with us. This blogging thing can be pretty cool, huh? Even with the whackos out there. There seem to be a lot more good folk than not.
>I once used to feel guilty when I wanted some “me” time to go scrapbooking or out with a friend…the guilt is long gone. My hubby gets to go away for weeks at a time, to have “fun” and be with adults during the work day, when all I have a 3 y/o mimic and a 6 y/o with the attitude of a teenage girl. The guilt is gone. Your son is gorgeous, Punky WILL survive (though I do like that crying advice!) and you’ll come back to us when you can!
>Oh, my lord, he is ADORABLE. Congratulations to the Turmoil household, but especially to you–little boys are the greatest. They looooooove their mamas–you’ll see.p.s. Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
>He’s adorable, as is the room, and the fancy smancy designer linens!I very much took that same advice about the baby not remembering, but the toddler will (or some variation on that – the baby will never know anything other than sharing its attention with you, but all the toddler knows is that it’s now getting the shaft, something like that!). So when confronted with simultaneous needs out of both them, I tended to address the toddler’s first. I know, it’s hard. The first few months are a killer. I know it seems forever away, but once Bruiser is less of a blob (I mean that in the nicest way possible ;-), it really does it get easier. Best wishes to you.
>Flashback city. Multiple kids + infant equals… equals… man, it equals something that has no equivalent.
>I’ve been reading you for over a year now and every day since then, you’ve become an absolute favorite. Punky and Bruiser are lucky to have you as their mom, as are the girls. My congratulations to you for handling everything with such grace and humor as well, not to mention being so real and down to earth. I’m sending a hug for those days when you need one the most. You’re doing a wonderful job!
>Yea those new moms, they STINK! I loathe them, I wish I got 1/2 of what I was able to do with my son, with my daughter. HUGS!
>We have that same crib and as much as I love it, I despise the fact that I cannot get anything “normal” to fit on it/in it. No mobile, no bumper (without extreme effort). So to say I am envious of your custom made bedding is an understatement.
>Bitches indeed! I’m already mourning the “free-time” I had with #1 and I still have another couple of months to go until #2 arrives. I will think of this post when I am slowly losing my sanity. Take care of yourself.
>Oh, honey! I totally understand! I feel like someone always wants something from me and now that Beckett is here, I feel like someone is always waiting.A week or so ago, I totally lost it when I was in the kitchen trying to make casseroles for the baptism reception I was hosting the next day, Beckett started crying for a bottle, Brendan came down from bed asking for milk, Scott was waiting for me to bring him something, and the dog and cat were both sitting in the kitchen staring at me wanting food.I yelled at the cat. Poor thing. I couldn’t yell at anyone else and I figured the cat was the one least likely to know he was being yelled at and most likely to forgive me.In an instant, Scott was inside asking how he could help.It is getting better, though, and your friend’s advice was excellent. I try to remember the same thing.
>Oh, honey! I totally understand! I feel like someone always wants something from me and now that Beckett is here, I feel like someone is always waiting.A week or so ago, I totally lost it when I was in the kitchen trying to make casseroles for the baptism reception I was hosting the next day, Beckett started crying for a bottle, Brendan came down from bed asking for milk, Scott was waiting for me to bring him something, and the dog and cat were both sitting in the kitchen staring at me wanting food.I yelled at the cat. Poor thing. I couldn’t yell at anyone else and I figured the cat was the one least likely to know he was being yelled at and most likely to forgive me.In an instant, Scott was inside asking how he could help.It is getting better, though, and your friend’s advice was excellent. I try to remember the same thing.
>Oh, honey! I totally understand! I feel like someone always wants something from me and now that Beckett is here, I feel like someone is always waiting.A week or so ago, I totally lost it when I was in the kitchen trying to make casseroles for the baptism reception I was hosting the next day, Beckett started crying for a bottle, Brendan came down from bed asking for milk, Scott was waiting for me to bring him something, and the dog and cat were both sitting in the kitchen staring at me wanting food.I yelled at the cat. Poor thing. I couldn’t yell at anyone else and I figured the cat was the one least likely to know he was being yelled at and most likely to forgive me.In an instant, Scott was inside asking how he could help.It is getting better, though, and your friend’s advice was excellent. I try to remember the same thing.
>I’m pretty new here, (looking around shyly), but I read all of your archives and I think you are an amazing mom. You seem to parent with so much passion (and humor!).I only have three kiddos, and the oldest is only three, so, wow, teenage needs–don’t have much to say about that. But as far as the toddlers go–adjusting to the new baby and all–my mom gave me a great piece of advice: tell the toddler that the baby loves her. “Oh, E., G. loves you so much!” It astonished me how quickly E. decided that G. was the best thing ever–and he would say to me, “Momma, G. loves me, doesn’t he? I love him!”
>A postpartum doula is a wonderful thing! You can hire one to come in anytime you want and they provide childcare, breastfeeding support, meal prep, errand running, household clean up, etc. I am one and I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from my current client, a homeschooling Mom of 7 kids age newborn to 16yrs old. Email me and I can get you more info if you want =)
>Shelly, that’s so funny. And to think I thought I was suffering alone. Punky’s bumper never did fit right and the mobile was a total loss. WTF!
>What a lovely post, and your son is adorable!!!
>That was the hardest part for me when I was getting used to having baby #2 at home — having to make either child wait while I tended to the other one. But after a while it will become old hat for you and both kids will learn a good lesson in patience. 😉
>I’ve told you this before and I will say it again: You doing a wonderful job with everything. If I lived any closer I’d offer a hand. I hope you find the time to enjoy your handsome baby boy and take care of yourself too. If it means fewer posts, well, I think we might be able to live with that (for a limited time only).You rock, Lindsay!
>The feeing that both your kids are not getting what they deserve from you is what sucked the most for me in the first few (okay, many) months after my #2 was born.But it gets better. Really it does. And also – get someone to help you, even if it’s just for an hour or two a week. It saved my life to just go out for coffee once in a while.
>Considering number three here just because of that great baby bedding. Where was the custom option when I was making babies?Lucky Baby Bruiser!
>I personally think all those BabyCenter moms are full of it. I call Bullshit. Yeah, they’re staring out the window, probably morose because they haven’t showered in days and can’t manage to get it together enough to go out, pining for a bit of freedom and the days of non-chewed-on nips. This stuff is hard. And two? Hard X 1,000. It’ll get dramatically easier in a few months, so hang tight. And those precious five-minute moments that helped keep your sanity will be in grasp again. In the meantime, always consider locking yourself in a closet for a spell with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for a few spoonfuls. It always does the psyche good!(And beautiful Bruiser, by the way. He looks like a big ‘ol bundle of deliciousness!)
>I love the paint job! Heck, I’d want that for my bedroom! Er, minus the crib.Bruiser=So cute!(found my way here from Sweatpants Mom)
>aw, he is so round and cute. Punky sounds like she is growing into a very caring sister :)I like that advice about the crying vs second thing. I will take that to heart next time my 9 year old gets that “look” when her 2 year old brother is not getting his way and crying 🙂
>I used that advice when the twins were born, and I let them cry while I sorted things out with my oldest 1st. Noisy, but the better option.I also let the oldest introduce the duo to everyone– I was amazed at how many ppl came to visit and went straight for the babies and ignored him. That seemed to help.Hang in there!
>I understand, I really do!! My kids are 6 years apart and my daughter loved her brother, but she was a bit tired of him being put first. She is still tired of it, but he has a lot of health issues and I do try to make time for her. It is tough. Hang in there, girl!
>OHMIGOD!!! Bruiser is SO cute I could just gobble him up!!! I remember many, many (MANY) years ago when my 2nd was born and I absolutely could not shed my “baby weight,” I did not go out of the house (except for grocery shopping) for one (1!!) whole year. I can’t believe it now when I think about it. (I think in retrospect I was depressed….) Don’t do what I did – set aside some “me” time for yourself (and your hubby).
>Frankly, I can’t believe you are up and blogging so regularly already. Now that’s devotion!