>Invasion of the Prostitots
>When I was little, my friends and I all had boxes of dress-up clothes- fancy ladies’ nightgowns and fussy old lady hats, crowns from Burger King and yards of tulle from the fabric store that allowed us to transform ourselves into brides or fairies. Every rejected item from our moms’ closets was at our disposal and, with a little imagination, the possibilities were endless.
For the last three years, I’ve been putting together a box for my own daughter, saving old boas and vintage hats and accessories from my stepdaughters’ outgrown Halloween costumes in a large milk crate. At least once a day, she digs through it and finds something to wear. When she wants to play ball, she puts on one of her dad’s old caps. If she’s feeling feminine, she dons fairy wings and a tutu. When we’re headed for the store, she’ll often grab a purse “like mommy’s” and fill it with tiny plastic toys.
But dress up isn’t what it used to be. Go to any toy store and you’ll find a vast array of princess dresses, costing up to $50 apiece. There are electronic purses with cell phones and credit cards, plastic heels and talking magic wands. When Punky’s friends began showing up to various events in their expensive costumes, I found a few frothy party dresses at a consignment sale for four dollars each and voila! Punky had princess dresses of her own, mercifully free of any Barbie cameos sewn into their bodices. But when she got to spend her birthday money at the toy store last weekend, she settled on a thirty-dollar Snow White dress, despite my efforts to woo her with a wooden train set. The appeal of royal blue satin, red ribbon, and a sparkly yellow skirt handily outdid my promises of “total mayhem on the tracks” and “lots and lots of crashes.”
I guess I should be grateful; I’ll take princess over prostitot any day. Want to know what I’m talking about? Check out this week’s Suburban Turmoil column in the Nashville Scene, then come back over here and tell me whether I’ll do more damage allowing my daughter to dress like a little Lindsay Lohan, or forbidding it and risking alienating her from her friends.
P.S. Are you a parent to teens or tweens? Then you must read this book. Seriously.
>For some reason, your article made me very very sad.
>That doesn’t really surprise me, considering I started crying at one point when I was writing it! That sounds crazy, but I was thinking about how little girls have such a precious few years to be little girls and it’s such a wonderful experience to not worry about getting fat and wearing makeup and sucking in your gut for a few years- and I worry my own daughter won’t have the same unsullied girlhood I had because of all this crap.
>Okay, I’m one to talk LOL but my Mom takes Gizmo to a pretty conservative dance school during the week… and she related to me that the consensus was that they did not want the girls to wear makeup at the recital as they didn’t want a bunch of little Jon Benet’s running around. (which, by the way, was just fine by me…)No risk of any hoochie momma costumes at this dance school.(… I reckon a spray tan and fake lashes are probably out of the question too … ;o)
>Wow! Ladies I am stunned! On one hand, I know we want to save their childhood and innocence, which is very precious.On the otehr hand, when I was a child, my mom bought me trains, cars, sports shoes and my dad took my swimming. When I turned 15, my world got very dark. I didn’t like make-up and expensive sexy dresses, and other kids didn’t like me.I was an A+ student, athletic, in debate club, played several music instruments, was funny and very sociable, but for the most part, I dressed in jeans and running shoes (nice ones) and no make up. Who do you think wanted to hang out with me (other than my close 4 friends)? I was in to meeting Christian Amanpour and reading about Hillary Clinton, when other kids were getting drunk and having sex.Did I mention that my own cousins didn’t invite me to their parties? At the time, I had no idea why I wasn’t popular! I don’t want that for my daughter! But I definitely don’t want her to look like Paris Hilton, either!
>My 4 older girls complained occasionally about the “old-fashioned” rules we had regarding dress…no spaghetti straps, no strapless, no short shorts or skirts, no bellies, etc. But they accepted it and still had plenty of friends and popularity according to their personalities (my second oldest was a social butterfly). It must have rubbed off on my son too because he won’t even consider dating a girl who dresses like a “skanky ho”. My youngest girl(9 yrs old)loves fashion and accessories but flips right by the scanty outfits with a “Oh.My.Gosh! I’d never wear that!” So the battle can be won by parents if you stick to your guns. There are a lot of fashionable choices out there that don’t give everyone a preview of coming attractions.
>i would much rather have princesses than prostitots. In fact we do, and I won’t let my girls wear that stuff, even if they wanted too. But still grandma sends it, and do you know what I do with it?? return it, sell it and donate it. Someone elses might let there kids wear it, but I wont.
>I want to say that I’m glad I have a son, but when it comes to this issue I worry that he’ll grow up and be part of the problem too. What if I manage to raise a jerk?? Aaahhh!This issue–do what you think is best and make your kid a freak, or give in–comes up in so many forms. For instance, we don’t have a television, so Clark won’t even know what shows people are talking about (unless he watches them at a friend’s house. We’re not anti-TV, it just takes so much time and when we have spare cash we never think “Let’s buy a TV and get another monthly bill!”). That totally leaves us out of a big part of American culture. Because it’s my decision, I don’t mind being left out of conversations involving the plot of Grey’s Anatomy, but maybe he will. We plan to homeschool him, which is automatically assumed to turn your child into an unsocialized freak. I think that there is no such thing as a perfectly happy, well adjusted person, much less an idyllic childhood, and either way, it’s folly to believe that you as a parent have that much control over your child. Clark is his own person no matter what our home is or isn’t like. He’ll find something to complain about, I’m sure. If we had a TV, we’d probably need more channels. If we sent him to school, he’d need all the right clothes and gadgets and maybe the best school in town. I can love him, I can make certain decisions for him, but I can’t force him to feel a certain way or to have a certain disposition (I’d vote for calmer on that one).As far as the girls’ clothing issue goes, I just want to say that I wore things like miniskirts for years before I really understood what it meant to wear one. I was so self absorbed that I didn’t realize, really, what my clothes said to other people. I looked in the mirror and just thought I looked stylish, that the length hit my legs in a flattering spot, whatever, things like that. It took awhile to sink in that something like a miniskirt says “Look at me!” and “Think sex when you do!” I haven’t started wearing a habit every day, but that awareness definitely changed the overall look of my wardrobe. Now I wear knee length skirts. 🙂
>I’m blessed, I guess. My daughter isn’t into dress-up princess style…though she will wear Tinkerbell anything! And she learned very early (as did her 3 y/o brother) that bratz and skanky dolls/toys were YUCKY (exclaimed loudly as we wander through the aisles at Target and Walmart!!! – YAY ME!). My daughter wears conservative clothing. If a dress she’s wearing seems short, she will have a pair of tights or bike shorts on. Most skirts now have to have the built-in shorts or she won’t wear them. She likes tank tops, but doesn’t like bearing her midriff. That means a one piece or tankini bathing suit. Boy, am I LUCKY!!I’d rather have a princess than a prostitot!
>I try to dress my daughter in decent looking clothes, but I confess that it can be hard sometimes. She has hardly any butt, so her pants tend to slip down around her hips even if they are designed to go up to her waist. Her torso is long and skinny, so it is hard to find shirts that are long enough. She’ll look fine standing up, but then she’ll sit down and I’ll realize that five inches of her back and the top of her underwear are showing.Oh how I miss the preschool days when she only wore dresses and cared only about twirlability!
>As dance classes go, this is a big part of the reason why we’re going to the Nashville Ballet school. The classes are a little more expensive, but they never wear stuff like that. Furthermore, you don’t have to buy that crap at the end of the year (the performance is in the studio, just a few classes at a time, using costume pieces that belong to the ballet), so it actually ends up costing less.
>I have three young daughters, and I am heartbroken at the way many of their peers dress and behave like mini sexpots.(is that a word? I remember my grandma using it). I don’t consider myself overly strict, but skirts must fall at least just above the knee, and no skimpy tanks, though I have no problem with sundresses that have spaghetti straps. I just don’t understand why some moms don’t want to celebrate their daughter’s youthfulness and innocence. Why on earth would any mom encourage her child to be sexy? It boggles the mind.Denise
>I don’t understand. Several columns ago, you admitted that your girls had Bratz dolls and you didn’t mind if they played with them. But you just don’t want them dressing like their dolls? Please understand I am just asking for clarification here and I really like the way your blog approaches many of the issues that moms regularly deal with.
>“Oooh, sexy, sexy!”To a nine-year old?Un-freakin’-believable!!
>Good piece, but I think you could have villanized almost any girl role model better than Hannah Montana. I’ve seen the show, and I tell you, she’s about as apple pie as they come — and not the “American Pie” version. I actually would rather my child watch Hannah than most anything else on the Disney channel (and we’re talking life outside of Playhouse Disney). Her clothes are modest, her lyrics are innocent, and they always end the show with one of those “lesson learned” moments we 80s/90s kids grew to annoyingly accept during TGIF. I don’t envy you in the least — my days of raising a preteen/teen are coming. Right now, I’ll just enjoy picking out her clothes in the morning, and reading about how rough it is on your site.
>Anonymous, I really don’t have an issue with Bratz dolls, simply because I had some pretty slutty Barbies growing up and it never occurred to me to try and look or dress like my Barbie. She was a cartoon version of a real woman and I think Bratz dolls are the same way.I do think it’s sad that marketers are dressing kids dolls that way, though, to try and appeal to them. Does that make sense?I don’t think I’d forbid my daughter from going to a Club Libbylu party, either, although I’m really opposed to the concept. But we would definitely talk about the outfits and hair and makeup and what it all means- just like I talked with my stepdaughters about their skanky Bratz and to this day, we laugh at their slutty clothes and how “In Search of the Next Pussycat Doll” should have been called “In Search of the Next Bratz Doll.” I’m just putting this out there to get a feel for what other moms think. I notice a lot of moms with young girls say things like, “I will never let my child wear this or that,” but I’m telling you ladies, most of you will have dropped those attitudes, however well-meaning you were, by the time you’re dealing with tweens and teens who desperately want to fit in with their friends.
>She has more than a year to be your little girl. Snow White turns 8 this weekend and she is having an American Girl Birthday Slumber party. We are going to do a dress up fashion show using her dance costumes and things from dress up closet. Nothing hoochie. The girls will do craft and activities with their Dolls. Apparently my almost 8 year old is not the only girl her age still playing with dolls. All of the girls have a doll, I asked. Look at my blog if you ever get few minutes and check out all the Little girl things we will be doing for her 8th birthday.I also had a difficult time finding a suitable child’s costume…Little Bo Peep. When I Googled or looked through eBay 99% of what came up was adult sex costumes! Not the cute little darling outfit I was looking for. I did find one and have pictures of her in it over there too.
>Wait- That last part doesn’t sound quite right. I don’t mean that most moms will suddenly let their daughters wear anything, but you’ll be amazed at what does make the cut, just in an effort to keep the peace and make everyone happy. I don’t love everything my stepdaughters wear, but I do set some limits. Generally, all I have to say is, “That is not the most flattering ____ on you,” though, and that’s enough!
>Oh and I don’t have a problem with Hannah Montana the character. I have a problem with the Hannah Montana costume and makeup line for little girls.
>I’m curious, where does Hubs fit into all this? I’m not a mom yet, so maybe that damages my credibility to most of you, but this is an issue my husband and I are pretty passionate about–and the thing is, even if I wanted to waffle, he is ADAMANT about any daughters we have dressing modestly, whether it makes him unpopular with them or not. Quite simply, because he’s a man, and he knows how guys think. He often wonders aloud what goes through the minds of fathers who let their daughters out of the house dressed like “prostitots” (not his word, but appropriate).
>There’s something to be said about setting boundaries. I won’t allow my daughter to prance around in something that says “juicy.” I’m always looking out of the corner of my eye as it is. I’m practically waiting for someone to snatch her…I’m not going to exacerbate it by tempting old men. No, my kid does not need to look like a prostitot. I have nothing against princess stuff…I’d rather perpetuate the myth of “Happily Ever After” than worry about someone snatching her because I allow her to dress like common trash.
>Amy, Hubs has a hard time seeing his daughters as anything other than little girls- which is sweet, but he has a hard time realizing that the skirt that would’ve been innocent at seven isn’t so innocent at 14. So I’ve pretty much been the style arbiter ’round these parts.
>i am 5 mo pg with a girl…now i am scared.
>The way some little girls dress nowadays (yikes – when did I start talking like a granny!?) is so scary. I want to take some parents aside and give them a good talking-to. I’m sure they’d listen to me. ;)That book looks good. Incidentally, over at our blog, my mom is posting her list of “10 QUICK RULES FOR RAISING DAUGHTERS WHO WANT YOU IN THEIR LIVES AS KIDS, TEENAGERS and ADULTS.”As her 26-year-old daughter/best friend, I can attest to the fact that the woman knows her stuff.- Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls
>Thank God I have a son. He’d like me to get some Bratz dolls, but he’s finally learned that Mommy won’t go there because they wear too much makeup and not enough clothing.He can play with Cinderella Barbie and Prince Charming Ken instead.I’d much rather have a prince than a pimp.
>The Man is waiting for me, so I’ll have to come back and read all your comments. Just wanted to say that was beautiful. I feel that way with Sunshine..she’s six and I’ve managed to kinda keep her away from it (we moved to a small town)(seriously). I know as soon as she hits first grade and spends most of her time with other girls it will change. Great article, made me cry!
>i hate that little girls are taught to be “sexy” and even play clothes have words written across their little bottoms! I recently wrote a similar post here:http://themrsm.blogspot.com/2007/04/dress-up-clothing-or-lingerie.html
>Hi Lindsay,Those “Juicy” pants (and others with words across the tushy) makes me sick. If I may, I suggest that you speak to the “powers that be” about running an add for Coyote Ugly across the top of your poignant article….it’s like feminine blasphemy!
>I have 4 daughters ranging from 14 to 5. In the clothing dept I’m thrilled that my oldest has more of an emo (as sappy as that can be in itself) approach to fashion. LOL. I know she’s going to have clothes on at all times. If M-Bug isn’t in a band T and jeans she isn’t leaving the house. And she HATES her belly to show. Since my 14 year old has had a VERY large influence on my 10 year old I don’t worry about her as much. My 5 year old twins are the ones I’ll be watching like a hawk. But my littles know that we think Bratz are hoochie and we don’t dress like that. They know we need bloomers at the least under any skirts that don’t have built in shorts, and no words on our butts, that’s the worst.I saw a pic of one of our local cheer teams and the T’s the girls (as young as 4) were wearing said, “Hold my Poms while I stunt with your boyfriend” WTF?
>How difficult to raise little girls these days! Every time we pass that Libby Lu thing at our mall, I thank God I have a boy because I don’t know how one could handle telling your little girl no, you can’t go to whoever’s birthday party because they’re going to Libby Lu. Or do you just let her go? I don’t think I could. I dressed up in some pretty heinous dresses as a child, but it was so fun! It took a lot more creativity to assemble one of those outfits than something off the rack at the toystore. Good for you for supplying her with a bunch of your own stuff!
>Oh dear LindsayMy daughter is about to turn 14. When she was 9 and 10, she desperately wanted mini-skirts, high heels and mid drift shirts. Of course, I said no. (I am an old mom who believes that you dress appropriately) Even some of MY friends gave me a hard time about not allowing her to be “fashionable.” Fast forward about 5 years – my daughter has grown into a lovely girl. Curvy, she is a 6 petite with a 32 C bra! She is now a modest girl who prefers fashionable, but conservative clothes. She has tons of friends and loves clothes. Since I sew, she sometimes asks me to make her things like she sees in the magazines with a bit more modesty.Before you think I am crazy and isolationist, let me say, I was a child of the 70’s. I don’t put my child in a sack to hide her. I am not against her having a boyfriend when she is 16 or 17. I just believe that sex and sexuality is an adult activity. Children should be children and should look like children.Oh yeah, the children of the friends who gave me such a hard time are now frantic. One of the 14 yos is getting very adult attention from….well, adult men! Imagine having your 14 yo going out with 18 and 19 yo men!Another admits to being sexually active with more than one boy.I don’t know what is wrong with these moms who don’t connect dressing your child up in fairly sexy, adult style clothes and having men find them sexually attractive. Good article. It reminds us (moms) that these fashions do not materialize in our daughters dresser drawers – WE PUT THEM THERE.Miss Mary
>Very thought provoking. When Britney Spears errupted on the scene I thought we’d have some challenges with my youngest stepdaughter GPT. She was simply obsessed. Fortunately, we were able to talk with her about the merits of dressing stylishly and looking your best with out looking “sleazy”. We really had to talk with her about some of the things that can happen to girls that are perceived as bad girls because they dress sexy/sleazy and what kinds of things can potentially happen. Its difficult of course because as moms we have to allow our children to be able to express their individuality and find themselves but at what cost.With my 4 year old I hope that by raising her with a strong sense of self she’ll be able to make the right choices as far as dress is concerned but up against peer pressure and the need to fit in who knows if those values will prevail.One can only hope. We just have to trust that we’re doing the right things and that in the end that our girls will make the right choices.
>adding to the above…Then as much as they might hate it a certain degree of “policing” might be in order to help our girls get back on track as they fall along the way.Our job as moms is to raise our girls to be responsible respectful self confident women and this I’m sure will be one thing in a series of many that really challenge us as we strive to meet that goal.
>Great article, Lindsay. I think what’s changed most in our society is that celebutards like Paris Hilton have become unwitting role models to young girls. They’re on every magazine cover, so of course children aspire to emulate them. Personally, I like Hannah Montana and approve of the show at home. But it’s sad, in a sense, because it feeds into the whole Parisite Hilton “performance,” complete with the long blonde wig, fancy clothes, and fame.Even more sadly, some moms are just as obsessed with fame and celebrity, and as such, see nothing wrong with “skanky ho” attire for their kids.There’s a line, but ultimately, it’s up to every mother (and father) to define it for their family.
>Hmm. Never had the princess dress up stock. Maybe that’s what went wrong… 😉
>At first I thought you spelled prostitute wrong, but then I got it! Funny :)My daughter is only 10 months, but it is nice to know what I have to look forward to.
>It’s amazing and weird. I started my daughter out with all pretty much unisex toys and dressup items, and suddenly she’s hit the pink and purple stage. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but there it is. We never talk about princesses at home because, quite frankly, I’m just not really interested, but she’s into it. It’s out there… and they will find it. That’s why I buy the toys around here!
>Great column! I love your perspective of girl’s issues as the stepmother of teens and the mother of a toddler. I have to say, though, that I am uncomfortable with the choice you present. Why must a girl be one or the other? Why does she have to be so “girlie” at all? And Ms. B., I was also very academic and jean-wearing, but I never had a problem making friends. I think we need to change girls’ image of what being popular means. If you have lots of friends, but they are not necessarily the “right” friends, are you still popular? Why does going to parties where people are drinking equal popular? WHY are girls who are 10, 11, 12 even concerned with being popular? On this you are right on target, Lindsay, girls should be encouraged (LIKE BOYS ARE) to just have fun and be kids at this age. Egad, I find this all very disturbing.
>I stand with you although I have 3 sons and 0 daughters. I thought it was just culture shock for me when in Cool Springs Galleria I encountered one such birthday party. I literally stood transfixed, jaw-open, frozen as I watched this and thanked God for my BOYS! Still, I find the juxtoposition of the sextoy.com ad at the Scene column interesting.
>I’m with you all the way on this one, having been hissing and spitting about baby tartlets recently. Thank you for really laying it out.