>A Surprise Trip to San Francisco

>San Francisco is for lovers.

That’s what I’ve decided after spending three days there. The weather was perfect, the people were friendly and the food was amazing, all factors that are highly conducive to romance. The only problem was, my husband wasn’t there. And even if he were, it still wouldn’t have been quite right. What I really needed was a wife.

Everywhere I turned, gay couples were walking hand in hand, stealing kisses at crosswalks, standing with their arms casually looped around each other. I felt so left out, I couldn’t stand it. I thought about asking one of the women I was with to hold my hand, but I had only just met them and wasn’t sure how they would react. Instead, I pushed Bruiser in his baby stroller up and down the bustling sidewalks of San Franvegas, as the locals call it, a stray, straight heart marooned in a warm gay sea of love.

Despite evidence to the contrary, though, I’m told that not everyone in San Francisco is gay. That’s according to one of my new friends who happened across a man and woman dry humping on the sidewalk as she walked to dinner Thursday night.

“Dry humping?” I croaked, feeling nostalgic. I hadn’t heard those two words spoken aloud together since seventh grade.

“Oh yes,” my new friend replied (and I should add that this new friend is a mom with a website that almost all of you would recognize). “They were really going at it, too.”

“And you’re sure it was dry humping?” I said. “And not the real thing?” Because if they were going to do that in public, why not just go all the way, you know?

“Absolutely sure!” she insisted. “I couldn’t look away! I tried, but I couldn’t look away!“

Anyway, have I piqued your curiosity yet? I went to San Francisco! For free! And I can’t give you too many details except to say that a certain up-and-coming Internet media group invited six women with websites to San Francisco to chat about, well, stuff. And somehow, some way, they picked me! And they said Bruiser could come, too! So that was very, very cool.

But I’m not just bragging, I swear. Because after talking to these women, I really got excited for all of you. Each woman I met there was following her own passion, whether it’s interior decorating or cooking or being a mom, and each woman is using the power of the web to achieve major success. Some have book deals and agents (Imagine me gnashing my teeth with envy right now. Or better yet, try gnashing yourself. I did just now and I guarantee you’ll start laughing). One is in discussions about getting her own talk show. All of them were “discovered” after creating their own website. And that’s what I think is so wonderful about the Internet. It gives so many more of us a way to follow our passions and be successful, even if we have very little money or we’re stuck at home with four kids or at work in a dead-end job. If you’re passionate about something and have original ideas, you now potentially have a way to get those ideas to the right people. If you’re a jewelry designer or an artist, you can put your creations up for sale. If you’re a songwriter or musician, you can upload your music. The more examples I see of a woman realizing her dreams after the right person saw her website, the more excited I get. So you go, girls! Get up off your bedonkadonks and do something spectacular.

Gyah. Do I sound like a QVC host on crack or what? Clearly, I need to get out of the house more often. But whatever. It was a great trip and I made some wonderful new friends and um, should any other companies be interested in flying me (and Bruiser- we’re a package deal) to their fabulous city, I’m so totally game.