>I Want Your Opinion
>If a woman has been given an engagement ring and she ends the engagement because of her fiance’s actions, should she be legally required to give the ring back?
I think an engagement ring is a gift and a woman should have the right to decide whether or not to give the ring back if the engagement ends.
What say you?
Edited to add: Here’s a quote from the woman…
“If I had a dollar for every tear I cried over that man, I could have bought that engagement ring ten times over.”
Does this affect your opinion?
>If the fiance was stupid enough to do something that brought about the woman’s ire (such as cheating, stealing, lying, etc), then by all means, she has a right to keep the ring. If the ring were given at a holiday (Valentine’s, Christmas, Birthday), I would consider it a gift and that it need not be given back.BUT…if the engagement was broken on account of the woman’s stupidity, the ring belongs to the man who gave it to her. Because it was a PROMISE of a life forever, and SHE screwed it up (my husband had to fight to get the ring back from his ex-fiancee, when he caught her, in THEIR BED, with another man!)
>I say it’s a gift, so she should be abble to decide wether she gives it back or not.But personally, in this kind of situation, I would most certainly NOT want to keep the ring. Maybe I’m just too proud…
>If the woman breaks the engagement (for whatever reason) she usually does so by giving back the ring.If the man breaks the engagement she usually gets to hawk it at a pawn shop for a fraction of it’s worth.At least that’s how it goes in my neck of the woods.
>I agree with Linda…depends on the circumstances as to when/how the ring was given, also as to the cause of the engagement ending.Dixiechick
>I guess technically it is a gift and she shouldn’t have to give it back. Does it matter that it’s an engagement ring any more than if it were a ring given as a Christmas or birthday present? Although, I do like the idea that if the man breaks off the engagement the woman should be able to take the ring and do what she wants with it (like scratch his car up with it, hehe), but if the woman breaks off the engagement the man should be able to get the ring back, too.Is this really a problem these days??
>It’s hers because it was a gift… but with bad juju, she should give it back and let him deal with the badness of it.
>If the husband-to-be broke the engagement, I’d consider the ring collateral damage and leave it up to the woman whether to return it or not. If he leaves her after any of the wedding preparations have started, she should pawn the thing to cover the costs!If the bride-to-be broke things off, well, then I think she should return the ring… it represents a promise, and if she doesn’t want to keep the promise, then she shouldn’t keep the bling.That said, I wouldn’t want to hold on to a ring like that from someone I didn’t want to be with (or who didn’t want to be with me).
>I say give it back. Who cares which person screwed it up..it is a symbol and if the symbol is no longer there, move on. I honestly wouldn’t want it if the relationship is not going anywhere.I’m just sayin’.
>I, too, believe that an engagement ring symbolizes a commitment, and if the engagement is called off by the woman, the ring goes back. If it’s a gift on a holiday, the guy is a ding dong. And if HE calls it off, she needs to sell that puppy and buy something nice for herself! lol
>Its a gift – she can do what she wants with it, regardless of what happens. Have it made into a necklace, earrings, etc or sell it or keep it the way it is.
>If the woman breaks off the engagement than she should have to return the ring. If the man breaks off the engagement than the woman gets to keep the ring.Personally, I would not want the ring. It would just be another said reminder of a chapter of my life that hand ended badly.
>I’m with Virginia.
>If he breaks it off (or his actions cause the relationship to end), she keeps it, if it’s her fault, she should return it.However, if it’s a family heirloom, things get a bit tricky. Honestly, at that point, I don’t know what I would do.
>I think she should be able to decide. I think if I broke it off, I’d give the ring back, otherwise, I’d keep it.A friend of mine broke it off and then BOUGHT the ring back from her ex-fiance to wear on her right hand. Weird.
>You just know a lawyer has to weigh in on this. And you know that the answer has to be, it depends. Generally, the ring is a gift. That said, most courts consider the gift of an engagement ring a conditional gift, with the condition being the marriage. If there is no marriage, the gift is not final, so the ring should be returned.Now, some courts will consider “fault” or who is to blame for the broken engagement. The trend, however, is “no fault”, and the ring should be returned regardless of who is to blame.It depends on where the parties to broken engagement live.Barbara
>Each state has their own laws pertaining to that.In NY, she has to give the ring back unless it was a gift (i.e. given to her on Christmas). That’s why I don’t know anyone who got engaged on their birhtday, Valentine’s Day or Christmas 😉
>An engagement ring is a gift given in contemplation of marriage. Legally it belongs to whom it was given, period. Marriage or no marriage, it legally belongs to the woman. Morally however, most parties agree to the disposition of the ring depending upon who did the breaking up or who really wants the ring, whether for emotional or financial reasons.
>Someone brought up the case of a family heirloom ring, so I thought I’d pipe-up. My engagement ring is a family heirloom for my husband’s family. My wedding ring is NOT–hubby bought that to add onto the E-ring. If we were to split up, the engagement ring would have gone back to him. if we were to split up now, the engagement ring would go back and the wedding ring would stay with me. I think I’d have the wedding ring redesigned into a necklace or something pretty that I could still wear because the diamonds are phenomenal. 🙂
>The ring is hers, but if it were me I would give it back.
>If it’s a family heirloom, it goes back. If not, and he did something stupid, she should decide. Keep it, hawk it, and take a nice vacation, or throw it way out into his backyard and tell him to go fetch it.
>I know different states actually have different laws on this sort of thing…but…My thought would be not who broke the engagement, but why.If I break it off because I caught him in bed w/someone, the ring is mine.But if I break it off because I found someone else, he should have it back.I think fault matters here. I don’t know that I’d even keep it, but hawk it or throw it in the river (in front of him, but of course). I always was one for drama, though.
>I think she should keep it. Although someone said it before and I agree, if it is a family heirloom it should be returned. Of course keeping it takes all the fun away from cramming it down his throat.It’s a little different, but kind of the same, my teenage daughter dated a jeweler’s son for a long time. He gave her a diamond necklace for her birthday. When he was a jerk and they broke up, she asked me if she should return it, as she really wanted to throw it at him. But I said “Heck no! He’ll just put it back in his dad’s store and resell it!” So she kept it. After all, the jerk shouldn’t profit from it.
>I think this is such a sticky issue. I had always heard the “if it is given on a holiday then it is a gift and you got to keep it regardless” but that seems weird to me. Either way it is a gift and either way it is essentially entering into an engagement and promise to marry someone. I’m sure we’ve all gotten jewelry of some sort from boyfriends that didn’t have that huge promise and committment attached to it.I have a friend who was engaged, discovered the guy was cheating and kept the ring (later sold it). He fought her on it and threatened to sue her. I personally think she was justified as her parents had already spent a decent amount of money as the wedding was just a few months away(as a matter of fact, I should sue the bastard because we had already paid for our bridesmaid dresses, which i never received…). Personally, I think under any other circumstances (even if he cheated but it was discovered before money was spent) I would give the ring back. I wouldn’t want the bad karma associated with it. Both parties should be made “whole” from the costs associated with the engagement and any wedding expenses and then move on with their lives. There was a story in The Tennessean about this and Tennessee Court of Appeals ruled in favor of the man and he got the ring back (and he gave it on Christmas Day). “In summary, we hold that an engagement ring is given in contemplation of marriage, and as such, is impliedly a conditional gift,” the unanimous opinion, written by Judge Charles D. Susano, said.
>Legally, an engagement ring is the only “gift” that the gift giver is entitled to have back.Think about it as a contract – he gave her the ring in exchange for her saying “yes, I will marry you”. If for whatever reason they are no longer going to be married, the contract is null and void.I don’t know why this is one of the few things I remember from my high school Business Law class.
>I look at it like a good faith payemtn. The woman get the ring for agreeing to spend the rest of her life with the man. If she changes her mind, she gives it back. If he changes his mind, he broke the contract and defaults on the payment (ring). btw, hi. I lurk here sometimes
>It’s a gift. She has every right to keep it. But she should give it back.
>I never understood why she would want to keep it unless she wants to sell it.Why save the memory of a crappy dude?Give it back to him and have him try to pawn it off to his next victim, er, girlfriend.I say, hide it in his food and get him to swallow it.The ER bill would be gift enough.
>She can do whatever she wants, but why would she want to keep it? Letting go means giving it back. Good riddance to both the man and the ring, i say. No amount of money she could get for the ring is worth not letting go.Besides, it’s classier.
>pGive it back for every reason. Why would any woman WANT to keep it? To hock it? To make it into a necklace? My friend kept hers and sold it for as much money as she could get. (She dumped the poor slob fiance too.)I think the only reasons to keep it are scroungy. Get a life and buy yourself a rock.
>If she did something to cause the end of the relationship, then he should get the ring back. And if it’s an heirloom then regardless of fault, the right thing to do would probably be to return it to that family. But if he is the one that is in the wrong, then I think the ring is hers to do with what she wants.
>It is a gift so it is her choice. He gave it to her and she is under no legal obligation to give it back.But I’ll agree with most of the other comments that if she ends it because they drifted apart, just isn’t working then giving it back would be the ‘polite’ thing to do.If things ended ugly (him cheating, etc) then keep it to spite him. Sell it on eBay!But, no matter how things ended, if the ring was a family heirloom please find the decency to give it back. Even if she caught him cheating with 5 different women if the ring was his great-grandmother’s engagement ring then find some way to get that back to someone in his family.
>I broke off an engagement after three weeks – three very long, very what have I done weeks. He was a creep. I didn’t hesitate giving the ring back. I didn’t want it; the grief wasn’t worth the cash.
>If the wedding is off because the woman called it off or screwed up, she should return it. If the wedding is off because the man screwed up or called it off, she should be able to keep it if she wants.I personally would give the ring back as I wouldn’t want it and I’m not the type to keep it and profit off it BUT I do not think there is anything wrong with someone keeping it espcially if the man’s the one that screwed up . . . . especially if it was a gift.
>Glad to see some conflicting legal opinions on here. I remember discussing this in my first year contract class, but I cannot remember the outcome. I called my best friend to ask if she remembered (no), but in addition to the other arguments already mentioned, she recalled something about being unable to enforce a contract for marriage. Therefore, it’s hard to consider the ring consideration for the contract. It must be a gift (regardless of whether of not it’s received on a holiday).In any case, if he screwed everything up, then I think she should keep it. Let him sue her to get it if he wants.
>LEGALLY it’s hers. CUSTOMARILY 1. If he breaks the engagement it’s hers to dispose of as she wishes, EXCEPT in the case of a family heirloom. 2. If she breaks the engagement she should return it as a sign that he is released from his promise. MATURITY dictates that she return the ring so that the only profit she receives from a broken promise is the wealth of experience.In consideration of The Great Mofo Delurk today, I am sending this little comment your way. I enjoy reading your blog regularly and look forward to every new post.
>Why on earth would she want to keep it? Give it back, if the deal isn’t going through.
>As someone who broke off an engagement I believe the ring has to go back if she’s the one to break it off, even if the guy is a jerk. The ring symbolizes a commitment between the two for an eventual marriage. Now if the guy breaks it off then have at it, set the stone in a necklace, sell the ring…the woman can do whatever she wants with it. The ring I gave back was a blue sapphire and could have easily been worn without anyone knowing it was an engagement ring, but I would have thought of him every time I looked at it….I loved that ring but I didn’t love it that much!
>I suppose it depends on the situation. I got engaged with a big fat ring from Tiffany’s, then he called it off. I was a mess, and I didn’t know what to do with the ring. He never asked for it back, and I hid it in the back of my closet. That ring was like the Tell-Tale Heart. I always knew it was there. Everytime someone came over, they wanted to “see the ring”. I finally sold it to a second hand jewler for pennies on the dollar. It was the best thing I could have done. If the guy screwed up, he would be a real jerk to expect the ring back. She would be better off selling it…
>Two real life examples (from my real life):1. Engaged for 2+ years. The ring was a new setting for a family diamond given to me on NYE. The break-up was mutual (grew apart thing). I never hesitated in giving it back, especially because it was a family diamond.2. Current engagement ring (now married) was bought together. He proposed and allowed me to pick it out. I even paid for about 15% of it. If we broke up? I’d keep it. Especially since we actually got married.
>Some very balanced and sincere comments on here. But surely, surely, surely……it depends if the ring is worth keeping? Or is that just me?
>No, I don’t think she should be legally required to give it back. It’s a gift, and you don’t ask for your gifts back. If it was me, though, I think I’d probably want to give it back, especially if there were unhappy memories associated with the person who gave it.
>The ring is hers. Unless we are going to start giving back birthday gifts and rolls of toilet paper.
>If she broke it off, she should give it back. Unless he couldn’t keep it in his pants or something equally heinous. Then she should keep it OR stick it up his ass, whichever would bring her more pleasure.
>If it’s a family heirloom, give it back.If not, and if he truly was horrible and the cause of many tears and great heartbreak — well, hell, hock it or flush it.
>Oh I know this one. There was a case on Judge Wopner or Judge Judy or one of those judge shows that comes on and you listen to while your cleaning because your too lazy to turn the TV off. The judge found that legally a woman has no right to the ring as the ring is part of the contract of marriage. It’s kind of like when you build a house and you put down earnest money. You get the money back if both parties agree to dissolve the contract. Or something like that…
>I have been the bride to break the engagement. I kept the ring …. wore it for awhile, then realized it was ridiculous to do so. What could I do with an engagement ring that *wasn’t*? I wish I’d have given it back, it’s haunted my jewelry box for over 15 years.
>Why would anyone want to keep a ring that signified so much pain and anguish in their life? I certainly wouldn’t. I’d sell it…but maybe that’s what she wants to do. I say it’s hers to keep if he’s the one who ‘broke off’ the engagement.
>Well, I haven’t read all 47 previous posts, so this may be a repeat… But in my opinion, the ring was a gift to the woman.She should be allowed to keep it and sell it or do whatever should the engagement break.The only exception is if SHE has done something that caused the relationship to end — such as if SHE cheated, lied, stole, etc…I guess what I’m saying is, it doesn’t matter who broke the engagement, but who caused the break-up.If it’s amicable… then let the couple decide…
>Give it back. When you are married, keep it.
>It comes down to contract law. If he broke the engagement or his actions caused the break of the engagement/contract, she keeps the ring. If she breaks the contract or her actions caused the break of the engagement/contract, she gives it back. Or, so say Judge Judy and Judge Milian. Oh, I’m glad I’m out of broadcasting and not forced to watch our “superior content” at work. Eep!Or you hawk it and hope he didn’t save the receipt. Holla!
>A friend of mine went through a nasty divorce and turned her (very expensive) platinum and solitaire ring into a diamond pendant and a platinum toe ring. Her jeweler thought the toe ring was the best idea ever.I think she has every right to keep it and do with it whatever she pleases.
>Putting myself in both positions – man and woman – it doesn’t matter what the circumstances might be, I wouldn’t want the ring. And I’d consider the expense to be a sunk cost, so the dollars don’t even figure into it.I’d just want to be rid of it.
>I don’t think that LEGALLY the woman should be required to give it back. I think that since it is a symbol of a marriage that never happened, she absolutely SHOULD give it back. And I wouldn’t want to keep it under those circumstances.
>I haven’t read the other posts but I believe this has been addressed many times through Dear Abby and whatnot and from what I remember, the ring is a gift. Not necessary return it. I would hock it and get something snazzy 🙂
>I think she should give it back. Why would she want a ring from the (obviously) skunk rat bastard anyway?
>”Social Protocol” dictates that if a woman breaks the engagement, she returns the ring.If the MAN breaks the engagement, it is up to the woman to decide.I firmly believe that the male in this situation “decided” that she didn’t matter.I would think SHE could keep the ring.
>Clarification for Linda: Many courts have decided that “rings given around holidays are GIFTS, rather than contracts to wed, and do NOT need to be returned”.
>Great quote! In all honesty, I wouldn’t want to keep it. When you are done, you are DONE. It no longer represents what it meant when it was given, so I would give it back along with the promise to marry.
>I broke an engagement, Fedex-ed the ring back to him, or so I thought, found the Fedex package package at the bottom of my trunk 4 years later! I found out I was pregnant and was losing my mind and ended up losing the Fedex package instead. Long story short: I have tried to reach that man for many years and he has disappeared off the continent. I only knew him a short time and never met relatives, etc…despite the urge to sell it, I still have the ring in the box, maybe someday the google search will be the right Jim.
>keep it. I still have assholes ring and my wedding ring in my mom’s safety deposit box
>I think if the engagement is called of by infidelity (on his part) he forfeits getting the ring back. If she’s the infidel, ring goes back to him. All other situations, I believe the gifted ring should stay w/her at her disposal to do with as she pleases.
>I think if the woman does something nasty or ends the relationship without cause, it would be the right thing to return the ring. On the other hand, if the guy does the same, she should be able to keep it without regret. (basically what virginia said in post #3)The right thing to do, but how often does it happen?
>I’d want to give it back, just because what it would symbolize to me would be no longer . . . and if he refused to take it back, I’d trade it in for something else, or have it re-made into a fabulous pair of earrings!
>If I don’t want the man, I sure don’t want the ring….
>keep it. absoluteyl. the girl deserves it for putting up with his smelly ass
>when i got engaged, my father-in-law (the lawyer) told me that legally the ring belongs to my now husband. See, my father-in-law knows, he took back two from previous engagements. Also, he’s on his fifth wife. my father-in-law is special.
>sounds like she should keep it…and sell it for a really expensive purse…
>A gift is a gift. Out of class, the woman should return it but should it be illegal to keep it? No way!
>I have always been of the belief if the woman does something to end the relationship, the ring should go back. If the man screws up and ends the relationship, the ring is her consolation prize!
>I suppose technically and legally it’s hers to do with what she wants, but I’d give it back – I mean, who wants a ring as a reminder of a failed relationship? Bad juju and all that. Give it back, move on. As far as keeping the ring to have the diamonds remounted into something else – blech. Same thing. Every time I looked at it I’d think of all the crap it meant. No thanks.Chris
>Well, I don’t use my law degree anymore (!), but I do remember from my law school days (or is that daze), as they used to say on the Wheel of Fortune, Once you’ve won a prize, it’s yours to keep!What you do with it later? I say, trade up!
>I had a broken engagement…five weeks before the wedding. I sold my engagement ring, my soon to be wedding band, his wedding band, and the dress to help defer the wedding costs. Cause you know none of those deposits are refundable!!And then the bastard stalked me for a year and a half. Fun and games people!!
>she breaks it he gets it back he breaks it seh keeps it
>I say this, I’m a selfish selfish woman, and not only that, a diamond is my birthstone.. There is no way in hell any man is gettin’ a diamond back from me if it doesn’t work out…But then again, this is also coming from a woman who flushed my [no ex hubby’s] ring down the toilet after he let it be known that he was less then faithful..
>Oh my goodness! I can’t believe people maintain that engagement rings are gifts… Engagement rings are symbols of an implied agreement or contract… You are getting married. No matter how that agreement is broken the ring is returned. Why would you still want an engagement ring if you weren’t engaged? Why would you want the money from pawning it?Gifts are gifts. Diamond rings can be gifts. ENGAGEMENT RINGS are not gifts, not ever.Where is the man’s multi-thousand-dollar engagement “gift”? Ridiculous.
>”Legally required”? Who cares, really? Were it to happen to me, and he’d done something, I’d want to keep it for spite. But that would just wear on my soul. So I’d give it back to him, preferably putting it right under the tire of his car, diamond up, in the hopes that the ring would crush and the diamond would flatten his tire. But that’s just me.
>I guess to me, it would depend on the actions…
>Judge Judy had a court case on this exact subject. She said that if the woman breaks off the engagement. The ring is to be returned. So there’s that… 🙂
>My opinion? Give it back. It was symbolic of a proposed union, it should go back to the purchaser.
>There are a few ways you can look at an engagement ring:1. It’s a “deposit.” It says, “You can take yourself off the market now because I promise to be the one.” In that case, the ring is hers to keep.2. It’s a “bribe.” It says, “Here’s this and there’s more where it came from if you agree to marry me.” In this case, as well, it’s hers to keep because she went along with the program, but she may feel dirty and want to give it back anyway.In the best of circumstances, an engagement ring should be seen as a token of affection, and, if need be, a symbol of serious intentions, not a binding contract.
>if he messed up, the ring’s all hers. she probably earned it by now.and only a toad would ask for it back, especially after toad-like behavior.however, i do agree that if the woman is to blame for the breakup, she should return the ring. it’s the classy thing to do.anywho, take it from someone who knows: the resale value of a diamond is peanuts. so even if she told the toad to kick rocks, she’ll probably get stuck w/ the ring.my advice? hawk it & go have cocktails.