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Hi! I'm Lindsay Ferrier. You might remember me from a blog called Suburban Turmoil. Well, a lot has changed since I started that blog in 2005. My kids grew up, I got a divorce, and I finally left the suburbs for the heart of Nashville, where I feel like I truly belong. I have no idea what the future will hold and you know what? I'm okay with that. Thrilled, actually. It was time for something totally different.
Notes From the Losing Team
September 22, 2014
Dear Winning Team Parents,
Congratulations! Your seven-year-old boys beat our seven-year-old boys, although ‘beat’ seems like a weak term for what just happened, dontcha think? It’s probably more appropriate to say that your team pulverized us. Left us for dead. Wrung us out and hung us up to dry. It was brutal for us to watch, and you probably won’t be surprised when I tell you that this kind of thing has happened to our boys before.
You could call our team the Bad News Bears of the local soccer league- Our players are total noobs and they bumble and fumble and stumble their way through each and every game. They’re learning new skills every week and giving it their best effort and they’re definitely improving– but that’s hard to tell when they play a team like yours, filled with kids who’ve been playing soccer together for years, practicing twice a week, attending soccer camps and clinics, and receiving hours upon hours of meticulous one-on-one instruction from their personal trainer (otherwise known as Dad).
With that kind of effort, you totally deserve to win– but there are a few things you could do to make it a little easier on us– The Losers.
Moms, we all love to cheer on our kids, but when you’re up by ten or more goals, perhaps it’s time for you to shut the hell up. I’m sure you mean well (on second thought, I’m not so sure about that at all), but when you’re sitting next to me shrieking about how amazing little Farkington is after his fifth hat trick, it’s all I can do not to fold up my camp chair and shove it in your pie hole. It’s time for some #realtalk, my friend: The fact that your kid can score repeatedly in a rec league against kids who are new to soccer does not mean that he’s the next Clint Dempsey.
Aw, did I just crush your hopes and dreams? Sorry.
Winning Team Coach (or should I say coaches, since every dad on your team is standing behind you, telling you what to do?), is it really necessary for your little guys to win this game 35 to nothing? I mean, do you get a free personal pan pizza for that or something? Because you sure do seem to enjoy it. I guess the utterly dejected faces of our little boys just add to your pleasure. Glad that decimating seven-year-olds makes your day, dude. I’m sure it’ll make for some great memories when you head back to your cubicle on Monday.
Oh, don’t get your jerseys in a wad– I’m just kidding with you. Still, after 14 years spent on the youth soccer sidelines, I can tell you with confidence that I’m just giving you a souped-up version of what all the parents on the losing side are thinking. I’ve been on your side, too, Winning Team, more times than I can count, and I don’t fault you for yelling your heart out when the game is a close one and the teams are evenly matched.
But if you don’t know this already, let me clue you in– When you’re up by five or more, shouting out how many goals your kid has scored each time he does it gets annoying for the parents on the other team. So does watching the coaches and dads loudly high-five and back slap across the field when the score reaches 20-to-nothing.
Yes, we’re all adults and ultimately, we can take it– But what really makes your behavior inexcusable is the fact that your kids now think it’s appropriate. I can tell you without hesitation that if my child did a victory dance after scoring the 15th goal against a team that was woefully outmatched, I’d be out on that field in a hot second, leading him off it by the ear. But I got to watch your boys do this over and over again last weekend as you all clapped and shouted encouragement and gave them big indulgent grins.
Seriously, parents? This shit matters.
One year from today, this soccer season will be a distant memory. Five years down the road, no one will remember the final scores, or who made each goal, or even the names of most of the boys on the team.
What will remain with these kids, what will become ingrained within them, is how they played the game. And I don’t care what you tell your children about sportsmanship– If you’re not living it yourself from the sidelines, it doesn’t mean anything.
That’s all. See you next weekend.
Sincerely,
A Mom From the Losing Team
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Oh, I feel for you. Such a great post, particularly since you have been on both sides. The baseball league my son plays for switches innings after seven (?) runs are scored and completely discourages what you have just described, although I still see it happen from time to time with some parents and coaches. When I do get a glimpse of this behavior, my ears burn with fury. I am posting this to my FB page and hope many others will, too. I know some parents get lost in the game, but it’s hard to believe that that is all that’s going on when their team is up by a ridiculous amount. I may misquote this a bit, but I remember hearing Vandy baseball coach Tim Corbin say, “Win with grace, lose with dignity.” Wish more folks would get that message,
Seriously!
OMG! This is so timely for me! My daughter’s softball team was beaten yesterday in a tournament game and OUR parents (and one grandparent) screamed and yelled at the umpires. I was so embarrassed because all of the 12-year old girls on our team plus my 9-year old were there as witnesses to the entire mess. Even worse? My husband, one of the coaches, nicely asked one of the parents (who happens to be the wife of another coach) to tone down the language and yelling and she screamed at him… which made him mad enough to want leave! This upset my daughter so much that I asked the mom to apologize to my daughter, then she screamed at me…. I was mortified by the entire day. I felt terrible for all of our girls who had to witness the spewing hate and anger after they had just played their hearts out. We’ve paid a lot of money for our daughter to play on this team and now I’m pretty sure we’re going to bail because the sportsmanship from the PARENTS is not in line with our morals and ethics as a family.
That’s horrible. 🙁
Wow, did this hit home. The difference – my daughter is on a good team and she’s 15. The other day she told me how some of the girls were upset because the coach called them off at scoring 6-0 goals. She switched the offense and defense and told the girls they had to pass 5-6 time before shooting on goal. I told my daughter it proves nothing if the strikers can score at will against an inexperienced team. I told her if they thought they were so good, they should have scored against the really good team that beat us 5-0. Like you I’ve told all my kids that if I ever see poor sportsmanship from them, or they question a referee, I’ll march out on the field and pull them off. The result? We have a daughter that is not only respected for the fierce competitor that she is, but also as a leader as evidenced by her club team voting her one of the captains. Parents can ruin sports for everyone. I wish someone could video them and then show them how obnoxious and embarrassing they are.
My husband coached a girls soccer team that was undefeated for three straight seasons and he did the same things when they were up by more than 5. That way, it was more challenging for them and not so demoralizing for the other team. This seems like common sense and I’m not sure why we’re encountering so many coaches lately who let the kids run up the score AND act like jerks about it.
love your comments. I have grown sons wBettyo now coach their own children with the idea of learning a new skill, having fun and being good sports too! It always matters how
u behave on and off the field for yourself and the children watching! Betty
Or…you can take said 7 year old’s 2 year old brother to the game and watch in horror/amazement/(a little bit of pride?) As he takes aim and pee’s on the ENTIRE row of snooty *sshole mom’s camp chairs, sending them scattering and squealing in all directions.
Ha!!!
Amen. I too have been on both sides and have seen some ugly parenting and coaching. What all these doofuses who are getting their own ego rubbed vicariously through their kid’s sports accomplishments is, they are setting them up for bitter disappointment. Really, at 7 you may be more coordinated, taller, faster. If all you learn is that winning is the utmost important thing, when the “noobs” grow up taller, become faster, develop more skills and you end up on the “loser” team, your going to be pissed at the world and shout it’s not fair! Learning to lose or win gracefully at a young age is far a more valuable skill set to have tne winning the rec league at 7.
So true!
Nailed it.
Parents are psycho. This is not the World Cup, people.
As a Tulane graduate in 1958, i wii never forget a Tulane-LSU football game some 50-60 years ago….
LSU leading 54-0 with the ball and about a minute to play.
They called two or three time out, threw several passes, and finally got it in the end zone with no time left on the clock for a 60-0 score,
And, then, they successfully went for two.
Don’t tell me your problems, Soccer Moms!!!
We’re not talking about college athletes here. We’re talking about seven year olds in a recreational league, a place where children are supposed to be able to learn to play a sport in a supportive environment. If a kid is really good and wants more of a challenge, he/she should move on to a travel league team. There’s a place for ultra-competitiveness in sports and a recreational league is not that place- and too many parents and coaches don’t seem to realize this.
At least they didn’t have air horns that they sounded off after each goal and then stood in the middle of the field (OUR field by the way) and sang their school’s fight song after they pulverized us while our team stood dejectedly on the sidelines fighting back tears (these were 8-10 year olds it was a crushing blow). True story. Some people forget that it’s RECREATIONAL sports as in not World Cup, not NFL, not NBA not MLB. These are KIDS. What we should be focusing on is not the winning, although I’m not one of those who say we shouldn’t keep score at all because that’s not real life, but we should be focusing on discipline, teamwork, leadership, respect, good sportsmanship, you know things that will actually come in handy as an adult.
Wow. People are a-holes. Sorry your kids had to experience that. 🙁
This is so dumb. You’re really telling parents not to cheer for their children who are trying hard? You need to take responsibility for teaching your child to deal with it rather than blame the other parent for doing nothing wrong.
I have two girls who play soccer. One in rec and the other in travel. Neither is the next Abby Wambach. I can admit that, but many, many parents can’t and it’s not good for the game. However, that mentality will never go away. I know parents who think their little champ is going to college on a full ride because the kid scored three goals in a game at ten years old. Every time I meet a parent like this, I want to have them read articles like the following:
http://glendalesoccer.com/articles/coldhardfacts.pdf
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/10/sports/10scholarships.html?pagewanted=all
We are living this “dream”! My son is 8, a great athlete, and on an 0-3 team that has limited talent. In fact, down 6-0, my son accidentally scored an own-goal to make it 7-0. Able to assess the situation, rather than get down, he joked “hey at least SOMEONE on our team scored.” I understand and am guilty of being a little hyper-competitive but when its obvious that a team is weak and getting smoked, the parents and coaches need to call off the dogs. Show a little class and be smart enough to realize it’s not a level playing field. Because we’ve been won championships in other sports and one day, your kid might just end up on a train wreck like ours!
Yes! Attitude is everything!
I coach U6 girls (so all ages 5 or 6) and they are actually pretty decent for their age. Our last game was one where they were very outmatched though. The other team could outrun them, stole the ball almost every time they had it, and scored 20 goals to our 1. Still, it was an awesome game. The other coach was yelling such positive things to my girls every time they had the ball or hustled to get it. My girls left the field with big smiles on their faces because they were able to score a goal against such a great team. I learned a lot from what I saw and will implement some of their moves in our practices from now on. I can’t wait for next Saturday! 🙂
Last year my team (then 4) played a team with a jerk for a coach. We only had the right number of players to play the game (no one could take breaks) and when one of my boys was stung by a bee, the other coach refused to take a child from his team out making it even. They cheered on every 30 so of their goals as if they were paid to do so. I fought back tears probably worse than the kids on my team.
What kills me is that winning by such a huge margin isn’t even good for the victorious team. The winning coaches who pull their team back and then require 5-6 passes before a goal attempt, make the star player pass but not shoot, or make the leaders play with their non-dominant foot are all helping their players sharpen their skills more than a ridiculous, poor sportsmanship blow-out like the one you’re describing. So sorry you had this experience.