>Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby
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Surely you’ve heard the startling news by now, that one in every FOUR American girls has a sexually transmitted disease.
Wow.
Once I read the story and picked my jaw up off the floor, my first thought was that I couldn’t wait to tell my teenagers, because to me, this kind of information is the perfect way to talk about sex in a completely natural, can-you-believe-this-shizzle kind of way.
On my other blog earlier this week, I wrote about my daughter’s post-Juno reaction to teen pregnancy. It wasn’t, shall we say, heartening. However, in feeling a bit awkward and taken by surprise in that particular discussion, I’m afraid I gave some of you the impression that sex isn’t something my stepdaughters and I discuss very often. And while that would be true with my younger stepdaughter, who likes to keep pretty much everything to herself, my older stepdaughter is a talker. That means that we have discussed sex and who’s doin’ who quite a lot over the last few years. Fortunately, my younger stepdaughter often is in the room, so she gets the patented Earful O’ Mah Opinion” whether or not she feels like sharing with me who the manwhore is in her grade.
All this is to say that I brought up that study at the first possible opportunity, which happened to be last night as we drove home from a local production of Camelot.
“One in four?!” my 17-year-old stepdaughter sputtered.
“I don’t believe it,” Hubs scoffed. I gave him a look that would wilt a cactus.
“It’s true,” I confirmed knowledgeably. “Where were you all day, anyway, Hubs? Aren’t you supposed to be a newsman or something? This is all anyone’s talking about.”
“Anyway,” I continued, fueled by those of you who had suggested that I do a better job of emphasizing the fact that some STDs aren’t curable, “Most girls had HPV, which often has no symptoms and leads to cervical cancer.”
“Wow,” she said softly. “That is just… Wow.”
“Yeah,” I said. “That means that several of your friends probably have STDs, and quite possibly don’t even know it.” I could tell, because I know this girl, that she was sufficiently skeeved out. Mission accomplished.
As a stepmother, I’m lucky (or, um, unlucky, depending on how you look at it) when it comes to the sex talks; the girls’ mother is several states away, so if an adult is going to talk to them about sex, it’s pretty going to be me. But I’d imagine this is a sensitive area for those of you out there whose stepkids’ biological mom lives nearby. How much is she telling them? What is she telling them? Will she have a total hissy fit if you talk with them as well? I mean, it’s not exactly the type of thing you can call her up and discuss…
“Hello, BioMom, this is Susan. Sorry to have missed you, but I was wondering if you mind me showing Claudia how to put a condom on a banana. She said you two have never discussed it and she has a date tonight. Anyway, give me a ringy ding!”
Personally, I would have rather died than talk to my stepmother about sex. Ditto for my mom, who nonetheless attempted several times to instruct me on some of the finer points, which generally ended with me stuffing my fingers in my ears and repeating “Iwon’tlistenIwon’tlistenIwon’tlisten” until she gave up. (This is the woman, after all, who at my destination wedding asked “So how did it go last night?” in all seriousness the morning after the ceremony. At the breakfast table. With my entire family present. “Um, great, Mom, except for that part when… Nevermind.”) No, it was far better for me to learn all the deets from my friends at school, many of whom discussed the, ahem, ins and outs of the experience in excruciating detail.
Remembering my own uncomfortable experience, I only discuss sex when it comes up comfortably in conversation. And, very discreetly of course, I try to make that happen as often as possible.
I’d love to know how all you stepmoms out there handle sex talks. Do you handle sex talks? Or if you’re a stepdaughter, did your stepmom talk about sex with you?
This post originally appeared on Parents.com.
