What (EXTRAORDINARILY STUPID COMMENTS) to Expect When You’re Expecting

Last week, I asked you to tell me about the most offensive/stupid/ridiculous things said to you while you were pregnant- and boy, did you deliver!

Hundreds of comments and e-mails later, I’ve discovered that most of the offensive remarks directed at pregnant women can be boiled down to a few basic truths- truths that every woman who plans to have children (whether on her own or via adoption) NEEDS TO KNOW.

Here they are now, without further adieu:

People will tell you that OMG YOU ARE SERIOUSLY GINORMOUS YOU DO REALIZE THAT, RIGHT?!!

Holly: When I was pregnant with my third child a customer of mine who I saw regularly said “Oh good, now I don’t have have to go on that whale watch tour!”

Amy: We asked an attendant at a baseball game where we should sit when I was 38 weeks pregnant and she said, “Anywhere the elephant wants.”

Ann: When I was pregnant with my second, I was wearing a red maternity outfit. The owner of my child’s daycare told me I looked just like Santa Claus.

Morgan: “Excuse my saying it, but you look like a bloody whale.” Under no circumstances would I excuse your saying it.

DeAnne: Someone at work asked, “Do you REALLY think you are going to be able to have it natural? Judging from the size of that belly, he’s going to come out looking like Daddy.”
Daddy is 6’2″ and 350 lbs.

Nicole: My cousin was expecting and went to visit her grandmother. Upon seeing her, grandmother blurted out, “Why is Lacey so fat!?” My cousin replied, ” Grandma, I’m pregnant,” to which she replied, “Are you pregnant in your face?”

Special mention to the ass-obsessed…

Elizabeth: My grandma asked me if I was also pregnant in my butt. Sigh…..

Robin: Pregnant with my first and my classroom aide said, “Wow, your butt has really gotten bigger, but your belly is still flat!”

Lindsay: A family member said to me “Wow, you are HUGE! Not only in your belly, but your arse grew too! You’re going to have a huge baby. Wow!” I cried and cried, then ate some ice cream.

Laura Lee: Someone came up to me as I was looking in the fridge for a soda and said “Laura, your butt’s really getting big! Are you sure you should be drinking that?”

Kristen: The secretary at my work pointed at my butt and said, “You’re carrying that baby back there.”

 

Or? People will tell you OMG YOU’RE TOO SMALL TO BE PREGNANT SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG YOU DO REALIZE THAT, RIGHT?!!

Amanda was in line for lunch when a woman in line behind her caught sight of her belly: “Oh you’re pregnant!” she said. “I couldn’t tell from me behind.” She asked how far along I was. When I responded with “8 months,” a look of concern came over her face and she said, “You’re too small to be 8 months along. The baby’s gonna be born dead I bet. Are you sure the baby’s even still alive?” How I didn’t strangle her I will never know!

Jessica: I had someone ask if my tiny body could carry such a heavy baby, and if my small hips were capable. I vaginally delivered two healthy, 6 lb 12 oz boys. Just because I’m small does not mean I cannot carry babies.

JessieLeigh: I carried tiny and, in my first pregnancy, I didn’t see a client between the 3rd and 8th months of my pregnancy. When he saw me again, he said, “Oh, well, clearly you lost the baby, huh?”

Kelli: With my last pregnancy, I only gained 7 pounds, and I heard more than once “Are you SURE there’s a baby in there?” and “That can’t be healthy.” Thanks.

 

People will tell you you’re TOO OLD.

Kristen: Someone who knew of my ‘advanced maternal age’ asked me, “Aren’t you worried your baby will be born with birth defects because of your age?”

I was 37.

Marcy: I was at my first pre-natal appointment with my 3rd child and the doctor very seriously told me that I shouldn’t worry because lots of people my age had healthy babies. Since I was 32 at the time I wasn’t worried in the first place!

Susan: I broke out in hives so bad I thought it was shingles (week 38, age 35). I went to a dermatologist, who counseled me on my maternal age and suggested I shouldn’t try for another. I asked why and he told me – with 100% seriousness – that the next baby would “probably be a mongoloid, and that’s a burden I’d never want to place on my other kids.”

 

Or? People will tell you you’re TOO YOUNG.

Anna: When I was 20 and 8 months pregnant with my oldest son, a receptionist at my OBGYN’s office gave me a nasty look and said, “Girl! You look like you’re only in the 8th grade!” I was in tears by the time I hit the parking lot. What if I HAD been an 8th grader that had been a victim of sexual abuse? No thought was put into her actions and how she was making someone else feel.

 

Your in-laws will have ALL THE OPINIONS.

Ingrid: When we told my in-laws that I was pregnant again, my father in law hugged me and whispered in my ear “This needs to be the last one.” Apparently he does not agree with me being pregnant at age 36.

Sherry Beth: My mother in law called while I was still in the hospital to tell me that Sarah Jane was a horrible name and I should change it. I told her it was already on the birth certificate. What I should have told her was that she got to name 11 children of her own and it was my turn now.

Kate: I was pregnant with my third boy. My sister in law very snippily told my me and my husband that we should get a hobby. I just told her we already had a hobby, and walked away.

Carly: My mother in law wanted me to have a C-section so she could book her flight. She wanted to be there as soon as the baby was born. The pressure to have this baby on time was massive.

 

Unmarried and expecting? You will be judged. Oh yes. YOU WILL BE JUDGED.

Shauna: I was unmarried when I was pregnant and on two separate occasions someone offered to ‘buy my baby’.

Ashley: I was unmarried and asked by a “friend” if I minded raising a bastard, complete with detailed description of what her first day of school would be like when teacher forced child to explain her parents were not married (even though we’ve been together for a decade).

Strangers will DEFINITELY try to touch your pregnant belly.

Julie: A stranger (middle-aged man) at a grocery store asked me if he could touch my belly. (Um, ew…NO.)

Killey: I was in a local craft store waiting in line, and the lady ahead of me turned around and asked if she could touch my baby bump. Just out of the blue. No beginning conversation or hi or anything. I said, Oh, no thank you! She then went off on me about how us young people were so selfish and how I didn’t have the right to tell her no.

 

And they will DEFINITELY tell you YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

Alisha: A stranger asked me, “Do you know that can kill your baby?” I was eating a tempura chicken sushi roll.

Stacey: I went to get my flu shot and there were several elderly women there. One told me I was too fat to carry a healthy baby. Another asked if I was increasing my folic acid. When I told her about my prenatal vitamins, she went on and on about how that wasn’t enough. Then she meanly said, “I’ll see you at a March of Dimes fundraiser one day” and left.

 

The crazy will keep on being CRAZY.

Meredith: When I was pregnant with my first I was a graduate assistant while studying for my MBA. A professor told me in an elevator that he was happy for me, but not for the planet because of overpopulation.

Jazzmine: A store clerk asked if I was having a boy or a girl. When I told her it’s a boy, she said, “Doesn’t it trip you out that you’re growing a tiny penis inside you?”

Lisa: When I was pregnant I was asked to quit by a co worker as he didn’t think it was fair that we were paid the same and I couldn’t lift heavy items anymore

Jami: A co-worker actually told me, “you should be grateful you’re married because all the decent, available men think of pregnant women as broken. You’re like what’s leftover when the good stuff is taken.”

 

And the asshats will keep on being ASSHATS.

Steph: When I was six months pregnant my partner at the time told me he couldn’t wait for me to hurry up and have the baby so he could leave me.

 

After you have your baby, PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU’RE STILL PREGNANT.

Suzi: After my second, we went to buy diapers on the way home from the hospital and the cashier was in awe of our 3 year old in the front of the double stroller and newborn in the back. She looked at me an said “Wow, a toddler, a newborn aaaand you’re pregnant!” How dumb and rude can you be?

Bonnie: About 3 weeks after I delivered, an acquaintance asked me when I was due.

Lani: First night out with my husband after our daughter was born, I ran into an old friend. I told her I hadn’t even seen her since I had the baby! She said, “You had the baby?”

Anna: When my son was 6 months old, someone asked me when my baby was due. 🙁

Lynsay: After I had my daughter my grandfather thought it would be funny to say to me at a family gathering, “I thought you already had the baby!” So angry and hurt and embarrassed.

Joy: Six weeks after my baby a man offered to carry my bags to the car after a store purchase, as I “shouldn’t be carrying stuff in my condition.” I said, “Sure, thanks!”

Ana: Then was also the post baby question from a guy, “Did you always have that much ass or is it just baby fat?”

 

Adopting? YOU’LL GET STUPID COMMENTS, TOO!

Karen:  I’ve got a ton from when people found out that we were adopting:

-“You’re adopting? Don’t you think it’s your duty to your husband to bear his child?”
-“Oh, you’re adopting — took the easy way out, did you?”
-“Adopting — is that because you’re afraid of losing your figure?”
-“Adopting — oooh, I dunno. I mean, I’m a teacher, and I can ALWAYS spot the adopted kids. They’re just … weird.”

I think the moral of the story is that whenever you’re about to become a parent, people lose their ever-loving minds and become idiots.

Michelle: One year after adopting our beautiful girl, I was surprised by my pregnancy. An aquaintance, upon hearing the news, looked at me and said, “Oh! Now you’ll have one of your own!” I still find that one of the most offensive things anyone has ever said to me.

 

Still, IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE…

Ginelle: Once I asked a girl if she was pregnant and she said “no, I just ate a big burrito.” I nearly died! I always try to assume people are getting chunky!

Riley: I accidently congratulated a new employee on her impending childbirth, when she politely informed me she was not pregnant. I was so embarassed, I stayed out of the office the rest of the day.

Jenni: Nothing like a random person asking if I’m pregnant to make me add “QUIT BEING FAT” to my list of New Year’s resolutions. P.S. She also rubbed my belly.

 

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