>Dr. Fuzz Explains It All
>I’ll never forget the first time I met Dr. Fuzz.
Punky had a fever of 103 and I was frantic. When I called my pediatrician’s office, I eagerly took the first available appointment.
“It’s with Dr. Fuzz,” the receptionist said meaningfully. “Is that okay?”
“Yes, of course,” I answered. “We’ll be there.”
I was actually excited about snagging an appointment with Dr. Fuzz. He had been part of the practice since the 1970s, and his bio included a long list of awards and association memberships. If anyone could make Punky well, I figured it would be him.
And so when he walked into the examining room, I smiled at him with hopeful confidence.
“Hi Dr. Fuzz,” I said. “I’m Lindsay Ferrier and this is my daughter, Punky.”
“Mfffgh little mrrgh glbbblflugh,” Dr. Fuzz whispered. “Drfffgle slggh srghugh flugh?”
I paused. “Excuse me?” I said.
Dr. Fuzz moved over to Punky and began feeling the lymph nodes in her neck. “Mflgggh can see glbblgh flughelegh,” he said softly. He looked at the nurse. “Flgghleghl drfflglugh mfflfghl lug.”
And so went the entire appointment. I am not kidding when I say that I could not understand a single word the guy said.
“Mflgugh,” Dr. Fuzz said finally, before standing up and, along with the nurse, leaving the room. I sat there, stunned. What had just happened? Was I supposed to wait for something? Or was I supposed to leave? I got Punky dressed and then sat for a minute or two, trying to figure out what to do next. I was just about to cry a little when the nurse came back in the room.
“Here’s the prescription,” she said, handing me a sheet of paper. “Punky’s ear infection should start clearing up in the next day or two.”
“Thank you,” I said brokenly, staring down at the prescription. As we left, I decided it would be a cold day in hell before I took an appointment with Dr. Fuzz again.
Of course, that was years ago. My pediatrician’s group has a whole bunch of doctors, so while I have played pedi-roulette many, many times over the last few years, I never landed on Dr. Fuzz’s name again.
“Your Dr. Perky is on maternity leave,” the receptionist told me when I called to make an appointment for Bruiser. “But Dr. Fuzz has an opening at 2:30.”
I winced. “Okay,” I said slowly. Seriously, I reasoned to myself, how bad could he really be? I was a new mother the first time I visited Dr. Fuzz, and I wasn’t expecting my child’s doctor to be a mumbler. Surely I had totally embellished what had happened in my mind over time. Besides, for all I knew, Dr. Fuzz had had laryngitis or something during our first visit. Resolved, I took Bruiser in for his sick visit.
Dr. Fuzz entered the room and shook my hand. “Hello, Dr. Fuzz,” I said, scooting forward. I was going to be sure I heard every word of what he had to say this time around.
“Mfghhhizlle fhslfgragh fuffugh,” Dr. Fuzz said seriously. Then he waited.
“Um…” I faltered. “Yes.”
Dr. Fuzz looked at me strangely, then shook his head and sighed. “Flregh migugh gidagh igog,” he said, gesturing to my son. He reached for his stethoscope. Going solely on guesswork, I positioned Bruiser so that Dr. Fuzz could listen to his chest.
“Glughglugh,” Dr. Fuzz said with surprise. He looked over at the nurse. “Malfugh bruggle.” My eyes widened. What could it mean?
“My mom thinks he has an ear infection,” I volunteered as the doctor prepared to check Bruiser’s ears. He nodded shortly at me and then looked inside each one.
“Shlugh shlugh clear-m-guggle,” he muttered.
“They’re clear?” I asked. “No ear infection?”
“Shlugh shlugh clear-m-guggle,” he repeated. Abruptly, he and his nurse stood and swept out of the room. No goodbye, no nothing. Just like last time.
I paused for a fraction of a second. Then I stood up, put Bruiser in his stroller, and we left.
As of today, the boy is fine.
I think.
>Sounds like last week & my younger son!For 12 yrs we've sort of avoided a particular ped…he has a beard & scared the older son to death in the hallway yrs ago.But I also had a sick visit for a fever while on antibiotics. And he was the only opening for 2 days. He wasn't a mumbler…he was, AHEM, thorough. The 3 days of fevers could either be: bacteremia, leukemia, the onset of sepsis or…weird kid fever from a virus.After scraping myself off the floor I ran 4 red lights to get to the lab to hold 45lb of sick, pajama clad TICKED OFF 4yr old for bloodwork & to try to contain hysteria til the labs were back.But the ped was great, after bugging the office til they closed, he called me back FROM HIS HOME after wrestling the results from the lab. It was officially weird kid fever from a virus.But we'll try to let another 12yrs go before I get the bejezzes scared out of me again over a fever.
>Oh gosh! That sounds awful. How can they employ someone like that? As if going to the doctor weren’t torture enough! I hope Bruiser is OK. My first had 17 ear infections in one year; then again, he was in daycare. Sigh. Take care, Kathy
>Damn. That’s like being in a foreign country. Good that you have nurse translators.
>Grrrrr…we have a Dr. Fuzz at our PEDs too. Wonder if they are long, lost brothers?
>Oh my gosh! I live in Bellevue and I know EXACTLY who you are talking about. Too funny! He creeeeps my kids out. They don’t know whether to be scared or laugh at him.
>I hate when Dr.’s don’t communicate – and there’s no excuse when the nurse doesn’t take the time to clarify either. I was in urgent care once and got Dr. Mumbles, I kept saying ‘Excuse me but I can’t understand what you’re saying’ over and over. Finally he started speaking English clearly. I think he was just being lazy but I wasn’t having any of it! Unclear pronunciation is a pet peeve of mine – if you’ve got a speech impediment that’s one thing, but being too lazy to speak properly is unacceptable. Especially in a Doctor’s office.You have way more patience that I do ma’dear!
>I’d just love to hear one of his acceptance speeches for those awards!
>I’ve had doctors like that…
>Isn’t ridiculous that we are such slaves to the medical industry? If I could, I’d just take them all hostage and make them write prescriptions. Wouldn’t that be easier?:)
>Ha I can relate to your frustration. We have a PA at our practice that you can understand clearly, only she is very condescending and only half listens. I actually tell the receptionist that we will only see “Dr. Frank” and if isn’t in and the kids are sick I’ll pay the higher deductible to go to the clinic. I just realized maybe I should change pediatricians.
>I guess I’ve been fortunate. The only one who really ticked me off was the one who told me it was my fault my child was sick because I had him in the same daycare where I was working. If my hubby was a doctor I would stay home and keep my children in ZipLock bags too Dr. Schmuckenheimer! Glad to hear that your wife could.
>I’m a half way intelligent person, although my wife might argue, but I can’t ever get a straight answer from a doctor. They come in, do their thing and are gone before I even know that they are there…My best friend on the other hand will go into the doctor’s office and when he leaves he will know every possible thing about the doctor including what’s going on in the doc’s family. Heck, he’s usually on the Christmas mailing list …I think I’m off subject, but boy do I feel better!
>There’s a pediatrician (Dr. S.) in the practice we use who’s very rude and talks a lot but does not listen. His arrogance led to a misdiagnosis of asthma when my son actually had pneumonia. SInce then whenever I’ve called to make a sick child appointment the receptionist always tries to schedule us with Dr. S. (because, surprise, he’s got a lot of free time), but I always insist on seeing someone else. Going by the sound of the receptionist’s voice, I gather I’m not the only one to make that request. Oh, and FWIW, there’s *always* someone else available. Maybe you can just say no to Fuzz.
>We have a Dr. Fuzz too. He mumbles totally incoherently, though occasionally I’ll catch a word or three through the visit. These generally are the scary words like, “Pneumonia” and “Respiratory Distress”. Yeah. But he’s a nice guy. I think. And when I can gather my brain cells, I generally ask him to repeat himself until I get the general drift. (or I ask the nurse!)
>Um, excuse me, did I just get a comment from THE suburban mama herself!? Wow, how in the holy heck?? You’re like famous or something. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!! Your yard salin’ days will come soon, my love. Oh, and I just ditch mine with the hubs. 🙂 GREAT story. I think there are A LOT of Dr. Fuzz’s out there in this world, unfortunately. My daughters’ doctor and I always do an awkward verbal tango. He’s so mild, quiet, and slow to speak. I always end up rambling, or talking again after an awkward silence, just as he FINALLY starts to say something. But he’s a great Christian man. Love him.
>If you guys go to OHPA in Bellevue, I know exactly who you are talking about! ha! But, never fear though, your Dr. Fuzz is VERY smart, like you assumed, and is a very talented physician (even though I struggle to decipher him as well).
>I don’t have a Dr. Fuzz but I do have a Dr. CLOSE TALKER. Oh my, I love his interaction with the children but when it’s time to discuss a diagnosis or a problem that I bring up…he is very good about eye contact and making sure you understand everything he’s saying, which I LOVE but he just gets way way way too close! Sometimes he has coffee breath and I keep backing up and he still keeps invading my personal space.
>Dr. CLOSE TALKER? I’m cracking up right now.
>That’s really (funny!) just unacceptable. You can be the Albert Einstein of medicine and if your patients can’t understand you then what’s the point?!?Speech therapy and vocal training. That’s all I’m sayin’
>that’s hilarious… i’ve seen dr. fuzz before too and have my own dr. fuzz story! last time i saw him i even asked the nurse how she did it… she told me she just listened very closely.
>I believe I have also seen the self-same Dr. Fuzz. Only pediatrician we’ve ever been to who has a transcribing/translating nurse in the room while he examines the child. I was having my 18-month-old seen at the time, but if it had been older children I think they would have been concerned. Fortunately I was able to decipher most of his speech, but I can usually understand people with foreign/Southern accents as well. Call it a gift. My out-of-town family still can’t understand people here.
>Hysterically funny. All of it. The story, the comments…aaaah, the things they never tell you when you are young…that taking your sick offspring for medical intervention will be the cause of an expensive case of intrigue and irritation.
>I think that we take our kids to the same place, but I haven’t been to Dr. Fuzz. I have, however, been to Dr. Idiot. Not that he is the idiot, but he thinks that I am an idiot as a new mother. He explains EVERYTHING in detail. “Now give him these drops two times a day. This amount two times a day. Once in the morning and once in the evening. But just this amount and only TWO times a day.” AAAAHHHH!!!! I got it the first time you said it!
>Dr. Fuzz examined my daughter at the hospital when she was born. Keep in mind that she was under 6 pounds and almost 21 inches long. Maybe it was the anesthesia, but I thought he said she was fat. I had to ask him to repeat himself 3 times before I realized the was saying she was fine. He’s not our regular pediatrician, and I think we’ve only seen him one more time in the last, almost 7 years. A coworker of mine has been taking her daughter to him for many years, and she’s noticed that he seems to be running out of steam. Thank goodness for nurses!
>I love how many of you have been to Dr. Fuzz and had the same experience. I guess we all needed to get this out and know we weren’t alone! 😉
>I MUST tell you this story! My grandpa’s best friend, Dick, had polio when he was a child, and was temporarily paralyzed from the neck up. He talks, well…I would type out what he said exactly as you record Dr. Fuzz. Except people are always having this long meaningful conversations with him?!?! Finally I told my mom, “I hate talking to Dick, I can’t understand a word he says!” My mom admitted that she couldn’t either, but other people seem to. Then she told me this: Dick used to be a college professor, lecturing in U.S. History.So imagine, if you will, Dr. Fuzz lecturing to a room of 600 college freshman. LECTURING. ORALLY.
>Equally as bad as Dr. Fuzz is Dr. Textbook Medical. My daughter has a cardiac arrhythmic flux capacitor what?? Oh yes, I see. She has a heart murmur. Thankfully we have WebMD to keep it real.
>That’s just like my orthodontist when I was a kid! He was a great doctor and a really nice guy, but he was a notorious mumbler. I heard that one time he mumbled something and walked away, and the patient assumed she was supposed to follow him. So she got up and followed him… right into the bathroom! Tough to say who was more embarrassed.