The Seven Phases of Wiggles Watching
1. You can’t believe your baby loves the Wiggles. You laugh hysterically at the idea of four middle-aged men in coordinating turtlenecks rolling in sand, splashing fully dressed in the ocean and singing “Quack, quack, cock-a-doodly-doo.” You consider switching off the show, but can’t because your baby loves The Wiggles.
2. Time passes. You become mildly irritated as phrases such as “Move like the emu do” and “Fruit salad, yummy yummy,” get stuck in your mind at 8:30 am and stay there for the rest of the day. You consider switching off the show, but can’t because your baby loves The Wiggles.
3. You begin to develop a certain affection for The Wiggles. You decide that Anthony is definitely the hottest Wiggle, but you would choose Jeff to be your best friend. You are a bit surprised that the editor of Jane Magazine (the mother of a one-year-old) has publically proclaimed that Greg is the hot one. You fume that just because Greg is the leader doesn’t make him cuter than Anthony. You realize you need to get a life. You consider switching off the show, but can’t because your baby loves The Wiggles.
4. You become obsessed with The Wiggles. You read their website and are shocked to learn they are all in their 40s and that Murray, Greg and Anthony (sigh) are married. You suspect Jeff is gay. Actually, you’d suspected all of them were gay. You read their extensive touring schedule and speculate that their pretty choreographer, who is also their lead dancer, must certainly be sleeping with at least one of them. You imagine a Wiggles orgy. You realize you need to get a life. You consider switching off the show, but can’t because your baby loves The Wiggles.
5. You buy exhorbitantly expensive tickets to a Wiggles show in your town. Your baby falls asleep by the third song, but you don’t really care. You’re too busy dancing to “Captain’s Magic Buttons”. You and your husband laugh at the screaming mothers with cameras who chase The Wiggles as they run through the audience. But when Jeff passes you and smiles, you find you are breathless with excitement. You realize you need to get a life. You consider leaving the show early, but can’t because your baby loves The Wiggles (and those tickets were freaking expensive).
6. You become angry with The Wiggles, who seem to be too busy touring to make any new TV shows. You become angry with the Disney Channel for running the same 6 damn shows over and over again. You become angry with Captain Feathersword, who would look so much better if he would just lose 15 pounds. You realize you need to get a life. You consider switching off the show, but can’t because your baby loves The Wiggles.
7. You become resigned to The Wiggles’ place in the lives of you and your baby. You hardly notice “Hot Potato” anymore and you know exactly what’s going to happen if you push the third button. However, your husband seems to have entered phase four. He’s been singing “Dancing with Wags the Dog” lately and worse, when you were out on a date a few nights ago, he noticed a table ofΒ five men in turtlenecks and expressed an urge to confront them with “Hey guys, where’s Jeff?” You laugh tiredly and realize he needs to get a life. You wish you could move on and leave The Wiggles behind, but can’t because your baby loves The Wiggles.
What are the Wiggles? How can I be missing the greatest thing since Barney? Good grief, sounds like you like it as well but are projecting your feelings on your child. Opps, sorry… working on homeowrk so I am over analytical at the moment. my bad. π
They’re from Australia and are on Disney Channel twice every morning. And you could say I have a love-hate relationship with the Wiggles. Unbelievably, they were the top earners in Australia in 2004- beating out Nicole Kidman with $40 million. Those scoundrels!
I, too, love the Wiggles. My two-year-old watches them and has a lot of Disney-blessed accessories based on the Wiggles. But what I didn’t know was that the Wiggles are my age! I just turned 44 on Saturday. They inspire me now, because if they can do what they do at middle-age, then I can at least get up and go to the gym with my hubby and work out for 30 minutes. Lucinda, I’m new to blogging, and I somehow found your blog. I love what you write. You’re so insightful and encouraging.
My friend thinks Captain Feathersword is the hot one. π Good post. My two-yr.-old is not a huge Wiggles fan, but he has a two-year-old friend who will watch almost nothing else except maybe Dora. I think her mom has most definitely been through your 7 stages. I’m just glad my boy is out of his Boohbah phase. Oh lord.
As a mom whose 10-month-old son has recently discovered the Wiggles (and who is in stage four herself, hence landing on your page after a search for “wiggles fan club mom”) – this is perhaps the funniest thing I’ve read in a long, long tim.
I realize that this post is 2 years old, but I just found you’re blog and need to comment. Just started the stay at home mom thing and just started paying attention to the Wiggles (though my dad, who used to watch my 1 year old when I worked, sang their praises). Like Camille’s friend, I think Captain Feathersword is the hot one (it’s the pirate thing) and now I can’t stop singing “Toot, toot, chugga, chugga, big red car…” It’s so funny that the Wiggles do this to everyone.
I, too, just found your blog post. It’s freakin’ hysterical & yes….. my DH is in stage 4. Our DS (@ age 3.5 yrs) just got into the Wiggles. We did our 1st concert a few days ago. Honestly, DH & I had more fun than DS.DD
>Hahaha.. yes, it’s a good two years since your post, but I just found it Googling “Are the Wiggles gay?” We don’t get the Disney channel so I didn’t even know anything about the Wiggles until my sister-in-law gave us a video for my kid’s birthday… after four months of thinking it was something like Star Trek on hallucinogenic drugs, I popped it in the other day and I don’t know who’s more obsessed — me or my 3-year-old. Thanks for making me laugh!
When this was written, Greg was 33, not mid forties (which makes him 36 now in 2008; Greg was only 19 when they first started performing. They have been entertaining & educating children since 1991. Greg, Murray, & Anthony have teaching degrees in early childhood education, & also honorary doctorates from the Catholic University of Sydney. They have been the top earners in Australia every year since 2004. They have absolutely no negative marks against them in their long history, & are very involved in various charities, & are extremely friendly & open with their fans.Greg has had a rough time health wise the last two years, & had to stop performing with them in Nov. 2006. He has a condition called orthostatic intolerance, which was found to be genetic, & is thought have been present for at least the last 12 years. He is greatly improved, and hopes to be even better soon, at which point he says he will decide what it is he can and cannot do. If you check out the picture & audio from his interview at the Sydney cricket grounds on Jan, 2, you will see a photo of a very handsome man, & hear him intelligently & lovingly discuss The Wiggles, & his children. He also discusses his health, and his love of cricket.
I used to watch the Wiggles when they were a pub band called the Cockroaches. They haven’t changed much. Except that the yellow one seems to have shrunk and calls himself Sam, maybe something to do with that “lord of the Rings” thing they did on the other side of the Tasman…
Hilarious! I just found your post searching out if the Wiggles were gay. Thought I had heard that a couple years ago. I think Anthony is the hottest and Greg is the handsomest, but my 5-month old is obsessed with Murray! Every time he comes on the screen with his “Hello!” he starts kicking and squealing like crazy! I think it’s a red thing. Never thought I would let my young baby watch TV, but it’s my husband’s fault–he let him watch The Wiggles while I was getting ready for church one Sunday morning and now we are all fascinated! Crazy!
Alright, so you can say we need to get a life, but we’re moms of preschoolers, so this is our life (lives?). Just do a search for “hottest wiggle” and you get some great results, including this blog post. I totally agree with your phases; have been through them several times, and am happily resting in an 8th phase, since my “baby” is now 11 and my 4 year is the 2nd Wiggle fan in our house. I’ve seen many, many, many Wiggles episodes, movies, Christmas specials, etc.I can’t believe more people aren’t discussing the hottest Wiggle, to be honest. I mean, come on, why do you think that so many preschool personalities are men? And cute men, at that. Because the moms are watching. Do I want some shrill-voiced mom-competition (another woman) to entertain my child or would I rather have some cute guy on the television all day long? I’m going with the cute guy, definitely.Here are my personal picks:Hottest Wiggle: Anthony, no question, but Captain Feathersword has some seriously buff arms and looks pretty hot in that wet suit. Sure, Greg is attractive, and the way he talks out of the side of his mouth is incredibly cute. You could make an argument for both Murray and Jeff (If men can say Asian women are hot, I should be able to say that Asian guys – have a serious thing for Jackie Chan and Jet Li – are a huge turn-on), but Anthony is the obvious cute on, and has the bad–boy vibe going on.Other hot kid show hosts:Steve from Blues Clues (never got into Joe)The Kratt Brothers (woah!!)The guy who hosted several Nick shows where people got slimed regularlyI know there are others, but they have slipped my mind. I’m apparently stuck in Wiggles mode, for the moment.Oh, and Steve Burns from Blues Clues has gone on to be a musician. My husband and daughter love his new CD, very interesting.Thanks for the post.
Wow! Over 3 years later and it’s still happening. At stage 5, have bought the tickets but not yet seen them! Hoping bubs lasts to at least song 5!
Well, the wiggles are creepy. Children who watch them are doomed to be gay or overly trusting of older creepy child molesters. Mothers should learn to lay their sexual lusting aside and make the best decision for their children. Should a parent do something just because their baby laughs at it? No way. Show some responsibility and take charge of your child’s life. That television is not a babysitter!
>Lindsay,Was reading through your archives a bit and came across this post. Love, love, love it! And I totally LOL. Our kids are a bit past the Wiggles now (ages 6,4, and 4)–sigh!–but they were quite the fixture at our house for a time. The Wiggles regularly showed up in my dreams: my sign that I needed to get a life.
But aren't they misogynists? Where are all the girls? Even those ones that there are are just weird and have all 'feminine' attributes removed- so no long hair- only short crops or tight plaits. They are way too gay to fancy. They revolt me but I can't switch them off because my baby……
My nephew is OBSESSED with them it's scaring me, and he's almost six!!! AHH!Great post btw. π
Itβs 2024 and these steps are still true, except there are now 8 Wiggles and one of them is unanimously the hottest.