>We Interrupt These Holidays for the Swine Flu

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As if last Christmas’s Pneumonia Chronicles weren’t enough, this year, five out of six Ferriers currently are struck with or recovering from the Swine Flu.

Swine flu. So embarrassing.

Bruiser was the first to come down with it, only we didn’t know it at the time. Even though he had fever and respiratory troubles and even though I took him in twice and his condition warranted a breathing treatment, an inhaler, a chest x-ray, and a prescription for a breathing machine, inexplicably no one bothered to test him for the flu. He even got his second dose of the H1N1 vaccine on his second visit.

Next, our 16-year-old came down with it, just in time for her exams. Since her symptoms were the same as Bruiser’s and no one at the doctors had said anything about the possibility of H1N1 (I was told he had “mild asthma brought on by a cold virus”), swine flu didn’t occur to me.

But when Punky came down with a fever and coughing two nights ago, I decided to request a flu test when I took her in to the doctor the next morning. It would be less than 48 hours after she had come down with it, so if by chance she did have the flu, she would qualify for a Tamiflu prescription and hopefully avoid all that Bruiser had gone through.

So they tested her. And sure enough, she had the flu. Which means she has the Swine Flu, since seasonal flu hasn’t hit Tennessee yet. Which means Bruiser had the Swine Flu. And so did our 16-year-old. And so did Hubs when he came down with it Saturday night. And so did I, when I woke up with it yesterday morning. And I’m thinking the only reason our 19-year-old hasn’t gotten it was that she probably had it when it was going around her university in October and she came down with fever and a bad cough. Which are, as it turns out, the prime symptoms of Swine Flu!

Oh and anyway, after a very lonnnnng doctor’s appointment which mostly consisted of us waiting in an empty examining room, the doctor wouldn’t even prescribe Tamiflu to Punky. As I drove home, I rethought her very brief explanation and realized I was crazy not to get Punky the Tamiflu prescription so that she could avoid all that her sister and brother had gone through. So I called the doctor to very politely and reasonably tell her my thoughts. And that woman didn’t even bother return my call. Grr. And now, of course, the 48-hour window has passed and Punky is miserable. I hope that doctor wakes up on Christmas morning with a big, pus-filled pimple on the tip of her nose.

Anyway, I thought it would be funny to put a sign on our front door that said, “Warning! We all have the Swine Flu!” and then secretly Flip video the UPS and FedEx guys when they come to our door. But I was too worried that they would turn and run without even bothering to drop off our packages. And WE REALLY NEED THOSE PACKAGES.

Other than that, I think we’ll be spending the next few days coughing and lying around and watching lots of Christmas movies.

It’s a Swine Flu Christmas, y’all! Anyone want to come over and keep us company?

I didn’t think so.

P.S. Remember Brittany here and catch another fabulous online sale here.