>Geez, Meredith.
>”So,” I said to my playgroup yesterday. “The hot mommy topic this week is cocktail playdates.” I got blank looks in response.
“Moms are getting together and having a glass of wine in the afternoon while their kids play,” I explained. “The Today Show did a feature on it and made it into this big controversy.”
“Oh, I saw that,” my friend Dina said. “I don’t really understand what’s controversial about it. I mean, it’s one glass of wine, right?”
“How is that different from having a glass of wine with dinner?” another mom asked. “Or a beer at the circus?”
“Or for that matter, a beer at Chuck E. Cheese?” I added. We laughed and agreed the whole thing was a non-issue. All of us knew some moms who might have a glass of wine with friends and some who might not, but we didn’t know anyone who’d care what others did either way. It’s just another media-generated battle pitting mommy against mommy and frankly, I’m getting tired of it.
Particularly now that Meredith Vieira is involved.
I always liked her on The View. She was smart and pretty, opinionated and informed. Honestly, the Meredith I saw on TV back in the View days would’ve been the perfect mom to kick back and have a cocktail with while the kids played; we could talk about everything from the spread of AIDS in Africa to the odd glut of nude Jude Law pictures on the Internet.
Besides, she had co-founded ClubMom. That meant she had to know about the online revolution that was taking place on the websites and blogs of mothers around the world- She must’ve realized that women were quietly and persistently revolting against the pressure society and corporate media put on moms to be perfect housekeeping, wage-earning, childrearing drones, all with boringly similar goals and agendas (1. Make sure Bobby and Susie test into the gifted program! 2. Earn enough per year to keep the kids in private school! 3. Get whites whiter and brights brighter!). After all, ClubMom had hired some of the most original, no-holds-barred mommybloggers out there to write for its website, moms I tend to think would be first in line for the bottle (behind me, anyway) at any given cocktail playdate.
That’s why I was pretty damned irritated to watch Meredith Vieira attempt to rip Melissa Summers of Suburban Bliss a new one in a Today show segment on cocktail playdates.
It all went downhill from the moment she opened the segment by spitting out, “It has got everyone… buzzing.” The reporter piece that followed contained soundbites from moms that screamed taken out of context! to the television journalist in me. And after that piece, Meredith’s frowning and hostile line of questioning to Melissa in the studio left no doubt that she was supposed to be the bad guy in this conversation.
“You use these cocktail parties sometimes to weed out certain moms?”
“How would you feel if it were a bunch of babysitters sitting around with alcohol? Would that be acceptable? What’s the difference?“
All I could think was that Meredith somehow believed she’d score points with ClubMom advertisers by pursing her lips and shaking her head at the obvious lush in front of her. How dare Melissa have a glass of wine in front of her children? How dare she?
The concern, according to Today’s online story, was that a child at one of these playdates might get hurt and need to go to the hospital. Who would drive? the article wonders. The moms, I suppose, would be so wasted on their one glass of wine that they would all be passed out in the sandbox, unable to get behind the wheel.
Oh girl, please.
Meredith, I realize that we could all take a lesson from you in mothering- Most of us couldn’t host Today and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, write a blog for iVillage and run ClubMom, all while still spending plenty of quality time with our kids. I have no doubt you spend many wonderful hours interacting with your children every single day- or at least, your babysitter does, which is basically the same thing, right?
But the last thing we need is your judgment, particularly when it seems to have come straight out of Leave It to Beaver. I suggest you read some of your ClubMom bloggers’ uncensored personal blogs (you know, the ones where they’re allowed to curse) to find out what’s really on our minds.
>What if it were a bunch of dad ‘babysitting’ and having a beer?
>I continue to be unable to see the video, so I’m assuming some setting on my laptop is forbidding it. But I’ve read all about this, and almost nothing pisses me off more than the continuation of the media’s instigation of the Mommy Wars. They love it, love pitting mother against mother and ‘expert’ against mother, and yes, in the world-at-large you will find some very judgmental moms who think their way is the only way. But honestly, most of the moms I know? They’re very chill people. They have opinions, yes, but you won’t find them getting all uppity and crotchety and kooky about each and every issue the media chooses to focus on, all in a direct attempt to create controversy. More power to Melissa (and all the awesome bloggers who’ve come to her defense)!
>I haven’t seen the video yet, either…mean to when I’m at home, but haven’t. I’ve read about it a lot, too. I remember when Lena was talking about this last Novemeber and I seem to recall all her comments being pretty civil.Obviously, it’s not setting a very good example to be getting sloshed in front of your kids every day – but who said they were doing that?They are just trying to ignite the fire again and we’ve been there. Like you said – just pitting moms against each other, trying to make extremists out of regular people. Sickening.
>There needs to be a new club…Mommy’s Against Media.My mom actually called me up about it… Did you hear? She said. I said, “Hear what?” And she said “There are moms who have cocktails at playgroups.” And I said, “Really, where? How come no one told me?” “Well, it’s this big thing.” “Yeah? Huh. I wish someone invited me.”I’m sooo tired of this crap. What about all those people who go out to restaurants and have a glass of wine… HOW DO THEY GET HOME SAFELY? ALERT THE MEDIA.I mean, it’s not like these women are downing Tequila.
>Very Well Put!I saw that piece too. Shame on the Today Show and Meredith. Judge not lest ye be judged! Gretchen — We SAHD’s do like our beer! LOL!
>Nothing good can come from media driven “wars” — just ask Biggie and Tupac!
>Long Island Dad-I didn’t mean to be disparaging toward dads, or beer… for that matter!
>You can’t convince me MV doesn’t go home after the end of a long hard day and have a glass of wine while talking to her children.Isn’t that the same thing? Should the liquor cabinet be time-locked until the kidlets are safely asleep?Shame on her.
>Well put, Lindsey. But I would expect no less.That piece annoyed the crap out of me too, as a former television journalist.But then, Meredith has always annoyed me, so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.
>I am so sick and tired of everyone and their mom (no pun intended) telling me and everyone else how to raise their kids! Especially people who live in Hollywood and make 3.5 million dollars a year and have a nanny!! I gave birth to my kids, I wanted them, I will make the decisions on how they are raised! They may not be the best decsions, but they are made with the best intentions.
>I just watched the video. It was so unfair that they had Melissa cornered, 2:1. Melissa did really well holding her own in the discussion, but sheesh… that was sleazy of them. And I think that even more after reading Melissa’s behind-the-scenes talk about it. Leave it to the media to try to stir up a controversy where there is none.What next? A piece on alcohol or drug-addicted parents getting smashed or high as kites in front of their kids? Oh, no. Not that. That’s not controversial, because that wouldn’t be aimed at their market of educated middle to upper class women.Shame on them, indeed.
>I agree with you that this is just a media-generated issue. Drink, don’t drink, do whatever you need to do to get through the day. 🙂 If you want to have a drink at a playdate with some friends, knock yourself out (well, you know, not with the alcohol… )And I very much object to the idea that as a mother, my actions need to be above reproach because I am raising a child.
>And I realize everyone and her sister has written about this topic by now, but I decided that we can’t have enough bloggers writing about this. I know that TV producers, advertisers, PR flacks, etc all read this blog and I’m sure they read plenty of others out there, too. Mommybloggers often set the topics of discussion that end up on TV- I think we need to send out the message that we’re not going to stand for this kind of sleazy bullshit-in-the-guise-of-journalism anymore.Also, the whole “some moms may be problem drinkers” point is ridiculous when it comes to a cocktail playdate. I know several moms who have drinking problems- I’ve never seen one of them with a drink. In my experience, the women who have a problem with alcohol are hiding it at home, not displaying their habit in front of other moms.
>Hey, if mom’s weren’t allowed to drink, we would never have gotten ‘Running with Scissors’ and ilk of it’s like. If mom were drinking at noon and was wasted by the time dad got home and the kids are dirty and dinner’s not ready, well then there’s a problem. But I don’t think that’s the case here. I think a lot of journalism is sensationalized, and it makes me kind of sick. You take it with a grain of salt and interpret according to your own personal views. Not as gospel. Baaa baaa sheeple.
>Ditto!On the View she would definitely been the one for drinking during a playdate and joking about ripping her shirt off while she was at it.Give me a break!
>Holy Christ I need to quit work. Between the Today Show and Oprah I am missing out.
>To see how ridiculous the “What if somebody’s kid got hurt” question is, just think of other possible situations. What if a playgroup of moms of newborns are all too sleep-deprived to drive safely? What if moms without cars walk to a neighborhood playgroup? What if a group of deaf moms can’t hear their kids cry? What if a group of older moms with bad backs can’t pick up an injured child? Anyway, this “mommy war” thing is irritating. Some of my mom friends drink, some don’t. Some work outside the home, some don’t. Some spank, some don’t. I’ve never even seen a skirmish, much less a battle. Let’s face it, the kids are the enemy – parents need to stick together!
>I’ve been brewing on this since I saw the show. I am a long-time Melissa reader and it urked me how they tried to make her look. And, then reading on her blog how it all went down,well that really annoyed me even more.I was going to post on this, but you’ve so eloquently put what I was thinking–could this be the same Viera who was on the view? Has “the man” taken control over her brain? It just surpised me so much to hear her on that interview. Not to mention how biased the whole thing was. I come from a journalism background and it was all so slanted that I was cringing the entire time. Today has slipped a few notching in my book now…
>Meredith can bite me.I wish I knew some cool moms here in Knoxville to have a playdate – and a cocktail – with! It sounds like a fun, relaxing time – and I don’t get enough of those these days.Please – aren’t there more important things to yell “fire!” about?!
>I don’t care for the View and Meredith totally lost integrity with me by hosting “Millionaire”, with their insanely simple questions.And what was up with even asking, “Would you want your babysitter to drink while watching your kids?” That was ridiculous, drinking or not, comparing the role of Mother to a babysitter.However, anyone who knows the format of “interesting reporting” on a contoversial subject has to know that you’re gonna have one person “For” and one person “Against”. Perhaps when you get paid to appear on national television in a situation like this, you should come well prepared.
>I like what you’re saying and I agree with you completely. if a few mothers want to get together to chat and have a drink or two with one another, who the hell should stop them? And if they want to pull out a doobie and get really wasted, the husbands could take them to the goddamn hospital. That last part was a joke, the kids should not bother their fathers with something as trivial as an injury, they should call a cab, or walk. Now that was definitely a joke.The difference between a babysitter drinking while watching kids and few mothers having a cocktail is level of responsibility, age, and ability to hold their liquor.
>Damn Lindsay, very well put!-Charity
>When my single dad friends and I get together, there is most definitely beer. However we don’t have The View or any of those shows aimed at us. We have Best Damn Sports Show. They leave us alone.We’re simple creatures. Join us.
>word lindsay. word.it’s 2pm and I just had a glass of wine while my daughter was napping. I feel a little more than capable of finshing out the rest of my day – and not at all like I have been irresponsible. It’s ONE glass of wine people. for pete’s sake. Or wait – I guess I should be preparing dinner while she naps, all while my perm sets (you KNOW – just the way my husband likes it) and my nails dry and then move on to finishing the rest of my thank you notes from Christmas instead of allowing myself some crucial time to relax and read a book (or a blog). What WAS I thinking – pardon me while I go put the roast on, tighten my apron and shave my bikini line. Don’t want my kids, my husband or the world to know that I am HUMAN.
>The CRAP that passes as human interest stories these days is so annyoing! If this were a story on say, teen mothers getting together for playdates and cocktails, well, alright then, but the fact that anyone at Today decided it was a good story to talk to adult moms about having a playdate and a drink is waaaay over the top! I really hate morning t.v. and I think MV sucks, too. Seriously, it’s journalism like this that really tries (or at least attempts to) take women back all the way to square one where we started, and you know what? I aint havin’ it!
>I had a friend bring her kid over (who is not old enough to read the bottle to know that it’s beer) who didn’t want me or the Husband to drink a single beer in from of the kid. Meanwhile, while Mommy left her unattended, she got her arm stuck in a chair, and then I found her playing with a stapler.
>You go, girl! First of all, to call the most of the media “journalists” anymore is laughable. They’re almost all slanted. Secondly, the fact that this is even an issue is pathetic. Don’t we have other more pressing stories to report on than someone’s mom sipping a nice Chardonnay at play group? Thirdly, what of parents who take their kids out for dinner and each parent has a glass of wine or a beer? Do they sleep there until the devastating effects of one cocktail wear off so they can drive home in complete and utter safety?FOURTH, is this just more of the “zero tolerance” mindset that so many people looooove? (zero tolerance means zero THINKING)And lastly, this smacks of desperate mommy versus mommy sensationalism, combined with the ever-popular movement to over-blow and wring our hands about any and every little thing that could/would/might/possibly harm us and our precious progeny.News flash: Citizens in a free society need to come to grips with the fact that they are responsible for their own actions and that LIFE IN A FREE SOCIETY is inherently risky. Enjoy your freedom, for God’s sake and have a glass of wine!
>Very soon our sports season is about to start and I will be taking my son to his football practices. Myself and my fellow moms and dads will stand around the covered barbecue area, eat sausages and (gasp) have a glass of wine or a beer while the boys drive their coaches to distraction and the little ones scamper around our feet. We will then pack everyone up and drive home. What bad parents we all are.Should we not have alcohol at summer barbecues because the kids are about? Should we check IDs for mommy status when we go to purchase alcohol and not allow anyone with small children to purchase it? Or perhaps we should ban drinking for parents all together because you never know when you’d have to take someone to the emergency room and should therefore be stone sober 24/7 until they move away from home.Where has common sense gone? Rational thinking? Doesn’t exist anymore for some, it would seem.
>While I admit I’m sort of over this issue and probably was before the show even aired, this is very nicely done, L. Apparently they’ve gotten so much negative press off it they’re allowing a rebuttal of some sort Friday…stay tuned, viewers.
>My favorite part of the interview was where Melissa said that she sometimes rolls her eyes when her kid is crying/hurt (can’t remember exact reference) but I so related to that statement! You can just tell by the sound of their cry and the circumstances under which it occurs whether or not you’re dealing with real or imagined trauma!
>Great piece. As per usual…that’s why I keep coming back!
>well said!Hell I even have a beer when it’s just me and the sprog at home.Are the mummy polic coming to get me?
>sounds like a really slow day at the old writer’s room. Can’t they prop Willard up and have him kiss some centagenarian tortoise or something?Vic..i’m terrified of the mummy polic and I don’t even know what they are!
>Thank you! It’s been ‘buzzing’ around my head ALL week about the Club Mom angle of it all. I’m really, really using my Jedi Mind Tricks to get Meridith to blog about it herself.
>Damn. I didn’t know about this. I, too, am a fan of Meredith, but she is way off on this one. Cheers and prosit!. Lindsay
>You know what Lindsay? I’ve read about a frillion posts on this topic in reaction to Meredith and I can honestly say that yours was the most raw – the most honest.Also, the only one that included links to me.Anyway.The next time you’re in So Cal (and presumably not pregnant) you are welcome to come pass out in my sandbox anytime.*smooooch*
>If my child hurts themselves severely enough that they need to go to the emergency room I would most likely call an ambulance, drunk or sober.
>This is why I refuse to watch tv geared towards women. Most of the time it’s idiotic pc drivel that just bores the crap out of me… Geez, is this the best they can do for controversy? Crap like this makes me want to actually volunteer to go on the show and get beat up about spray tanning my kid at an overpriced dress up competition (just to keep it interesting ;o)
>Ah yes! When I was watching the segment I thought to myself, “Wonder if Suburban Turmoil is seeing this crap?” I’m so glad you are addressing it on the blog and I completely agree. We are grown, responsible women who love our kids and know that, aside from meeting kids’ own basic needs, it’s important for us to be social and NOT kid-centric.Amen to the comment about sleep deprivation! I’m much more likely to nod off at the wheel thanks to the night-time antics of the baby than I would be after a glass of Merlot.
>Passed out in the sandbox…I’m still laughing at that. We’re moms, raising the next generation. Yes, there are crappy moms out there who would get sloshed the first chance they get..but they’re probably NOT at playdates!!!!!! They’re hiding it at home, as someone referenced in an earlier comment! My girlfriends and I do this all the time..cater in lunch and have a glass of WONDERFUL wine. Seriously, the media needs to stop fanning the flame.
>#1 I am very disappointed with the way that the Today show presented this issue and also the way that Melissa was unfairly informed (or should I say misinformed) for the show. For Meredith to compare a mom to a babysitter is absurd and says a lot about the way that Meredith views stay at home moms. Which is sad when she does so much for “Club Mom”#2 Why does every parenting issue get broken down to “right and wrong”? It’s another chapter in the Mommy Wars…the working moms vs the stay at home moms, the breastfeeding moms vs the formula moms, the spankers vs the time-outs…and now the Cosmo drinking moms vs the Sober Cabs. Can’t we all just do what is best for OUR own families and children? Why do we all have to get up in each other’s business and tell Jane Jones the way she’s doing it is Wrong????#3 Personally, I don’t drink on playdates and don’t foresee myself doing so. IT’s my personal choice, I don’t prefer to drink much outside of playdates as it is so can’t imagine partaking at a friends backyard or the such. I don’t even know anyone who does this, but perhaps it’s who I keep company with.#4 I’d be very curious to talk with moms in Minnesota who are for or against this issue. #5 GREAT POST Lindsay! Thank you for again making us pause and think. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the history on this on Melissa’s blog and also learning more about the new uproar itself. THANKS!
>I looked on Today’s website this morning and guess what? It has a story about how to properly smell wine! Mothers, avert your eyes! Ha ha…
>OK – I don’t have kids – so perhaps my opinion might be considered uninformed – but I really don’t see why this had Meredith’s knickers in a twist. And I agree with you Lindsay – the more bloggers tackling this subject the better – and I don’t mean having a snort with the girls while the kids are playing Barbie. I mean the Mommy Wars; a subject even us non-moms get all het up about. It’s hard enough for women out there as it is without turning on one another over minutiae. Honestly – we have to look at family in a completely different way, folks. The world has to accommodate people with children. Just yesterday a woman came into the doctor’s office with two little boys ages 18 and 23 months. You wanna talk energy? Those boys could have powered a small city all by their lonesome! I thought they were great – but their mom kept apologizing if they were disturbing anyone. They were being kids! I have to say – I wish business allowed for fathers to take off work and help out with the family. This woman would have had an easier time of it if her hubby could have been there to help. Bur that’s another subject; one I could wax lyrical about for at least 3 pages!But back to the subject at hand. I’ll tell you why I think Ms. Viera got so upset when discussing this – though mind you, it’s just a guess. I watched her eyes and the set of her body. Those pursed lips were VERY disapproving – and she seemed awfully hot under the collar for someone supposed to be conducting an impartial interview. This issue obviously pushed some personal buttons. I don’t think Meredith’s on-air reaction was at all calculated. I’ll bet one of her parents was an alcoholic. How do I know this? Because my Father was one; and my Mother slept with Prince Valium every damn day of her life. So you see – I’m also a mite touchy when it comes to drinking or getting stoned – especially doing it in front of children. I have very little sympathy for addiction as a result. But that’s not what these women were doing. They were enjoying each others company over a glass of wine. I do that. And yes, I have women friends with kids. What happens if there’s an emergency? Someone drives. Honestly – a single glass of wine over lunch isn’t going to incapacitate anyone. No – Meredith Viera must have a personal connection with this. And that makes it excusable, in a way; though I think she owes a lot of women an apology.
>I have to say- Meredith Viera is no Katie Couric. Then again, Katie Couric is no Dan Rather. Come to think of it, Dan Rather…What we need is Walter Cronkite on this story. He’d tell it straight.
>Meredith has lost it! To much on the job pressure I suppose? This really was blown way out of proportion. I have lost faith lately in The View as well. It is time for a major reality check!