You Think You’ve Got Problems?

“Mommy, I have great news!” seven-year-old Punky bubbled as she got in the car yesterday after school.

“What is it?” I said, smiling at her in the rearview mirror.

“Well, I’ve found something new to do at school!” Punky said importantly. “It means I’ll be doing less work… but don’t worry, because I’ll be talking more.”

“Okay,” I said, confused.

“You see,” Punky continued, “there’s this teacher, and she’s at school just so that you can come and talk to her about your problems. She came and spoke to our class today, and said that anyone who wanted to talk to her could sign up for a ‘pointment. So afterward, I asked my teacher if I could sign up to talk to her and she said YES!” Punky sat back happily in her seat.

“So….” I said. “Let me get this straight. You’re going to talk to her about your problems?”

“Yes, I am!” Punky said contentedly.

“And exactly what problems do you have?” I asked.

“Well, I was thinking of talking to her about the problems I have with my friends sometimes,” Punky said. “Like how when I try to play with one friend, the others get mad.”

“Okay,” I said slowly.

“What’s wrong?” Punky asked. “Do you not want me to talk to her?”

“Well, it’s not that,” I said. “That teacher is called a guidance counselor, and she does talk to kids about their problems… but it’s usually about big problems, like when kids’ parents are getting a divorce, or one of their grandparents has died.”

Punky looked deflated. “I guess I won’t sign up then,” she muttered.

“Oh no, honey,” I said. “You said your teacher told you that you could sign up, right?”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, if she said you could and you want to, then it’s fine with me,” I said. “Maybe the guidance counselor can help you think of some ways to handle your friends when they get upset.”

Or maybe, I thought to myself, she’d try to pry out of Punky when and how often my husband and I argue, or how late I serve dinner sometimes, or how far I let the kids go between baths. I shuddered involuntarily and made a mental note to clean up the house, in case CPS showed up for an unexpected visit.

“So Punky’s totally excited about it,” I told my husband that night after recounting the story. “She said it means she’ll have to do less work at school, so clearly she thinks this is going to be some kind of… standing engagement. I mean, the kid is seven and she’s already setting up weekly therapy appointments for herself!”

Hubs laughed in disbelief and I shook my head. Obviously, I love my daughter to distraction, and I’ll admit I always hoped she’d stray from the norm as a child– Experience has taught me that the out-of-the-box ones generally grow up to be very interesting and productive young adults.

But I’ll be honest. Sometimes, my kid scares the hell out of me.