Hi! I'm Lindsay Ferrier. You might remember me from a blog called Suburban Turmoil. Well, a lot has changed since I started that blog in 2005. My kids grew up, I got a divorce, and I finally left the suburbs for the heart of Nashville, where I feel like I truly belong. I have no idea what the future will hold and you know what? I'm okay with that. Thrilled, actually. It was time for something totally different.
September 6, 2011
Motherhood does strange things to the brain.
Having a baby turns the mind to mush right at the beginning, as many of you can attest, but I think that’s because a mother’s brain radically alters after her first child is born. It divides, segments, and begins to operate not for one person’s day-to-day existence, but two.
And that takes some getting used to.
For the first few years, we forget the diapers at mom’s group or the bottle on a road trip. We forget to shower. We’re late for doctor’s appointments. We can’t seem to have dinner ready on time. But little by little, our brains adapt until, a few years into it, we are able to fairly seamlessly make meals on time, remember appointments, help with homework, do laundry, get our work done, volunteer at our children’s schools and extracurricular activities, and fulfill a thousand other obligations that come with the job of being a mom. And we’re usually able to sweep the bits that aren’t working under the rug, so that –in general– no one knows except our spouses.
I marvel sometimes at the organizational machine I’ve become; My brain works nothing like it did in my pre-child days. My thoughts are never idle. Even when my body is at rest, my mind is adding items to the grocery shopping list, obsessing over the kids’ schedules, wondering what my two college girls are up to, planning out the organization of the medicine cabinet, mulling over my next writing topics, and a dozen other mundane-yet-critical elements in the lives of a family of six. Too many nights, I can’t go to sleep because of all of these thoughts pushing and shoving for attention in my brain. And too many mornings, I wake too early and force myself out of bed to try and take a few of them off my to-do list. I’m glad that my brain has adjusted to my role, and that I’ve become an expert multi-tasker.
But all this thinking has taken a major toll on my prayer life.
I believe in God, you see, and with that belief comes a need for prayer, and lots of it. But while I find myself praying in spurts throughout the day, I have a lot of trouble lately praying in-depth — because as soon as I get started, other thoughts begin to crowd into my brain. Before I know it, I’ve forgotten what I was even praying about.
Not good.
So what really stood out to me in the Week One video session of Beth Moore’s Living Beyond Yourself study was what I think of as a prayer blueprint. You don’t have to do it this way in order to effectively communicate with God, but I could definitely benefit from this kind of structure.
First, Beth has recommended in more than one study that we get up a few minutes earlier than the rest of our family. This is particularly important for moms — and particularly difficult for those of us with little ones that get up at the crack of dawn! But Beth believes in getting a handle on the day before dealing with anyone, particularly our kids, who can be our biggest challenge.
Find a quiet place to pray and spend a moment first praising God for all the blessings in your life and acknowledging His authority over you. Then comes the hardest part — confession.
Confess all of your shortcomings, your grievances, your sins, your worries- everything that’s on your heart and holding you back. This is the time to empty yourself, to pour it all out, to give all of your anxieties and mistakes and problems over to God, and to be forgiven. By pouring it all out in the morning, you’re starting the day fresh and restored.
Next, take a moment to ask God to pour His spirit into you- to fill your emptiness and shore up your weaknesses.
BOOM. You’re ready for the day.
I am definitely not a morning person. In fact, I’m the most unmorningest person I know. But I’m making a concerted effort to get up 20 minutes early each morning this week to try and have this prayer time that Beth’s talking about. Even looking at it objectively, I can see how this kind of focus could vastly improve my day. Letting go of my grievances and using that mental imagery of replacing them each morning with God’s spirit and love can only help — right?
Many of my Christian friends also use early mornings to study their Bibles and journal. I don’t know if I’m at the point where I can commit to doing that right after I’ve woken up. Prayer seems like a big enough task for my befuddled morning brain, and the Bible study work can wait until later in the day.
But I’m hoping that a specific time set aside for prayer each morning will make a major difference in my day. I’ll let you know.
How do you pray? Do you set aside a specific time for it? Do you feel you don’t pray enough, or put enough thought into it?
This post is part of an online Bible Study I’m hosting: Beth Moore’s Living Beyond Yourself. We’re finishing ‘Week One’ of the study today, but I’m writing these weekly blog posts so that anyone can read and enjoy them, whether part of the study or not– or you can start the study on your own at any time and just read these posts as you get to that week in the study. And if you’re doing the study and want to join my private Facebook group, where we talk about the sessions and daily homework in greater detail, just send me an e-mail (suburban.turmoil@yahoo.com) and I’ll add you to the group.
Image via Irina Petrascu/Flickr
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I think this is an awesome idea. Currently I have a prayer journal where I pretty much write a letter to God each night with my prayers. However, I never know how to actually pray. I don’t know how to start and finish. I am not participating in this online study but I definitely look forward to reading here about it.
P.S.
I love your writing and love it when you do post on your believes. It is great to see another mother who goes through the same things I do but isn’t so squeaky clean like others come across. 🙂
Thanks, Nicole! I like to think we’re the silent, embarrassed majority. ;D
I loved our Week One video!
I have never put enough thought or time into prayer – there’s always something else to think of. My mind is moving all day long, barely quiet until bedtime.
I love the concept of taking some time for Confessions and Concerns and to ask God to pour his spirit into me.
Voicing Concerns really struck a chord for me. Beth said to “Take sides again our own self-evaluation”; Pour out your fears, concerns, worries and frustrations; pour out your heart. I like the picture it tells – to get this all out of your mind and body and be filled with the spirit in it’s place.
Nancy, I wrote down that quote about self-evaluation, too. Brilliant!
Lindsey… Just wanted to say how much I love that you’re hosting an online Beth Moore study. So proud of you for stepping out and tackling something new that can make such an impact.
Thank YOU for introducing me to Beth, Brandi. 🙂
I appreciate a lot of the sentiments here, especially mom brain! Thanks for sharing!
I loved the week 1 video and I also love the plan for prayer that Beth outlined. The idea of pouring yourself out and then letting God fill you up for the day is wonderful. My problem lies in the “waking up early before the kids” to do it part 🙂 While it sounds great in theory (or not), I am worried that getting up even earlier than I do will cause me to be tired and cranky and actually have the opposite effect that it is supposed to 🙂 The only way to know is to give it a try, but I’m sorry to say I am dreading getting up early!!!
I feel exactly the same way, Anna! I know I need to go to bed a little earlier in order to get up earlier, but that cuts into my time with my husband, and I hate to give even 30 minutes of that up! And I’m exhausted getting up at my normal time each morning as it is… 🙂
I still have a baby who is usually up at 6:45 am or even earlier! Trying to fathom willingly getting up earlier than that is hard. I am interested to hear how it goes for you, if it works out well for you maybe it will for me too.
Have you ever heard of using the mnemonic ACTS? It stands for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication (I think). I learned about it from a friend in my Disciple class a couple of years ago, and it’s been really helpful for me. Basically, you just remember those four things, and that helps form a template for your prayer–and then you can get as elaborate (or stay as simple) as you want. I tend to get distracted by my brain whipping along at 100 miles per hour, so having that has really helped me focus.
Love it. 🙂
I tried waking up early to read my Bible, but I just couldn’t get my brain to turn on. I read better before I go to bed. I think I have the same problem as you though: I am having a hard time praying in depth now that I am a mommy. Even harder is after I tell God what my anxieties are, I cannot let them go. People always say to leave it with God, but I am unsure how to do this. Any advice?
p.s. I just LOVE the ACTS mnemonic. What a great focus tool 🙂 Thanks
Jenna
momofmanyhats.blogspot.com
I think that would be a good thing to pray about, Jenna- truly learning to let things go after you’ve given them to God. I think it’s a constant struggle for most of us. There’s a lot of scripture on the subject, too, so reading your Bible with that in mind would definitely help. 🙂
I have this issue sometimes too and here are a couple of things I do to help me:
I had a priest a number of years ago who told me about a visualization technique. Basically you imagine each anxiety going “up” to God on a cloud, and you visualize it moving away from you and towards God. When I really have a hard time letting something go, this usually helps me.
Also, sometimes it helps me to objectively think about the issue or problem and determine if I’ve done all I can. If I’m at that point then, rationally, all I can do is “give it to God” as there is nothing more that I can do – it has to be completely in His hands now. Sometimes giving it over “logically” like that helps me too.
I hope one of these works for you too, this is a hard one, but if you can really let things go and give them to God it is such a relief!
I get up pretty early anyway, and have never had much sucess sitting to pray first thing. That said, I do take advantage of times during the day to pray –
-When I get into the parking lot at work, before going in I take a minute to pray for the day ahead, to be a hard worker and good witness. It really does make a difference for the day.
– I listen to Christian radio at work all day. Certain songs remind me of certain people – when I hear them, I pray for them, just quickly, but I figure God had the DJ play the song, so they may need prayer!
– If I see a request on facebook or twitter, I pray immediately. Otherwise, I’ll forget. It doesn’t take long, and I don’t always know all the details, but God does and I know He’ll understand, even if I’m a bit incoherent.
– Journal. The act of writing keeps me more focused, and it’s great to see a record of how God answers – often in ways we could never have anticipated.
I’ll admit I do miss the opportunities and fail fairly often, but having even this kind of plan has helped me greatly.
Scripture says (shame on me, I used to have this memorized and cannot remember where it is!) that the Spirit himself interprets the heart of our prayers for us, when we are beyond words. We don’t have to be flowery, go on for hours or use special “spiritual” language…He hears us anyway.
I know the scripture you’re talking about and think of it often. 🙂 I like the idea of adding in prayer times throughout the day.
If I don’t set aside time for prayer int he am – preferable before my 4 boys are careening around the house looking for breakfast http://bit.ly/qyod56 the day can take a turn best described as hell-ward.
I began with 15 minutes and used the book of common prayer that beth’s model also follows. Praise/thanksgiving/confessions/petition. I have expanded my prayer time over the years, and even now am embarking on a spiritual direction group (www.dovehouseminitries.com) with 4 other women – committed to reading and praying and journalling everyday. It’s NOT easy for me, but feel (like you do with the bible study) that it’s time to take a step out of my ubiquitous prayer rut, trust and go where the wind of Spirit is blowing me.
All that to say, yesterday’s reading was St Luke: “do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will wear” such a wonderful meditation passage. And right smack in the middle of it, I realized I was worrying about school lunches and how I was going to prepare them and where I was going to get organic chicken!! WORRYING instead of praying – and i do it all the time.
I asked for grace and moved on, but that’s something new too.
Yes to the worrying! I get so embarrassed when I start out praying and suddenly realize my mind has gone in another direction entirely- IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PRAYER. Sorry, God!
Earlier this summer I went to Tybee Island for a couple weeks and stayed with family across the street from the ocean. My first morning there I had slept very poorly and was awake at 6:00 and just thought, why not run on the beach? Let me just say I am NOT THE TYPE TO RUN IN THE MORNING. As in, I had never done such a fool thing before in my life. But I crept out of the house with my shoes and left my husband and sleeping kids and ran on the beach as the sun came up. Then I did every other morning I was there. It made my days infinitely better because I had the satisfaction of doing something I didn’t know I could, it was peaceful, it was exercise first thing in the morning, and it was a sense of accomplishment before my day began. A large part of that was quiet time alone with my senses and nature, and I don’t know if it is possible to be on the beach at sunrise and not feel the glory of God.
I have not kept this up since, but I can only imagine morning prayer being much the same. I’d like to devote morning time to prayer as well, since I am very poor at keeping a good long prayer going. I pray in spurts all day . . . when I do at all.
Great analogy, Jenny. Those beach runs must have been wonderful!
I don’t feel I pray enough. I am not a morning person either. I hate mornings. I tend to pray more before I got to sleep or on my drive into or from work. But to be honest I have been praying like I should. There are a couple of phrases I have on a post it note stuck to my monitor.
PUSH = Pray until Something Happens
FROG = Forever rely on God
Hope you have a blessed day!
Jackie