>A Very Important Invention

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Breast implants are like tattoos. They seem like a good idea at the time, but then life changes.

The 18-year-old girl who thought she’d love that circle of dolphins on her ankle for the rest of her life later decides she’d like to be an investment banker, a career in which tattoos of dolphins aren’t very reassuring to potential employers.

And the 21-year-old who let her boyfriend talk her into humongous fake boobs is a wife to an entirely different man ten years later, catching everyone’s eye as she shuffles into Starbucks along with her six-year-old son.

Suddenly, those huge, gravity-defying boobs don’t seem like such a good thing, not when you’re running carpool and trying to be taken seriously at a PTA meeting. To say those boobs looked incongruous on the Starbucks mom, given her current lifestyle, was putting it mildly. I felt bad that she has to wear those ginormous boobs around like a scarlet letter, as she tries to do her grocery shopping and take her son to the dentist amid the disapproving stares of other mothers, and the not-so-disapproving stares of their sons.

This is why someone, somewhere needs to design permanent, inflatable boobs.

Seriously. If there were a way we could safely and easily go from an A-cup (at, say, the gym) to a C-cup (date night) to maybe even a D-cup (really expensive date night), what woman wouldn’t buy herself a pair?

I don’t understand why we humans can transmit pictures from a video camera to a television, but we can’t design a pair of inflatable boobs. We can smash subatomic particles together and simulate the Big Bang, but we can’t design a working pair of inflatable boobs. We can send men and women into space. But no inflatable boobs.

Someone’s priorities need working on, dontcha think?

So this goes out to the scientists and medical researchers out there. Would you mind maybe putting your heads together and coming up with something truly worthwhile?

Like inflatable boobs?

This post originally appeared on Parents.com.