>American In Peril
>Just when I thought Urban Outfitters had won the award for Biggest Waste of Retail Space, along comes this ad from American Apparel.
I happen to know there are clothing manufacturers out there who create clothing that actually flatters a pregnant woman’s figure. AN ELECTRIC BLUE UNITARD DOESN’T CUT IT. And legwarmers? Is there a pregnant woman alive who wants to make her swollen cankles look even thicker? I mean, really. Every time I look at this poor woman, I think, “Violet! You’re turning violet, Violet.“
Also? It’s pretty much false advertising, because these aren’t actually maternity clothes, they’re just plain old American Apparel gear in size XL. American Apparel does not make maternity clothes. I think this ad is simply their idea of a joke.
A joke that only gets worse when you visit the American Apparel website.
What. The. Hell. All I know is that my husband had better not piss me off in the next few weeks, or he’ll end up getting this.. this…. thing for Father’s Day.
The “Sweetheart Two-Toned Minidress” leaves nothing to the imagination, including the wart on your behind and your c-section scar. Do you really want everyone to know ALL your bidness?
This tired old early-eighties strapless terry jumpsuit retrend has been trying to make its way back into fashion for a few years now, and I always see it end up on clearance in the backs of crappy stores like Wet Seal. No one is buying it. Why? Because it is not flattering. Is that so hard to understand?
Ditto on the “romper.” This American Apparel version manages to make even the waif-sized model appear to have saggy boobs and the dreaded below-the-belt pooch.
Then there are these high-waisted harem pants. They are what you’re given to wear in hell, I’m pretty sure.
And this, I’m told, is what they’re wearing in purgatory. Not quite as bad as the hellish harem pants, but still not something you’d want to be caught dead in.
This is the kind of shirt (and hairstyle, for that matter) you always see meth users and hookers wear in their mugshots. I always wondered where they shopped. Now I know.
The rolled sleeves? The red belt? Thanks to American Apparel, the eighties are coming back to haunt us for our youthful indiscretions. It is only a matter of time before everyone is wearing Hypercolor t-shirts and french-rolled Guess? jeans!
Unless you are starring in the movie version of Fame or your name is Ivana? Just. No.
Who knew Tweedledum could provide fashion inspiration? I think my eyes are officially bleeding now.
No wonder cougars are in.
>Those are pretty sad….Love your commentary. 🙂
>OMG LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was good! Made me laugh so hard almost had an accident in my pants! Thanks you made my day! They’ve got to be kidding that anyone in their right might would want to wear this crap! Yet……I’ve been proven wrong many times about things like this lol!On a serious note I agree with the whole mugshot hooker/drug user look! It’s strange how they all have this look going.
>Is it Hammer Time? Hey, I rocked that era once and I have pictures to prove it. I’m not going back there.
>I don’t think this whole trend is cute at all. I’m over it.
>I am child of the eighties (well, born early 70s but you know what I mean) and I hope I never looked that bad. What ARE these ‘clothes’ and can we really use that term on them?
>I have never understood their clothing or merchandising.
>Super adorable real-live pregnant lady looking adorable in American Apparel: http://pacingthepanicroom.blogspot.com/search/label/the%20belly%20pictures%20seriesSrsly worth the click, it’s impossible not to love the pics.
>my husband is sitting beside me looking at the pictures and repeating “OHMYGODWHATISTHAT!?!?!?!”That, Dear Husband, is Comedy Gold.p.s. I’m pretty sure I had that little velour “romper” short set when I was 5. Yanno, in 1979.
>ohdearmotherofallthingsholy! I just threw up in my mouth a little.
>OMG, I can’t believe this is REAL!!!! Seriously…did we hit a time warp or something?
>I laughed so hard at the meth shirt.:) Your comments are priceless!
>I have one word…. WOWAlso, as far as those harem pants, can you say camel toe?! ewww
>It’s true, with the exception of the romper (which I actually do think is cute), that stuff shown there is hideous.However, if you actually go into American Apparel they do have some great stuff. And more importantly, none of their manufacturing is outsourced to sweatshops and they give their workers decent wages.But those adds were pretty funny!
>So, so so so so so so wrong. So. Wrong.
>OMG I have to go bleach my brain!!
>Glorious! No wonder I haven’t been to the mall in years. In junior high I took a sewing class in which I made a terry cloth short and tank top set in two tones: yellow and orange! It was hideous, but gorgeous compared to all those leotards!
>Oh my FREAKING gawd, my eyes are bleeding.And why would anyone want to wear a dress that made you look like a can of Red Bull?
>Had to laugh!! Never understood American Apparel… I’m in my 20s and would never DREAM of wearing any of those items. Get me to Ann Taylor Loft!
>Oh my. Is that…. camel toe?
>Wait… what year are these from? They’re horrible! I’m keeping this one open until my husband gets home. He could use a laugh (or whimper).Thank goodness I never wore anything as awful as that THING they showed as a maternity outfit. Maternity clothes aren’t always cute, but they can be much better than that!
>The 80’s are back. Just ask my teenager. And a little piece of me dies with every legwamer, flourescent pair of pants, and rainbow socks she brings into my house. Please. Just gouge my eyeballs out with a spoon already. PLEEEEEEASE. 😉
>Oh mother of all things ugly. Just think… in a mere 7 months the same styles will be super sized for women like me. Just close your eyes and imagine a size 18 sporting those Xanadu-esque nightmares. (you’re welcome)Super funny post…albeit painful to the senses.Hugs!CeCe
>oh dear god! please do not judge us 20-somethings by our WORST clothing specimens. YOU WOULD NOT CATCH ME DEAD in ANY of that NONSENSE.
>Well they do have good basics. Even at 23, I didn’t really experience 80’s fashion so I understand why those younger than me like it. I think a lot of it is fashion sarcasm, they like to wear it because its funny. And isn’t fashion supposed to be fun? Of course I’m not defending all of these outfits.
>I kid you not, I was in Paris a month ago and my friend and I were BAFFLED by the number of jumpsuits and 80s clothes we saw!!! This stuff fits right in…
>Holy cats, that’s some bad stuff… Those gold tights should be reserved for men named Oscar alone.
>And I thought I was so out of touch in my Steinmart shift. I think, after seeing this hot mess of a clothing selection, I will no longer question my personal fashion decisions. I would rather be “out” than “in.” And I swear, if they start bringing back jeans that have a zipper in the back, I am going to scream!
>Is this a joke? These clothes are really in stores? I don’t always care for what girls are wearing today, but yeesh – I’ve NEVER seen any girl wearing crap like this……wow. This is a new level of bad.
>I love your play-on-words title. How clever!
>Wow….and is one of the models seriously wearing pointy-toed heels? Does that make it better or worse, I can’t decide.
>Cankels! I LOVE that!! Thanks so, so much for the laugh!
>Shit, had I known wearing a hot purple unitard was cool while pregnant, I would have rocked that shit. [Seriously, saw the ad at Cool Mom Picks today and nearly fell over haha]
>this was just hilarious and awful all at the same time!
>I’m just glad those maternity clothes aren’t being modeled by postcoital 16 year-olds like the rest of their ads.
>This is American Apparel’s version of Derelicte. Except in Zoolander, the fashions were a joke.
>I’ve always thought the whole American Apparel website, models, etc. was just creepy. This gets a RIGHT ON from me.GREAT POST!
>Thanks for the laugh. I’m happy to say I never wore that stuff in the 80’s and I’m not going to start now. It’s just awful.
>LMAO! And the woman wearing the blue/white thing with the red belt looks like a Pepsi can.
>I am crying I’m laughing so hard! I gotta get my own design company. Laura
>Hahah! I just blogged about this last week. I didn’t see the ad with all the different maternity styles though. What are these people smoking to make them think ANY of that is a good idea?!
>THe blue/white dress with the red belt looks like a Red Bull can. WTF.Their ads are so hideous. But I do go into their stores on occasion and they do have some clothes that are much less so.I hated the 80’s clothes the first time around. UGH.
>What a riot! HILARIOUS! A great way to start my day (ok, even at 11:00 AM). I dread the thought of seeing this crap for sale … anywhere. Thanks for the laugh(s)!!!!!
>OMG, I saw that ad yesterday while reading & was thoroughly offended. Yeah, skin-tight is what I liked while I was the size of a whale – so hot! And all those other clothes – is that for real? Wow. Just. Wow.
>HOLY CRAP!!! Love the commentary.I was in an American Apparel store and all I could do was try not to laugh. Totally not my style. My 2 friends did buy purple underwear for their husbands as a joke though. lol
>Suddenly I’m thinking my personal label for myself of “tragically unhip” might be a compliment of sorts…
>Those gold pants take me back. When I was a senior in high school, my boyfriend’s mom wore those. Every day. Out of the house. To work (she was a manicurist). I think she got hers from the Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog though.
>I thought I needed fashion help….that post definitely makes me feel better about the way I dress! Yikes…are these people for real?
>That is just plain awful. I’ve never stepped foot in an American Apparel. Just seeing what’s on display in their window is enough to scare me away!
>OMFGThat is ALL!
>I can’t decide which is funnier… your post about all of these terrible items, or the comments that have been left about the terrible items! I’m laughing out loud at this stuff! Classic.Love from Michigan,Laura
>I am 8 1/2 months pregnant, and I can pretty much guarantee that NO ONE wants to see a gigantic pregnant woman in a unitard. A unitard! Hahahaha!!!
>One day I want to see an interview with these models & find out how they manage to keep a straight face during these shoots. I wonder if they look at these clothes in the same horror that we do. And please heavens ~ whatever designers think that the 80's need a comeback ~ NO. You were obviously born in the 90's to not know that those trends need to stay dead!!!
>I miss the 80s.
>Oh.Wow.That was the funniest thing I’ve read in days! Seriously, it was like a clothing version of Cake Wrecks (which is one of my FAVORITE blogs in the universe so yes, that is a compliment)!
>Oh,snap!My Solid-Gold Barbie TOTALLY had those gold “leggings?” She was the bomb. She had a matching gold strapless top and a gold striped cape. Plus, she had these little strips of “gold” in her hair so that you could “curl” it. Man, she was awesome…except for the fact that it took two people to pull them leggin’s on…which would probably be true for those pants in the AA ad too.
>The fashions this summer are giving me flashbacks to the late ’70s and early ’80s. It is a great injustice to suffer through this stuff during the mid-life crisis years.
>Wow. This is about the funniest thing ever. I was just told by a stranger that i’m REALLY FAT and asked how did I get that way. I was feeling like total shit until I saw this and your commentary. You are my new best friend. Thanks for brightening up my night.
>OMG! Rolling on the floor. Thanks. I needed that.
>Your too funny and these clothes are just plain Gross!! If you really want to turn peoples heads then go ahead and wear these. LOL
>OH.MY.GOD.fo’ shiz
>OMG. OMG. I don’t know what’s offended more, my eyes, my big post partum butt or my memories of the 80’s. Please, Urban Outfitters, leave us with the illusion that we were fashionable in the 80’s. Don’t smack us in the face with how very awful we really looked. These really are horrible. The only saving grace is your commentary. Thank you for making my morning (and making me detest Urban Outfitters).
>omg LOL. That store is unbelievable… the clothes really are so, so hideous. I actually went in one looking for costume wear—I tried on those gold lamé pants thinking they would be a hoot. I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE. SERIOUSLY. I don’t even have cellulite (well, not much, anyway 😉 and those pants made me look like the fattest creature on the planet. Ridiculous.I will say this, though. Ryan’s wife, Cole, over at Pacing The Panic Room (pacingthepanicroom.blogspot.com) has been posing for him in American Apparel every month of her pregnancy, and she looks AMAZING. Way better than those hideous photos in the ad they made. Maybe they should hire Ryan???
>Thank you so much for the laugh this morning!
>My eyes! My eyes!Those patterned pants make me dizzy. What the crap is going on with fashion these days? I realize the economy is bad and all but sheesh. Can they only afford to hire children to design stuff these days or what??
>OMFG.The End.
>OH.MY. I don’t think I have ever seen so many ugly clothes all in one place. Is there a contest or something?? You know, like that movie where one had to spend 1 million in a week or something? Run your business to the ground in 30 days or less? Shocking. Horrifying. How could anyone ever think any of that looks good???
>This is pretty much the most hilarious thing I have read or seen all day! The day isn’t over, but I do not believe anything will top that. The harlem pants have been on my mind lately, but now the blue pregnant unitard steals the show. I have no words for how wrong that was.Thanks for spreading awareness 🙂
>My eyes! My eyes! Oh well, they must have been screwed up before I looked, cause there’s no way anyone could hope to sell what I saw.
>LOL! Love this post and I totally agree with you. My recent issue of Shape magazine had a little tutorial on how to make harem pants look good and I kept thinking, if you need a tutorial to possibly make this look attractive why would you want to bother? Who wants to look like MC Hammer anyway??
>Further proof that I am wear the most boring clothes. People would stare & point at me if I wore any of those. It's a joke, right? Please let it be.
>I liked your review so much I posted a link on my blog. Is that okay? I just created a blog and don’t know blogging etiquette.
>My brother and sister in law are much “cooler” than me, so they wear “awesome” clothes like this. I think they are super ugly, but I am made to feel like a loser for having a not-ugly 80’s style. You make me feel so validated! Thank you!
>The girl(s?) in romper is definitely wearing rolerblades. It’s Roller Girl…all she needs are large sunglasses.
>You’re not in American Apparel’s demographic. Women under 25 or 30 (myself included) don’t think that sweatshirt looks like it could be worn by “hookers” or “meth Addicts” Puhleeze.
>You have no idea how happy your comment has made me, Anonymous. By all means, buy one of those sweatshirts for yourself! No! Buy SEVEN, so you’ll have one for every day! You’ll look GREAT!
>I cannot believe those outfits. I was sure that the 80s were so horrid they would never ever ever make a comeback, let alone this soon. OH MY> those harem pants are the worst thing I have seen ever. Thanks for the laugh. I can't imagine I will see anyone walking around Colorado in those hideous get-ups! And if I did, there is no way I could keep a straight face!
>Oh, and also, it looks like they must be hiring for their photoshoots, and had to have someone fill in with their iPhone on the kids products. What is with the direct flash, pinlights, and crappy shadows. Couldn’t they afford a copy of photoshop instead of editing it all in MSPaint? Seriously, I have seen better product photography from grandmothers on eBay and Craigslist!
>I just peed my pants laughing so hard! So right on about everything! Hahahahaha