>An Open Letter to an Extra-Special Woman Who Attended Yesterday’s Nutcracker Performance
>Dear Mrs. Horton Culpepper VII or Mrs. Shankston Harrowford-Jones or whomever you are,
Perhaps you thought the extra-large monograms on your children’s smocked Christmas rompers or the rich texture of your designer fur or even the sizable donation your husband’s firm made to the Nashville Ballet entitled you to bring your one-and-a-half-year-old son to “The Nutcracker” yesterday.
It didn’t.
While “The Nutcracker” is indeed a family affair, it’s assumed that you will interpret “family” to include only those members who can sit quietly in their seats for two hours, who no longer throw crackers at the audience members who are unlucky enough to be seated in front of them, and who won’t, under any circumstances, poop in their pants. In the unlikely event that any of these criteria aren’t met, you are expected to remove said family member from the audience.
Ya didn’t.
And so as I introduced my daughter to ballet for the first time after repeated listenings and interpretive dances to “The Nutcracker” on our stereo all month long, she must have wondered why our home version of the ballet didn’t include the words, “Ah gunga gunga gunga” repeated incessantly during the Waltz of the Snowflakes. Or the screeching during the Arabian Dance. Or the loud sobbing during the Sugarplum Fairy and Nutcracker Prince’s Pas de deux.
Thank you for that, Mrs. Halston Snootendorfer Trump XV. Your son has quite a pair of lungs on him.
Of course, I’m sure you felt that you couldn’t possibly behave like one of those horribly common parents you see in, like, movie theaters or at the library, the ones who snatch up their tantrummy toddlers and escort them to the lobby or restroom. I mean, when your name is engraved on the Patron’s Wall, you don’t exactly leave mid-performance, do you?
Well… yes. You do. But you didn’t.
So, Mrs. Hiffelfeller, on behalf of the thousands of us who paid anywhere from $30 to $70 per seat, I’d like to give you…. special acknowledgment for providing us with an element to “The Nutcracker” that we never could have anticipated.
Just pray I never meet you face-to-face at any playgroup.
Merry Christmas!
Lindsay
>Oh that is horrible and then not to take the child out even worse… My daughter is almost three and I still am not sure she can sit thru a movie … We havent gone cause I worry she will be noisy… I dont want to ruin it for other people… We have thought about a test run at a cheep time for a movie and see how she does… I find it amazing though that people with all that money are usually the rudest… No manners what so ever…
>Whatever you do, though, don’t go to the “sponsored” performance, though.It will make your experience pale in comparison.While it’s lovely that they put one on for folks from varied socio-economic situations, oh, my word, you have not lived until you attended a ballet where a woman in curlers and slippers is pacing up and down the aisle talking on a cell phone during the performance.
>Oh, dear, she’s not the type to partake in play groups. I believe someone does that for her.
>Um, ushers? Were there no ushers there?
>Yikes! Aren’t you being a tad bit harsh? It may have been annoying, but do you really know what her situation was? Perhaps it was a family tradition to go and there were other little ones she couldn’t just leave alone, or a myriad of other situations. Surely you’ve found yourself in a situation where your little ones caused you to be the center of attention, and not in a good way? Anyway, it sounds more like your experience was tarnished because you let her get to you more than because of what she actually did. And having crackers thrown at you is no big deal, really. Now when someone spills their soda down your back in a dark movie theater and doesn’t seem to notice or care…
>Me? Harsh?! ;)The little brat was finally carted out by his dad midway through Act II. Yikes, indeed. I actually had a wonderful time- but I didn’t think you’d want to read a long recap of each dance and its pros and cons. Besides, it’s just not Christmas unless I’ve offended someone.Oh and Mary Beth, the usher was trying to get their attention throughout the performance- I think she was madder than anyone- but they were seated toward the front in the very center of a long row, so she wasn’t able to get to them without being even more disruptive.
>I’m always amazed how many parents allow their kids to act out in such settings. Some kids can sit through the Nutcracker.When my youngest son was about 3 or 4 we went to the Nutcracker at Music Hall in Cincinnati. We also brought our 8 year old son. They both watched quietly. What surprised me was that my younger son was totally enthralled by the ballet and music.He stood on the floor in front of his seat (he could see better standing on the floor than buried in the seat.) and watched intently the entire ballet.Now he’s a 6’2″, 225 lb football player but still has a taste for the fine arts and can play several musical instruments.
>My goodness! That’s horrible! My parents wanted to take my boys (5 & 7) to the Nutcracker this year and I told them to wait. There’s no way two active boys could sit through Waltz of the Sugar Plum Fairies… No way. The gall to bring a 1 year old!
>OMG that would have made me soooo mad! How did you not turn around and say something to them!!
>Amen, sister! Maybe you’ll get to sit next to her again the next time you go out to a nice restaurant. yikes!I like your blogs.
>Did he really poop in his pants?LOL! Love your post and right on for ya! I’ve got three (6,4,2), and NO WAY would I let them pull that malarky in a non-paying venue, and NEVER in a paid venue.Should’ve tossed the crackers right back at ’em (maybe landing a few in her ‘do?) and stage-whispered, “No thanks! I’m not hungry right now!”Merry Christmas!Marianne at Writer-Mommy
>merry christmas
>My family went to The Nutcracker in Houston (The Houston Ballet). DS 7 and DD 5 sat through the whole thing QUIETLY. There were some ratty kids behind my son making noise and he turned around ON HIS KNEES and went “SHHHHHHHH” to them. I’m sure the parents were mortified. I was laughing as I buried DD 5 into the side of my face. I didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or proud! Some adults around did laugh. The Houston Ballet has a policy where the ushers WILL remove your group if you have unruly brats. It’s stated clearly in the program.
>I didn’t attend any Christmas plays, but rude parents with ill-mannered children do make their appearance where I work during the holidays. And their socio-economic situation is immaterial: rude, ill-mannered parents beget rude, ill-mannered kids.I had the pleasure of being called “an f***ing Nazi” for tossing out one family who’s kids weren’t half as bad as their potty-mouthed mother was, while the husband was thoroughly embarrassed and under her thumb.There was a time we were expected to act like a civilized society.
>Not fun. When Jake was 5 or so we went to a special Christmas concert put on by a popular Children’s entertainer. The place was full of kids, so you’d expect little ones to be wandering around. Jake was sitting quietly while the 3 yo child in front of us was really disruptive, and when Jake asked him to be quiet, the kid slugged him one and began screaming. The Mom did nothing.I wouldn’t call the 1 1/2 year old a brat though…the child obviously doesn’t know any better and was just being..uh… 1 1/2. The Mom, on the other hand? She’s fair game.
>Oh, I meant Brat in the universal sense… As in, my children aren’t brats, but in this vast world of brats and non-brats, they would be, well, brats because of their age and I would um, not be a brat?
>We went to our daughter’s dance school Nutcracker (our daughter was performing). There were a couple of decently behaved little ones.We got a sitter for our toddler. He would have gone CRAZY.Was George the culprit?
>Gah, this woman also showed up at my birthday dinner at that very nice, QUIET restaurant I chose. Bitch