>Babies Rnt Us

“I’m glad I’m experiencing what it’s like to have a baby,” my 16-year-old stepdaughter said not long ago, as she bounced Bruiser on her knee. “Because now I’m pretty sure I don’t want any.”

“Yeah, me neither,” chimed in her 14-year-old sister.

“What?” I asked, stung. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s so much harder than people think,” 16 responded. “You pretty much have to take care of him around the clock.”

“You pretty much have no life,” 14 added.

“I do so have a life!” I said indignantly. “What about that party I went to with the Red Bull martinis and that guy from the Real World?“

“Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay,” 16 grinned indulgently. “That was, like, two years ago.”

I paused. “Well, anyway, you shouldn’t want a baby right now,” I said. “If you did, it would scare me. The way it works is, you turn 18 and go to college and you love going out and partying.” I paused, warming to the subject. I would teach these girls a life lesson right here and now! “And you party and you party and you party. And then you’re 21 and it’s still fun, and then you’re 23 and it’s still all right, and then you’re 25 and you start to get sick of all the partying. And you start thinking of maybe looking for someone you’d like to eventually settle down with. And then, if you’re like a lot of my friends, you get married somewhere around your late 20s, early 30s and suddenly, well, have you ever heard of a biological clock?”

They both nodded.

“It’s like this feeling you get in your gut, this feeling that you want nothing more than to have a baby and you don’t care if you never go to another bar again. And that’s when you’ll decide whether to have kids.” I sat back smugly. Oh man, was I good.

The girls remained silent for a moment. “Naah,” 16 said dismissively. “I can pretty much tell right now that I don’t want any babies.”

“Me too,” 14 said.

And then my head exploded.

This post originally appeared on Parents.com.