Hi! I'm Lindsay Ferrier. You might remember me from a blog called Suburban Turmoil. Well, a lot has changed since I started that blog in 2005. My kids grew up, I got a divorce, and I finally left the suburbs for the heart of Nashville, where I feel like I truly belong. I have no idea what the future will hold and you know what? I'm okay with that. Thrilled, actually. It was time for something totally different.
August 20, 2015
If you’re a parent, you’re probably getting hit hard right about now with back-to-school catalogs. Sure the clothes are cute, but the lives of kids in catalogs look nothing like our lives when the school year rolls around.
Take a look at back to school, catalog-style:
“Did you hear?” Laredo whispered. “Basmati got sent home for wearing pants that weren’t Fair Trade Certified.”
“Don’t you think little Philomena is a bit young to have a steady boyfriend?” Audrey asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Darling, his maternal grandmother is a Kennedy and his father’s line is riddled with Astors and Whitneys,” Francesca replied “I’d sign the marriage papers right now if I could.”
“Bentley, man, you’re looking SHARP on the first day of school,” Cartwright said admiringly when he spotted him at the bus stop.
“I know, right?” Bentley grinned. “My mom gave me a personal stylist for my eighth birthday!”
I hope you don’t mind that Vibe isn’t wearing her uniform for the game,” Lark told the coach. “Her father and I feel she contributes more as a player when allowed to express her own unique personality.”
“Imagine, Aiden,” Robert laughed. “Some children our age do their homework at the kitchen table!”
“But isn’t that a nuisance for their cook?” Aiden asked with a giggle.
No one was feared on the Upper East Side as much as the Carnegie Hill Gang. They ruled their turf with bow and arrow sets from FAO Schwartz, striking fear in the hearts of pomeranians everywhere.
The teachers quickly realized that Marvin’s ‘schoolboy crush’ on Antonia was spiraling into something far more sinister.
“I like your tricorn,” Ambienna said, blushing madly.
“Oh, this old thing?” Harry replied carelessly, as if he hadn’t spent the last hour carefully adjusting it in the boys room mirror.
“Why is your baby sister coming to school with us?” Britta wondered.
“Feliciteigh is highly gifted,” Balaclava replied. “My parents thought second grade would be more challenging for her than pre-k.”
“It’s called an apple,” Armistead said authoritatively. “They use them in Pop-Tarts, Fruit Roll-Ups, Jolly Ranchers, Toaster Strudels, Gushers, and other stuff like that.”
“We’ve really chosen a very innovative school,” Patchouli told her friends. “Classes are held outside in a field and instead of desks, the children sit on swings.”
At 12, Stanza often found herself yearning for elementary school, when life was simpler and mismatching patterns and textures came naturally.
“I have an idea!” Tennyson laughed. “Let’s just keep standing here and see how long we can make the bus driver wait!”
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Header image via Pottery Barn Kids
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Now I feel inadequate as a mother. I dare not share these photos with my own daughters for fear of the backlash they may impose as I failed to provide mismatched sweater and jacket sets and over-sized, personalized backpacks. [Falls into a fetal position and sobs uncontrollably.]
Now I feel inadequate as a mother. I dare not share these photos with my own daughters for fear of the backlash they may impose as I failed to provide mismatched sweater and jacket sets and over-sized, personalized backpacks. [Falls into a fetal position and sobs uncontrollably.]
You are a GENIUS.
You are a GENIUS.
Is it just me or are those backpacks a form of child abuse?!! Gadzooks what’s in them!??
Always a hoot Lindsay!
Aloha ~
Is it just me or are those backpacks a form of child abuse?!! Gadzooks what’s in them!??
Always a hoot Lindsay!
Aloha ~
Just love this. Thanks for a big laugh! I’m still trying to find rain boots for my kid that are under $20. The horror.
Just love this. Thanks for a big laugh! I’m still trying to find rain boots for my kid that are under $20. The horror.
Try Target- if not the store, then the website. I’ve found some really cute ones there in the past. 🙂
Try Target- if not the store, then the website. I’ve found some really cute ones there in the past. 🙂
Thanks for the tip. I did look at both. Unlike the kids in this catalog, my son wants a solid color, non-shiny, no-character boot. Friedman’s my next choice. Hope he’s ready to embrace camo:)
Thanks for the tip. I did look at both. Unlike the kids in this catalog, my son wants a solid color, non-shiny, no-character boot. Friedman’s my next choice. Hope he’s ready to embrace camo:)
Try Army-Navy surplus (for boots and all kinds of cool, non-shiny stuff, reasonably priced). And/or a fishing/bait & tackle shop.
Try Army-Navy surplus (for boots and all kinds of cool, non-shiny stuff, reasonably priced). And/or a fishing/bait & tackle shop.
Thank you, Jo Anne! Going to try the new Goodwill in Bellevue, too. Have been meaning to check it out!
Thank you, Jo Anne! Going to try the new Goodwill in Bellevue, too. Have been meaning to check it out!
Cracking me up! And also reminds me of why I’m glad we ended up in a uniform school. So much less pressure when it comes to shopping for clothing. And our school has a huge uniform consignment sale every year. Uniforms on the cheap!!! Yay!!!
Cracking me up! And also reminds me of why I’m glad we ended up in a uniform school. So much less pressure when it comes to shopping for clothing. And our school has a huge uniform consignment sale every year. Uniforms on the cheap!!! Yay!!!
The very best thing are the names. I just love picturing this parents trying to figure out the most pretentious tags to put on their offspring.
The very best thing are the names. I just love picturing this parents trying to figure out the most pretentious tags to put on their offspring.