Bonded
If you have more than one child, then you are probably familiar with the hair-ripping, clothes-tearing, all-out frustration that occurs when your kids won’t stop fighting.
When my four and seven-year-olds play nicely, the angels sing and all is well with the world. But when they argue, I find myself fantasizing about booking a one-way ticket to Fiji. The shouting and the sobbing and the tattletaling are all bad enough, but what really gets me is the fact that the fights are so… ridiculous.
If one has a toy, the other one wants it, and they’ll squabble and shriek and push and shove and threaten until one of them at last emerges victorious and claims the spoils. At that point, the loser will cry piteously… and the victor, feeling bad, will immediately hand it over.
What the heck…?
And then there’s my son’s “hilarious” new habit of copying everything my daughter says in order to annoy her. She falls for it every, every time.
“Stop copying me!”
“Stop copying me!”
“I mean it!”
“I mean it!”
“Mommy, Bruiser won’t stop copying me!!”
“Mommy, Bruiser won’t stop copying me!!”
Calgon. TAKE ME AWAY.
Sometimes, I worry that my children are growing apart — that they won’t be close when they’re older– that they’ll rarely speak once they’re adults and on their own.
But then something like this will happen.
When I was taking pictures at the beach over the summer, Bruiser got salt water in his eye and burst into tears.
Guess who was right there, ready to comfort him?
Yes, Punky is always willing to give her brother a shoulder to cry on, even though his bear hugs clearly breach her boundaries of personal space. SHE ENDURES.
For all their squabbling, Punky clearly feels that she is her brother’s protector — I love that about her, and always figured it was simply part of her nature.
Yesterday, though, the tables turned for the first time.
“Mommy, there’s one person from my class that I will never invite to my birthday party,” she announced after school yesterday.
“Who’s that?” I asked her.
“Steven,” she declared. “For one thing, he’s always getting into trouble. But the real problem with Steven is that when I’m having trouble with my work, he always leans over and says, ‘Oh, that’s easy stuff,’ and he makes me feel really bad about myself! I don’t like it one bit!”
Bruiser leaned over from his carseat and touched her arm reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Punky,” he said with a conspiratorial grin, “You can invite Steven to your burfday party.” I gave Bruiser a questioning look in the rearview mirror.
“Because when he gets dere,” Bruiser continued, “I’m going to punch him!”
Punky’s eyes widened and she giggled.
“I’ll punch him and den I’ll kick him!” Bruiser said gleefully, pumping his stubby arms and legs.
I smiled to myself from the front seat. Perhaps I should’ve said something parenty about how kicking and punching weren’t the answer. But sometimes, I think it’s better to just keep quiet.
Because I hope I’m witnessing the beginning of a bond that will endure for the rest of their lives.
Love this. When I started showing an interest in Jack, who was 24 when I was 17, my brother had an uncharacteristic reaction – they hated each other for quite a while. They get along really well now (probably too well – they’re trouble) but it was nice to see Shane be protective when he wasn’t sure what this guy’s intentions were. It’s nice having a brother.
That is really sweet! Thanks for sharing. I miss those times with my daughters. Now I am hoping they will go back to these times that they are older and living so far away from each other.
Me too. 🙂
So sweet! My husband and I only have one daughter. We are on the fence about having another one. The story *almost* pushes me to the other side so my daughter will have someone she can share such a special bond with.
The special bond is nice, but I know plenty of adults who were single kids and they didn’t feel that being an only child was detrimental. She’ll be fine either way. 🙂
I am in the exact same position as you are. But I must say, the sibling bond can go either way. They may be very close or they may not get along at all. Or… (which is the case in my family as well as my husband’s) they may get along fine but not be particularly close. My husband and I are much closer to friends than we are our siblings because we are such different people than our siblings. I guess all I am saying is that the only reason to have more than one child is because you want more than one child. Not for the sake of the first born.
Yup. My brother and I did the same thing. Then, in college, we loved having each other near (we’re two yrs apart). I cried when I graduated because I wouldn’t be able to hang with him anymore and I had to get a real job…Now he is working in China and I miss him so much!!
Jenna
momofmanyhats.blogspot.com
Awww. Love this! 🙂
That’s sweet! I didn’t know there was that big of an age difference between you two. HOW DO YOU DO IT? ;D
Hahahaha. I don’t know how we can make something like this work. It’s a mystery.
Love this. I wanted to have kids 2 years apart but it hasn’t worked out that way and now (fingers crossed), we’ll have siblings 3 years apart. I’m so happy to hear about this bond as I was a bit worried about the age gap. But my son is already so wonderful with his younger cousin that I’m hoping the same will be true of his little sister or brother. Thank you!
It’s worked out great here- and it’s gotten better each year, as the age difference becomes less pronounced. Bruiser idolizes his sister- She’s just old enough that everything she does seems COOL. 😀
I wanted my kids to be three years apart, but miscarried our second baby at sixteen weeks. When our second daughter was born, my oldest daughter was almost 4. I worried about the age difference, but at 11 and 7, I now have no worries. They are so close and absolutely adore each other.
My son (17) attended the Governor’s Scholars Program for 5 weeks this summer. My daughter(13) cried her eyes out all the way home the day we moved him into the dorm. She cried all night and most of the next day. She missed him terribly. She finally settled down after the first couple of weeks. I’m not sure how she will do when he goes to college next fall but I am so glad that they are so close.
I don’t think that age difference is a huge determining factor, my oldest brother is 9 yrs older than me and at my wedding, I could hear crying and thought it was my mom. It was him! 🙂
Wow. So sweet. These comments are making my day!
I adore your blog! I am hooked! Yours is by far my favorite. I just started mine a few weeks ago and it is cathartic!
Thanks for such a wonderful read. I look forward to it!
Thank you so much! 🙂
My brother (3.5 years younger) and I fought all the time when we were kids. I was his protector when he needed it and he would defend me when I needed it, but we went at each other constantly and were pretty well estranged by the time I left home. We were just completely different personalities and we clashed, despite being a very close family.
Years later, though, after I had moved away and he had started living his own life and we were both adults, we developed an entirely new relationship and it is much healthier and mutually beneficial. We are good friends now, and often call upon the other for advice on relationship matters, child rearing and family drama.
We may not have been friends growing up, but even the times when we were cruel to each other led us to the point where we are completely there for each other now. I wouldn’t trade what I have with my brother now for anything.
That’s great. I’m so glad to know that you two reconciled. 🙂
precious!
I was an only child and for the most part, I was ok with it (though it was brutally pointed out to me when I was 30 that I had a raging case of “the world revolves around me only” for awhile there – I’ve since changed my ways). However, when my husband and I were talking babies, we knew w/o a doubt we would have at least two or three. He has a brother and a sister and they are all close. They have welcomed me in to the fold so I feel I have siblings now and I love it!
My 8yo son and 6yo fight all. the. time. I take comfort in the fact that it will all work out. It has to. That’s what I tell myself that every day. Their younger sister (2yo) sees all, hears all and repeats all. They get it. It’s hard but they are getting there. I have complete faith in Bruiser and Punky. They will be each other’s greatest ally and honestly, greatest pick on-er (?) Having amazing parents helps tremendously I think. I’m still trying to figure out how sibling relationships work and how I can help foster a healthy one for them. They’re learning. I’m learning. It’ll all be good in the end.
(sorry for rambling)
You know, I wonder if your sons will get closer when they’re in school and it’s helpful for them to have each other’s backs. I know my husband and brother got REALLY close in high school and they’re two years apart. With boys, it helps to have a physical ally. 🙂
And you were not rambling at all!
This will really come in handy when she starts dating.
Fingers crossed! 😀
I’m hoping that my two kids have a really close bond. My son is already protective of his sister (standing up an older boy who was picking on her). My heart melts a little when I see them playing together. Because the poking and the hair pulling are right around the corner.
Hopefully not… My kids fight a lot, but they play together quite a bit, too. 🙂 I think the key is nipping in the bud inappropriate fighting early on. We acted like it was Armageddon when the kids would hit each other when that first started happening, so now while they’ll slap at each other sometimes or make a show of “hitting,” they never do anything that would actually hurt the other. I consider that a MAJOR victory.
This totally got me all choked up. Nothing gets me like sibs caring for each other like this. Awesome.
How sweet! I need to have my next soon. My baby is about to turn 4. I hope they are close. I have a feeling she will be super jealous though.
You never know… Totally depends on how their personalities mesh, I think. 🙂
My kids are 2 years & 1 month appart. They fight like cat & dog for the same reasons and in the same way as yours. It drives me up the wall and just when I think I can’t take it any more they stand up for each other or decide to share a bed at night. I hope they stay this close for the rest of their lives.
I’m right there with ya!
My brother and I are 16 months apart – designed by my parents in hopes that we would be close growing up, share friends, etc. In reality, we had frequent bloodcurdling screaming matches which would usually conclude in violence – scratches, bruises, you name it. But underneath all of that, he was my little brother and I knew I loved him anyway, even if I never, ever admitted it.
Fast forward, I’m 28 and he’s 26. He’s my best friend and I speak to him several times a week, and I wish we lived closer to each other. 15 years ago I never would have seen that coming, but it’s never too late!
That’s great, Vicki! Glad you have such a close relationship.
My brother and I fought like cats and dogs growing up. We punched, kicked, bit, scratched. You name it. My parents just sat back and watched. I think it was entertaining for them. At any rate, we are now close friends and enjoy spending time together. We are three years apart, which I think is the same for Punky and Bruiser. So, don’t worry. They’ll grow out of it eventually.
Good to know!