>Can’t a Girl Get Some Sleep Around Here?
>I had yet another 5:30am wakeup call today, thanks to Bruiser, and I’m beside myself with fatigue.
I’m tired, people. So very, very tired. I don’t even know how I’m functioning during the day. Bruiser wakes up three or four times a night wanting to eat. I’m able to get him to go back to sleep with a pacifier one of those times, if I’m lucky. The other times, I have to feed him. Add to that a wake up call somewhere between 5:15 and 5:45 and it’s like Night of the Living Dead around here.
So I’m turning to you, dear moms, grandmoms, and child rearers of the Internet. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Crying it out isn’t an option- He doesn’t have a room of his own, and I can’t put my husband or Punky, his future roommate, through that, not to mention the fact that as hardened as I seem, I can’t bear to let him cry for more than a minute or two without picking him up. Also, you should know that he’s STILL SLEEPING IN HIS CARSEAT (another guilty secret!). I have a pack and play in our room, too, but every time I put him in it, he wakes up and cries until I put him back in his carseat. I’m thinking of swaddling him for his falling-asleep feeding and then putting him in his crib, but it’s too warm here to do that just yet.
Punky slept through the night from two weeks on, so I can’t help but think that this is my punishment…
But still- Surely one of you out there has a solution!
>Will he sleep in your bed with you? That’s the only way I survived the infant stage with my kids. I would just roll over, lift up my shirt and nurse whenever they woke up and then we’d both fall back to sleep.Good luck!
>My guilty secret is that I let my babies sleep on their tummies. I felt like a murderer the first time, but I got over it. Their doctor and I have reached an uneasy don’t ask/don’t tell truce on the subject.My other not-so-guilty secret is that my husband sleeps in our basement. He prefers it because it is cool and quiet even on the hottest day, and I find it less stressful to manage the baby without worrying that she will wake him.
>My baby girl slept in the swing or her bouncy seat a lot of times during the early days. I got to the point where I just couldn’t take the no sleep thing and I would stay up long enough to see her fall asleep in the swing then I would either turn it real low or off. We had one of those “cradle swings” that was tilted back a bit and moved from side to side.Our bouncy seat vibrated slightly and played heartbeat sounds. We both crashed in the living room many nights. Her in the seat or the swing and me on the couch. It was the only way to do it in the beginning.She slept through the night the first time we put her in her crib (8 weeks?). It wasn’t consistent, but she did sleep longer in the crib she was mover and loved all the space.
>Right there with ya sister. Mine was born in May and on a good night he wakes for 2 feedings. When he wakes up before 6, he comes into bed for another nursing. I’m in TN too- have you tried the aden+anais muslin wraps? They are light enough to swaddle while it’s still warm out and large enough for my 15 lb 4 month old.Hope you get some good sleep soon!
>I know this sounds horrible and I really support breastfeeding efforts, but what about a bottle of formula (or half breast milk half formula) before bedtime? Maybe it would make him full enough so he doesn’t wake up during the night. Also, if he doesn’t already, think about using a pacifier. It’ll save your sanity.
>How about some cereal or something? Have you asked the pediatrician about giving him something in addition to the breast? My son was the same way until I broke down and gave him a bottle at night with some cereal in it. That is what I was guilty of. The ped. said not yet and I thought screw that he doesn’t live here. The boy slept like a charm. Sorry, that’s all I got. I feel for you though. A girl does need some sleep now and again. I’m just sayin’.
>Love your blog!I am a mom to three boys – all under five. I am a big fan of the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It helped solve most, if not all, of our sleep issues. It does advocate for some crying it out – but only as a part of a bigger plan – naps, schedules, routines etc. We used it on all three of our boys – and all three slept through the night by six months old.Much luck that you find your solution and sleep soon!
>To answer your questions so far…I won’t co-sleep with him- I’m too afraid of rolling over and crushing him.I actually tried to put him down on his tummy- he’s 20 lbs and can flip from his back to his tummy on his own anyway, so I’m not too worried about SIDS. But he wouldn’t have that at all. He kept his head popped up and screamed until I picked him up again.Jenna- Thanks for sharing.J- I’ve tried giving him formula before bed, but it has no impact on him. He already uses and loves his pacifier. One thing he loves about his carseat is that he can find his pacifier and pop it back in his mouth when it falls out (I keep it on one of those pacifier ribbons).Chris- I tried feeding him about a month ago and he hated it. I’m trying it again as soon as I have a chance- We’re in the middle of soccer season, so I’m out almost every night.Can I say, too, that the frustrating thing is that he WAS sleeping through the night for about a month in July- Then I took him to BlogHer and he’s been waking 3-4 times a night ever since. I thought it was a phase, but it’s been TWO FREAKING MONTHS!
>Well, I was always lucky. I had medication for the youngest to sleep. I’d send you some, but I don’t think it’s legal…My guilty secret is I used to strap the kids into the car seat and place it on the dryer and then turn it on. Always worked like a charm.
>My country folk great aunts told me to feed the baby BEAN BROTH or canned milk when she wouldnt sleep through the night. I wouldnt go that far..but I would try some cereal at night. You can mix it with breastmilk in a feeder bottle (I think I got mine at Target)Make it REALLY runny.He will likely gag at you some at first until he gets used to the consistency.
>Is he working on any major developmental milestones, like sitting up? My little one started waking up more frequently for feedings (from 2 per night to 4-5 per night) when she was learning how to push herself up to sitting, and crawling and pulling to standing. Her pediatrician said she was probably just practicing her new skills through the night. This lasted for over 2 months, but then, sure enough, she began to settle back into longer stretches once she mastered the skills.
>Oh, and my girlfirend’s baby refused to sleep in the pack n play, but was an angel once she put him in a regular crib. Any chance you can fit one in your room?
>Try being the one that wakes him before he wakes himself. Could be that he’s likely waking out of habit rather than hunger. I’m sorry, I missed how old he is. If he’s over 4 months, nutritionally, he doesn’t need middle of the night feedings anymore. Good luck to you fellow mama!
>I agree with the recommendation of “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” It’s on my nightstand with my Bible–there’s some question in my mind about which is more important. We just put DD in her crib. She’s eight weeks and we’re all sleeping much better. She wakes at 6:30 and I bring her to bed with me to nurse. I was also scared to death of rolling over on her but was surprised at how aware I was of her while we were both sleeping. She usually goes back to sleep for a few more hours…those are heaven.And babies are actually only ready to give up night feedings, nutritionally, at about nine months, so you may not cut out those night feedings altogether, but you may cut them down.
>I love your blog, but am new to commenting. 🙂 After reading your latest entry I had to say that the first thing that came to mind is that the carseat is the problem. I, of course, could be wrong, but if he’s 20lbs and can turn over then he’s probably waking himself up when his body naturally wants to turn over. (I say that with experience because my daughter would never sleep in a carseat on a long trip…she would always wake up at the 45 min mark, trying to turn over) Also, because he’s not used to laying flat, he then….well….screams. Makes sense. It’s almost if he’s trying to tell you that he wants out of the carseat, but is scared of sleeping the other way. I went through something similiar with my daughter. For weeks after she was born I let her sleep on my chest because she REF– USED to sleep on her back, but after I talked to my doctor about it, he told me to go ahead and let her sleep on her stomach. I did and after a few nights of CIO, she realized that she loved her crib and I had no other problems. (Aside from the fact that after all of the fuss about being on her back, she’s now a back sleeper and has been for 4 years!) Anyway, it was hard to let her CIO, especially at such a young age, but Bruiser is older and the longer you put it off I fear he’ll get even more stubborn about it!! Since he’s past worrying about back or stomach…aside from the pacifier does he have a fav stuffed animal or small blanket that you could lay him down with at bedtime?? IMHO, I think that the only way you can get past this is to let him work it out on his own. He’s gonna grow out of that carseat soon, so it’s better to do it sooner than later. If I’m doing my calculations right, he’s 6mos….within a short amount of time he’ll be sitting up and crawling! That carseat will be history! LOLPunky may have to move in with you for a little while!Good luck!
>I am not a mom yet, but I have read about co-sleeping cribs that attach to the side of the bed, so the baby is there with you but not in “crushing” distance. Here is a link: http://babybungalow.com/arreaccosvar.htmlAnyone reading know anything about those?
>DS#1 slept through the night from 6 weeks on. DS#2 was a totally different story. The child was up every two hours. He slept with us for the first two months because it was just easier that way. By the time he was 3 month we moved him to sleep in his swing. The constant movement kept him asleep for longer periods of time. HE would also crash out in his car seat if you rocked it back and forth with your foot until he fell asleep. Doing a lap around the block in the car also worked. Once I started feeding him cereal he began to sleep through the night. That was right around 4 months. I would mix the cereal with exposed breast milk. He seemed to like it that way. Good luck!
>Can your husband get up and feed him bottled breast milk sometimes, and let you sleep? Do you get to sleep in on weekends?
>My little one was born in the end of March too and we had/have this problem. I was about ready to cry when she just kept waking up and I’m not as good to my husband as you must be. She would cry and every other time she did I hit him and told him it was his turn to deal with it. I found out that my problem was nursing her to sleep. I did that just about everytime she went down for naps and bed. It was great for me in the beginning, then she kept waking up at night and needing to nurse back to sleep. When I switched to nursing directly after she woke up things started to get a whole lot better. The transition was hard, and it did involve a bit of crying it out, but I kept that to daytime naps instead of at night when we’re all more tired. I’m not about to say it works all the time, but things are much, much better. Hope this helps.
>I was never a “OMG THIS IS THE ANSWER!” kinda gal.My first baby slept through the night from Day 1. OK, maybe Day 2… whatever.And then my daughter was born and I decided this whole motherhood thing was really sucky after all and OMG I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!Get the book Baby Sense. It talks about a rhythm of things. It can be started at any age. And I’m not exaggerating when I say it Changed Mah Life!(I would just tell you – but I can’t remember the actual order of how everyhing is supposed to go – i think it’s sleep, eat, play – but I’m not sure)Within a week my daughter was sleeping through the night. Seriously.
>I could write a book, but I’ll try to give the short version.This sounds just like my daughter. She’ll be 2 yo next month and I haven’t had 8 hours sleep in a row since she was born.Swaddling was an absolute necessity. She was swaddled to sleep until she was 10 months old – first one arm out, then both. If she moved then she’d wake up. Even now she’ll wake up at 4am (like she did this morning) and just not go back to sleep.I’ve recently read about muslin swaddle blankets, which is more comfortable when they sleep. Plus you need a big enough swaddle blanket, which can be hard to find. I just put her in a diaper and swaddled her when it was hot, but I didn’t have a muslin blanket.The only thing for me was swaddling, nursing, and cosleeping. I quickly found out that I don’t move at all when I sleep with her in the bed. I leave my boob out at all times and now she’s old enough to find it and let me sleep, which is fine with me. She will sleep most of the night, but toward morning she must be attached to me or she will wake up. At 3. Or 4. Or 5. Whenever she decides. Sometimes the nursing doesn’t even help, she just wakes up. It can be just awful.She doesn’t get swaddled now but I have considered trying a weighted blanket like they use for kids with autism. She doesn’t have any medical issues that I know of, but I’d pay some really good money for some real sleep.I didn’t want to cosleep (started that at 5 months old). I was afraid. But I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t take the lack of sleep any more. It’s still not perfect, but it’s a hell of a lot better than it was.
>We’re there as well but my daughter did the same thing, so I’m just sort of living with it.No pacis, here sadly. But he’s down at 7 up at 11-12 and then up at 3 and again around 5:30-6. It would be great (that 5 hour stretch) except that’s when I get work done and enjoy quiet time.I’ve tried letting him cry at the 3am point, but that doesn’t work so well.And he’s eating well throughout the day…Apparently I just needed to vent and have NO advice to offer you except I’m enjoying way too much caffeine these days.
>I agree with Ms. Britt, the book Baby Sense is great. I am also a big proponent of cosleeping because it is what worked for us. There is no magic answer. You do what works. Right now, he is growing and changing and you need to find out what works for everyone. I do believe in what Kristin said too. Is he trying to master a new skill? Also, he should be in another growth spurt right now and he really could just need the extra nutrition during the night. Poor babe is HUNGRY! Are teeth a factor? Also check to see if there are some environmental noises that could be waking him up. Is there a car/motorcycle starting in the neighborhood that could be disturbing him…an annoying bird or animals right outside/near a window in your room? I also agree with the point about him getting too big for the car seat and getting uncomfortable. You could also try keeping a lightweight blanket with you all day or lightly spritz your perfume on it so it smells like you and keep near him. If he just wants the closeness and can “smell” you, that may help calm him down rather than the nursing. There are so many things that could be going on. I remember when mine were little (now 12,9 and 9 *twins*) that once we got used to one stage and one routine, they would hit a growth spurt and everything would change. It doesn’t get “harder” or “easier” as they grow up, it just gets “different”. We’ve all been through it and you will come out on the other side. It is just a phase but it sucks as you are going through it. Keep on pluggin away one night at a time…you can do it!
>I had the same thing with my son. He would wake up screaming three to four times a night, even when he was big enough to eat a 9 ounce bottle and far older than most babies are when they start sleeping through the night. A combination of two things worked for us.1. We propped up one side of his crib with phonebooks to give him a little help with the acid reflux that was part of the problem.2. We let him cry it out. First five minutes, then ten minutes, and then longer stretches until finally he got the message that mom or dad weren’t going to come pick him up every time he cried. It SUCKED it broke my heart and I thought I’d have a nervous breakdown before it was all over but in 9 days he was sleeping through the night from 8 pm to 6 am and he did that for nearly 15 months (except during illness)…Until we moved him to a big boy bed, which he HATED, and it started all over. We had to do the cry it out thing for another 8 days all while getting out of bed and putting the toddler who had leapt over his safety gate back into his bed. He was just that stubborn about not staying in that darn bed.Strong willed children. We have two of them and sometimes getting tough is all that works. It seems ridiculous to ‘get tough’ with a tiny baby, I know, but my Roo came out of the womb determined to have his desires satisfied at any cost. When that cost involved things other than my sleep, I am very willing to compromise, but I could not function the way he was forcing our family to live. It might totally suck for a week or so, but in the end the sacrifice was worth it for our family. And our older children slept through the whole thing, FYI. We’d get up in the morning and apologize for the scream-fest and they’d be like ‘what you talkin about’ after the first couple of nights.Just one opinion of course.Anna J. Evans
>Try the eat, play, then sleep rhythm. It’s supposed to work. How does he fit in the car seat at 20 pounds? I’m assuming it’s the bucket/infant seat? Can you get Punky into your room for a short time, on a blow up mattress or something? That way you can let him cry it out. It’s the only thing that really worked for both of my kids.
>I would venture to say that at 20 pounds, the car seat just isn’t comfortable any more … he is way too big for it. If you can’t get a crib for him somehow, you buy extra mattresses that fit in pack n plays. My experience is that babies who are not used to pack n plays from practically birth aren’t so keen on them, but may go for a crib.I think if you could get him sleeping in some kind of bed/crib/etc, he would improve.
>I was going to write a long comment, but after reading what everyone wrote, I don’t have much to add. I agree with Amy the most, he needs to get out of the car seat and into a crib– if Punky can sleep on your floor for a few nights, put him in her room and then give everyone fans to turn on to drown out the noise of his crying . That way he won’t bother your older girls, and you might even sleep through as well (although you can put a baby monitor on low if you want to hear him). At 20 pounds he does not need to eat in the middle of the night, and it would also help to start feeding him solids. The last thing you want to do is get him dependant on something else (like a swing) to get to sleep. At this point you want to teach him that his crib is the place to sleep, and that there is no need to eat in the middle of the night. Good luck in figuring it out, keep us updated on his progress!PS– I guess I did have something to say afterall 🙂
>Mom of 6 here weighing in…I think you have several things going on at once. First, at 20 pounds he’s probably not only too big to be comfortable all night in the carseat but waking up hungry. He was born LARGE and is still larger than most babies his age – he probably does need to eat more/more often. I would try the cereal again. It’s been a couple of months and most peds say to start solid foods at 6 months old. Bruiser is either there or nearly there. He’ll probably be much more receptive to it now. On the sleeping front, you could try swaddling only his arms and middle section (leaving his feet to the breeze which should keep him cooler) and propping him on his side against the side of the pack-n-play. That way he’ll be sort of supported the way he likes and may be able to get to sleep (and stay asleep) easier. Good luck! I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you get some sleep soon 🙂
>Just wanted to add that there is really no danger of rolling over on a baby when you co-sleep (unless you’re under the influence of alcohol or sedatives.) Even when you’re asleep, part of you just KNOWS the baby’s there. It’s the same kind of thing that keeps you from rolling off the side of the bed at night when you’re sleeping.My daughter co-slept with me until she was a year old. She just wouldn’t sleep anywhere else. My son did for a few months, then he slept much better in his crib (on his stomach, gasp!) in his own room.All babies are different. I hope you can find a solution soon so you can get some sleep.
>I hear you on not being able to cosleep. Clark didn’t sleep through the night till he was over a year old, and it was rough. I would hear my husband’s students talk about how little sleep they got during finals week, and I wanted to snap. I hadn’t slept in months and had no idea when it would end. I didn’t get to choose when I got to get the little bit of sleep I had. I wasn’t getting any A’s for all my wakefulness either. Etc. Ahem. Anyway, we tried lots of things, and cosleeping just didn’t work for us. Clark would want to nurse even more then, and I had trouble sleeping with him latched on to me, if only because I couldn’t stay on one side all night and I was too scared to let him sleep on the outside.I agree with whoever has said that you should try to get Hubs in on this. Sleep deprivation is a really serious thing–it impairs you in just about every way imaginable. This will be temporary–one day, Bruiser will sleep through the night, or at least you’ll be able to lock your door till morning and let him entertain himself 😛 If you go and pick him up, he will expect you to nurse him, reinforcing this habit that’s making you miserable. He knows he can’t nurse on Hubs. He might stop waking up if the only person who turns up doesn’t lactate.It sounds like you’re not ready for it, but you may have to eventually let him cry it out. Maybe Punky could sleep with one of the older girls during this period. And maybe you should leave the house during the crying. Come here and use our wireless. What really started helping with us is that I read up on sleep. I didn’t follow any particular plan, but once I began reading studies on how babies slept and what they needed and what they learned about sleep, it made me realize a lot of things we were doing wrong, and think of things we could do to help him sleep better. You’re a smart woman, and I think you could probably figure out what’s going on with your own little guy.Does Bruiser spend any time in his crib? Does he cry the moment you try to set him in there, ever? Maybe you could try to make some happy associations to it, like putting him in there (propped up if he won’t take flat) and turning on the mobile, playing with him etc. I hope you can get him back to sleeping well. It’s so miserable to be in that fog of exhaustion.
>I’m embarrassed to tell you all the things I did, but I’ll just say that a combination of crying it out and “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” with the bass turned up higher than the rest seemed to help. (For the babies, not me– I put in earplugs, took an Ambien and told my husband to wake me if there was a fire or a tornado).I also put a secret solution in the bottles, which did NOT include whiskey. Go ahead, beg.
>When my son was a baby I lived in Germany. He had colic and cried a lot….so did I come to think of it! My landlady got me kindertee and it was a lifesaver! Here is a link for it – it is expensive since it is an import but maybe you could find the same thing at a health food store. All I know is that a few oz of this at bedtime and I got 6 hrs of sleep or more!http://www.germandeli.com/babyteas.html
>Okay, I am not going to make you feel guiltier for letting him sleep in the carseat.. but, it can make him have the flat head many babies these days have due to environmental reasons..also, I went to an infant training and they scared the crap out of me explaining how babies can strangle in it (though no one actually explained how they can do that while sleeping but not in the car). Trust me, you want to avoid the baby helmet though… I’ve been there and it sucks.My advice is to sleep with him… I did it with my three kids and if you are nursing it is even better. Good luck! you will get through this!
>This isn’t a long term solution, but how about driving him around? He’s already in the car seat… then once he falls asleep in the car, bring him in.Also, I know another commenter said this – but maybe he’s too big to sleep in the car seat through the night? (Mine slept in their car seats, too!)
>DO NOT CO-SLEEP!!! EVER! RUN SCREAMING FROM THE BUILDING IF YOU ARE EVEN TEMPTED TO DO THIS. (Sorry to all of you who have had this work for you, but it DEFINATELY has NOT worked here…read my blog to find out why.) I would get him out of the car seat, feed him some cereal (they all seem to hate it at first), and make sure he is propped up. Also the idea of swaddling him in just his diaper and a blanket is great!! That is what we do when it gets hot here in Seattle – yeah, I know like 1 week a year!! Hopefully you can get some sleep. If not call me and I will send you some coffee…that worked for my 18 months of hell!!
>When trying to teach my two to sleep through the night, I had to have my husband do it. No mommy nipples, no milk. The first night he would get up with them when they cried and offer them a bottle of a couple ounces of warm water. The second night, the same thing, but with less water. He’d gradually wean them down. The point is to not fill their bellies–just give them a little to satisfy them (no formula, you want the baby to get used to not snacking at night). This usually takes a few nights, but after 3-5 nights you should be able to see results. I got this tip from a mom who did it with all 8 of her children. I’m not saying it will work for everyone, but thankfully it did work for us too.–Oh, and back to the dad being the one who has to do it. My babies would not take a water bottle from me when my booby was right there. With dad, well, what they got was what they got. The first night or two was always rough, so maybe start on a Friday night so you have the weekend. (Or your hubs)
>I feel ya, I just went to my pediatrician today with the same issue. Her advice: Feed him enfamil AR (added rice) formula to fill him up during the day. End the night with trying some baby food, a warm bath and then put him down. He should be sleeping 8 hours (my son’s 5mo). If he wakes up rock him, give him the pacifier and put him back down. Keep doing that until he gets out of the routine to of waking up to eat. HHmmm….tonights the first night. We’ll see how it goes.
>Is he eating food and cereal? If he’s close to 6 months he should eat it off a spoon, give him some at night. He likes his pacifier, so plug that pacifier in and get him to go back to sleep with that. At least to start cutting down on how many times you feed him a night. You might as well get him used to the crib at the same time too. I imagine he’s getting too big for the car seat.Also, I swaddled my babies, they like that. Heck I like that! Even when it’s hot I need a certain weight of blanket on me!
>Try the SwaddleMe Blanket by kiddopotamus. I use it everynight with my 3 month old and he sleeps very soundly in it. He is now usually sleeping from 9 to around 4 in the morning. In the summer – when it was super hot in our room – I would just have him in diaper and wrapped in the swaddle me blanket. He sleeps so much longer when he is swaddled. I hope one of the many suggestions work for you. Good Luck and I wish you a good night’s sleep.
>It’s 1:05 and I’m up for the 1st time…
>I’d try to get him out of the carseat. Easier said than done, I know. Mine have always hated the pack-n-play. My nine month old is still in my room, I got a ‘mini crib’, the same size as a pack n play, but a regular crib. I got it on craigslist for 60 bucks. It fits right at the foot of my bed.I also think you should try swaddling, at least to get him to sleep. Try the ultimate swaddling blanket–google it, they sell them at many places, including Nordstrom. We can’t live without ours, worth the money even if it doesn’t work. I think they’re about $24. They are lightweight, so you can probably use it even if it’s hot.Can you get your husband to give him a bottle for one of the feedings, just so you can avoid sleep deprivation hallucinations? Do you use a white noise machine? We love ours–LOUD. Those are all my thoughts right now…of course, it’s 12:25 here, and I’m up typing to you. :-)I hope you get some sleep.
>If you figure it out, please post about it.My son was exactly the same way for a very long time. Very long time. He is two and a half now and still does not sleep through the night. The good news is you learn to function on little sleep.
>The solution is coffee. And lots of it.I wish I had something better for you, but I don’t. My 3rd kicked my butt in the sleeping department, retribution I am sure for the first two who were a cinch!Hang in there!
>Well, he only woke twice- but he was up for good at four fucking thirty. Misery.
>Oh, and by the way, Hubs is very, very helpful. He gets up with Bruiser at least half the time- often more- and lets me sleep in until he has to get ready for work. I think that’s above and beyond, considering he has to go to work in a stressful job and I can put on Disney movies all day if I want to (not that I’ve ever done that [more than a couple of times, anyway]). So that is not an issue. Hubs is up for anything I want to try, but I’m supposed to be the expert here.
>I’m all about “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer.” It’s a method of teaching your child to sleep in their own bed without crying. It worked for both of my kiddos. It’s a fairly easy solution. I can give you more details if you want, or you can read the book. Take care, it will end. 🙂
>My son was born in December and if my calculations are correct, Bruiser is about 6 months now? At almost exactly that time, my guy stopped sleeping through the night. The ONLY way we got him to go back to sleep was to do a version of the Feber method. I just looked it up on the internet. You only let him cry for a few minutes the first time and a little more each time. By about night 3, he had given up the howling and would put himself back to sleep. It was tough for a couple nights but well worth it. I even had a video monitor so I could watch him to make sure he wasn’t REALLY dying….Could Punky sleep in your room and you try to teach B to put himself to sleep in the other room for a few nights? Also I have a “big” guy too and he also slept better once I put him in the crib.
>I didn’t real all the comments, so forgive me if this has already been suggested.I had a colicky baby and he would not sleep for any reasonable length of time until my (now-ex) mother-in-law suggested what they had done to train their dog to sleep alone.She took a tick-tock clock (the wind up kind that makes good noises) and wrapped it in a blanket and the put that right up against the dog. We used the blanket as his prop to keep him on his side and the sound of the clock was calming and comforting to him.Now they make those whooshy bears that mimic the sound of the mother’s heartbeat and that is my “every baby shower” present for new babies (but really for parents!). From what I’ve heard, it works, but that clock seemed to do the job for us!
>Not to pass on assvice, but you did ask for it…You’ve gotta let him cry it out. The family may be unhappy for a few days having to hear him wail but if you’re sure he’s not hungry or sick, then he’s probably just developed a habit of needing to see his sweet Mama periodically in the night. My kids shared a room, so when #2 was old enough to do the Ferber method (about 6 months) we moved her crib out into the living room so that she wouldn’t wake her brother during the process. It was only a week before she was back in his bedroom and sleeping through the night. It’s tough love but it’s worth it for everyone. Happy baby, happy mommy, etc.Now feel free to ignore this tidbit but just saying it worked for me twice.
>You’ve gotten a lot of good advice already, but I wanted to add my recommendation for the book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby. It really did save my sanity. (Every time you’ve mentioned Bruiser’s night waking on your blogs I’ve considered emailing you the suggestion. I wish I had sooner!) I know you said that letting him cry is not an option for you, but really, to train him to sleep properly is going to be difficult no matter what. Letting him cry could turn out to be less difficult (for him, for you) than other options. I thought there was no way we could do it, either, too gut-wrenching, and we have a daughter Punky’s age, too, in the room next door. But I realized that, combined with and compounded by my sleep deprivation, I was suffering with depression and resenting my son for all the night waking and pacing and bottles and rocking (he’s a hefty lad like yours, as well… ouch, my back!). I dreaded going home every day to face the hours and hours of sleep drama. The guilt I felt about that resentment was so SO much worse than the guilt of letting him cry. Make no mistake, I cried right along with him most nights. It was brutal, I won’t lie about that. For us it took almost two weeks. I would put him down, go pour a glass of wine and do something fun with my little girl to cope. But now he is such a good sleeper–better than the three-year-old. I wish I’d had this book when she was a baby. It offers alternatives to crying it out, as well, and has lots of great information about sleep for all ages of kids. Some of it is counter-intuitive: put him to sleep EARLIER, and he will actually sleep LONGER. I swear, it works. Also proper naps are important to prevent night-waking. Who knew?? Please check out this book, and I hope you find what works for you really soon, I know how fun this ISN’T. Good luck!!!
>My husabnd helped with night weaning #2. He took her in the guest room when she would wake and evetually she stopped asking for night snacks. It took a awhile but we never let her cry it out. And now the guest room is this crazy magic room where if you put her on the bed she passes out in 5 minutes.
>We let both babies cry it out at about six months because both times we were desperate. I find you do what you can tolerate, and I could only tolerate so much sleep deprivation.It doesn’t sound like you wan to do the crying out, but if you do and don’t want to wake up Punky, use your room. Put him in the crib in your room and leave. Take a shower to escape the pain of hearing him cry. That’s what I did with Rachel. With Hannah, we had just moved and I was so ready to have her in her own room that I shut the door and didn’t mind the crying at all. Honestly, I was relieved.He could be going through a growth spurt. Hang in there.By the way, Hannah slept in a car seat for months, too. She had a terrible tummy and couldn’t sleep flat on her back. No worries.
>Chris already mentioned the solution I tried on my first: cereal in a bottle. I have no ideas otherwise, but I’ll be where you are in a few months, so I’m taking notes of these responses.
>I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I suspect the carseat as well. :(I only have one child but I know I’ve seen lots of posts from mothers dealing with the new child in the other child’s room. Or did I dream it? I notice none of the comments seem to deal with this aspect of motherhood 🙁
>This sounds so familiar! My son was a super intense little guy and hated to sleep. Cosleeping was a disaster because he constantly woke up wanting to play and kicked me all night.I swear by the book Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. I love it because she’s moderate — her techniques are effective yet she understands how difficult this all is for parents and isn’t preachy or dogmatic, and she never advocates for just leaving the kid alone to cry. It’s the only thing that worked for me.That said, what I had to do was grit my teeth and wait it out until he was older. I just couldn’t let him cry it out when he was like six months old. But once he was close to twelve months I would put him in his crib and sit right next to him until he stopped crying. It was hell — he’d cry for like two hours for a couple of weeks. But I didn’t feel as guilty since I was like one foot away from him and never left his side, and he was definitely old enough to understand that I was there.It took a really long time (probably about two months) before he was sleeping through the night. MUCH longer than for my friends with less intense kids. But, in the end, I cannot tell you how awesome it was to have a kid who slept through the night. I hadn’t realized it, but chronic sleep deprivation had started making me really depressed. It was like I had a new life once he slept through the night.Sorry for rambling. Hope that helps. LOVE your blog. Keep up the good work!
>I would def try putting him in a crib in his own room and putting your daughter else where while it gets sorted. Also its better to get the problem sorted now as it would probably only take a few days to sort out – but when they are older it takes a lot longer. A friend who is a professional baby whisperer suggested to me to break all the habits at the same time to get it all over with at once – so try ditching the car seat and putting him in his own room at the same time. We did baby boot camp when the Young Man was 4 1/2 months old (well actually my mum did the hard work because I was too chicken!!) and within three days he had gone from waking every 3-4 hours to sleeping through for 10 -12 hours – absolute bliss. Its hard to do they whole controlled crying thing but once I learnt to tell that he wasn’t upset but just wanting attention I could handle it.
>Like you have time to read…”The No Cry Sleep Solution” by Elizabeth Pantey
>I have to ditto Veronica’s guilty secret. My son was a great sleeper, but my daughter….ugh! The only way to get her to sleep was on her tummy. Initially I worried that people would accuse me of trying to kill her, but, let’s face it, none of us would be alive if putting a child down on its tummy was as dangerous as we’ve become convinced that it is.
>It sounds like Hubs is not stepping up to the plate.I think that he needs to do his share of the night feedings. I don’t know your feelings on formula or breast milk banking, etc…they are probably lightning rod strong.In my opinion, formula is not a war crime and it is better to give your child formula than lose your sanity. I did my share of feedings with baby number 1. With baby number two I did almost all of the night feedings as the Mrs. was not well. He should be spacing his feedings out by now, is he old enough for cereal, etc? Some substance in the tummy prior to his “bedtime feeding” might allow for a few Zs.
>Cereal is okay if he’s old enough (I waited until 6 months to feed my kids solids), but I wouldn’t recommend using a feeder bottle. Those can cause choking, plus it won’t help him learn to eat from a spoon.
>I say bypass the rice cereal and go straight for oatmeal. Worked for me–twice!