>Driving Me Crazy

I often hear mothers of younger children talk about how much easier their lives will be once their kids can drive. I’m sure my next door neighbor is thinking that right now; she has four kids, and while our gorgeous fall days would usually mean I’d see more of her outside right now, when I spotted her at the grocery the other day, I realized that this season, I hadn’t seen her at all. In weeks.

“Where have you been?” I asked.

“In my minivan,” she said. “I feel like I live there now, instead of at home. The kids are overscheduled and all I do now is drive them where they need to go.”

I’ll admit that now that my older stepdaughter is driving herself and her younger sister to school and soccer practice, this year for me is far easier than last year, when I was responsible for getting both of them to and from various activities at two different schools, all while pregnant, stumping along on a broken foot, and with a two-year-old in tow. In fact, now I look back on that time as a sort of extended nightmare.

What I didn’t realize back then, as I fantasized about the day when my stepdaughter would take over almost all of my chauffering duties, was that the physical discomfort would be replaced by mental anguish.

Now, every time my stepdaughter reaches for the keys, I say a quick prayer that she’ll make it wherever it is she’s going. When she’s on the road, I hold her in the back of my mind at all times, wondering if she’s okay, if she’s driving the speed limit, if she’s breaking our rule and talking on her cell phone. I’m not truly at peace until she’s home safely again, particularly if it’s dark or rainy outside. It’s enough to make me yearn for the days when I was responsible for ferrying her around; at least then, I’d know she was safe and okay.

Going through this, I don’t even want to think about the day I hand over the keys to my younger children. How will I ever, ever do it? I’m trying to come up with a strategy in my mind, one that will keep both my youngest license free and happy. We could move to Manhattan, maybe! No one has a car there! Or, even better, Stars Hollow! Yeah, I know it only exists in the Gilmore Girls, but there has to be a place like it, right? Please say yes; I fantasize about living in Stars Hollow all the time.

Yesterday, I realized with a start that at some point, all four of my kids will be driving. For the rest of their lives. And basically? I’ll never know a moment’s peace again.

Remind me why I had children.

This post originally appeared on Parents.com.