Hi! I'm Lindsay Ferrier. You might remember me from a blog called Suburban Turmoil. Well, a lot has changed since I started that blog in 2005. My kids grew up, I got a divorce, and I finally left the suburbs for the heart of Nashville, where I feel like I truly belong. I have no idea what the future will hold and you know what? I'm okay with that. Thrilled, actually. It was time for something totally different.
September 7, 2011
Your child will lose a total of 20 baby teeth before his or her 32 adult teeth grow in.
This is an important number to remember, because it means that you will be responsible for locating a tiny tooth under your child’s pillow while he or she sleeps and replacing it with money up to 20 times. And don’t kid yourself that you’ll be off the hook once your children have realized the Tooth Fairy is a figment of their imaginations — I don’t know about you, but my Tooth Fairy was responsible for paying up after every single tooth I lost, including my wisdom teeth, which were extracted when I was 15.
Some childhood beliefs never go away– particularly those that involve money.
Now that I’m an adult, the Tooth Fairy has proven to be one of the banes of my existence. My husband and I have a hard time remembering to put money under the pillow every single time a tooth is lost, which has led to some interesting explanations the next morning.
“There’s no money under your pillow? Oh yeah, uh, the Tooth Fairy actually called last night after you fell asleep and said she was snowed in in Oslo, and she’d get here as soon as she could.”
“What, she didn’t come again?! You know, I read in the news yesterday that there was a record number of teeth lost among children in Mexico– I bet she’s a little behind schedule.”
“Maybe that tooth wasn’t white enough for her collection. Let’s try soaking it in a little baking soda and see what happens.”
I’ve got a million of ’em.
Or at least 20.
But apparently for some parents in my area, it isn’t enough to scrounge around the house for one dollar bills and remember to oh-so-gently shove them under the pillow of a sleeping child each and every time a tooth is lost.
No, some mom out there who clearly had way too much time on her hands just had to come up with something extra.
“Mommy,” my daughter said urgently a few nights ago, as I tucked her into bed, “instead of putting the tooth I lost today under my pillow, I need to put it in a glass of water beside my bed. That way, when the Tooth Fairy swims in to get it, the water will turn the color of her wings, and the next morning, I can see what color she was!”
“What are you talking about?” I scoffed laughingly. “That’s not how it’s done.”
“Yes it is,” she insisted. “Ella has done it. And so has Jenny. And so have lots of other people at my school, too.”
I could feel a migraine beginning to form behind my left eye as I thought of Ella’s mom. She’s a perky little stay-at-home mother of three, who’s always doing crafts and organizing marshmallow roasts and sending homemade lollipops for every child in the class, just because. I would bet my Keurig that she was behind this Tooth Fairy nonsense. In my mind’s eye, I imagined marching up to her front door and knocking on it sharply.
She’d open it and feign surprise. “Why, Lindsay,” she’d say, wiping her hands on her frilly apron. “I was just about to take another batch of homemade sugar cookies out of the oven. Care to help me decorate them with hand frosted portraits of each classmate?”
“Not this time, Bitsy,” I’d say, quietly, a steely gleam in my eye. “I have a bone to pick with you.”
“Why, whatever do you mean?” she’d giggle nervously.
“I stayed quiet and paid up when you introduced the monogrammed Pottery Barn Kids lunch bags in kindergarten that every child then had to have. I didn’t say a word when I figured out you were behind the secret parent memos calling for expensive Easter baskets and candy on all the classroom Valentine’s Day cards. And I played along with your freaking Elf on the Shelf tradition, too, which, by the way, has made my Christmas a living hell. But all that wasn’t enough for you, Bitsy, was it?”
Bitsy’s eyes would widen. “I’m guessing you got wind of my new Tooth Fairy scheme,” she’d say in a hoarse voice.
“Oh, I got wind of it, all right,” I’d say. “And mark my words, this is the last time you’re going to add to my workload.” I’d turn on my heel and leave her to stand, trembling, as her sugar cookies blackened in the oven.
“So can I, Mommy?” Punky asked. “Mommy? Mommy?!”
“What?” I said, rousing myself from what had turned out to be a very pleasant revenge fantasy. “Oh! Water for the Tooth Fairy! Honey, that’s for rookies. Let’s put your tooth under your pillow tonight and talk about something else instead. Something waaaay better.”
“Okay, what?” Punky said.
“Well, this year, you’ll be getting a visit from the Halloween Elf Fairy of Homemade Goodness!”
“Huh?”
“You haven’t heard about her yet at school? Well, the Halloween Elf Fairy of Homemade Goodness visits only the most special seven-year-olds, and every night in October, she brings a homemade toy or treat and hangs it from the ceiling of your bedroom!”
“Wow!” Punky said.
“And you get to be the first to tell your friends that she’s coming! But be sure and tell them that she only comes to the really special and smart kids’ houses!” I said.
“I can’t wait!” Punky shouted.
Sure I’m in for a month of homemade torture. But I’m willing to take it, because my guess is that after October, my little mom friends will stick with store-bought cookies and simple traditions from now on.
Disclaimer: This story might possibly be slightly exaggerated.
Only time will tell.
Image via Robert Donovan/Flickr
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Dude. I’m right there with you. After all, St. Patrick’s Day used to be about the adults getting drunk, but in my town the leprechauns actually GIVE kids toys (a la Santa.) As if! Leprechauns are greedy and they certainly wouldn’t share their loot. And yet, a bunch of rich kids get richer every March 17th.
WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! This parental creativity has GOT TO STOP. We must band together!
My daughter was in tears when I picked her up from school because she realized the leprechauns weren’t real because they left chocolate gold pieces and not real gold behind.
I think I told her that leprechauns were really hard to catch and really don’t like to share and that the teachers had to put the chocolate out themselves because of it and teachers really can’t afford to give everyone real gold.
It helped but she was still disappointed.
That’s rough! Good save, though. 🙂
Well, at least a tooth in a glass of water is easier to get to than a tooth under the pillow!
I’m not so sure about that.. And the food coloring is an extra step.. and then someone will inevitably knock the glass over in the middle of the night… and then I’ll have a big red/blue/yellow/green stain on the carpet to deal with… I’m getting riled again just thinking about it! ;D
I’m with Erin – easier to get the tooth and drop in some food coloring than risk waking up the child!
It’s beyond me why people want – strive?!? – to add to their work load. Who are they trying to impress?? 5 year old’s just want time – not more crap to practice manners over!
I’m a non-participator.
can you tell?
Good for you! I’ve been trying to just say no, but I hate the crestfallen look on my daughter’s face when I don’t give in to what I consider to be other parents’ excessive gestures. So… (small voice) I usually give in.
We stopped giving money from the tooth fairy a couple years ago when my step-daughter no longer believed in her. We never gave her the expectation that she would still get money. Although she still gets a Christmas stocking and Easter basket.
Whoa. Now that’s radical! 😀
You could just put food colored water into a different glass and then swap glasses. That doesn’t help the spilled colored water problem. Oooh, what about baby food jars with lids? I would much rather swap something from the nightstand than ever so gingerly hunt for a tooth under a pillow.
I’ve started having her put the tooth in a plastic baggie so that the Tooth Fairy won’t lose it. DOWN WITH FOOD COLORING WATER. ;D
The tooth fairy prefers to have the tooth in a glass, without water. Everyone knows fairies can’t fly if they get their wings wet.
Growing up, I tossed and turned and rarely did my pillow stay put, the tooth-fairy could never find my tooth. So we put the tooth in a glass instead. The other important thing was that the glass was in the livingroom, somewhere where it was highly visible, and unlikely to be forgotten about.
We’ve had a few times I’ve forgotten. Once the tooth-fairy left a note that she ran out of money but would be back the next night with a surprise. Suki got a one dollar bill and two quarters as her surprise.
She was very happy. (The tooth-fairy gives two quarters for little teeth and a one dollar bill for molars.)
That’s a good amount. My husband tried to give my daughter a five for her last tooth, but I nixed that! ;D
We do get a visit from the “Switch Witch”. She comes on Halloween and takes the trrick or treat candy, leaving a toy in it’s sugar laden place.
Now THAT I could get behind!
OK, I really laughed hard at this one. I am an offender on both ends of this scenario. I forget the tooth fairy..and got busted by my oldest and was exposed as “a fraud.” Elf on the Shelf was forced into our lives by my mother and sister in law, and I will never forgive them. I do however make fortune cookies for chinese new year for my kids classmates and I’m certain that makes me a Bitsy!
Ha! I think I’ve been on both sides, too!
A buck!! That is steep for a tooth. I got a quarter and my grandmother sewed a small pink pillow in the shape of a tooth with a POCKET for both holding the tooth I lost and the quarter I got in return. The pillow was big enough to not get lost and stuffed tight enough to hold that tiny tooth firmly in the pocket. It had my name embroidered on it so there was no confusion about whose tooth it was. I found it in my stash of old dolls the other day and I plan to spruce it up, remove my name (or add my daughter’s and maybe make a blue one for my son) and pass it on. Hurrah for the tooth fairy!
I love the pillow idea!
My husband has a website with tooth fairy letters, including “Tooth Fairy Came Late” letters. They are kinda funny http://www.toothfairyletter.net/
My oldest daughter kind of freaked out at the thought of the tooth fairy entering her room and I jumped at the opportunity. Her special tooth pillow (with the little pocket) gets placed on a piece of foil and is put inside the grill outside. Lo and behold, a gold dollar coin is left behind and the tooth fairy never has to enter her room!
Unfortunately, younger DD didn’t fall for that and insists the tooth fairy come in her room. By the second tooth though, I told her that the tooth fairy would have serious problems finding her tooth among the 8 teddy bears that sleep around her head. So the tooth must sit on the nightstand where it is replaced by the coin.
Yes, I hate other parents who change the tradition. I do not want to hear about classmates who receive a gift along with the money! Or any other variation.
I do admit I allowed for inflation. I received a fifty cent piece but my girls receive a dollar coin.
Yeah, I think I got spare change for my tooth. Times have changed! And you are very organized to have those dollar coins on hand. We’re lucky sometimes to find a dollar.
My husband and I are truly evil. Our son keeps his gold coins locked in a chest with a coin slot on the top. He has lost the key. He does not know that the hinges easily unscrew from the back. Consequently, he has “loaned” quite a few coins to the tooth fairy without his knowledge 🙂
Bwah ha ha! That reminds me of when my younger stepdaughter bought her own personal ATM so that we would stop “borrowing” her allowance for pizza money. LOL.
I should add for local moms that, if it wasn’t obvious in the post, “Bitsy” is NOT anyone in particular! She is a composite of every mom I’ve ever met who’s gone above and beyond. And sometimes, SHE’S ME. :/
Bwa ha ha. I try to constrain my imagination creations to Nose Goblins and Belly Poppers and things that scare or do harm! Love the idea of planting an overachieving Halloween fairy!
LOVE that Nose Goblin!
I don’t know…after fishing many a tooth out from under the crack between the mattress and the bedframe (all while praying “please don’t wake up, please don’t wake up”) a glass of water that I can swap for a glass of colored water may be easier 🙂 I hear you on the staining worry though…not sure how to remedy that. I guess it would be over the top to sprinkle a little (easy vacuumable) glitter in the water, and say your fairy must have had sparkly wings?
Too. Much. Work. 😉
It got to the point that my mom would tell my siblings and me to get our own money out of the change jar after we lost a tooth.
Hilarious!
Bahahaha I love this! My uncle once forgot to put money under my cousins pillow and remembered in the middle of the night. He snuck in and sleepily replaced the tooth with a dollar. The next morning my cousin ran downstairs and said, “Dad! The tooth fairy left me 20 bucks!” oops!
I LOVE this story! I read it out loud to my husband!
I’m a dad with a foreign born wife who doesn’t even pay much attention to her native traditions. We always get it wrong because I can’t remember what we did at home when I was a kid since I was a late born child and my mom was fed-up with it all by then. I think a little disappointment is okay when it’s just a silly thing like this.
Now what we do for the sugar holidays (V-day, Easter …) is give the kids a lesson in thrift. “if you can wait until the day after the holiday you can have much more candy because the prices drop way down” I tell them. We look at the prices before but don’t buy anything until after.
Studies have indicated that the ability of children to delay gratification is an indicator of future responsibility. After age 8 the kids stopped getting money from the tooth fairy and I never hear any complaints.
You know you’re going to be known as THAT DAD, right? 😉
You think that’s bad? Let me introduce you to the Tooth Fairy door: http://pinterest.com/pin/189564231/ I can’t believe people come up with this stuff!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG how funny!
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