>Guilty Secrets, 2007
>Someone linked recently to my Guilty Secrets post from last year and I’ve started getting a few new comments there. Since it sparked such a response from you guys and I have all new guilty secrets now, I decided it’s time for an update. Maybe we can make this an annual event.
However, I’m one year older and wiser and I want to make one small change. This time, I’m going to list five guilty secrets and five things I’m doing right as a mom/stepmom. I’d love to read your guilty secrets in the comments, but if you participate, be sure to leave some good things about your mothering skills as well. So here goes…
Guilty Secrets
- Just like last year, I STILL let Punky drink from a bottle before naptime and bedtime. She’s three. That is all kinds of wrong, I know.
- I bribe my daughter. All the time. And it works.
- When I get food I like at the supermarket, I hide it so that none of the kids will eat it.
- I’m pretty sure Punky hasn’t had a bath in going on four days now. Gah, I’m scaring even myself.
- For all my good intentions and efforts, my house is usually a wreck.
On the Other Hand…
- I started a home preschool one day a week and Punky and I “play preschool” and do various lessons and crafts several times a week. I can tell it’s working and that makes me feel so good, I can’t even tell you.
- I cook dinner and my family eats together almost every night, the laundry gets done and folded and put away once a week, and for all the toys and schoolbooks and stuff strewn about, I do a lot of regular deep cleaning and disinfecting.
- I’ve gotten myself and the little ones to almost all of the girls’ soccer games. I make the older girls mix CDs and we religiously watch certain TV shows together. I ask them tons of questions and know a lot about what goes on in their lives.
- I really, truly love being a stay-at-home mom. That surprises even me. But in many ways, I’ve never been happier or more fulfilled.
- I do quite a bit of hugging and cuddling with the little ones. Punky was the only soccer player Saturday hugging the other girls on the field during the game and at first I was embarrassed. But then I realized that was something to be proud of. At three, she thinks hugging is a wonderful gesture that any child will appreciate and that makes me happy.
The sad thing about these two lists is that I felt the need to explain all of my faults to you in great detail and the reasons behind them, and I also felt like I needed to tone down the good stuff so that it wouldn’t sound too braggy. Ugh. Resist those urges, please. It’s a nice exercise in self-control.
>When they were babies, I didn’t change my children’s diaper every single time they woke up during the night.My daughter still has a pacifier at bedtime and naptime and she’s two. Which is not terrible, I know, but still.BUT we read together every night and both of my kids love, love, love books and they both have an excellent vocabulary!
>Your my “brother from another mother”.I too find myself needing to explain why I do the “horrible” things that I do but I never want to detail the good things.FYI – I don’t think that your “Guilty Secrets” are very bad. Keep trying…maybe one day you can do something especially heinous. 😉
>I love that your daughter hugs the other kids! That’s sweet. See, I divide life by “biggies” and “smallies” – you still let your daughter have a bottle – smallie. Who cares. You eat dinner together almost every night as a family – biggie. Prioritahs, I always say! Love your blog, keep up the good work (i.e., pissing people off). Love it.Chris in Ohio
>I sometimes fix my 2 1/2 year old milk in a sippy cup at bedtime just to get her to go to sleep. It’s a bad habit but she always wants milk. And sometimes it’s chocolate. Eh…they’re only baby teeth. (Kidding…sort of!)I counted swimming at the Y yesterday as a bath for both girls.I let my 2-year-old watch WAY too much Dora and Diego. She’s an addict.OK on to some good things. I love to snuggle and read with my girls, I always decorate my 5-year-old’s kindergarten snack bags with fun stickers, and I make smiley faces on their pancakes with syrup.
>Nothing can be worse than giving your 18 month old melatonin droplets at night. I do and I don’t know how to stop! I have a very good excuse though. Alaskan summers really screw with you.I’m pretty sure when Punky’s off to her first sleepover she won’t bring a bottle!
>Hmmm – did you notice that all your “guilty secrets” really have to do with *things* (even the bottle and the bribes sort of fit in there – getting the desired behavior), but all of your good things have to do with loving your kids and spending great, fun, quality time with them, individually and especially as a family? You love those kids to death, and you are focused on creating a healthy, happy, supportive family environment for them.Keep up the good work!
>I hide my goodies from the store too!And despite all the clutter that comes our way throughout the week, I know that underneath it is freakishly clean, so I don’t sweat it (too much).I think we are all more alike than we admit. Which is a good thing!
>Goody hider, I confess…Even from Husband.That doesn’t make me a bad person, right?
>Bad:I still let my 3 year old have a cup of milk before bedtime, tooI lose patience with him all the time, he is a total handful and I have no idea what to do with him!I yell entirely too much when I PMS and I know I say hurtful things to my kids then- it sucks. good:Every night I tell my daughter she is the best girlI snuggle with my little guy (when he lets me!) and try to see if he still smells like a baby- which is only after nap!I try everyday to get something done around here so the house is clean
>Not only do I hide from children all food I like but I also hide from them (usually behind the microwave oven) when I eat it.
>Bad: I shout too much at my three year old. Good: I hug and kiss him a lot. Now he hugs and kisses other children in the shops.
>Bad: I tell my kids I’m working when I’m really reading blogs.Really Bad: I tell my husband I’m working when he calls to see what I’m doing, but I’m really reading blogs.Good: I love my kids so much and I make sure to tell them everyday.
>There were times when I was just WAY too tired to deal with bathing my child, and quite honestly, she still smelled nice, so why not wait another day? But, whenever I couldn’t remember the last time she had a bath, then my husband made me bathe her no matter how nice she smelled.
>I’m really quite certain that one cannot survive parenthood without bribery.Or, at least, I can’t.
>I listed them on my blog. Both the good and the bad.http://eramblings.wordpress.com/2007/09/24/guilty-secrets/
>You’re a fantastic mother and stepmother, I hope that when the time comes around, in the next few years, that I can handle it all too! P.S. I have seen some of those “raging” parents at sporting events, they even scare me sometimes, I can only imagine what they are doing to the kids. Haha.
>Well I think your Guilty Secrets are awesome!And I hide food too. The rotten turds WILL eat it if I don’t and dammit, I deserve a few oatmeal cookies to myself sometimes! 😉
>You? Normal? WTF??? I am so disillusioned now…..;o)
>Umm yeah. I eat all my junk in the dark – while driving and saying “huh?” every time she says “what is that?”I have gotten dressed for the day, dropped her off at school, and beelined home for a Mommy Day – sleep, tv, sleep. I then get up, get dressed and go pick her up. I then tell my husband I’m exhausted and ask him to watch/feed/etc. her that evening.I once – okay twice – gave her oreos and milk for dinner.On the flip side – I work with her on her preschool lessons, we do manicures and pedicures every weekend for girl time, she’s got a wicked sense of humor I like to think that I imparted, and I love her unconditionally!
>I have some that I feel fit into both categories! For instance, we are particular about C’s diet–he’s not allowed to eat sweets or deep fried foods, basically. (Also, we try to stick to whole grains and organics, but that’s a whole other deal.) So he’s never had candy, potato chips, chicken fingers, french fries, etc. On one hand, I really want him to grow up with healthy eating habits. I hope he doesn’t ever have to battle craving bad foods because he’s developed a taste for nutritious foods. On the other hand…kids love outrageous flavors. I swear candy doesn’t taste as good now as it did when I was six. Is it really fair to deprive him of enjoying sugar highs during childhood?Bad thing: I get way too frustrated with him and wind up losing my temper. Good thing: it doesn’t appear to bother him at all, as he sweet talks and generally charms me whenever he can tell he’s gone too far. Which makes me a naseating combination of relieved and pissed.Bad thing: He might be the wildest two year old I know, but honestly…I love that he is impervious to social pressure. This kid does not know what humiliation is, and I think that kind of innocence is precious. Even if I’m the one feeling all the humiliation.Bad thing: I’ve dropped him off in the gym’s childcare and spent the entire allotted two hours reading on the couch in front of the tennis courts with a smoothie from the cafe, just because he was driving me so crazy.Good thing: He is really interested in little girls who resemble me (long dark hair, dark eyes). The other day he was going up to a little girl and cradling her face in his hands and it was the sweetest thing EVER. I am insanely flattered that his notion of feminine beauty is being created by me, and that he’s sweet to girls he likes.Lucky-for-me thing: C is still immune to bribes. He doesn’t negotiate with terrorists (ie parents).I have a feeling one day C will tell me all the things I did wrong. I certainly didn’t mince words with my parents when I was sixteen.
>After a bath at night, I sometimes let my son sleep in the clothes he is going to wear to school the next day…now, that is sooo bad!! My Mother would die!!
>I can relate (and have done everything on your list). When my kids were little, they went at least 4 days between baths sometimes. Not the end of the world. Of course, it took years to convince myself of that. Now, they’re 10 and 7 and my house isn’t spotless, they bath every other day, we always ALWAYS eat dinner together at night and I do laundry once a week. sometimes it takes two weeks to get it all folded and put away, but what the hell. we’re still alive and happy and that is what matters. right?
>I clean house when I should be doing other things with the kids. Like, sometimes *compulsively* clean house. I’m trying to get better on that one.My kids drink waaay too much Pepsi. They also drink coffee often.None of us are ever in bed before 11. We often sleep til 9. BUT they are 9 and 11 now and we homeschool. We can do stuff on our own schedule.I let them listen to music that they probably shouldn’t. Although, I figure if I love Motley Crue, then they should too!I often send them upstairs to change when I don’t like what they pick out to wear. I’m trying to do better there as well.
>Gulity:1. I’ll go to McDonald’s and get a cheeseburger when the little one falls asleep so that I don’t have to get ANOTHER Happy Meal….2. I too buy special treats just for me and hide them so I don’t have to share…. 3. After I tuck the kids into bed and give them their last kiss goodnight, tell them I love them, I go down stairs glad they are FINALLY in Bed….Good Stuff:1. I let them make their own decisions when possible. I would prefer to make all their decisions but I know that doesn’t teach how to be independent.2. We have adopted a letter of the week system to teach the 3 year old to recognize letters.We are on B now, and it seems to be working.3. I am instilling healthy eating habits into my children, through example and structure. They now know that desert can be a peach or a fat free pudding…..
>Well lets see here..I’m having a guilty moment right now. My 2 year old is awake from her nap and knocking on her bedroom door so I’ll let her out. I just yelled “hang on a minute and let mommy finish reading this blog!”I better go! 🙂
>Bad: I give my 2 1/2 year old her own cup of coffee (ok its really only like 3 Tbsp) so she’ll leave mine alone.Ive given my kids “baby wipe baths” when they realllly should have had a real bath because I was too tired.I hate vegetables and thus rarely serve them to my kids..except for green beans and broccoli which I like.Good: I give my kids tons of affection and tell them I love them all the time.I read to them every night and can always be convinced to read just one more story/chapter.I consider teaching my children to be caring, compassionate, and kind just as important as their abcs’s and 123’s
>If it were up to me, the baby (2 1/2, really) would still have his “ba-ba”. Oh, the sad, pathetic, longing, loving look he would give when he saw his bottle up in the cupboard! (we took it away just before he turned 2.)And his sad, quiet little whimper, “Ba-ba…ba-ba”. I wanted to give it to him SO badly!
>You got me on the laundry thing. It is my nemesis. It is never all the way done, yet I am constantly doing it.
>bad: sometime i take the boyz to the pool instead of giving them a bath,good: we eat dinner together at least 4 times a week…bad: we eat LOTS of fast food.good: we are together when we do it!
>I did it but I posted mine in my own journal. I was pleased to see I’m not the only one that hides snacks 🙂
>My boy drinks from a bottle STILL and he will be 3 next month. I LOVE YOU for posting that!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
>I am so behind on laundry, my kids rarely have clean socks, so I often make them wear dirty socks. :(They always have clean underpants and clothes though :)I eat a lot of junk, sometimes I hide it and sometimes I eat right in front of them, but dont share :(My kids eat healthy :)If we go to McDonalds, I order my kids the meal with the “healthy alternatives” :)The “healthy alternatives” (apples with caramel sauce) is only half healthy, so I suck down the caramel myself, and just give the kids the apples 🙂 or 🙁 not sure on that one!I dont follow up on my kids teeth brushing :(They are only baby teeth, and besides I dont use bottles or pacifiers 🙂
>I rarely wash my toddler’s hair. I’d like to say it’s because it’s so dry and nappy that washing it too often is bad for it, but really it’s because washing her hair is a complete PITA.On the plus side: She gets a bath nearly every night, because she loves splashing in the water. I just don’t touch her hair!Really, I just have too many guilty secrets to list here… so I put the rest of them (or, at least, some of the rest of them) on my blog…
>Guilty Secrets:- Sometimes I slather my almost 3 year old with baby lotion after his bath just so I can get that great “little baby” smell on him again. He’s way too old for that, I know. – Veggies are an on-going struggle, but we persevere. Bolthouse Farms makes this juice called “Green Goodness”, it has wheatgrass, spinach & algae in it but it tastes like apple & pineapple juice. As long as its in a sippy cup he can’t see that it’s green… AND its a full serving of veggies! Oh, the laziness that is me. – I don’t wash my kids’ bed linens as regularly as I should. Maybe oh, once a month. (But if there are accidents I don’t delay). Good stuff:- My boys get lots of book and cuddle time with my hubs and I every single night before bed. – I’m usually very patient with the two year old. Even when he makes me absolutely crazy I can still pretty much hold it together in front of him and blow off steam later. – We eat together almost every night, and usually have a well-rounded meal. Whining at the table is not allowed. I have an “eat it or don’t” policy where they have the choice but don’t get anything else as an option. So far its worked for us.
>My son was on a bottle until he was 3 and a half, he potty trained at 3 and a half as well. I’m sick of hearing about how bad that makes me.We JUST now at over 4 yrs old have established a bedtime routine and stick to it.I let him watch too much tv. I’m selfish like that and he likes it!I will feed him anything even if it’s dessert just to get anything in his tummy.I tell him that anyone who smokes will die from it and anyone around them will probably die too.. this way he doesn’t ask why when we move away from a smoker. I have to explain that smoke really makes me sick so I have to. The best part? My son is so vocal and let’s them all know they are gonna DIE and kill their children too! GO ME! Hope I don’t get shot one of these days!I spank when it’s necessary and I don’t care who is watching.I force him to wear clothes because I like them on him, including hats. He’s a good sport about it though. When we’re home he can run around naked if he wants, I don’t care. Now the good…I spend a lot of time helping my son learn to write his letters and next we will tackle reading. He loves to learn and I don’t care how young he is. If he likes it, that’s all that matters!I read my son 3-5 books.. every day. We are a big book family. We all read every day.We eat as a family at the table for every meal we are all here for.I volunteer at my son’s school even though I’d really rather eat my own vomit. I want him to know that he’s important and I care enough to go on school trips.I tell him how much I love him every hour of the day I can. Many hugs and kisses too. I will miss when he doesn’t want to anymore.I could let him stay at school for lunch even though most kids go home for lunch in this country. EVen though it is a pain to go back and forth all day, I do it because he needs the break for the hour from school and I want him to eat well.I don’t cry when it’s my turn at the dentist if something hurts. My son is watching and I don’t want him to fear the dentist. But sonofabitch sometimes it HURTS!those are all lame but from the top of my head…
>oh yeah I forgot a couple bad ones after reading comments!I guess we ALL hide food… I hide mine in the oven. Who would think to look there? But ummm be careful to remember you put it there before you turn the oven on.. happened a few times already!!! One time when Dh used it (how rare).Another one that someone else here does… I take my son to school. I get home, I strip down and get in my pjs again. I don’t sleep (usually) but I do any work or reading like that. I get the gear all back on to pick him up for lunch. We come home and eat lunch and he goes back to school. I get back home and… yep.. pjs back on!If we aren’t leaving the house you can bet I’m in pajamas.
>This is a great list for any parent to read. None of us are perfect are we and it’s nice to share some of those guilty secrets and see just now innocent they really are :-)I posted about mine (and my “what I’m doing right” list)http://charmingdelightful.blogspot.com/2007/09/secret-secret-ive-got-secret.html
>Um yeah I totally suck ass as a mother…- Anything is game as long as you eat something for breakfast.- The TV is on WAY TOO MUCH.- Toddler is SPOILED beyond repair.- The DVD player in the car is so that I can drive in peace – even to the grocery store.- McDonald’s is like his second home. BUT…- He knows his alphbet and has a strong vocabulary. (At 3)- We read together EVERY DAY as a family. – Every chance I get I remind him that I love him. – Snuggles and hugs are endless here. – I have been home with him since the day he was born.
>When my kids were little (they’re all in college now), their pediatrician said that it was only bribery if we were asking them to do something illegal. Rewards are a good thing!
>Once when I was desperate to make a deadline I put my three year old daughter in front of the television…with a bag of chocolate chips.
>I turned my response into a post: http://theyoungbostons.com/mary/archives/guilty-secrets
>Oh my, I’m so glad you posted this. My 3 year old still has a bottle and a pacifier at bed time (thankfully the bottle is just water). I have no plans to get him off them in this lifetime. I figure he won’t be taking his bottle off to college, right?`Arianne