>I Hate Valentine’s Day
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Photo from Sister72And please tell me I’m not the only one.
I wrote a compelling argument against the forced mush and gush of Valentine’s Day in this week’s newspaper edition of Suburban Turmoil, so check it out. And then I want to know how you feel about the whole deal.
Love it? Or leave it?
>Oh I hate valentine’s day. It’s just awful. The Hubs and I have started just cooking dinner at home instead of going out because it’s just so crowded, expensive, and crazy!
>My husband and I have been married for 15 years and I own every piece of jewelery a gal can have so we started a fun tradition. We see who can get the best present for each other on 15.00 or less. Its fun because you have to really think about your spouse and be creative. We also go out a couple of nights before.
>We don't do valentine's day. It was my rule when my husband & I started dating – I hate 'hallmark holidays'So we celebrate President's day, instead – he's always off of work, so we go out to lunch!
>I love the thoughtfulness and intention of it, but the whole “spend spend spend” thing I hate. We just do something quiet and romantic at home, and pop some cheap but yummy bubbly.
>Yeah, my main gripe with it is that I hate going out on V Day itself. I feel like such a tool, joining the herd of couples at every restaurant. It just feels so forced.
>I couldn’t have said it better. I hate that Valentines Day is this ridiculous commercial “holiday”. Significant others feel pressured to spend their life savings on expensive dinners and jewelry (and if I see one more Kay Jewelers commercial I may light fire to my tv) and other trinkets that, realistically they may not do were it not for the pressure. Like you I’d much rather have the spontaneous tokens of love and appreciation and not the “token” token because it’s been beaten in to his head that he needs to do it on this one day each year.Enough already. For real.
>Ok, just realized i sound so angry. And really I’m not. I just don’t like that Valentine’s day seems not to be about anything but spending money .There should be more emphasis about love and less on $
>Totally with you. My husband and I try to find ways to show our love every day… there’s nothing special about this particular one, other than people look at you funny if tell them that you’re not doing something over-the-top and expensive. I could do without, thank you very much.
>I can’t stand Valentine’s day. We completely skip the holiday and just hang out with friends or hole up and hide from everyone in front of the TV.
>WTF is Valentine’s Day 😉
>I am so totally on your page. I used to be one of those obnoxious mushy couples. Now I’m just looking for a glass of wine and the latest show on my DVR. 🙂 I guess that’s what 13 years of wedded bliss does to you?
>I have had my fair share of both good and bad Valentine's Days. I once even had a boyfriend who broke up with me on Valentine's Day! It doesn't get much worse than that!And yet, I love the opportuntiy to celebrate being in love. Especially this year. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is taking me to New York City for Valentine's Day, and one of our top priorities of the trip is to get our picture taken in front of the LOVE statue on the corner of 6th & 55th. But even if we were broke, I would still want to take the opportunity to celebrate our relationship no matter how modestly. Celebrating successes is important in all aspects of our lives, even if that success is a struggle to maintain. Celebrating directs us to focus on the reasons we do what we do. Maintaining a relationship is hard work. Celebrate your hard work. Every chance you get.
>It is a ridiculous holiday, foisted upon us by the greeting card, candy and jewelry industries, and all it does is make people feel bad that they’re either not in a relationship at all, or in a relationship that’s not as perfect as the ones in those awful jewelry commercials. My husband knows full well that I would much rather buy myself a new pair of shoes than have him come home with flowers and an ugly necklace because Hallmark and Jane Seymour told him to.
>If my husband and I need a made-up Hallmark holiday to perk up our marriage, I think it’s time to start portioning out the silverware.Peer pressure is the only reason we capitulate. Just say no.
>Oh i’m totally with you. I’ve never been much for v-day. I actually really like that my current “anniversary” with my boyfriend is Valentines day because we celebrate that, and completely ignore the holiday. And no… it was not schemed that our first date would be on that day. But when you’re busy, single, and trying to plan a date… bets are v-day is going to be a night you’re both free!
>I haven’t been with someone appropriate to “celebrate” Valentine’s Day with for so long that I don’t even know what kind of expectations I would have. Certainly not the forced flowers, jewelry, and dinner. It just seems so disingenuous to me.This year I am, however, having a dinner party with three friends: a couple (gay males) and a girlfriend who is single this year. It is actually kind of fun planning all the kitschy heart shaped and red things without the pressure of figuring out what is appropriate for the time, depth, intensity of the relationship I’m in at the time. I kinda think it is going to be a blast this year!
>I don’t like going out for Valentine’s Day either. We stay in and I cook. I told my husband no flowers this year — he usually sends them and then I get the bill and I don’t enjoy them nearly as much as they cost. I’d rather have a little pot of tulips from the grocery store. Although I feel bad for the florist because I’m sure a lot of people will be cutting back on flowers this year. I also have a Valentine’s Day Applebee’s story. We were in Peoria for a swim meet with our then elementary-aged kids. There was an Applebee’s next door to the hotel so we went over there for dinner, not looking for romance and there was a 3-hour wait!!! Who would wait 3 hours to eat at Applebee’s? What do you do for 3 hours? I’d have to knock back some cocktails while I waited and then I’d be drunk. We went to McDonalds.
>hate valentines, love the article!
>We completely agree! Why celebrate your love when told to do so by Hallmark and the flower business? My hubs and I move the lovefest up a month to St. Patrick’s day, that’s the day we met. We call it our “meetaversary”. So I still get a nice dinner and a gift, but it means something to us.
>Resturants are lame and expensive; not to mention crowded and noisey. We end up making a little picnic on the living room next to the fire.
>For the most part, I’m with you all on this one. I agree the holiday is a Capitalist nightmare; make people who are single feel like crap that they don’t have anyone to celebrate with; make couples feel like crap because they can’t afford/are not in the mood/can’t find a place to celebrate. Everyone loses. But I grew up in a family that celebrated all holidays in a very loving and fun way. We often made cards and gifts for each other. My sister and I often received presents from my parents and grand parents—even on holidays like St. Patrick’s Day and July 4th! I grew up thinking about holidays as opportunities for creativity rather than dates of oppression.Now that I am working full time and have a husband and 2 small children, Valentines day is an excuse to remember to plan a date (my husband and I take turns, every other year), to agree to spring for the babysitter, to try a new restaurant, or find something new or interesting to do. I’m a sucker for deadlines, and I actually still like thinking of creative and relatively non-commercial ways to show my love. I hope that does not make me merely a tool!This year I’m taking my husband to see a lesbian stand up comedian that we both like and I bought him a “honey” dispenser that he was eyeing a christmas time. I am a recovering cornball, but, as you can see, I’m not very much recovered at all!
>I hate Hallmark day! So does Hubby. Thank god! We pretty much ignore it. Even the kids.
>Any holiday where there’s the possibility of good chocolate is OK by me.
>My husband and I started “going out” at a valentines day dance when we were in grade 11 (1992). So, yeah, I’m fine with the whole great big heart shaped pink and red mess.
>We have fun on feb. 11th…that’s one of our anniversaries, then we have fun again aug. 13th, that’s our original anni. wtf needs vd, anyway? I don’t drink, so champagne is a waste, i’m diabetic so candy is pretty much out, i hate crowds like that and the “special menus” many places have( over inflated price and crappy food) we will have a nice dinner on sat with a few friends… much more civilizsd, don’t you think?
>Me too – I can’t stand it! Emoting on command irritates the crap out of me, not to mention the commercialism of it all. My husband and I exchange cards and that is it. This year, my best friend is coming down for the day and we are going to get her haircut and then watch the dock dogs at the Southeastern Wildlife Expo. How’s THAT for a smokin’ hot V day?!
>I don’t mind Valentine’s Day, I refuse to give into what the greeting card and jewelry industries have turned it into. This year we’re cooking for each other at home, and exchanging gifts that don’t fall anywhere near the V-day gift category, theme or price wise.We do little things for each other throughout the year anyway, but I’ll take any chance I can to score some yummy wine and chocolate.It seems like mainstream society has turned just about every holiday into “how much money can you spend”. It’s up to us to really focus on the true meaning of holidays and to ignore these companies who laugh all the way to the bank with our money.
>We’re sick of it. My husband and I don’t exchange gifts or go out on Valentine’s Day anymore. It’s already too much work with all the kids’ cards they have to make for all their clasmates and teachers.
>I hate Valentine’s day too. I really don’t see what makes V-day so different from any other. If my husband has to be coerced into being nice to me, I’d rather just take a pass.
>It’s not the thought of displaying your love when told to by retailers on an arbitrary day that bothers me. After all, we do similar things for other holidays and I don’t dislike Christmas, for example. But while there are plenty of people who elevate Christmas beyond just the giving of gifts, Valentines seems to be only about the gifts. I hate the attitude of expectation that “he’d better get me something good this year.” I hate the sexist nature of the holiday where if the man doesn’t measure up in showing his devotion to exact specifications, he’ll be in the doghouse. Who needs that? Yech!
>Tom and I made the mistake of going out on Valentine’s Day before. We went at lunch, believing that people would be at (of all things) work. We were wrong.We went to Red Lobster and the place was packed. I made the suggestion that we leave but Tom just had to have his crab legs. And crab legs he got, nearly two and a half hours later.Needless to say, we don’t go out on Valentine’s Day anymore. This year, my gift to Tom will be to try and not burn dinner. For once.
>I’ll take all gifts and mushy love notes, no matter the day or season. Guess I’m just not picky!! And I LOVE going out to dinner with my husband, so why not go out on Valentine’s day and wear red and make a toast to each other? I’m all about celebrating every day!!
>I wrote about this very topic this week here: http://mommadosey.today.com/2009/02/10/skipping-valentines-day/In a nutshell, hate it.
>I don’t much like Valentine’s day, but we do like the special offer for couples. Last year we climbed the harbour bridge (2 for 1 deal on the day), and another year we went on a night tour of the zoo that had a guide telling us about the mating habits of all the animals!! But we skip restaurants – this year there’s no good deals, we’ll be watching tv right next to you.
>Honestly? I really like it. Maybe it’s because I’m a busy grad student who doesn’t get to see her boyfriend a whole lot and this is a great excuse to pause my studies, put on a dress, and eat some delicious food (also am on a student’s budget, so can’t justify that expenditure too often, though admittedly I’ll probably just be paying tip on 2/14 if permitted). Maybe it’s because it’s really only my (our) second year celebrating it, and we had such a fun night last year that I’ve built it up. I don’t have any desire to get expensive gifts from him or vice-versa, but as I usually have a bunch of gift ideas stowed away for him, it’s nice to have a reason to purchase a few things. I carefully select a card (most are far too mushy) to send in the mail and then hand-make one to go with the gift. I guess if you feel it’s “forced” or makes you feel like a “sheep” I definitely don’t know why you’d celebrate it. I guess I buy in the whole idea—is just a reason to emphasize how much you love someone. I can’t see what’s wrong with that. But that’s just me 🙂 I send valentine to my parents, sister, and friends, too….Sweetest Day on the other hand? Yech. Now THAT I think is just a fake, ridiculous day to encourage money spending. Having celebrated 2.14 in some form since, you know, birth, I can appreciate the tradition (romantic or platonic, 1st grade valentine exchanging).
>Oh I’ll join in on the Valentine Bashing parade… how overly commercialized can we get?But honestly, my mom hates it more… she works in a flower shop.
>Last time I “celebrated” Valentine’s Day was in ’94, the same year the wheels came off a few months later. I now have a flying imp radar detector, with mosquito netting around my abode, to deflect any attempt at a visit from this darn fool purveyor of Hallmarkoratus.
>Funny Applebee’s story. Just found you from the newspaper. Loved your nannification article.So, my At Work Friend called 25 (TWENTY FIVE) restaurants yesterday in search of a reservation. I think they settled on a chain restaurant for a 4:30 reservation.
>I do not understand people who claim to “despise Valentine’s Day” and use the line “we should give love to each other every day” and then decorate their house to the nines and dole out piles of presents for Christmas. Isn’t that the same thing? –And don’t give me that crap that Christmas is a religious holiday. No where in the Bible does it say to buy piles of presents or piles of decorations..etc. And no where does it mention Santa Claus either.–
>Gertie, I hear what you’re saying, but Letseat made a good point: Valentine’s Day has turned into “what can he do for me,” not a time to really show love and goodwill like Christmas is (or should be). That’s why I hate it so much–there’s a ton of pressure on men to get Just the Right Thing, and ton of pressure on women to show off their Perfect Valentine Gift that Proves He Loves Me. Ick.
>I hate Valentine’s Day. I always have. I agree with the person who wrote ‘I hate ‘Hallmark Holidays’. I don’t need flowers. I don’t want chocolate or some last minute gift just because he has to. If it was given to me on a different day for no reason that who be much more romantic.
>When you’re an elementary teacher, V-day has the added benefit of it being a day when EVERYONE sends candy to school with their kids. And this, my one year sabbatical with the benefit of being off on V-day; scheduled to be the parent helper at preschool with CANDY and KIDS!! Hmmm, methinks I should celebrate with a soothing glass of wine!
>I’m with you. I have one of those husbands who calls every holiday (including Christmas and my birthday) a “Hallmark Holiday”, so he doesn’t acknowledge it. So, he has taken all the fun out of it for me. Even before that, it wasn’t a big deal. I’m just glad my kids are past the age that we have to agonize over valentines to bring to school!
>Oh, Betty, that sucks. Perhaps a good ear boxing would help…
>made up holiday! I would rather get flowes in the middle of summer for no reason than him spend a fortune in Feb!
>We’ll be ignoring it completely. As usual. The first Valentine’s day of our marriage we tried to celebrate. We got pizza and took it home, his was the brilliant idea to make the home made strawberry shakes. And then instead of a romantic evening we both lay groaning from the lactose overdose, and we didn’t even have a TV to stare at together and went to bed instead to stare at the ceiling. So romantic. That was our last try.
>I’m the voice of dissension, I guess – I like Valentine’s Day! I like the cards and the kitschy silliness – red and pink hearts and all that nonsense! It’s not about presents for us, but we did get engaged on V-day weekend – after going to to see La Boheme, yet! Instead of a fancy dinner, we just had breakfast at a diner after the show. (He says he wasn’t planning to ask me to marry him that night, but he was apparently inspired by the opera!) So it’s an anniversary for us too.So, we’ve been married 15 years now… on the 14th. I usually make a heart-shaped meatloaf and a great dessert for dinner, and he usually gets me some supermarket flowers, we do silly cards, and that’s perfect. Especially because he’s plenty romantic year-round.I’m with everyone who hates the Kay’s ads, though – spending a bunch of money just because it’s a holiday is just dumb.
>I may be in a couple but i hate V Day with a vengeance. You’re far better off on your own on V Day or ignoring the awful thing. The following was my fiancees attempt at a valentines day ‘date’ . He announces we are going out for the night. ooh lovely I thought . We get there and he disappears inside the club at 500 miles an hour mumbling something incoherent leaving me to try to catch up which is hard when you are in heels! once inside i see a glimpse of him disappearing into the loo’s. Ah, that’s the reason for the rush. When he gets out of the loo, he asks didn’t you order the drinks? I asked you too. When? I ask. outside. well i didn’t hear as you were out of the car so fast! He orders his drink and as I’m waiting for the wine list he pays for his drink and shoves the change in my hand and disappears again, but at the same time the bar maid hands me the wine list so I don’t see which direction he headed. my drink in hand I search round the club in vain for him. finally I resort to the” where r u?” txt. He emerges from a room tucked in a dark corner. I’m in here. So i follow him into the room which is your stereotypical gungy slot machine room. Oh Joy. I do play a couple of machines but after going thought $20 with no luck, I decide that will do. the other half tries to insist I continue to play, but I have a short attention span when it comes to slot machines. So I take a seat on typically uncomfortable bar stool with matching grotty table and wait for him to finish while watching people with glassy eyes repeatedly bash the spin buttons on their machines. after an hour the wine is gone and my bum has gone numb so I get up and ask for car keys. Why? he says. I’d rather be bored and comfortable than bored and uncomfortable, i reply. He shrugs and digs his keys out without taking his eyes of his machine. how long did I wait in the car? oh another hour, Believe you me I was seriously tempted to drive home and leave him there to pay an exorbitant taxi fare but being dark and needing glasses to drive I wasn’t game to do so, but the dark thought of adding a few dings to his baby did surface if did attempt the drive home. Death to valentines day.
>And you’re marrying this guy? Sheesh.
>yah. i always think valentine’s day is kinda sucky, couples or not coupled. If not coupled, it’s sad and Hello-You-Are_ALONE-AND-NO-ONE-WILL-EVER-LOVE-YOU panic inducing. If coupled, it’s big time pressure, first to the guy, then on you when you tell your friends or are the one who DOESNT get flowers in the office or whatevah. I blog about some of the worst of the worst of vdays past (and other exes) here: http://washwords.com/wordsStill, all that said, today, I’m with my fiance, we’re sitting on chairs next to each other in our living room – me blogging, him reading. We came back from avenue q (puppets swearing and having sex. if that doesn’t scream romance…!) we had drinks and soup and sandwiches at an english pub. I’m feeling pretty lucky and in love right now. Celebrating that didn’t seem so bad.