>Just When You Thought I was Done Talking About BlogHer…
>It’s week two post-BlogHer and the honeymoon is over. The bloom is off the rose. All that glitters is not gold… or something like that. I’m starting to read posts and comments from women complaining about the parties they weren’t invited to, the people they met who (gasp!) haven’t yet bothered to comment on their blog, the women who dared to post pictures of cool people they met, (as if that makes them A-list by association or something!), the bloggers who just didn’t seem all that interested in knowing them, etc, etc, etc. In the comments, others are jumping on the bandwagon. Tell me who acted that way, they say, and I won’t read her blog anymore. I’ll… I’ll… remove her from my blogroll!
Oh girls, please.
We’re talking about nearly a thousand women gathering together to drink, party and exchange business cards. I don’t care what kind of name you slap on this situation, feelings are going to be hurt. Snubs are going to happen. Certain people are going to rub you the wrong way. It’s not a function of BlogHer, it’s a sad fact of life. Yes, in some ways, BlogHer was high school all over again. It also was sorority all over again, Junior League all over again, MOMS Club meetings all over again, PTO night all over again, Garden Club all over again. Where women gather, these things will happen and all you can do is shrug them off.
I came back from BlogHer feeling great. Sure, one or two people weren’t my cup of tea, I wasn’t invited to every party on the roster, and Penelope Trunk had ripped me a new one in front of a roomful of people, but I had made so many new friends and contacts that even thinking about the negative stuff (beyond, um, exploiting its comedic potential on my blog) seemed like a waste of time.
But then I read these posts. And while I really like the bloggers who wrote them, for the first time, I started feeling bad about the weekend. Did people really hate the Flickr pictures I had proudly posted? Had the crazy cheeseburger party in 2306 (to which everyone was invited, provided we could find them) offended some bloggers who hadn’t known it was happening? Did some interpret the fact that I could hardly understand a word anyone was saying in the Whiskey Sky Bar as snobbery? Had I looked at someone a certain way, said the wrong thing, worn the wrong color shoes, done something that convinced someone I was an elitist bitch?
Because I just didn’t see a hierarchy. I saw bloggers who read each other or work together online hanging out, but to me, that seemed entirely logical. I saw heavily-trafficked bloggers struggling to make conversation with bloggers whom they didn’t read, but they tried, and I could appreciate the effort. I had good conversations with everyone I met. I made some great new friends. I was humbled trying to explain what my blog was about for the first time to people who’d never heard of it (Generally, I don’t talk about my blog to people who’ve never heard of it!).
Sure, there was drama. There were hurt feelings. There was crying and there was cussing. But it hardly seemed worth noticing. I felt like everyone could find someone with whom to enjoy the experience. I certainly didn’t see anyone standing alone.
So that’s my two cents. Any thoughts?
>Ugh. No, I haven’t seen this yet, but I’m a little behind with my reading (and, uh, my posting!). I’m actually having the opposite reaction. Now that I’ve met some people in person, and *reached otu to them* I’m finding it easy to make deeper connections with people, which is what I expected and why I went in the first place. I LOVE meeting new people and thought everyone was incredibly friendly and if they weren’t I didn’t take it personally. I think there are a lot of really shy people in this community and in-person events are a little hard for them. I didn’t do a lot of parties, but that was because I had my baby with me. I went into this knowing that would curtain my opportunities to socialize so I made the most of the daytime events. (Remember I chatted you up while we were nursing? 🙂 I guess the thing that irks me is that this really isn’t supposed to be a party you pay for and therefore you’re entitled to fun handed to you on a platter. It’s *networking* and that requires that you put a lot of effort into the function. It’s hard to put yourself out there but if you don’t, you won’t get anything out of it and will come home sad.
>I wish that there had been more time like at the rooftop party where you could (1) hear other people and (2) see other people. I met lots of folks then, and it was a fun evening. But then again I guess I’m just too old for the “stay out as late as possible while getting as drunk as possible” activities where a lot of networking happened.I’m sorry that you took my post personally — I thought I cleared that up in my response to your comment, but I guess I didn’t do a good enough job. Nothing in my post was aimed at you, but your dismissive “Oh girls, please” doesn’t exactly give me a warm-fuzzy feeling in my heart.Not everyone comes away from these events with the same experiences. I shared mine, you shared yours… Truce? I enjoyed meeting you, so I’m surprised by this turn of events.
>just discovered your blog! it’s witty, hilarious, and down-right fun! looking forward to more posts!
>Well, I wrote Erika an e-mail, but I don’t want everyone to think I ignored her comment.The Oh girl, please was not meant to be insulting. That’s the kind of thing I would say to my girlfriends in this situation. I love you guys who wrote what you did, particularly Plain Jane Mom, but I wanted to write from another perspective because some of what I’m reading is souring what was a great experience for me.Oh man, I think we need to just hug it out.Next year? Anyone?
>I didn’t have one person introduce themselves to me at the W party, probably because I have a penis — I feel *snubbed*, man!!
>Next year, Lindsay :)You too, Prescott!And the majority of my posts on BlogHer were fan-girl positive, so you know I’ll be going back.
>Interesting post! I met your BlogHer roommate and found your blog via Petroville. Anyway, I had an absolutely famous time at BlogHer – I met many new people. But I also didn’t meet/party with some people I had hoped to. And it was mainly because it was chaotic and crazy and I started feeling not so great on Saturday. I never felt left out, or uncool, or that my clothes/shoes/purses/blog were not good enough. Perhaps it’s due to me attending 12 years of all-girls Catholic school and developing a survivial skill for tuning the drama out but I just took things at face value – some folks are just better in social situations than others. I don’t intend to discount those who felt one way to the other but no, I did not feel the way you described so hug it out indeed!
>Sometimes outgoing “tv personalities” have a hard time understanding those who are not quite so “Type A”…
>Hey there!You’re making me sound like a party pooper! Nooooo! Not me! I loved the 3 Flckr photos that I’m in LOL! I think you must be getting me confused with other bloggers. My posts on BlogHer were not relating to feeling snubbed. Yes, I was feeling like a wallflower (my own issues) and a new “pledge.” I felt all the things of being in a new group – which I was. Nothing wrong with how I felt or with others having a good time with people they knew. My “snub/slight/whatever” happened AFTER the conference. And it wasn’t intentional! It was an honest mistake and we have virtually hugged and gotten over it. If I got less emails, I could actually post about it so that everyone knows it was a happy ending. I’m going to take care of that right now! Later, babe.
>Kaite is so right on. (I did the all girls Catholic school too, btw) BH & the after-parties were freakishly loud and non-stop with the back and forth and the up and down and the every night but I really didn’t expect anything different. Hell, it wasn’t a spa trip or a retreat. And it wasn’t a long enough conference to meet and talk (really talk) to everyone…although I think I tried.There were a few times that I felt silly and out of the loop but I honestly think that had to do with me being shy and insecure- not me being snubbed. Granted there were a few there that didn’t feel the need to say hello to me but I guess that’s their thing. Whatthefuckever. That’s always the case in a large group – female or male.For me, it wasn’t about being in the popular crowd (and honestly, I doubt I even know who the A-listers are apart from anyone else). I just wanted to meet women with a similar passion and to have some fun. Mission accomplished, I think.So why are we dissing now??
>You know I didn’t mean to start anything, I too was reading the posts that people wrote and I guess the emotion of all those got to me. I overall had a great time even with me being sick.Unfortunately there were a couple of people that were very cold to me. But I guess I was feeling more bad for my friends then I was for myself, I really didn’t care at the time that they didn’t want to get to know me. But I will always stick up for my friends!!!You are right though there were about 1000 women and somebody is going to feel hurt. I just wanted to make sure that no one I met felt hurt by me. We should feel good about showing off pictures or writing about great experiences.
>My thoughts? I think there are some (like me) that don’t really enjoy big crazy crowds and it’s good to hear those experiences too. I read Plain Jane’s post and it didn’t seem she was blaming anyone for her experiences. In fact, at the end, she seems to blame herself a little. So…my thought is that it’s good to hear all of the experiences, from those that struggled to those that had a blast the whole time.But I’m glad you hugged it out, and I’ve enjoyed hearing all reports of the conference good and mixed.
>I haven’t seen this in posts I’ve read, actually. It’s a shame people did go away with that, because I think for the most part, people had a good time. There were a few groups of close friends that really wanted to spend time while they could, I know, which made them tougher to break into, but that’s understandable, I think. People just take things personally a lot more than they need to, maybe.
>I think the trick to enjoying life is to realize there will ALWAYS be parties/places/and people you won’t be a part of and not let that ruin your enjoyment of the parties/places/and people you DID experience.PS. If you start hugging it out, you could make a lot of money making it pay-per-view.
>Gee and I here I wish I was one of those heavily trafficked bloggers. Maybe it’s not all it’s cracked up to be? Me with my sad little group of 30 non-commenting readers… after two years of witty commentary. Next year when I FINALLY get to BlogHer I’ll be sure to say hi to everyone no matter what their comment/traffic rate is.
>Amen and then some. Yeah, I posted on this very subject (and some others) and I completely agree. I’m a shy person so I accept responsibility for not being included in the infamous cheeseburger party. And I LOVE looking at everyone’s goofy party pictures because they quite literally SHOW people having a good time and enjoying one another and isn’t that what it’s all about in the end? I met some awesome people at BlogHer, and only wish I had met MORE because that would have made it that much better. Oh well, there’s always next year. 🙂
>I thought about going next year but I’m sort of afraid now.:)J/K.
>I went in drag as Maude Frickert, and I thought the whole thing was the dog’s pajamas. You and Momma K were especially delightful, inasmuch as you were the two most lovely women in the world attending Blogher. It was especially nice at the Cheesburger rally, and I got a lot of business cards so I can start giving people the business. All in all, quite enjoyable.
>Hoss, I ♥ you 🙂
>looking forward to meeting you in the future.doesn’t that sound like spam? as you know, it’s not. your “hug it out” questions are what i find endearing most of all. there’s a lot to find endearing though.being able to show empathy and move on is something we all need to learn to do. i am optimistic that everyone has that capacity. Isabel P.S. i’m usually not this gushy. what are you doing to me?
>Nobody invited me to ANY of the parties, but I had a great time anyway. I went to meet people, and I did that behind the registration table, mostly.But then, nobody paid much attention to me when I was in high school, either, so maybe I’m just used to it.Still had a great time.I did go to the “party” on Thursday night, but it was so dark, I couldn’t see anybody’s face or read their nametag. That’s why my friends and I hung out in the restroom and pretended to be bathroom ladies.Heh, “ladies.” I was really happy to meet YOU. I wish you could have had lunch with Kimberly, Vicki, Shelly, Sara, and me on Sunday.
>I told you that Ignorance is Bliss. I had a great time, went there knowing not one soul, at least not personally, met some awesome folks, got to meet the bloggers I stalk daily, and OMG they were normal and nice. I didn’t feel snubbed at all, ever. I almost did a grammatrix interview on sex with the darling Kristen. I was actually sad on Monday morning that all my BlogHer peeps had gone home. Life is what you make it my friends.Great post! 😉
>There was a cheezburger party? I loves me a cheezburger.Also not invited to any parties. Also crashed a shitload, and quite proud of it. I kind of wish I’d made the Real Simple one though, just for the stories to tell.
>I can only say that for every place you were that weekend–party, panel, bathroom stall–there were 100 places you weren’t. The solution for next year: Cloning. I’m on it. I know a guy…
>Wait – you were in Junior League?BlogHer is an exhausting event, even for the most gregarious of us. But I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that I enjoyed it 100x more this year, knowing that I didn’t have to introduce myself for the very first time, over and over again. So I hope those who attended for the first time this year will give it another shot next year. It will be easier, and it will be even more fun.And now I’m thinking about cheeseburgers. Best chow I had all weekend.
>Ok, I wasn’t even AT Blogher. Guess that means I should be completely crushed? Please. People need to put on their “big girl panties” and deal. For crying out loud.
>Me-ow. Women. Ugh.One thing I’ve always been frustrated with is the class/order/structure/kingdom/phylum/class that women seem to try to put themselves in. Why, why, why?
>A thousand people! It must be a networking thing then rather than a party. That makes me feel sooo much better.Cheers
>Again, I missed it. I always miss everything. And I wasn’t even drunk. I just found five unused Blogher drink tickets in my purse. Obviously now I have no choice but to go again next year.
>I am so taking Mom 101 up on that cloning.Oh the melodrama.
>You know, you hit the proverbial nail right on the head.It’s inevitable that when more than two women are in the same room that someone’s feelings will get hurt.I think it’s good that you wrote this. I also think that BlogHer was a polarizing event for a lot of people. I really think it’s better to talk about it all than act like everything is peachy.
>It was a conference. I’m a little confused over why people have to have feelings about a conference. You meet some people, you might not have the time or the occasion to meet others. There’s all, really. Any fun stuff to be had is just icing on the cake. You make your own fun.
>Oh honestly, what is the *deal* with women and their insecurities? If you’re shy, you know it, and it isn’t everyone else’s job to hold your hand and make you feel loved. If your outgoing, that’s just who you are. These situations just draw on people’s old, childhood wounds and neuroses – or provide a stage for those who love a crowd. What is “cold” treatment, exactly? Does this mean they snorted and rolled their eyes and turned away and started whispering? I doubt it. Does it mean that they may have smiled a little blankly at you in a noisy room, or walked past in the hall without giving you a big hug? Probably. Get over it, people. As someone else here said, a lot of bloggers are shy. Which is why they live behind their computer screen. Recognize that in yourself, if it’s you, and don’t expect everyone else to talk softly and hold out a bar of chocolate to get you out of the corner. Get your validation somewhere else, this is a *networking* event! This is exactly why I don’t go to these events – junior. high. locker room.
>I am not sure I would have known an “A-list” blogger this year if they slapped me in the face. (OH, I sure as hell would’ve known them afterwards, though.)I hate that anyone walked away feeling left out. I came away from this conference feeling 100xs better than last year. (Not just because the hotel didn’t try to kill me.)It is hard if not impossible to meet EVERY woman there. I have tried and spent the next week in a straight jacket rocking and crying trying to give out my business cards that I held in my teeth to the garbage man when he came by.I enjoyed everyone I was able to talk to–whether it was at length, shouting across a bar, quickly before sessions or when ever. It can be tough to ensure you meet everyone you wanted to meet and vice vera. My thoughts, if you felt snubbed, ask the person. There is most likely a VERY good reason such as they had no idea they did it.Let’s all hug it out. (But check your bag after Lindsay hugs you. You just never know.)
>I want to know WHO the POP-EWE-LAR bloggers are? Also, I KNOW people aint talking about OUR cheeseburger party, because EVERYONE was invited to that and even the people who didn’t get a personal invitation (which was pretty much me telling everyone I saw “hey, party in room 2603, come for the drinks, stay for the bean dip!) came anyway and they were welcome. I swear, there were so many people there who I didn’t know, and who didn’t know me, but who came anyway and had fun, because we were all drunk and stuff.GOD.
>Just a point of view from the other side of the coin here…I attended BlogHer knowing like ONE person and yet, the “cool kid party” ended up in my ROOM. (2306 4-eva) Despite not even knowing who anyone was, I put myself in there, met people I knew nothing about and came away with a really positive and fun experience, some new blogs to read and some great new friends. I can understand people not being outgoing enough to socialize that way but that’s what a conference is about. Socializing, networking, andtrying something new. You get back what you put in. Just like everything else in life.
>Kimberly – we so need to blog and kvetch more about our Catholic school days!Y – you ARE one of the A list bloggers even if you don’t know it :)Kathy – “You get back what you put in. Just like everything else in life.” So true! I would just like to say that it was the 2603 ladies’ fault from the prior evening’s libations that I could not attend the 2603 party – invited or not!:)
>You get a bunch of women together, you get drama. Fact of life. I enjoyed reading all about the good times at BlogHer, but come on, with THAT many women, I knew it was not all sunshine and daisies. I personally like reading about all of the experiences, good and bad. It makes me feel tons better about my defunct playgroup to know the drama and discontent of women happens everywhere. hehe
>People who worry about that stuff and feel that way LET themselves feel that way. It’s inevitable, whether high-school, work, parties, LIFE.I’m not one to bother with that or LET it bother me. Personally, I would rather arrange with a smaller group of bloggers and friends who all know each other (doesn’t mean “popular” or “not popular”, what is that anyway?) and WANT to meet each other, that would be more my thing.
>Leave it to a bunch of women to get catty…LOL
>Last time I checked, the a-listers weren’t there. Combine alcohol, a dark (and loud) room with a bunch of blogs with “mom” in the name and we have the potential for disaster.
>Sounds like the weekend strengthened friendships and created quite a few new ones.
>I didn’t go to BlogHer, but hope to go next year. I have been reading a lot of posts about how people felt about BlogHer and they seem to me to well rounded for the most part. People had a blast, people were overwhelmed and people felt left out.Some posts have touched me because I can relate to what it must be like to be a “small fish” blogger in a very huge pond. It is hard for successful and grown women to face those high school insecurities again within an arena where others are so well liked and established. But in the end, it is a networking event and it is for grown women.Still, voicing your emotions and feelings is one thing, especially when the purpose is for self examination. Blaming others or even complaining is another. I think it has more to do with wearing your heart on your sleeve or being able to brush it off. Each person is different.I could imagine that the pressure on some of the “popular” bloggers is not much fun either. I am sure that comes with its own price.
>Everyone is wrapping up their BlogHer recaps and I’m so late that I haven’t even started writing mine yet. Oh well!I don’t think there’s anyplace that is free of social complexity – unless it’s a place where there’s only one person. So any group of 800 people will provide drama and if you’re looking for it, potential for snubbing. I enjoyed meeting everyone and would have like more time with many people, but there are only so many minutes in a day.It helps to recognize that I can be shy in new groups, and that anyone I’m bold enough to go enough to introduce myself to is one more person than I would have met if I’d hung back.
>And again you give me another reason that I would never go to BlogHer Conference. I think most people survive high school so they can get on with the rest of their lives. Why would I want to go back?
>I really enjoyed meeting you, even though it was only for a few minutes. I have to admit that I was really embarrassed and I hope you didn’t notice, but I just remember saying, “Oh! *You’re* Suburban Turmoil?” I realized later that that could have been taken HUGELY bitchy and I so didn’t mean it that way. I have just heard so much about you and you’re one of the big timers. I didn’t expect to meet you. So it was genuine surprise and not bitchy. I so hope you didn’t notice.
>I didn’t take that as bitchy, I took that as a compliment. I was flattered that YOU had heard of ME! I stand in awe of your gorgeousness, your ability to make a Victoria’s Secret dress look like haute couture and your mad photo taking skillz.
>I’m a little late to posting here but whatever. I was at BlogHer and unfortunately did NOT meet you (HI! I’m Lizarita!) but I did meet so many other fabulous women that I am now proud to call my friends. I did not experience the “snubbery” that some did (thank GOD because I probably would’ve crawled up in the fetal position right then and there) but I have heard about it. I agree that it is so hard to meet 1000 women in such a short amount of time especially when you have people that span from blogging about growing their own organic food to blogging about the proper way to give a hand job. I made an attempt to speak to as many people as I could and also speak to those that *I* felt, felt out of place. I can’t remember where I was actually going with this comment so I’ll finish by saying that next year? I hope NO ONE feels left out. And if I can help it? I WILL!
>I didn’t actually read every single comment that came before me, so forgive me if I am repeating something that has already been said.Sure, there were a few times I felt snubbed and I’m sure that most of them were completely unintentional. But there were also people who I felt snubbed by last year that I really got to know this year and it turns out that they are really nice people and metting 800 people in two days can be really overwhelming.I also want you to know that I was shocked at how nice you were in person. That might sound strange since I’ve been reading you everday for over a year, but having not been popular in high school myself, it is still kind of shocking when somebody so beautiful and talented wants to be nice to everybody.Oh, and one more thing (because the the other three paragraphs aren’t long enough as it is). I found that the more popular your blog is the harder it is to talk to everybody. It isn’t because (most of) the “A-List” bloggers are snobby, it is just because it is completely overwhelming to have 800 people trying to introduce themselves to you. I think we smaller bloggers should give the ones with tons of traffic a little break.
>Says Busy MomIt was a conference. I’m a little confused over why people have to have feelings about a conference. Says Izzy Mom:hahahahaha ahahahaha ahahahahaFunniest thing I’ve read all day!Not to discount anyones feelings because they do matter but come on…that was pretty damn funny 🙂
>I had a great time…and I didn’t know about the parties…mainly because …well, I was already attending some. Can’t be everywhere at once..until Liz figures out how to clone me.I walked away meeting wonderful women. ONE lady was a complete bitch to me, but so many others weren’t that in the end, it didn’t matter.The only thing that surprised me was how much you stank like a fart…Surprising really, since you look so clean.
>Not everyone is super confident about being in a large group. A bitchy look that you might brush off could feel like a crushing blow to someone else. I do think that sometimes people who came off as “cold” were possible petrified too.Either way, that’s part of what blogging is about – processing what you thought about something.
>I haven’t read all your links … yet. I had a blast though. Really, I did. And although I was ticked that you always showed me up in your cute li’l outfits *heh heh*, I came home without any grudges, gripes, or garbage. OH WAIT! I did have a big ol yeast infection, but THAT wasn’t related to anything I “did” at BlogHer, I swear.I’m going next year.I can’t wait.Had the greatest time!
>I think understanding that anytime you go to a large group function you’re not going to talk to everyone you wanted to talk to helps. The first time I went to BlogHer, I left feeling like kind of a blogging loser. Over the past year, I came to terms with the fact that what I’m trying to do here is write, not win the Homecoming crown (I never did that, either). I still think it’s worth the trip, and I’m interested in connections in whatever form they take, virtual or physical. Good post.