>Marthan Invasion

>This post originally appeared on the Nashville Scene blog.

Yeah, yeah, the Music City Star’s debut marks the dawn of a new era in commuter travel. More significant, though, is the access it gives the residents of Martha, Tennessee to downtown Nashville. Life as we know it never will be the same.

Until today, you might not even have heard of Martha. Yet for decades, the Marthans have been quietly studying our city from afar, collecting reams of data on our eating habits, social customs and styles of dress. They have undergone extensive training in order to accurately mimic Nashville’s downtown denizens and now are ready to quietly infiltrate the area in hopes of eventually taking it over and making it their new Marthan capital.

So look twice at that cowboy-hatted tourist, that businesswoman sporting the New Balance sneakers/pantyhose combo, and that man selling flowers that were plucked from some Lockeland Springs resident’s front yard. For today, the Marthans walk among us. A War of the Worlds is inevitable and I fear that with their powerful new rail weapon, the Marthans and their suburban minions are almost guaranteed to emerge victorious.