>Me, Myself and I
>In my single days, I paid a lot of attention to what my clothes said about me. My mother and father had drilled into me what boys thought of girls who dressed like harlots, so I wore jackets over my low-cut shirts and heavy black stockings with my flirty babydoll dresses. I liked to imagine that my look said something like, “You can look, but if you come near me, I will totally blow my rape whistle.”
Once I met my husband, though, I gratefully relaxed my standards. Finally, I could leave the jackets and opaque stockings at home when the two of us went out on the town, because I was with someone, a muscular someone who’d knocked heads together more than once back in the day, and looked sort of like he might just do it again if given the opportunity. Even now, two babies and seven years down the road, I eagerly anticipate our date nights (the ones on which we opt for a bar instead of a bookstore, anyway) as a chance to put on some Paris Hilton-approved little black dress and play the party girl, if only for a few hours.
But occasionally, I’m thrown for a loop.
Last week, we were out on one such date night when we met a man my husband vaguely knew from some news story or other. The guy joined us at the bar and, after introducing himself to me, quickly launched into the long and incredibly dull story of his life. He was good about eye contact, gazing both at my husband and at me as he spoke, but there was a third party he regularly addressed in his unending soliloquy, one that threw me slightly off guard…
My boobs.
Never before had my boobs been so included in any public conversation. The girls were made privy to the details of this man’s sordid divorce, they played captive audience to his tale of going from rags to riches, and they were even given the news of his plans to buy a downtown high-rise. Meanwhile, I sat, stonefaced and still as a Kitchen-Aid on a bachelor’s countertop, not wanting to encourage the dude with a smile or any jiggling that might make a long story even longer.
“Well, you do sort of have them on display,” my husband said when I mentioned the objects of the guy’s attention once we’d finally gotten rid of him.
I glanced down at the v-neck on my halter dress. “I do,” I admitted. “And I wasn’t offended. It was just…. awkward. I mean, they’re boobs. Not psychiatrists. They’re not good listeners, you know?”
The whole thing reminded me of a male friend of mine in high school, who was completely incapable of talking to any girl without looking down at her boobs every ten seconds, regardless of whether she was wearing a tight t-shirt or a heavy overcoat. You got used to it after a while, but I never could figure out why this otherwise highly intelligent boy couldn’t keep his eyes up where they belonged.
As adults, most men have learned that you can’t sneak a peek at a woman’s boobs during a conversation without her noticing, but from time to time, I’m sure you’ve all run into guys that just can’t keep their eyes from dipping south. Repeatedly. There’s nothing you can do, really, except treat it like an embarrassing tic, but can you imagine a woman having this problem? “I’m sorry, what did you say? I just can’t stop looking at your, um. Zipper.”
Dudes. What the hell?
>Funny! I have noticed this happening too. What is it with men?
>Instinct. It’s one of those things that’s hardwired in and requires great concentration to override.
>I had a teacher in high school who wore a necklace with an eyeball pendant. She said it was the only way to look men in the eyes while they were talking to her.
>I have an occasional “girls night out” with friends, and we end up in one of 2 places. One friend commented to me one time that “The girls are looking particularly good tonight”…and this was punctuated by the guys who would come over to talk to us and stare at my chest.Another time, when I was NOT wearing what my husband coined “booby shirts” (the ones that show the curves nicely, with cleavage showing), another friend said, “it must be nice to get all that attention”…I was oblivious and asked what she meant. She said that every guy that passed by us would glance, then do a double take, at my “girls”. Odd…they weren’t even on display that night!But yeah, men love to look at boobs.
>Ladies, us guys are what we are. I can manage to keep eye contact unless my conversation mate is wearing a low cut, and her boobs are demanding inclusion in the conversation. As another commenter said, “we’re hardwired that way”.Now, when a guy wants to tell you his life story — especially when in his mind, it sucks just then — he probably reckons a listening female’s boobs ARE pertinent to the conversation: as totally objective, non-judgemental listeners. As simple as that 😉
>Absolutely! And guys are so happy, once they get a regular girlfriend, to also gain the right to stare as much as they want without the risk of getting the evil eye or a purse across the face.So said my boyfriend.;P
>rock on sister rock on!
>I have tiny titties so this has never been something I’ve noticed. I have to say, though, don’t you think guys would be THRILLED if we had to check out the package regularly during conversation?
>Men. I asked my husband about this recently and while he couldn’t provide any real insight he did confirm that he could evaluate boobs all day long. He then tells me the story about “camp” and a trip to Montreal when they were 11 and his first real boob sighting. Any man can tell you the insane details behind this first experience….hilarious.
>At least with the boob-stare there is no risk of them, uh, shifting under attentiveness, thus drawing even more attention to themselves.The same cannot be said of Mount Zippy. Stare at it too long and it will start to stare back.Gah.
>Ha ha! Backpacking Dad, you never fail to make me laugh.
>I simply cannot think of anything to say. Backpacking Dad has stunned me into silence. Too, too funny.
>Oh come on, guys. It’s my instinct to want to grab the nearest chocolate cake and take a nibble right there in the store, but that doesn’t give me the right to do it. If a man is staring at a woman’s breasts repeatedly throughout an entire conversation (or soliloquy), that is just inappropriate, halter top or not. It is one thing to appreciate a good rack, it is another to be a creep about it.And sorry, but boo to Hubs for busting out the “but you were asking for it” BS!
>OH MY! Too funny! Hey, at least you know that they still draw attention. Tell the men who stare at them….your lactating!! That should get them to stop. BTW- I tagged you. Love this blog!
>There are some things for us men where the memories will last for a long time, like a vacation, or reading a good book. With boobs, everyday is a brand new day.Why are boobs like a train set at Christmas? Theoretically they’re there for the kids, but they’re much more fun for the dad.
>Ok, two things.1) Boobs are EXCELLENT listeners and they make you a better listener, too, since whoever is talking to them is not thinking about whether or not you’re studying *his* body language.2) I have done the “zipper” thing. It’s highly disconcerting to the guys being objectified, especially since you have to step back in order to get the right angle to talk to their zipper area.I try to save it for the times when the cleavage-starers are really taking it too far, but when I actually use it, trust me, IT WORKS.
>I agree with julie. Whether it is boobie staring, or licking your lips repeatedly, or raising your eyebrows up and down over and over, or saying “mmrrrooowww” under your breath or WHATEVER, CREEPY is not ok. Creepy is just…. creepy.
>fyregoddess, I would be worried that staring back at a man’s crotch would give him the impression that I was interested. I just read an article about a study that showed men were really, really bad at reading women’s body language, assuming they were interested when they absolutely weren’t, etc.Julie and Gertie, I got the impression with this particular guy that he truly couldn’t help himself, not that he was trying to be creepy. Hard to explain, but you know what I mean, right? You sort of had to be there. And I think that accounted for my husband’s attitude. Had the guy been google eyed and licking his lips, I think we would have gotten the hell out of there. It’s something I run into from time to time and it’s just a little bit bizarre.
>I understand. But in general, I just wanted to say that creepy is not ok.And now it is time to end my rhyme.
>Having no boobs this has never been a problem for me. However, I watched this “How To Be A Woman Professional Speaker” or something like that years ago and she addressed this issue. She said she had one friend that halfway thru the conversation grabbed her boob, shook it a little, and said “Speak up, girls, he’s talking to you.” It was hilarious. In another anecdote she said her friend looked down at her boobs, first one, then the other and said,”I don’t think they speak.” Carol
>I’m no guy, but I totally get what you’re saying, Skunkfeathers. LOL.
>Ahh, Tit Talkers. Sigh. I worked with one of those. In the end I fired him for it. In my book, you get one warning then you’re out of there (and yes that includes clients and bosses).
>This happens no matter how old the man is or how your boobs look… I have 36Ds and I can hide them in a sweater and they still get stared at.
>A TIT TALKER?! Bwah ha ha ha! I’ll have to remember that one!
>”I mean, they’re boobs. Not psychiatrists.”This is hands-down the best pair of sentences about the pair I have ever seen.I’ll often say, “Hey! Eye contact!” if I think it’ll actually get the behavior to change. Otherwise, I’ll “see someone I know” and walk away. There’s only so much of a guy talking to the bodacious tatas I can take.
>Oh lawd…I’m rolling here….Backpacking dad just made me spit out my water…i’ve been on the receiving end of boobie staring for years….I was the only 4th grader with a bra….it sucks some days.I’ve gone as far to say “If you really must know…40DD, wanna stop staring??” – some guys back off…others…well, they just keep staring…
>I am overly blessed in the boob department, and tit-talking is a daily occurrence in my life. I’ve just learned to roll with it, but I do hope my daughter is less blessed in this department.
>Well, at least you have “stare-worthy” boobs. But most men who know me won’t look because they know I am trained to kill with my bare hands…. that info kinda messes with the whole dynamic of conversations I have with them. I don’t have any trouble with eye contact (that and I don’t have a low cut shirt worthy chest LOLOL)
>Once on a visit to the zoo with a boyfriend I saw a not-young-enough woman dressed in a manner that you might describe as not appropriate for a place where children might be present. Boyfriend was facing the opposite direction when NYE Woman pranced by. I murmured: “You should have seen what just walked by,” and Boyfriend replied: “Honey, every man in the building saw what just walked by.”Men!
>I don’t think they can help it. I went to the grocery store with my husband and toddler the other day, not dressed up, pretty raggy looking in my opinion. I swear I caught at least five men checking out my boobs. What is up with that? I turned to hubby and asked, “Do my boobs look particularly large today or something?”, because I really didn’t get it. He said, “Um, no…a little cold maybe.”. Ah…I forgot to wear my nipple-obliterating bra.
>I addressed this at my place a little over a year ago:http://shootthemoose.wordpress.com/2007/04/17/my-eyes-are-up-here/I've been working on eliminating this behavior in my life, and I’ve tried…uh…Look! Boobies!
>Ha! Don’t know about you, but my boob definitely grew post children, as did my confidence in low cut tops, its all good!TattyH
>One possible explanation to make it clear to one and all* about the male thing with boobs:*he says something causing her to roll her eyes*Her: “You are such a boob!”A *TOING* goes off inside his head, causing a chain-reaction spinning of wheels, brakes, etc.*He stares down, thinking…”boobs”**He then turns the mental pointer back upon himself, thinking “boob”*The mental train wreck is on, as he tries to sort out what had been, for him until then, a perfectly-ordered universe.*Disclaimer: this scenario may not work for every male, depending on age, degrees of denseness, testosterone, alcohol intake, education levels, and/or during major sporting events. Results may differ. Check owner’s manual for peculiarities not heretofore noted.
>I’d just be happy someone was checking me out, period!
>I hope that I may never stare,Especially in conversation.But I can’t help but know they’re there,When they’re displayed to all the nation.
>Comment deleted because it had nothing to do with boobs (unless you’re counting the author of said comment). Try posting that comment to one of the SAHD posts, Anonymous. Hugz.
>At 42 and 2 kids later, I think I’m ok getting checked out. What truly bothers me tho is people (ok, guys) checking out my 15 year olds boobs. Those guy I want to smash my foot in their face. Look at me all you want (please!) but not her. Not yet!Fina/Sayville/Long Island
>There is a t-shirt out there, I don’t remember which blogger invented it first but it says, “I make milk. What’s your super power.”It seems that might be a fun line to use on the boob starers. I’ll have to try it.I was a 34 DD before breast feeding and I find it a constant battle to keep the girls in line. MY husband doesn’t mind at all, 😉 but I’m not always dating him. I’m more often leaning across a family dinner table wrestling with a toddler and catching a slightly red faced younger adolescent brother in law as they try to figure out where to look. It kind of sucks.But I’ve gotten that from men in turtle necks so I think it’s a lost cause.
>Okay, what I meant to say was that I’ve had a lot of men stare at my breasts even when I am wearing a turtle neck.NOT, Men in turtle necks stare at my boobs.
>Funny stuff. “I mean, they’re boobs. Not psychiatrists.” That’s just bloggy gold that is.
>I’m just envious of women who can display the girls proudly. As one who is very well-endowed, I feel like a stripper or porn star if I wear really tight shirts or low cut tops. I wish I could relax a bit more and not worry about all the looks they’ll get when I wear something that really shows them off.
>I’ve never had that problem :(As an example as to why, here is the joke my best guy friend would tell me ALL THE FRICKIN’ TIME:Hey Sue, I gotta tell you this joke! It’s so funny you’ll laugh your tits off….OH, I see you’ve already heard it.
>My brother told me that “joke” when I was 15. It still applies. I asked my sister if I looked like a boy, she said “no boobs, no butt, no hair, what do you think?” Oh how I long for those skinny days. Still no boobs, though.Carol
>Trust me, even if you were not a goddess of hotness, he would have stared. Newly divorced is like a male teenager — they can’t help but look at the girls. And if you have big knockers it won’t even matter what you wear — you can’t hide them. When I used to waitress in college my boobs took more orders than I did. Luckily I was still able to write down the orders that were given to my boobs while working at a family restaurant.
>JUST came across this post and have to report that i recently failed a dr.phil’s personality test as “self-centered loser” because i think, i listed my body stance as having my arms crossed in front of me. the real reason i stand this way in conversation is to avoid the boob stare. and they make a nice shelf/resting place for my arms, or crumb catcher.i remember in designing women when annie potts had some falsies she was trying out at a bar to see if more men talked to her. sure enough they did. she asked one man if he came over to them because of her large breasts and he said, “Yes, I did…”. then she declared to her friend, “these things are POWER!”. ha ha ha