>More Tales from the Soccer Trenches

Loyal readers here will remember Punky’s first soccer season all too well- the angry parents, the ring-around-the-rosey on the field, the oversized jerseys, and the overwhelming angst I felt almost every weekend facing the prospect of another game between three-year-olds and their anxious and sometimes angry parents. Well, guess what?

It’s baaaaack.

That’s right, sports fans. The um, interesting thing about soccer is that it consists of not one, but two seasons per year. That means our three-year-olds get to take to the fields yet again, while their parents yell, scream, gesticulate wildly, and glare at each other from the sidelines. Woot.

My husband, the coach, went to a mandatory meeting for all coaches of the age-five-and-under soccer teams. The e-mail instructed the coaches to come dressed read to participate in a few drills the league planned to demonstrate, drills that would be appropriate for preschool-aged soccer practices. Hubs knew things were bound to get interesting when one guy showed up decked out in an expensive private soccer club t-shirt and professional soccer league pants. He carried a gym bag emblazoned with various soccer seals, and when the meeting portion was over and the demonstration began, he sat down, pulled cleats out of the bag, and put them on. This struck Hubs as a bit, well, much, considering that even the kids at this age aren’t wearing cleats on the field unless their parents just have money to burn. Special soccer shoes aren’t required until the kids graduate to the older leagues. Also, the drills consisted of a version of pin the tail on the donkey and freeze tag.

But to each his own, right?

A few coaches were called out on the grass to help with the freeze tag demonstration. Keep in mind that this was intended to be a game for three, four and five-year-olds. Hubs watched in disbelief as the men began playing freeze tag as if their lives depended on it.

“You wouldn’t have believed it!” He told me later. “Guys were tripping and falling over other guys who were frozen and one guy broke his glasses! It was ridiculous!” I laughed. But it actually got worse when it was time for Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

“They called out another group of guys,” he related, “and they were just as into it as the last group. It pretty much ended when one guy head butted another and almost broke his nose.”

“Are you serious?” I laughed. “What did the other guy do?!”

“He got up off the ground and held his nose for a while,” Hubs said. “It was totally insane! And it made me realize that if these are the guys coaching the kids we play, it’s no wonder we’re having all these problems with other parents!”

Keep in mind that Hubs has coached my stepdaughters’ soccer teams since they were eight and ten years old. After seven straight years of coaching, he’s pretty seasoned, and as his wife, I can say we’ve had hardly any problems with parents except for one or two who didn’t seem to understand that their kids really needed to attend at least some of the practices. Nothing has been as difficult for him as coaching in the three-year-old league. Nothing.

“Hang in there,” several league officials and coaches told him when they learned he’d signed up to coach a preschool-aged team. “The parents and coaches are pretty tough to deal with at that age. They calm down by the time the kids turn eight or so.”

Oh, brother. Get set for another interesting season- Game’s on in two weekends.

This post originally appeared in Parents.com.