>Mother’s Helper
>”You know,” Hubs said reflectively as he cracked an egg on the stovetop and dumped (most of) its contents into a bowl, “A few months ago, I never would have imagined myself doing this much cooking. But now, I’m prepared to do it forever.”
I froze, unable to tear my eyes from the viscous goo that now would fester and dry on the stovetop until I was prepared to clean it up. When I finally managed look away, my eyes were drawn to the raw bacon lying idly across the bare counter, the splattered grease on the grill, and the crumbs liberally scattered across the floor.
“Oh no,” I laughed hollowly. “In another month or so, you’ll never have to cook again.” Please God, I added silently.
“Actually, I don’t mind it,” Hubs said, wiping his nose before continuing to chop up a small onion. “I’ve discovered that I enjoy cooking.”
“No you don’t,” I said grimly. “You just think you do. But trust me. You hate it. Hate it.”
Yes, my husband has Stepped Up to the Plate. And I’m counting the days until he heads back to the dugout.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the nights he fixes dinner, or the fact that he’s taken over making the girls’ lunches every day. I do. I really do. But the kitchen is my space, my office, and now that he’s all up in my grill (literally), I’m having a little trouble adjusting. For one thing, the unspoken agreement (which I neither saw nor signed) is that I do all his cleanup. Period. This is especially problematic because, as I’ve demonstrated, he makes quite a mess (I mean, who wouldn’t if the cleanup were left to someone else?). For another, he seems to have decided that the extra help around the house has earned him a free pass to say whatever he wants and get away with it. Like this:
Him: “You throw stuff away all the time and that’s why we can’t find anything around here!”
Me: “How dare you? I do not! That’s so rude!”
Him: “Me? RUDE? Here I am, doing all this extra work! You’re totally ungrateful!”
In fact, now that Hubs has Stepped Up to the Plate, all of our arguments are over household matters, making each qualify for The Stupidest Topic on Earth- the winner (in the last few days, anyway) being the Great Ritz Cracker vs. Cookie Nutrition Debate.
Him: Don’t give Punky a Ritz Cracker. A cookie’s way healthier!
Me: Oh ha, ha. It is not.
Him: Read the ingredients for yourself!
Me: Neither one is very healthy. Look, I’m just trying to put something together for her to eat in the car on the way to Target, okay?
Him: Read the ingredients! A cookie is healthier! Read the ingredients!
Me: Fine. You make the snack, freak!
What I wouldn’t give for a good old-fashioned brawl over finances or ex-boyfriends. It’s hard to muster up any passon for an argument about who’s responsible for replacing the liner in the kitchen trash can.
So to all you women out there bitching about your lazy-ass, no-good husband who won’t lift a finger to help out around the house?
Be careful what you wish for. Trust me on this one.
>In OUR house, The Man does almost all of the cooking. In fact, he doesn’t like when I cook. I always thought I was a good cook, but apparently Rice-A-Roni and SPAM and Bisquick Easy Chicken Pot Pie don’t suit his delicate taste buds.Those men must have an invisble lawyer who writes up those invisble contracts, because I’m apparently bound to one as well. No. Matter. What. – I have to clean. If he RINSES OFF HIS DISHES, I owe him something. Please…like cooking dinner equals ALL the cleaning of the WHOLE house???? I think not.(I feel that way when he does the laundry, though. Not like I LOVE laundry, I just want it done right!)
>My hubby and I had those “unwritten” agreements, too…and the longer I am a SAHM, the less those agreements are actually done. Like his taking out the trash, cleaning up after himself, cleaning up after dinner (since I do the cooking) etc, etc. When I was down for 2 weeks after my hysterectomy, he continued to tell me about how great his “methods” were for his “schedule” of keeping house and kids running in order. Ugh. Took me three weeks after that to FIND everything, since he put things wherever he wanted. And he didn’t put the kids’ clothes away, so there were three or more baskets of clothing just sitting around…having been tossed out by the 3 y/o as a game (several times). I just ended up taking the entire batch and rewashing…who knew what was clean and not.No sirree, I prefer to be the queen of the household chores. Things done my way make me happy. Good luck getting your kitchen back!
>Groan…I’m afraid that I’ve finally made some progress and My Better Half is now making the bed after he drags his ass out of it some two hours after mine has danced a morning jig. But I find myself sneaking back in there to make it again b/c he just doesn’t do it the way I would have done it. I’m just cringing thinking about him making bacon and eggs if he can’t even get the bed made “right!”
>I *gladly* gave the kitchen, cooking, menu planning, and grocery shopping duties to my husband about a month ago. He has prepared the best dishes I’ve ever had since then … EVERY DAY! The menu for the week is listed on a whiteboard on Sunday’s and let me tell you, I feel like a princess!!! I’ve had zero reruns, they are all nutritious — I swear, he missed his calling as a chef! All I have to do is load the dishwasher now, and pick out a bottle of wine. That’s it, and I’m loving every minute of it. Of course, he did not realize that red snapper was $26.99/lb and paid $36.00 for it on Monday …. but whatever … I’ll spend it if I don’t have to cook. 🙂
>Where do you stand on who does the grocery shopping ? That darned unspoken agreement deemed it my job and while it used to be somewhat fun now its just a chore.So I beg him and I beg him and when he finally does it he gets no generic brands in an effort to save $ and he comes back with nothing of substance…stuff like pistachios and cashews and pudding and maybe a microwave meal or two. So then I’m forced back in to doing it myself so that it gets done right.He must do that stuff on purpose, huh!? *sigh*
>My husband every week or so helps me out by doing the dishes. He makes a big deal out of it and wears the fact of it like a blue ribbon on his chest for days afterward. However, no matter how many times I tell him he needs to, he never actually scrubs the dishes. They go straight from sink to dishwasher with ne’er a sponge or sudsy splash in between. I usually end up redoing about half of the dishes because, well, our dishwasher sucks. puce_putz@yahoo.com
>so was he right about the ingredients??
>Oh yes. Yes, yes, yes. You have just described my relationship with my husband’s “helpfulness.” He really does want to be helpful, and may the good Lord bless him for it! And it’s impossible to say to him, in the midst of his helpfulness, “YOU’RE DOING IT ALL WRONG” because maybe he will stop trying to be helpful all together! And what if one of these days I need his help?
>I stopped asking my husband for kitchen/food help about the same time I asked for it the first time. I feel your pain. It was more work to show him where things were and then put them away when he was done then it was for me just to do it myself.Men! Can’t live with them . . . pass the ice cream!
>Yes, I’d love to know about the snacks. So when does your hubby go back to work, mine finally goes back tomorrow. lol. We argued yesterday because he wanted to go out and eat with the kids and I desperately wanted to stay home. I did btw, he took the kids out I rested. lol
>Oh God, I totally agree with you. I have enough up my grill already, I certainly don’t need him fiddling around in there only making things more jammed.
>I know of what you speak, Lindsay. I must tell you, it is WORSE when your husband is a chef by trade! Sure, he makes amazing food (when he’s not working 90 hours a week), but he also uses every effin’ pot, pan and utensil in our house! He then forgets that there isn’t a hired 20-year-old around (like there is at his restaurant) to clean it up! Noooo! It’s me, his wife, who gets up every morning at 5 so she can fit in a workout, then drives 40 miles each way to work, and most nights doesn’t make it home ’til 7! Gets my goat every time! It’s like it’s “Helping you MY way!” I always feel bad when I am annoyed by it, because I appreciate it, like you do, but still, I wish he’d catch on to the “clean as you go” concept. Sigh.
>Quote: “Yes, my husband has Stepped Up to the Plate…”Mine does that, too. If only they’d learn to step up to the dishwasher and the mop and bucket, huh? hahaha
>What is it with men expecting some sort of royal treatment when they help around the house? Hubbz does the same thing, plus he expects a parade or something after he’s finished “Did you notice I cleaned the kitchen?” Cue the drum line… yeesh! Men!
>My husband has become Mr. Mom, he now stays home with the baby while I go off to work 50 hours a week…the best part is when I get home he barks at me to pick up after myself…ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME…pick up after myself? I’ve spent the last 3 years cleaning up the wake of the Rob tornado, and you are going to complain about my shoes being next to the front door? I hear ya…its almost better to have them do nothing…
>Indigo…you’re one lucky gal. Lindsey, I can SO relate to this. I’m glad I’m not alone. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself that I have to do all the cooking, but then I let him in the kitchen to help and remember why I took over on this! His issue is not the mess, but it’s his cooking. He goes way too wild with the ingredients. I prefer my own cooking. Worker Mommy, I have a solution for you on the grocery shopping. Online, home delivery! I use Safeway, and it has been awesome. I used to like grocery shopping, but eventually realized how dang repetitive it was…plus all the lugging stuff around. A monkey could do it! I always get the same things. So, ordering online and having it delivered has been the greatest thing. I live a little ways away from town, and it costs me less than gas to drive to the store. They do a pretty good job. The delivery guy is really nice, and if I want he will bring it into my house and put it on the counters! He’d probably put it in the frig if I asked (but I don’t). I still go to other stores (like for health food) once a week or so, but it’s just for a few things and it takes the drudgery out of it. I feel like I’ve gained several hours per week, and no more resentment of the husband for not doing it.
>One of my favorite quotes is “A man is someone who can take out the trash and act as if he’s cleaned the entire house.”
>Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. We are damned if they do and damned if they don’t! My very own Man Mountain does dishes (that I must rewash), laundry (can I even count the number of dry clean only pants he has ruined?), and cooks (he believes a can of Veg-All added to pretty much anything constitutes a complete and nutritious meal…nuff said)–AM I THE LUCKY ONE OR WHAT???!!!doncha just wish we could rub their noses in it and put them outside, and then, eventually, they would learn?DREAM…THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM…
>Yup. That about captures it.
>I am SOOO with you. My husband is great about cooking…but invariably almost anything cooked on the stove, especially eggs, ends up somehow slopping out onto the burner to be encrusted there for me to clean later.Ugh…just let me make the eggs next time. 😉
>My favorite line of this entire post…”You make the snack, freak!”
>I totallllllly know what you mean… (by the way I swear I am sending you that outfit) so I am trying my damndest to get all my Spring 07 orders out and my husband cannot seem to read the purchase orders right and it is putting everything in the wrong boxes…wrong sizes, wrong styles…driving me crazy…I have to go and double check EVERYTHING he is doing and making sure he is sending out the right stuff to the boutiques. God PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE someone give him a job so he is out of my FREAKING HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Welcome to my world. Oh, that’s our house, 100%. My hubs “helps,” which actually makes MORE work for me trying to fix/clean up whatever he did, and then I get bitched at for being lazy (because I didn’t do the dishes WHEN he wanted them done – no matter that I have to rewash them because they’re still dirty). Sigh. And yes, he thinks one tiny job (picking up the newspaper) allows him free rein to say whatever he wants for the day. Uh, NO. Not even.
>Sigh… Yes, it’s hard to find good help, isn’t it?
>My husband asked what I wanted for my birthday some months ago. I told him that I wanted a nice dinner at home. Then, I specified, not baked chicken, snap peas and rice — the food must have more than a few ingredients and take more than 6 minutes in the microwave.The hubby picked an elaborate meal from one of my cook books and started shopping and planning way too late in the day. By 7pm, he was flinging pans, burning food and saying lots of bad words. When dinner was ready, he pronounced that making a nice meal is hard work. That’s all I really wanted for my b-day… some appreciation about how hard it really is to make a heartfelt dinner.
>My husband asked what I wanted for my birthday some months ago. I told him that I wanted a nice dinner at home. Then, I specified, not baked chicken, snap peas and rice — the food must have more than a few ingredients and take more than 6 minutes in the microwave.The hubby picked an elaborate meal from one of my cook books and started shopping and planning way too late in the day. By 7pm, he was flinging pans, burning food and saying lots of bad words. When dinner was ready, he pronounced that making a nice meal is hard work. That’s all I really wanted for my b-day… some appreciation about how hard it really is to make a heartfelt dinner.
>The Mrs. can spot a crumb a mile away. Some of our biggest debates have involved my inability to “clean the kitchen.” I can get away with a bit because, 1) I try to clean up after myself and 2) I actually can cook pretty darn well.
>Hey, no fair!! That is how it is at my house too. I think my hubby tries to use every pot in the house and splatter stuff everywhere! UGH!
>Kristy, I try to avoid using every pot in the house to minimize clean up, and I clean as I go. It is inadequate per the Mrs’s standard. The Mrs. makes a bigger mess than me, but it is cleaner after the time consuming clean up than me.
>I just getting around to reading your blog…insert the word “baby” with new career as “Museum Director” and it’s the story of my life. My husband is great, he steps up and then I too, get stuck cleaning up the mess. But at least I hope that your husbands eggs are as good as my sweeties. It’s the only the cooks but its worth the mess.