>One Tit Wonder
>I have a new writing job, one that will be revealed in a few days. And with that writing job comes a new arrangement in which, two days a week for two hours, I put Punky down for her nap and head over to Starbucks while one of the girls watches the baby. I get a lot more writing done here than I would at home, not only because I don’t have a baby squawking for my attention every five minutes, but also because I don’t have Internet access. So there are literally no distractions, nothing at all to keep me from writing for two solid hours. Nothing, that is, except for my boobs.
Oh no, not another breastfeeding post, I can hear you saying. Puh-leeze! We are freaking sick of hearing about your boobs! Well, readers, that’s just too bad. Because right now, I’m pretty much obsessed with them. Are they getting saggy? Do I need to wear a bra to bed? Do I have enough milk? Will they deflate when I quit nursing? How long should I wait to nurse after having a glass of wine? Will I need a breast lift? How do I get Bruiser to quit squeezing them while he’s eating? Why does he hate the right side when I’m sitting with him on the sofa? Why is nursing Bruiser more like a wrestling match than the cuddle session it was with Punky? And why, why, why, why, why will he only eat from one side per feeding?
That last question is driving me mad because, as I sit here in the corner of Starbucks, I’m hunched over like an 80-year-old woman. One of these boobs is not like the other, and it’s just a tiny bit embarrassing. I know, I know, it could be worse. I could be sitting here with a big wet spot over one nipple, but still. It doesn’t exactly give me the kind of confidence I need to lope unevenly over to the counter and tell them to stop putting so damn much ice in my chai.
To be honest, I’m pretty low-maintenance, so I tend to forget all about my um, issue, until I’m out somewhere and I unexpectedly brush up against something with my stripper-sized boob. “Dang that Bruiser,” I whisper and cross my arms protectively over my lopsided chest.
I know this problem is only temporary, but I’m afraid it will have a permanent impact on my ego. There was a time when, if I caught men looking at my chest, I’d smirk to myself and even strut a little afterward, knowing I still had it going on. Now, I throw my hands up in apology. Sorry, I mouth, before slinking away.
Still, I try to look at the bright side. I’m not sure what it is, exactly, but I’m I’ll find it eventually. After all….
P.S. Looking for funky fresh clothes for your baby? I’ve got the hook-up here.
>I suffered with the OBB (One Big Boob) syndrome with BOTH my kids…but amazingly enough, each child chose a different boob, so in the end, I almost balanced out. Of course, there was a 2 1/2 year dry spell between kids, so I did have to deal with that. Now they are both saggy, hanging, and pathetic….oh well.
>My son does the same thing! I used to have him nurse on BOTH sides, but I produce so much milk that he would spit up over half of what he ate.. so now, only one boob per feeding, but I pump the other one in the daytime if I am home with him because he is in daycare 4 days a week and they need the milk there too.. only on the weekends do I go out with one big boob.. and man.. that boob looks GOOD!beth
>All three of my babies only nursed on one breast per feeding. I just alternated which one each feeding and it worked out.
>What do I know about breast feeding?!?! But I bet the other one is pretty wonderful, too!
>You’re a riot. And if you need answers to the post-breastfeeding questions after baby #2, I’ve got them and (sigh) the news isn’t good. On another note, Starbucks for two hours sounds live heaven.
>I would be distracted by all the available goodies in Starbucks. I would also be completely wired.
>Could you pump the one side while he’s nursing on the other? It’s time consuming, I know…. Boo liked to nurse on one side better than the other, too, so I’m a bit wonky. Not freakishly wonky, but enough that it bothers me. Of course, the day I stop obsessing about various body parts is probably going to be the day I die.
>He likes both sides, just one per feeding. So I feed him and leave and while I’m gone, the other side gets really full. Hence the problem.
>I sure hope that, one of these days, you will do a b**g about your boobs, because I hear they are something other than else.
>I just wanted to say I love your blog , I love the way you write… On to the boob, my daughter does the same thing she wont eat from both, its always one then the other… And then i sometimes forget which one we left off on so i have to look at them or pick them up to see which one is fuller… And then i get strange looks from hubby…
>This is probably the best post title EVER.
>My son only nursed one side. I know exactly what you are talking about. But it goes away and once you’re done, it’s no big deal. Both boobs are equally droopy.
>…so does anyone you see(that reads your blog of course…) give you a funny look(or avert their eyes..) …or maybe just hold one shoulder up a little higher as they pass…??
>Mine are like that and I’ve NEVER breastfed anyone!!!
>Dead-pan response to some of your questions: you shouldn’t ever wear a bra in bed… you don’t really need to wear one any other time either! Have a look at goingbraless.net for more comments—including from large-breasted, uneven and breastfeeding mums!
>So is Bruiser a lefty or a rightie?
>If you alternate sides with each feeding, may I suggest that you let him first nurse for 10 minutes on the side he nursed on previously. This helps make sure he gets more of the nutrient-rich hind-milk, before filling up with the thinner fore-milk from the other side.Also, if he’s having trouble nursing on one side, a possible issue might be with the bones in his neck. I’ve discovered with my newborn patients that if baby favors one breast over the other, I’ll often find a restriction in the upper cervical spine. One quick, gentle adjustment, and usually problem solved! You’d be amazed the difference a pediatric chiropractor can make in your baby’s life! If you want more info, feel free to email! 🙂
>I’m not commenting on BFing, because I have no right to do that…but the OVER ICING at Starbucks has GOT to stop. The girl commented once to me when I said “light ice” that I was trying to get more drink for free. Um. If I ordered it hot, I would get just as much Soy as I would if you didn’t over ice my drink.Viva La Revolution – down with the over icing!
>Heck, I nursed Bella for two and a half years “one side per feeding.” It worked out great, as long as you just remember to alternate. And once you’ve been doing it that way for a few days, the “lopsidedness” dissipates. Good luck, and I SO look forward to actually meeting you in a couple weeks!
>I know exactly how you feel.. all in the name of motherhood :)). I’m upset that my pregnancy book didn’t mention this lopsidedness effect!
>I had the same darn thing happen with Emily! It was horrible (not to mention painful!) Of course, we also had six cases of thrush, a case of mastitis, and plugged milk ducts in the course of only eight months. Most people would give up, but I am too cheap for that. I didn’t want to pay all that money for formula.
>Why would you need to wear a bra to bed? That sounds horribly uncomfortable.
>Well, there’s always formula. Breast feeding didn’t work out in our family. Then you would have to worry about either breast.Last time I checked, one could still get into an Ivy League college if they were bottle fed.
>Loved the link to the kids clothes..really funky and cute- but $95 for a pair of kid’s shorts? I have money to spend, but not like that!
>I disagree with the comment…. breastfeeding will certainly get Bruiser into a better college! Keep it up and stay away from the evil formula! I had the one sider as well.. neither of my boobs are saggy, but they weren’t so big to begin with.
>Anonymous,Some people cannot breast feed, due to postpartum depression, or other real issues. They shouldn’t feel the societal pressure that they are some sort of failure because the chose not to decrease the number of ear infections their child gets in the first year of life (the only hard end-point actually scientifically demonstrated) because some folks think that formula is “evil.” If folks want to breast feed, that’s their choice, if they don’t, that’s their choice as well. The benefits are modest at best, hence my comment that bruiser can still get into an Ivy League college if he is formula fed. It was a flippant comment used to make a point.
>I’ve got lopsided boobs, too. And the worst part? I haven’t breastfed for years! At least you’ve got an excuse. ;)Oh, and I’m positively green with envy: Kids that still nap? A live-in babysitter? Two hours at Starbucks? Heaven!
>Same. I just switch sides every feeding. In the morning when it’s really uncomfortable is when I pump the other side while nursing and that’s the milk I donate. IBMP (International Breast Milk Project)
>I nursed all five of my children. None of them nursed on more than one side at a time but it could be because they were little vacuum cleaners and emptied one side in a moments flat. Their little tummies were filled to the brim. I know this because moments after nursing they would burp up an ounce or two and still look totally satisfied. No one ever wanted side two. Therefore I walked around lopsided. 🙂
>Same here. And you know, I think this is truly the norm rather than the exception. I’ve heard about this issue so much recently, and to think all the books make it seem like both sides per feeding is the norm.
>my 2nd boy does the same. but after 10 months, I’m pretty much down to almost my normal size, and they don’t get so full btw feedings any more. but boy was I embarrassed, too, about the one big boob. I felt like going to Fredrick’s to buy some kinda fake boob insert to put in my bra. Can you buy those things??Anyway, of course formula kids will go to Ivy League Schools, too, and of course some women CAN’T breast feed, but of course there are SO many benefits of breast feeding, that ALL moms SHOULD give it a try before going to formula. That’s my 2 cents. Here’s a great book with info on it: What’s Going on in There? : How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life by Lise Eliot