Shoes On or Shoes Off in the House? The Struggle IS REAL.
When I was growing up, the one thing my mom always made sure we had was a housekeeper. Even when we were so poor we used a kerosene heater to heat our den and could only afford ten-cent packets of Kool-Aid to drink, we always, always, always had a maid. For those of you who are like, “Whaaaa–?”, IT’S CALLED PRIORITIES, PEOPLE.
Now, I am an adult, and my husband and I have chosen to spend our money on central heating and cheap wine as opposed to a maid– but because of my upbringing, there’s one major problem with this plan– I am a horrible housekeeper.
Don’t get me wrong– I keep things pretty damn clean around here. But I’ve had to learn how to do everything on the fly, and it shows. With no multigenerational legacy of housekeeping lore to draw from, I’ve instead spent years bumbling around my house like a moron, having no earthly idea of how to get rid of the mildew stains in the shower or the greasy gunk on the grill or the crayon marks on the wall. Generally, I look up solutions on the Internet which, believe it or not, isn’t all that helpful when it comes to housecleaning. A surprising number of people seem to think Windex and Dawn soap are the answer to everything– but neither product has done much for me beyond what’s promised on the label.
As an alternative, I’ve learned to take preemptive measures. It didn’t take me long, for example, discover that keeping a carpet stain and mud-free was far easier than trying to get stains out of it after it had been trampled on– and so I created a new tradition:
THE FERRIER FAMILY SHOE BASKET.
We’ve had a shoe basket by the front door for over a decade now- Every Ferrier (and every Ferrier kid’s friend) takes his or her shoes off and (theoretically, anyway) places them inside the basket after entering the house. Although most Ferriers have an unfortunate habit of placing their shoes beside the basket instead of inside it (bless them), the overall goal has nevertheless been achieved: My carpets and floors stay a whole lot cleaner than they would otherwise.
But while all Ferriers and their little friends are expected to abide by the no-shoes-in-the house rule, asking other adults who come over to remove their shoes is something I’ve never even considered doing. Some of our guests over the years have noticed the shoe basket and taken their shoes off without comment- I assume they prefer no shoes in their own homes, so taking off their shoes in mine is second nature. Others see the shoe basket and ask whether they need to remove their own shoes. I’ve always told them it’s totally up to them. Expecting a guest to remove his or her shoes seems unspeakably rude to me, particularly if the person wasn’t expecting to do so ahead of time. I mean, what if they have holes in their socks? Or a chipped and peeling pedicure? Or… *shudder*… toe fungus?
I know all too well the consternation and muttered curses that come from scrubbing at mud and fruit tree stains that a shoe-wearing guest has left behind– but I assumed this was my own private burden to bear– at least until I spotted this post on a Facebook group page:
Seriously, y’all? There are people out there who expect EVERYONE to take their shoes off upon entering their home, just so they can keep their floors clean? This is a THING?
Why, yes. Yes it is.
This was just one of hundreds of comments on the Facebook post, and the commenters were solidly divided into two camps: Shoes OFF and Shoes ON. What resulted was a back and forth that at times got as nasty as the bottoms of a cow farmer’s boots.
For the record, let me just state right now from experience that your no-shoes rule probably won’t keep your precious little ones from ingesting the germs found on the soles of shoes. Witness my son’s favorite teething toy once he started crawling:
I can’t tell you how many times I found him like this, gnawing away at a sole in the apparent belief that the family shoe basket was his own private toy box. Ew. Ew. Ewwww.
And yet, miraculously, the child survived.
Anyway.
Soon, commenters began posting photos of actual signs that have been manufactured to put out in your home so that your guests know their shoes are not included in the invite.
They ranged from the ‘humorous’:
To the straightforward:
To the full-on confrontational:
What. The. Hell. People. That is just plain rude.
And then there appeared, in my opinion, the ULTIMATE in #takingthingstoofar:
The no-shoes notice as an actual, honest-to-god decorating scheme.
No words. No. Words.
A few peacemakers tried to instead suggest disposable booties for guests who aren’t inclined to go shoes-off, but I think this response to the suggestion said it all:
Why were people so heated over this issue? To some extent, it seemed to have something to do with cultural traditions. In some parts of the world, it’s apparently considered rude to keep your shoes on when inside someone’s home- Commenters mentioned Korea and Hawaii both have a shoes-off tradition, which I knew about, but then several Canadians chimed in to say that everyone in Canada takes their shoes off when inside someone’s home as well. Although I didn’t know that shoes-off was the unwritten rule for our northern neighbors, it doesn’t surprise me at all, because we all know that everything’s better in Canada. Including the cleanliness of their carpets.
In the southern states, on the other hand, most people claimed to not only leave their own shoes on when inside the house, but also agreed that it would be rude to ask someone else to take their shoes off. Of course, this is assuming that there are no newborns or very sick people in the house- In that case, I believe a host can ask of guests anything he or she wants.
For me, the bottom line to this battle finally came with this short but sweet comment:
TRUTH.
The fact is, I believe a solution to the shoes-on/shoes-off dilemma that everyone could live with can be found right in my own coat closet…
A Swiffer Wet Jet, Shark vacuum, and Hoover carpet cleaner (and a bucket and mop, which are in my garage) are a small price to pay in exchange for your sanity- not to mention your hostessing reputation. It took me a long time to find the right products for the job, but now that I have, it’s important to me that you to know about them, too– especially those of you who, like me, are completely clueless about housekeeping. If, with this post, I can save one woman from a nervous breakdown over the dog shit currently smeared across her Berber carpet or prevent one guest from backing slowly away from the hand-lettered burlap ‘Take your mother effing shoes off or go home’ sign placed on the front door, then it was all worth it.
After all… I’m not completely sole-less.
Header image via Etsy.
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Guests always ask me if they should take theirs off – they look in the living room and see almost white (shudder) carpet. Note the carpet came with the condo, is old and stained and is slated to be replaced sooner rather than later. I tell them that, and leave it up to them. In winter, I remind them that the sunken living room is the coldest floor in the house, and if they insist on taking off shoes or boots and have no slippers or socks with them, I keep a few fuzzy sock/slipper things just for guests.
As mentioned in one of the comments in your post, I view entertaining as my seeing to the comfort of my guests. I once had a friend who could.not let dishes sit after dinner (I routinely pile them in the kitchen, close the door and go out to enjoy my guests). “Seeing to her comfort” meant doing the dishes immediately after our dinner, so she didn’t freak out.
Guests always ask me if they should take theirs off – they look in the living room and see almost white (shudder) carpet. Note the carpet came with the condo, is old and stained and is slated to be replaced sooner rather than later. I tell them that, and leave it up to them. In winter, I remind them that the sunken living room is the coldest floor in the house, and if they insist on taking off shoes or boots and have no slippers or socks with them, I keep a few fuzzy sock/slipper things just for guests.
As mentioned in one of the comments in your post, I view entertaining as my seeing to the comfort of my guests. I once had a friend who could.not let dishes sit after dinner (I routinely pile them in the kitchen, close the door and go out to enjoy my guests). “Seeing to her comfort” meant doing the dishes immediately after our dinner, so she didn’t freak out.
Speaking as a Canadian, we’re pretty much as split on this issues as our dear southern neighbours (at least in my little part of Canada).
Growing up, it was always shoes off at my place (we actually had a whole shoe porch! Wasn’t heated so it really sucked in the winter when you had to go out in your socks to put your boots on..). My father was anal about no shoes in the house. As a result, I always remove my shoes, or at least ask me if they’d like me to remove my shoes when I’m a guest.
My husband was brought up in a much more relaxed household, so we’ve had to come to a bit of a detente. He can wear his shoes into the house when he first comes in (but they must be taken off at some point in the first five minutes) UNLESS I’ve just mopped the floor in the previous 12 hours. Then they must be taken off at the door. We have all tiles and only one carpet, so cleaning them is not a huge issue.
Guests at our house are given the option, as long as their shoes are covered in dog poo.
We had this discussion at work though, and my boss, who does a lot of entertaining, feels differently. While she and her husband don’t wear shoes when they are home together, she can’t stand the thought of other people’s feet all over her floors (she’s one of those people who thinks feet are super gross… and while agree they can be, it all depends on the foot in question). Visitors must leave their shoes on, or she has slippers they can wear.
Also… I think it depends on the floor and the shoes. I think it’s rude to wear dirty shoes on a carpet. Also, have you seen what stilettos can do to a wood floor?
Speaking as a Canadian, we’re pretty much as split on this issues as our dear southern neighbours (at least in my little part of Canada).
Growing up, it was always shoes off at my place (we actually had a whole shoe porch! Wasn’t heated so it really sucked in the winter when you had to go out in your socks to put your boots on..). My father was anal about no shoes in the house. As a result, I always remove my shoes, or at least ask me if they’d like me to remove my shoes when I’m a guest.
My husband was brought up in a much more relaxed household, so we’ve had to come to a bit of a detente. He can wear his shoes into the house when he first comes in (but they must be taken off at some point in the first five minutes) UNLESS I’ve just mopped the floor in the previous 12 hours. Then they must be taken off at the door. We have all tiles and only one carpet, so cleaning them is not a huge issue.
Guests at our house are given the option, as long as their shoes are covered in dog poo.
We had this discussion at work though, and my boss, who does a lot of entertaining, feels differently. While she and her husband don’t wear shoes when they are home together, she can’t stand the thought of other people’s feet all over her floors (she’s one of those people who thinks feet are super gross… and while agree they can be, it all depends on the foot in question). Visitors must leave their shoes on, or she has slippers they can wear.
Also… I think it depends on the floor and the shoes. I think it’s rude to wear dirty shoes on a carpet. Also, have you seen what stilettos can do to a wood floor?
My ex mother-in-law didn’t so much as ask everyone to remove their shoes upon entering her house, but rather demanded it. Everyone. No exceptions. I don’t care if you wear shoes in my house, I figure you wore them to my house, you have the right to keep them on. I can vacuum the carpet.
My ex mother-in-law didn’t so much as ask everyone to remove their shoes upon entering her house, but rather demanded it. Everyone. No exceptions. I don’t care if you wear shoes in my house, I figure you wore them to my house, you have the right to keep them on. I can vacuum the carpet.
I would rather have a house full of comfortable people than immaculate carpets. What sane person who loves people would have white carpet anyway? My feet are so freezing cold with diabetic neuropathy that to be without shoes is torture, and no, socks alone don’t cut it. People are more important than floors. Priorities, y’all. Mine are people. If yours are your carpets and floors, I’m sorry for you.
I would rather have a house full of comfortable people than immaculate carpets. What sane person who loves people would have white carpet anyway? My feet are so freezing cold with diabetic neuropathy that to be without shoes is torture, and no, socks alone don’t cut it. People are more important than floors. Priorities, y’all. Mine are people. If yours are your carpets and floors, I’m sorry for you.
If asked I will take my shoes off in someone’s house but until I get undressed at night, I am wearing shoes in my own house. I have completely flat feet. Going without shoes is painful. I won’t subject myself to that.
The rest of my family takes off their shoes by their choice. I tell guests they can leave their shoes on if they like. By the way, we live in Minnesota so it does get messy outside. However we do not have any carpet on our main floor.
What is interesting is that I worked part time in a flooring store for five years. It turns out that clean shoes are the best thing to wear on carpet. The oils in bare feet break down the fibers of your carpet. The material in socks rubs against the fibers of the carpet and also breaks them down.
If asked I will take my shoes off in someone’s house but until I get undressed at night, I am wearing shoes in my own house. I have completely flat feet. Going without shoes is painful. I won’t subject myself to that.
The rest of my family takes off their shoes by their choice. I tell guests they can leave their shoes on if they like. By the way, we live in Minnesota so it does get messy outside. However we do not have any carpet on our main floor.
What is interesting is that I worked part time in a flooring store for five years. It turns out that clean shoes are the best thing to wear on carpet. The oils in bare feet break down the fibers of your carpet. The material in socks rubs against the fibers of the carpet and also breaks them down.
We live in rural England in an affluent farming area where people don’t get uptight about removing shoes. Shoes and boots come off at the door. It hasn’t stopped raining here for a month, so what else can you do with muddy footwear?
I grew up in a house where shoes were left at the door so it is second nature to take shoes off. We wear slippers and guests tend to bring a pair with them to change into.
It is not a question of valuing your floors more than your guests, its about striking a balance. if some choose to have expensive carpets then they are free to do so. It is not unreasonable to not want dirt dragged across them. If someone has an expensive car then i am sure they keep clean and would be most upset of someone keyed it all down its lovely paintwork.
I have never really understood why some get so upset about taking shoes off. I suspect its got nothing to do with taking shoes of but the perception that they are being told what to do. So its really about power and perceived loss of control
Thankfully we live in a civilized area where shoes and boots come off at the door and life goes on smoothly and comfortably
We live in rural England in an affluent farming area where people don’t get uptight about removing shoes. Shoes and boots come off at the door. It hasn’t stopped raining here for a month, so what else can you do with muddy footwear?
I grew up in a house where shoes were left at the door so it is second nature to take shoes off. We wear slippers and guests tend to bring a pair with them to change into.
It is not a question of valuing your floors more than your guests, its about striking a balance. if some choose to have expensive carpets then they are free to do so. It is not unreasonable to not want dirt dragged across them. If someone has an expensive car then i am sure they keep clean and would be most upset of someone keyed it all down its lovely paintwork.
I have never really understood why some get so upset about taking shoes off. I suspect its got nothing to do with taking shoes of but the perception that they are being told what to do. So its really about power and perceived loss of control
Thankfully we live in a civilized area where shoes and boots come off at the door and life goes on smoothly and comfortably
I was raised to take shoes off, and expect the same as an adult in my home. I’ve never had anyone balk at the request, and would be surprised if anyone I know did. My mom now prefers to wear shoes at all times, however, so she just has house shoes. She takes them with when she goes to others’ homes, and never wears them outside. Works perfectly.
I was raised to take shoes off, and expect the same as an adult in my home. I’ve never had anyone balk at the request, and would be surprised if anyone I know did. My mom now prefers to wear shoes at all times, however, so she just has house shoes. She takes them with when she goes to others’ homes, and never wears them outside. Works perfectly.
In Colorado the unspoken rule is, if it’s snowy/raining/muddy the shoes come off, if it’s not then you look for the telltale pile of shoes by the front door. Or you ask. It’s what we do. Well, theoretically. There will always be the odd Colorado newbie family who doesn’t get it yet. But they will. Everyone does. It is our culture.
In Colorado the unspoken rule is, if it’s snowy/raining/muddy the shoes come off, if it’s not then you look for the telltale pile of shoes by the front door. Or you ask. It’s what we do. Well, theoretically. There will always be the odd Colorado newbie family who doesn’t get it yet. But they will. Everyone does. It is our culture.
There is nothing rude with asking your guests to take their shoes off when then enter your house. Your house, your rules. Would you want guests to put their muddy, dirty shoes on your furniture? What about on your clothes, bedding, or in your bed? Do you have any idea how dirty the ground is outside? What if someone steps in dog poo? Would you want that all over your house?
What’s rude is when guests come over and think your rules don’t apply to them. I take my shoes off when I walk into not only my home, but friends and family’s as well. Illinois gets snow, and a lot of it. I’d rather people take their shoes off than I and others step in piles of slush and water. I and others like to sit on the floor, better to do that on a dry, clean carpet than one that’s filthy, wet, nasty, greasy, etc.
i am in absolute hysterics. This was a HUGE thread in our neighborhood listserv a few years ago. My friend and I call it “shoe gate” because it was so funny – people were SOOOO worked up over this. Frankly, my husband and I wear shoes in the house and the kids generally do not. My kids have survived and even eat things off the floor on occasion and they have not come down with any weird diseases! Shocking. I would not THINK of asking people to take off their shoes. Some people do – especially if they are wet or snowy but generally they know I don’t care. Clearly the “no shoe” people do not throw cocktail parties – the shoes ARE the outfit, people!! (Note: Our neighborhood also had another hilarious thread about whether teachers should be allowed to drink soda in front of their class – “soda gate”. Again, who cares this much?!!! Maybe you can do a post on that!!).
i am in absolute hysterics. This was a HUGE thread in our neighborhood listserv a few years ago. My friend and I call it “shoe gate” because it was so funny – people were SOOOO worked up over this. Frankly, my husband and I wear shoes in the house and the kids generally do not. My kids have survived and even eat things off the floor on occasion and they have not come down with any weird diseases! Shocking. I would not THINK of asking people to take off their shoes. Some people do – especially if they are wet or snowy but generally they know I don’t care. Clearly the “no shoe” people do not throw cocktail parties – the shoes ARE the outfit, people!! (Note: Our neighborhood also had another hilarious thread about whether teachers should be allowed to drink soda in front of their class – “soda gate”. Again, who cares this much?!!! Maybe you can do a post on that!!).