Tales of a Masklophobe
Some people are afraid of heights. Others are afraid of spiders. Me? I’m a masklophobe.
Masklophobia is a fear of mascots- those oversized creatures with their massive heads, wandering hands and shady eyes plainly visible behind the mesh lining of the mascot’s eyes or mouth. Mascots are creepy — You know it as well as I do. But where once I could avoid roaming mascots at ball games and conventions, now it’s completely impossible.
Now, I’m a mom.
My masklophobia actually started after we begged asked the extremely popular local mascot for my husband’s TV station to come over and greet the kids at Punky’s first birthday party. The man who plays him showed up early and chatted with us for a few minutes about friends we had in common and the warm weather outside before going upstairs to put on his costume. When he came downstairs dressed as Snowbird, I was standing alone in the foyer.
“Wow,” I said. “The kids are gonna really love this. You look great!”
“Snowbird loves kids!” he said in a funny voice. “Snowbird can’t wait to give hugs!”
“Ha ha!” I laughed, guessing he was warming up the old mascot voice. “That’s a good one. Are you hot under there?”
“Snowbird is a penguin!” he said brightly. “Snowbird never gets hot!”
“Uh…” I trailed off awkwardly. Was he joking or did he actually expect me to pretend he was Snowbird now? I stood for a moment, unsure of whether to look at his Snowbird eyes or at the guy’s real eyes plainly visible where Snowbird’s uvula should have been. “Uh… I’ll be right back!”
I practically ran to the kitchen, where I cornered Hubs. “Hubs!” I whispered frantically. “He will only talk as Snowbird! What do I do?”
“Don’t freak out,” Hubs said, “It’s probably in his contract or something, that whenever he’s in costume he has to be Snowbird at all times.”
“Wow,” I said.
When my mom friends arrived, they laughed appreciatively as Snowbird answered the door.
“Great costume!” one of them said.
Costume?” Snowbird replied. “Snowbird likes this scarf, too! It’s his favorite!” The mom laughed uncertainly.
“He only speaks in character,” I whispered knowledgeably after pulling my woefully ignorant friend aside. “It’s in his contract!”
I learned an important lesson that day: Never make small talk with a mascot. In my case, it isn’t hard. The same isn’t true for my husband.
Take last Spring, when we saw a large bunny roaming through the mall. “Oh look, Punky, it’s the Easter Bunny!” I said, leading her over to the ginormous rabbit for a hug. The rabbit gave her a squeeze, then looked up at Hubs.
“Hey,” the bunny said. “I’ve seen you on TV!”
“Heh,” I said loudly. “The Easter Bunny watches television, Punky! I didn’t know that!”
“Aren’t you on Channel 4?” the rabbit pressed. Punky was the last thing on this bunny’s mind.
“Yeah,” Hubs laughed uncomfortably and turned to walk away, pulling Punky and I along with him. The bunny followed us.
“I watch you all the time,” the bunny continued. “I really loved that story you did on Perry March. Man, you really stuck it to him, didn’t you?” We walked faster, but the bunny followed, undeterred. “And your weather person, what’s his name? I like him, too.” Punky stared over her shoulder at the bunny, openmouthed, as I pulled her along. I desperately wanted to tell this rabbit where he could hop off, but I kept my mouth shut. Better not to lose a viewer, no matter how hare-brained.
At last, a pack of preschoolers waylayed our new furry friend and we were able to make our getaway. After that, we avoided all big furry creatures until the obligatory Chuck E. Cheese birthday party ( I know, I know- I had just given birth to my son, okay?). When Chuck made his big appearance, Punky wanted nothing to do with him.
I guess she learned it from me.
Next up on the mascot shortlist? A day at Disneyland, every maskalaphobe’s worst nightmare. All I can do to prepare is teach Punky to protect herself …
… and hope for the best.
>You and Busy Girl. Busy Girl is terr.i.fied of costumed characters. Yes, indeedy, she is 12. Remind me to tell you about the time Chuck E. Cheese kidnapped me.
>Many years ago my father took our family to Opryland. At the time they had these people costumed as various types of guitars. It is hazy in my mind what I did now, but one of the guitars got mad at me and hissed “I’m gonna tell your parents!” I spent the rest of the day trying to avoid that guitar so that he wouldn’t know who my parents were and tell on me. I’ve hated costumed characters ever since.
>You have to admit, those costumed creatures are pretty creepy – hiding behind their masks… I, on the other hand, have an illogical fear of swings. And balloons. Hopefully I won’t pass that on to my kids…
>Finally…a chance to out Snowbird! I was in charge of a community-wide local literacy event a few years ago at a local elementary school, and Snowbird, Gnash, and the Sounds mascots were there to encourage the kids to read. Snowbird came in and gave our volunteers a list of demands: what type of room he would need to change into his costume; how he should be introduced; what color M&Ms were needed in his dressing room (just kidding on the last one but that was the tone)…Anyway, he ended up leaving during the assembly. Not sure why, maybe it was a case of mascot envy…I felt weird calling the station to say that the mascot was “unprofessional.” How does a professional mascot act anyway? I don’t know, but Gnash and the Sounds mascot do.
>Ba ha ha. According to the recent training session, our library mascot must be silent at all times. I think that must be better.
>I fear I will be having Snowbird nightmares tonight….can you say CREEPY?
>I’m a little freaked out that Snowbird is a multi-state feature. He’s here in W. Va too and looks exactly the same. His annoyingly chipper song is now in my head…..
>My oldest (6) is the exact opposite. She LOVES costumes and has since she was practically born. Santa? Great! Easter bunny? Yup. Disney World? Good God, she was in hugging heaven. Even scary, ratty looking bear-that-is-not-even-close-to-Pooh? Face first into his belly for a big hug. It is unnatural and a little scary.
>mascots are fun!although kicking mascots in the groin looks to be even more fun!!
>Weird people like that creep me out too. By the way, I am Stephanie, and I am here from Much More Than A Mom [dot] com.
>I have to admit that the family loves TC (The MN Twins Mascot). But most other ones get “no thanks” from the kids. Sunshine’s never even wanted to see Santa when she’s had the chance. CEC is the worst – the kids hate him.
>Luckily for you, the Disney mascots don’t talk. At all. 🙂
>OK, I think I’m really glad our tv stations don’t have mascots!!We “met” Sir Topham Hatt (of Thomas the Tank Engine fame) over the weekend. He didn’t talk… the whole way home, that’s all my son could say… he was so disappointed that Sir T Hatt didn’t talk. After being petrified meeting Santa, I thought he would have been scared of the masked Hatt dude, but no. There was a hug. AND a handshake. Go figure.Too late to cancel that Disney trip?!
>ps — happy belated birthday to Punky!!
>That actually sounds pretty professional of Snowbird. I was the girl in the bear suit at Showbiz pizza when I was in high school, and you cannot see *anything* in those costumes. I guess you just assume there’s a kid in earshot at all times. (I didn’t have to talk. Walking without crushing children was hard enough.)Tanya
>Love this story…I have always had a phobia od mascots. My mom was sympathetic when I was little, leaving b-day parties when “Cocky” arrived and protecting me at Disney World. But now thet I am an adult, she thinks it is hilarious, call the mascots over and have them sit on my lap…And don’t even get me started on CLOWNS!!!
>I don’t have problems with mascots. Unless they’re giant spiders. That’d freak me out.
>The photo of the little girl ‘protecting herself’ from Mickey is hilarious. When my daughter turned 3 she was absolutely freaked out at big head costume characters. My fear is clowns, just hate them!
>I hate clowns too but a clown mascot? That’s the worst of all!
>Just found your blog via BusyMom’s site.Totally LMAO on the Mickey Mouse Picture!
>Your daughter is 2 cute!
>In response to mascot diva? ‘s “outing” post:Snowbird was asked to attend the reading event with only few days’ notice. Typically he books events 4 to 6 weeks in advance. He already had another appearance scheduled for later that same morning. He made sure the reading event planners knew that he would have to excuse himself before the end of the event to have time to travel to his other engagement. When the event was pitched to him, it seemed more like an event to celebrate reading, where outside people are invited to visit classrooms and read books to groups of students. (Each year, he attends many such events at elementary schools and public libraries through the viewing area.) Instead, the whole shcool was assembled in the gym, while various adults in the education, civic and political sectors took turns at the lecturn to tell kids how important it was to read. I’m not sure that the typical six-year-old in the audience could distinguish between the mayor and a Metro council member, but I applaud and support the message that they sent to the assembled children all the same… Regarding the requirements for a changing room: typically people assume that a public bathroom is all that is necessary. However, it usually isn’t for the following reasons: 1) it is PUBLIC and therefore anyone (espeiclaly children) can walk in and see a half-dressed character. That sort of kills the fun, you know? First rule of costume character work is to never let the character be seen less than complete. 2) Public bathroms don’t usually have enough flat, CLEAN surfaces to unpack and lay out the costume pieces before suiting up. Also, some costumes require having a chair to sit in to get some pieces on, i.e. feet. 3) Once in the costume, besides the costume’s carrying bag, some personal effects have to be left behind, and that isn’t a safe thing to do in a public bathroom. And finally, 4) The changing room is also used as a space to cool down occasionally, and spending 10 minutes of each hour in a public bathroom is hardly ideal…And finally…If asked, it is always better so suggest some phrases to use for an introduction. There have been more than a few times when Snowbird has been publicly introduced (without any intended malice, I should add) as “Big Bird”, “The Weather Bird” or “Snowman”, with the occasional incorrect station call letters or channel number thrown into the intro, as well…It’s not as easy as it might appear to be…