The 7 Habits of Highly Annoying Dog Owners
One thing you quickly learn as a parent is that the extraordinary, all-encompassing love you feel for your children can potentially turn you into an obsessive and extremely annoying human being.
Fortunately, my procreating friends, I’ve got some good news. We’re not the only ones.
As a friend with ‘fur babies’ reminded me yesterday, dog owners can be every bit as irritating. Need proof?
OF COURSE YOU DO. That’s why I present to you now:
The seven habits of highly annoying dog owners:
If this a-hole would just let me off the leash, I’d totally be standing in front of a moving bicycle right now.
1. Your dog doesn’t need a leash.
Most public parks and greenways require dog owners to keep their pets on a leash. And, happily, most dog owners comply. But there’s always that one person on the trail/path/sidewalk who thinks his dog doesn’t need a leash.
I can’t even count the number of times we’ve been out riding bikes on the greenway when a leashless dog has walked right out in front of us and just stood there. It’s accident waiting to happen. (Actually, it’s an accident I’m sure has already happened, many, many times.)
Look, dude, I’m sure your dog is so very speshul, but if you’re going out and about, do yourself, your dog, and everyone else around you a favor and PUT HIM ON A LEASH. GAH.
2. You let your dog poop in other people’s yards and don’t pick it up.
I have a good friend who’s selling her house right now and has everything in and around her home in tip-top condition– except for the fact that a neighbor continually lets his dog poop in her yard. At one point, she caught the dog in the act and angrily confronted the owner as he stood and watched. His response? “Why, my dog’s poop is so tiny, it doesn’t even matter!”
Oh yeah? Tell that to the neighbor who just tracked your dog’s ‘tiny’ poop into their house and across their new carpet, dude.
Take my advice: CLEAN THAT SH*T UP.
3. You merely say, “Don’t worry! He’s friendly!” when your gigantic dog jumps on/nips at others.
We’ve all been there, right? You go to someone’s home, they open their front door, and their gigantic dog lunges at you, barking loud enough to wake the dead. As you grapple both with the dog and your urges to scream/run/wet your pants, the dog’s owner merely laughs indulgently and assures you that, “He’s friendly!” And then your face gets bitten off.
That’s the rest of that story.
No one will ever guess I put my St. Bernard in this duffle bag!
4. You sneak your dog into shops and restaurants.
I know, I know. Unlike other dogs, yours is too precious (not to mention expensive) to abide by stupid pet rules– and so you sneak him in with you every chance you get, smiling smugly when others happen to notice its tiny head peeking out of your designer bag.
Begone, witch. And your little dog, too.
All your dogs are belong to ME!
5. You let your dog bully the other dogs at the dog park.
Oh, you know who you are. The moment you let your big dog loose at the dog park, he’s aggressively chasing off the medium-sized dogs and snarling and snapping at the smaller ones until they whimper in terror and hide behind the nearest plastic fire hydrant. When others ask you to control your dog, you snottily inform them that the dog park is for everyone, and if they have a problem, then they should leave.
And then you wonder why the place always empties out within 15 minutes of you and your dog’s arrival.
Crotch is in the air!
6. You pretend not to notice when your dog sniffs at people’s crotches or humps their leg.
Trust me, it’s far less awkward to pull your offending dog away than to let him sniff/hump your guest for the next ten minutes while you attempt to make small talk. I mean, really. Has your dog no shame?
Another side view of Ms. Squeaks in her favorite brunch outfit!
7. You post tons of pictures of your dog on Facebook/Instagram.
I’m a little more forgiving of this one, because we parents have a problem with this too. Look, no one minds occasional pictures of your dog. If, on the other hand, you’re posting several pictures/videos each day of Mr. Puddles playing with a squeak toy, Mr. Puddles wearing his favorite sweater, Mr. Puddles eating grass, etc, do us all a favor and…
DIAL IT BACK A NOTCH.
Of course, this list is hardly exhaustive — There are as many ways for dog owners to be annoying as there are stars in the sky. And that’s a good thing. Because sometimes, it makes us annoying parents a teeny, tiny bit less noticeable.
Srsly? I just can’t with you anymore.
At least, that’s the theory I’m going with…
Seriously? Nobody is going to touch this? Wow. Okay, I’ll touch it. *drops ten foot pole*
We had a dog situation in our family not long ago. My in-laws got a new puppy after their dog passed away suddenly. They felt a lot of guilt over their dog’s death (it’s a long story), and it colored the way they treated the new puppy. By the time she was full grown – she’s a boxer mix and she is not small! – she was out of control. Especially the jumping. And my father-in-law wouldn’t do anything about it. He’d say “Just turn your back on her, she’ll stop.” Didn’t work. I was in my last trimester of pregnancy and the dog nearly knocked me over several times. My husband and I finally decided we needed to have a bit of an intervention with his parents. Our toddler was terrified of the dog and I did not feel okay bringing a newborn into the house with how unpredictable and rough that animal was. So my husband talked to his parents and told them that they were welcome to come to our house, but until the dog was trained we would not be bringing the kids to their house. My father-in-law began to argue. The dog was fine, they were doing these gentle training techniques, the psychology of the dog, blah blah blah. Then my mother-in-law interrupted and brought the hammer down. She said “I can’t control the dog when I take her on walks or to the vet! People don’t want to come to our house any more! I’ve been trying to tell you this but you won’t listen! Something has to change!” My father-in-law was shocked. In his mind, the dog was perfect. How could anyone else not see it that way??? But it was because he felt so guilty about their old dog’s death, he didn’t want to be stern with the new dog. Well our new boundaries were the wake up call that was needed. They got the dog into intensive obedience training. Now, they even have a second dog and those dogs and my boys are the best of friends. 🙂 The dogs are still playful and energetic but so much more obedient and sweet. We knew having that conversation with my husband’s parents had the potential to really hurt their feelings, but it ended up helping them too. So it was worth it.
Wow. I’m glad you all said something. Dogs can definitely get out of control if good habits aren’t constantly reinforced – even little ones!
Wow. I’m glad you all said something. Dogs can definitely get out of control if good habits aren’t constantly reinforced – even little ones!
Seriously? Nobody is going to touch this? Wow. Okay, I’ll touch it. *drops ten foot pole*
We had a dog situation in our family not long ago. My in-laws got a new puppy after their dog passed away suddenly. They felt a lot of guilt over their dog’s death (it’s a long story), and it colored the way they treated the new puppy. By the time she was full grown – she’s a boxer mix and she is not small! – she was out of control. Especially the jumping. And my father-in-law wouldn’t do anything about it. He’d say “Just turn your back on her, she’ll stop.” Didn’t work. I was in my last trimester of pregnancy and the dog nearly knocked me over several times. My husband and I finally decided we needed to have a bit of an intervention with his parents. Our toddler was terrified of the dog and I did not feel okay bringing a newborn into the house with how unpredictable and rough that animal was. So my husband talked to his parents and told them that they were welcome to come to our house, but until the dog was trained we would not be bringing the kids to their house. My father-in-law began to argue. The dog was fine, they were doing these gentle training techniques, the psychology of the dog, blah blah blah. Then my mother-in-law interrupted and brought the hammer down. She said “I can’t control the dog when I take her on walks or to the vet! People don’t want to come to our house any more! I’ve been trying to tell you this but you won’t listen! Something has to change!” My father-in-law was shocked. In his mind, the dog was perfect. How could anyone else not see it that way??? But it was because he felt so guilty about their old dog’s death, he didn’t want to be stern with the new dog. Well our new boundaries were the wake up call that was needed. They got the dog into intensive obedience training. Now, they even have a second dog and those dogs and my boys are the best of friends. 🙂 The dogs are still playful and energetic but so much more obedient and sweet. We knew having that conversation with my husband’s parents had the potential to really hurt their feelings, but it ended up helping them too. So it was worth it.