>The Death of Cool
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Since Hubs totalled our other car in a very minor accident about a month ago (apparently, our car was so old that the cost of practically any repair to it would’ve exceeded its value) and since we’re also trying to save for a car for our 16-year-old and for the new baby’s arrival, we were desperate glad to find a reliable car with low mileage that can seat all six of us in an emergency.
But we both feel totally dorky driving around in it.
“You know, I’ve been looking around,” Hubs reported the other day as we were LeSabreing to the grocery, “and I’ve yet to see anyone under 60 driving a Le Sabre. Seriously.”
I shook my head. “I just can’t believe we’ve bought a car our parents would drive,” I sighed. “Wait. It’s worse than that. Even our parents wouldn’t be caught dead in this car!” We looked at each other in horror.
Rather than allowing myself to be sucked into the quicksand of dowdiness, however, I prefer to see our purchase of the LeSabre as an act of rebellion. We are not defined by our car. Others may need a trendy VW or an oversized SUV to feel cool, but we’re so awesome, we can drive a Buick LeSabre and it doesn’t even matter.
Oh, who am I kidding? It’s nerd city now at the Ferrier house, and there’s nothing I can do about it, except refer you to a time about three years ago, when I swear I still had it going on. Mostly. Observe me in 2003 B.B. (Before Baby):
I’m hoping that once the baby’s born, I’ll slowly rise like a phoenix from the bourgeois ashes, burning everything I own from TJ Maxx, trading in my house shoes for stiletto boots, getting purple streaks in my hair…
I’ll keep the LeSabre though. It rides like a dream.
Okay. Now, I know I have the hippest readers on the planet, so please make me feel better and tell me your nerdy secrets. I need to know I’m not the only one with a Celine Dion CD hidden between Marlene Dietrich and Dressy Bessy.
>This is absolutely hilarious and you’ve got ILLUSTRATIONS!!! Two nerd secrets (oh I have many): I love my black Keds loafers bought on clearance at TJ Maxx and I find myself singing along with songs from Barbie’s Princess and the Pauper soundtrack and LIKING them.
>The husband and I decided we wanted three or four kids, so I am doing rapid succession pregnancies to get pregnancy over with. I’m on my third. This makes me extremely reluctant to spend (/waste) money on clothes for a body that changes every few months. I’m afraid I have no nerdy fashion secrets – everything is obvious from one look at me. My style varies from “mom who has given up” to “grumpy street person with possible hidden weapon and a nasty gleam in her eye.”Right now I would be happy if I could just find a bathrobe that closed over my tummy. I am also about two weeks away from outgrowing my husband’s beer-belly-sized belts. Not a pretty picture.
>Nerd secrets? How about driving a ’96 Subaru wagon that has about 4 or 5 pretty major dents/scrapes/scratches in because I’m too short (5’1) to really see as much as I should, so I keep hitting stuff and we don’t have the money to fix them? Oh, and it’s missing a hub cap, too. I always find myself feeling so thankful my son is only two and I don’t have to embarrass the hell out of him by dropping him off to school in that thing. Also, my main pair of shoes are(not by choice) old Doc Martens I’ve had SINCE 1994!!! Sad, isn’t it? Maybe this doesn’t make me a nerd so much as some form of white trash? Damnit.
>I drive a PT Cruiser. It doesn’t get any less cool than that. I soothe myself with this mantra ‘At least it’s not an SUV, At least it’s not an SUV.’
>my dirty secret? Pajammas ALL . Day . LONG
>I bought several packages of different colored socks, but now i can never find a pair that matches, so most of the time I go out in public with one pink and one green, or one striped and one solid. Sounds kind of funky/cool, but it’s SO NOT.
>Hey, you are certainly “hip” to me. Not only can you write funny posts, you can draw. Color me impressed. I can’t write and the only thing I can draw are stick figures.
>C’mon…at least you don’t drive a minivan…like me. Having the valet bring that around at a restaurant instantly negates the cool Prada bag & the MAC makeup you’re sporting.
>We have a Buick, AND a mini-van. Oh…and it took me four years to give up my black lycra elastic waist maternity shorts (only for wearing around the house, of course). Hey…as a form of birth control, those shorts worked.
>Those pictures we so freakin’ hilarious.My nerdy secret could be that I started at your second picture. I never had the salon hair, size 4 anything, or !thigh highs! On my. I may have been a size four in high school, but dressed more conservatively because, of course, I thought I was fat. Gag. It’s a good thing, I guess, because Oh the things I would wear if I had that body back.My other nerdy secret would be PJ’s and no makeup until…oh…4:30. Sad but true.
>I feel you. I drove a variety of Buicks for 10 years. I now have a Prius, and I feel hipper than ever.WHo’d have thought a Prius would be hip? The good news is- everything after the Buick will be a step up.Great art for this post!
>I love it!I drive a mini van, my husband drives a PT Cruiser.I am a coupon nazi…at the grocery store people look at me like I’m crazy because not only do I have every coupon but I have an organizer too.Blondemom: I’m with you…I LOVE that soundtrack too…even when I’m in the car alone I’ve been caught listening to it.
>When I was your age, ANY car was a good car. So may it be with this one.
>You guys are cracking me up!I totally forgot about the valet situation, “anonymous.” It’s so ridiculous when we go on a date night at some trendy restaurant and have to get into a car filled with baby toys, fast food bags, the old car seat and dog hair. And I have a coupon organizer too. So EMBARASSING. I’m the one standing in the middle of the aisle flipping through the Cleaning section of my organizer for the best deal on dishwasher detergent! I’m cringing writing this!! It’s enough to make me want to just… shave my head!
>Don’t even own a pair of jeans anymore. Well, any that fit. Bought Target brand under-eye cream because I decided the Oil of Olay was too extravagant. I chop up some onions and throw them in the Cheeseburger Macaroni Hamburger Helper when I’m feeling particularly gourmet. And I haven’t seen a film rated higher than PG in a movie theater in about 10 years. I have two purses (winter and summer. what? there’s a reason to have more?), and you could pack the contents of a Mormon pantry in either one. Oh, and the people at Dalton’s Grill know us by name.
>LOVE the drawings! Did you do them Lindsay? My parents have a LeSabre. Yeah, they’re in their 70s. I agree though, it drives like a dream. Does yours have heated seats? I’m pretty sure my whole existence is an uncool not-too-secret nerd life. I don’t know if I was ever cool! Man, my kid’s doomed!!
>Aren’t you the arteest! Hilarious. I think you need to do a weekly cartoon–because you don’t have your hands full as it is.surcie.typepad.com
>Ah, pregnancy. No matter how bad labor and delivery were, and how exhausting it was to nurse every two hours (when it took 20 minutes for the little fiend to get latched on) it was still so much better than the last months of pregnancy!For the last 2-3 months of pregnancy with my daughter, the only shoes I could fit were a pair of brown Birkenstock suede clogs. Imagine how pathetic that looked with my work clothes! My nerd secrets? Maybe I could answer that if I actually knew what was hip these days. Hey, maybe I’m so OUT that I’ve come back IN! Of course, anyone who thinks that must be a complete dork..
>I’ve seen Barbra Streisand in concert twice and can say every word of dialogue from Funny Girl.I am the uber-nerd.
>The last months of being prego are the Worst. I live in Texas and had all of my babies in the summer. Summer here means Hell. It gets like 112 degrees out there and I couldn’t get the inside of my house below 80. My brother-in-law had the nasty habit of dropping by in the afternoon with his kid, to play with mine. I was so bloomin’ hot that I didn’t wear anything those last months but a LARGE white cotton night gown and all I did was lay on the couch under the fan. I had to send out an email to all of my in-laws telling them that I was going into hibernation and to consider themselves warned. I just wanted everyone to leave me the hell alone!
>I can never take my husband dancing because the only dance he will do is the robot. During my last pregnancy, I could no longer bend over to get my shoes on so I bought a pair of slip on sneakers. Something I had always hated and dreaded having to do but there was no way around it.I have worn them every day since even though they are falling apart and so ugly. I used my daughter’s play make-up kit because I couldn’t find mine. And cried when I realized that most of it was nicer than the stuff I’ve been using.
>I’m with you on the house shoes. I reached my all time low when I found myself standing in line at the post office to mail a package and looked down, horrified to realize that I forgot to put on real shoes. There I was in my old tattered slippers in front of the whole world.
>ps — oh, and my husband just bought a freaking FLOWBEE. See my chest swelling with pride? Mmm hmmm. Hair cuts by Kirby. Tell me that’s not the pinnacle of nerd-dom! Not that this is a competition, but I’m pretty sure Flowbee trumps LeSabre.
>You DRAW, too?? I’m trying REALLY hard not to feel insecure, but that pretty much means you’re perfect, right? (Except for those house shoes.)I will only share this with you because I want you to feel better about your car…please don’t tease me…oh, and I “graphically designed” the flames…just for fun.http://farm1.static.flickr.com/145/351734701_41003b7152.jpg
>Argh, Blogger, you #$8!~add: 152.jpg To the end of that:)
>At least you are not driving a Chevy (or even worse Geo) Tracker!I’ll take the LeSabre anyday.
>I buy generic brands exclusively AND use coupons in a big uncool coupon organizer, even though we can afford to buy name brands without coupons.I drive my kids to school everyday in my pajamas, which I sometimes wear all.day.long.I do drive a VW, but not because I am trying to be trendy. I used to drive a minivan, but backed into EVERYTHING, including the garbage can four times and my husbands truck when he parked behind me. We picked a VW hoping I would hit fewer things. OH, and I LOVE Clay Aiken.Gah. I hope you feel better now, cuz I sure don’t!
>All my shoes are from Payless. (And after wearing them a few times, they start to stink. Bad.)That’s what you get for being a total cheap-ass and investing in pleather for your toes!
>It isn’t really a “nerdy” secret, but for me it signaled THE END of cool. I listen to AND enjoy country music now. My inner headbangin mama was super disappointed. Age continues to make a hypocrite out of me.
>Hilarious post and great illustrations!Thanks for the morning chuckle and if it makes you feel any better…I went from a Mustang GT to a Chevy Impala. Ugh…
>”She’s trading her MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron.” Cake
>I drive a nerdy Buick LaSabre too! I have noticed the age factor of other LaSabre drivers too! On the plus side, they are big heavy cars, and will withstand a collision quite well (I know, a deer hit me!). They are front wheel drive, therefore winter driving is much easier and safer. Tip to try on those spit up stains: Lysol toilet bowl cleaner. Yes the blue liquid kind. Yes, generic works just as well. Just squirt it on and launder as usual. It takes those brownish yellow stains out from teething drool, too!
>I like my houseshoes and have been known to wear them out just because I was too lazy to change my shoes. My husband thinks they are awful but whatever.Today I am wearing a tie dye dress with tennis shoes. I am so cool!
>Hows this for Mommy-Nerdy—–I was signing along to Laurie Berkener cd for 40 minutes this morning on my way to work—-AFTER I dropped my daughter off at day care. I didnt even realize what I was doing until I heard the “Dinosaur Song” for the 5th time! Even with no one in the car, I was SO embarassed. TJMaxx—my home away from home!
>I can beat you all in the uncool car dept. I drive a white 15 passenger van.Gag. Soooo uncool.
>Buick LeSabre: check. ;^)
>I still cry when I watch certain episodes of “Angel.” It’s pathetic, really. But that one? Where he gets to be human, just for a day? And is deliriously happy with the love of his life? But then he chooses honor over true love and when the day is over he is the only one who remembers that it happened? I DIE.
>I say the Buick is so uncool that it’s RETRO and therefore, cool.Voila!!I can’t read you word verification without my damn reading glasses on, BTW.
>And yet…you’re still a size 4, aren’t you.
>They still make LaSabre?Hell, BUICK is still in business?*blink*I did not know that.I think I lost my virginity in one of those, back when kids borrowed their parents cars.
>Dude. I drive a minivan. ’nuff said.
>The crazy thing is that the Buick goes pretty fast, but people are always trying to pass me in it because they just assume I’m going to be an old, slow person.And no, I’m not a size four. Nor will I ever be again without starving myself and leading a miserably deprived life. But thanks for asking. 🙂
>You were cool once, so in my book you are always cool ! I am wearing a velour sweatsuit and slippers right now- now that is dorky.
>I think you’re still a hottie, L. A nerdy secret? Hmmm….well, besides my love for Air Supply and fervent campaign to bring back leg warmers and the scrunchi, I doubt I would qualify 😉
>Here’s how it bad it gets after you have two. You start to enjoy those coordinating sweat suits that you swore you’d never wear because they are SO suburban stay-at-home-mom. I have the cheesiest taste in music too. And, flashing over to your other post, I do own a CD with Rick Springfields greatest hits. And, no, I didn’t buy that when he was hot…I bought it about five years ago. Hmm…I think I’ll pull out that with Britney’s greatest hits for my road trip today. Pop princess will travel!
>Buick does not make the LeSabre anymore, and those things do fly…My Mom had two of em.AND I just bought an 07 Impala, AND I LOVE IT.and I don’t think it is nerdy at all.
>Those are some terrific illustrations! I’m way too suburban, I shouldn’t even be reading this blog b/c I’m far too unhip. I drive a Chrysler minivan. I wear clogs all the time. I wear fleece sweatshirts. I no longer carry a designer diaper bag, the one I now use is a multi-funcitonal, practical LL Bean bag. I have ordered stuff from Lands End (including the small diaper bag that I sometimes use as a purse, yes, as a purse!). And even my hubby makes fun of me for buying clothes at Target. I do occasionally redeem myself in other ways. And luckily my taste in music isn’t quite as cheesy as my hubby who still listens to Def Leppard (although, who doesn’t like “Pour some sugar on me”?), Ace of Base, C&C Music Factory, and other 90s dance groups.Mrs. X – I have a serious case of the giggles today, you mentioning your hubby doing the robot sent me over the top!
>Hello…my car is a 1996 light blue mercury marquis. I would gladly trade you for the buick.
>I LOVE those pictures. So true…but if you’ve got the style “gene”, it’ll come back. My kids are 7 and 5 now, so I just splurged on several Coach bags to try and feel a little less “mommish”
>This was so funny, and your illustrations are fantastic. I’m with you on each transition… I feel like it’s a really good day when I can leave the house with dry hair. Dry hair that’s not in a pony tail, that is.
>This is my first time commenting here, but I live in Nashville, have 2 young sons, and I also read The Scene! My husband travels during the week, and my nerdy secret is that I still wear my retainer when he is not home. I have not had braces since I was 14, but I just have this fear that my teeth will move suddenly back. AND THAT REALLY SCARES ME!!!!
>I do take pride in my ability to continue dressing really cool when it really matters, though I HAVE to watch myself and be super cheap about it since staying stylish means constantly replacing anything that isn’t a staple item…and being a SAHM mom means less money that I ever thought possible for my clothing indulgences. The nerdy part…is when people compliment how I am always so ‘on top of my game’ fashion-wise and want to know where I buy a particular item. I mentally cringe, as I reveal the item came from Wal-mart, Kohl’s clearance, etc. This is always followed by shocked inquiries to which I always have to explain that if you check the new stuff every single time you go to Wal-mart, yeah, you can pick and choose pieces that are chic. REALLY. Now, for grocery shopping and such, I am terrible. I love my favorite two pairs of Wal-mart maternity track pants and wear those with layered Old Navy tiny fit t’s all the time. Like, I almost let myself look for some new pairs in the maternity department the other day, bc these are getting so scraggily. At least they don’t look maternity at all!Having said all of that, I agree, I absolutely refuse to give up the good jeans. Great jeans make the difference.Oh, oddly, I always feel super dorky driving my husband’s 2002 sports car. It is embarassing. I don’t know why. I have just gotten used to my station wagon. LOL!!