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Hi! I'm Lindsay Ferrier. You might remember me from a blog called Suburban Turmoil. Well, a lot has changed since I started that blog in 2005. My kids grew up, I got a divorce, and I finally left the suburbs for the heart of Nashville, where I feel like I truly belong. I have no idea what the future will hold and you know what? I'm okay with that. Thrilled, actually. It was time for something totally different.
This Goes Out to All the Hipsters Who Choose to Eat at Kid-Friendly Restaurants
January 30, 2014
Dear Hipsters,
Recently, we took our six year old to a trendy new burger joint in my not-so-trendy suburban neighborhood. The hostess seated us right in the middle of a communal table– and as we settled in, my kid IMMEDIATELY got the stink eye from some vintage-clad members of your subset who were sitting on either side of us. My son wasn’t doing anything to draw attention to himself– He was busily playing Minecraft on my muted iPhone, and he continued to do so until his food arrived. No, your repeated dirty looks were earned just by virtue of the fact that my first grader had the unbridled gall to take a seat at ‘your’ reclaimed-wood-from-a-barn-in-Virginia table. Your expressions said it all:
Potentially Epic Night = RUINED.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time this has happened to us — and so I feel the need now to lay it out for any and all 20-somethings in hillbilly beards and/or chunky glasses who want to drink their craft beer without sitting in close proximity to a gradeschooler.
When you enter a restaurant, do a little research before you get a table. Does this restaurantΒ have a kids menu? High chairs? Booster seats? Crayons at the hostess desk? If any of these things are the case, my slightly dirty friends in ironic t-shirts, consider it a not-so-subtle message to all that means KIDS ARE WELCOME HERE!
“But this restaurant is farm to table,” I can hear you muttering. “And its mushrooms come from some cow pasture in Winder, Georgia. And they’re playing Bon Iver.” Yeah. Doesn’t matter. Let me say it again. IF THE MANAGEMENT PROVIDES KIDS’ STUFF AT A RESTAURANT, IT MEANS KIDS CAN EAT THERE. Whether you like it or not.
I’m only asking you to extend the same courtesy to my family that I extend to you and your friends/hookups/cubiclemates/drinking buddies/band members. When I dine in your funky little neighborhoods, I generally leave the rugrats at home. I didn’t even bring them to this burger joint in my own ‘hood until I checked online to make sure they had accommodations for children.
So the next time you’re here- or anywhere that serves 12-and-under-only-please portions- keep your rolling eyes to yourselves when you see us enter the building. I can tell you straight up that we’ll be ordering milks and extra napkins and burgers with ketchup only. We’ll be discussing important topics like whether Gandalf or Saruman is the strongest. We’ll be reviewing our entire repertoire of knock-knock jokes. This is how it’s going to be, brogan-wearers and if you don’t like it, let me be clear:Β WE DON’T CARE.
But if you’re nice, we’ll be happy to loan you a crayon so that you can write a dejected haiku about the unfairness of life.
Warmly,
Lindsay Ferrier
Header image used and adapted with permission from Christopher.Michel/Flickr
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Last time I went to the hipster hamburger joint there were so many hipsters with babies in ironic, organic onesies and tiny fedoras, I felt guilty that my three were just sporting their usual lousy, non organic Target attire and ketchup on their faces. We must have gone to different burger joints!
I don’t think my particular hip burger joint will ever get the hipsters-with-babies crowd. It’s too far of a drive for them!
Well, now I’m just trying to figure out where there’s a hip burger joint in Bellevue!! thanks for your (always) hilarious and spot-on take on things. π
Very funny! Love the haiku idea π
We take our (almost) 5 year old out to eat with us all over Nashville every weekend. Hipster spots, ethnic restaurants, cafes… whatever. Usually for lunch. She’ll eat most anything we do and we never check if the place has kid-friendly amenities. We have a good time and I’ve never considered it an odd thing to do. We often see other little kids in these places too. Glad we have never had your experience but if we did I would just chalk their behavior up to their own weirdness. π
This is just a guess… but I think this dirty look could be from your son playing on your iPhone. Trust me… I let my daughter do the same so I can enjoy dinner. But I’ve had a college student approach me with the entitled opinion that it was bad for her education. It may not be that you were there… but their misguided view that it’s okay to judge your parenting decisions.
Yeah, there is a large contingent of people who think kids playing on iPhones is the sign of a horrible, lazy parent. π
I love this! Haaaa! We live close enough to East Nashville (1 mile “outside” of their limits) and have always brought our children with us to dinner. They are just now 5 & 8 years old and have never been an issue. Even if there are no children’s items on the menu, my kids will still chow down on an adult entree, so they are versatile. I would also love to know which place you were at. Toooooooo hilarious! I know the exact look you are talking about. π
I dunno, if your night out is ruined by someone giving your (oblivious) child the stink eye, I think that’s on you.
Oh, I never said my night was ruined, Richard. I said that the looks they gave us indicated that THEIR night was ruined.
I certainly hope you’re teaching your children that it’s totally okay to judge someone off of the clothes they wear and make broad, stereotypical statements about a particular subset of people because you didn’t like the look they gave you or your son. And if they truly were “hipsters” like you assume they were(because no one other than someone who fits into your definition of a hipster would possibly be wearing some vintage clothes. And if they’re a “hipster” then they must be miserable poets(?)), then the dirty look was probably due to the fact that your son had his nose glued to a little screen playing a video game and not “discussing important topics like whether Gandalf of Saruman is the strongest.”
And not sure that eye roll = night ruined. I think it just means that maybe they’re judging your choices almost as much as you’re judging the way they look.
People who don’t have kids will never understand until they do have kids. They won’t grock how much their parents really loved them. They won’t grock how much trouble they were, and how little their parents cared about the trouble. Frankly, I don’t care if they care or not, and certainly not enough to write an article about it. You are much more understanding and polite than I would be. Plus, hipsters look like idiots.
Another great post from you Lindsay!
Tee hee…. A haiku.
This is kinda my feelings, too. In all honesty, they would probably be just as stinky-eyed at an elderly couple who were (probably loudly) asking about coupons and such.
I get tired of everyone thinking they’re entitled to be child-free. Guess what? The population of the world tends to procreate (by relatively enjoyable means) and I don’t think we should be expected to hide the evidence of that until they’re 18! Yes, there are places where children don’t belong. A burger joint (no matter how trendy) isn’t one of them. Glad you enjoyed your ketchup-only burger! π
Gandalf. Duh. π