>To Nag or Not to Nag
>When Hubs and I argue, one phrase always eventually makes its way to the surface.
“Quit nagging me!”
Yes, folks, apparently, I am a nag. A nag who asks Hubs not to put his wet drink on the varnished and still somewhat pristine surface of our computer desk. A nag who gently suggests that next time, Hubs might move my crossword puzzle off of the kitchen counter rather than plunking down his greasy, uncooked morning sausage on top of it. A nag who needs the hammer he casually threw to the very back of the impossible-to-reach garage shelf, and needs it now.
When I think of a nag, I imagine a tightly-permed, sharp nosed, finger pointing woman in a 50s-era television show. I hesitate and take a long look at myself in the mirror. Nope. No nags here! I sigh with relief. Hubs doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Still, I want to get along with him, so I’ve tried to cut back on the “nagging.” And it’s freaking killing me. When I, while holding the baby, tripped over the work shoes he’d left in the middle of the hallway, I held my tongue. When he left a heap of wet newspapers piled in front of my shower door, I said nothing. Even when he used my deodorant, I grimaced and remained silent. But this was no kind of way to live. I was boiling over with quiet resentment.
“The trash has gotten really full again,” Hubs said a few days ago, straining to pull the bag from our kitchen trashcan. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it would have been nagging,” I said darkly. “And I’m not a nag.” Hubs paused and looked at me.
“That’s not nagging,” he said patiently. “That’s reminding me.”
Say what?
Does anyone else have a husband like this?
>Yes, Yes, Yes! My hubby always calls it nagging even when I think I am just reminding him. Sometimes he has even gone as far as to call it B**ching. I just don’t even know how to stop doing it because in my mind I am not nagging, but simply letting him know that his cup shouldn’t sit on the table without a coaster because it leaves a ring and then we will have to replace that piece of furniture even sooner. grrrr women can’t win!
>It is “reminding” if it is something he wants to do, and has already started to do. It’s nagging every other time.
>LOADED QUESTION!!!!I think your hubby and mine are the same. Except, if *I* leave my shoes out, and HE trips over them, I will get yelled at.And why is it that whenever there’s a mess and it involves even the remotest possibility of one of MY items, it’s “there’s so much JUNK around here”…but if I call one piece of his personal belongings JUNK, I get whatfor….I don’t nag anymore. I either pile all the crap that he “forgets” all over the place on HIS side of the bed (or on the toilet lid, because he spends SO much time in there), or I just put it in a big green trash bag and throw it in the garage. When he starts wondering where things are, I tell him, “go look in one of the bags in the gargage”….lol….he’s learning!
>Men pull the Nag Card when they are just being lazy, inconsiderate assholes and want to redirect the blame onto someone else.
>”It is “reminding” if it is something he wants to do”SO true.I catch myself “nagging” Tucker and I cringe every time I do it. But, if I don’t remind him, then I get the same reaction that you did.”Why didn’t you remind me?”I don’t think we can win this one…
>Oh yes, sister. You are not alone. I just wonder why men think they need to be reminded in the first place. If the garbage is full, take it out. No discussion necessary!My favorite is when I’m walking out the door with my arms loaded full of garbage bags to take out plus my purse and paraphernalia for The Boy and he looks at me and says “Do you need my help?” Do I NEED it? No… technically I can carry all of this myself. But it would have been nice if you had taken those two bags of garbage out in the first place! Argh!
>My husband just told me, “If I’ve forgotten to do something, it is reminding. If I’ve remembered, it’s nagging.” Gee, thanks, honey.
>Oooooohh yea.. My husband is EXACTLY the same.I think we had that conversation on Saturday morning to be exact.I dont understand how it is NAGGING when I am just reminding him to do something that he should have done on his own!! Shoot.. Makes no sense.. And I, too, tripped over my husbands shoes that he had left in the middle of the floor while holding OUR 4 month old son..Grrrr……
>I fear that we just might be married to the SAME MAN!
>Aren’t they all like that? ha ha
>Nagging is the only way my husband will do anything. He always tells me to remind him things then gets mad when I do. I can’t win.
>Yes, absolutely!
>Yes. If I don’t remind him of something because I think it’s nagging, he tells me that I should have told him. I can’t win either way.
>Your comments are hysterical! And I can’t wait for my husband to see them- He seems to think I have a huge problem that no other woman on earth shares!
>I, I sister! They are all the same. When I point out I would have told him but he said I nag he tells me, “you’ll just have to decide if it’s worth it.” Nice.
>1. I am a husband like that.2. All wives nag or at least bring their hubs attention to things that they don’t like.3. Women generally have a much lower threshold for all things untidy. 4. Men would be killed by their wives if they (even only appropriately) gave it back in the same manner it is given.
>The question should be “Does anyone NOT have a husband like that?”
>OMG yes that is my husband to a T. Drives me crazy. I do not see it as nagging I see it as reminding. Nagging is when you stand over them and ask again and again and again. If he wants nagging I will give him nagging.
>I have a husband who is not like that, THANK YA JESUS! Mine will do things that drive me a teeny bit bonkers but I don’t say anything because they’re so small that it’s not worth it and frankly, if him leaving crumbs on the counter is one of my biggest beefs, I’m glad for that and more than happy to clean them up. But I hear you loud and clear and I feel for you. I have to say I don’t understand the whole “remind me” thing either. Oh I’m sorry, do your eyeballs not work? You didn’t SEE that the trash can was overflowing? If something goes on and really bugs me, I will absolutely ask my hubs to stop (or start) doing it. Like for example, I might say, “You know what would be really great and make me really happy?” and of course, he’s thinking “um, oral sex?”, but I say, “if you’d bring your shoes upstairs at the end of the evening instead of leaving them in the family room.”99 times out of 100 he’ll say, “ok, sure” and that’s the end of it. I think that men are so annoyed by the delivery of our message. ~Monica
>Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.It comes with that Y chromosome.”Y” are you bugging me? if he doesn’t want to hear about it.”Y” didn’t you tell me otherwise.
>Absolutely! And I’ve just givin’ up. If me “reminding” him makes me a nag, then so be it. At least I feel better!lol
>Does anyone NOT have a husband like that?
>I could have written that post…
>Thankfully, I fall into the same category as monica ricci. My husband is as much of a neat freak as I am. He does half the housework, so it wouldn’t make sense for him to leave stuff out to trip over becasue he’s probably the one who will be picking it up anyway. He gets so angry when he hears other women doing the stereotypical nagging of their husbands, but I have to remind him that other men aren’t as awesome as he is! I know how lucky I am, so don’t send too much hatred my way. 🙂
>Yes. I hate the word nag – it makes me feel like a shrew. Reminding? How is that ANY different. Men are so sensitive.
>I admit to needing reminders now and then…so I don’t ever call it nagging when my wife prompts me to do what should have already been done.Unless I don’t want to do it. LOL
>So…if it is considered a “reminder” if they have forgotten to do it, but nagging if they remember, but haven’t gotten to it/are putting it off/want someone else to do it…How are we supposed to figure out the difference, since the actions are the same?LOL, and they say women want their men to be mind readers!
>Men. You couldn’t have summed up my husband better if you wanted to.
>Ah yes, this is all too familiar. The best was the time he approached a red light and wasn’t slowing down quickly enough for my taste. Normally I would say, “You have a red light!” and he would act all nonchalant and slightly offended and say, “I know!” as he came to a stop. He really is a good driver, so this time I let him go, figuring ‘he knew.’ When I told him that he’d just ran a red light he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?!” Hm.
>Have you been watching the live feeds to my house again? We have nag issues big time over here. And it’s such an ugly word. Like hag. I prefer General Manager. Yes, I am such a GM!
>Did you put a camera in my house? I started calling my husband a nag every chance I got and he eventually stopped. Comments about me not cooking? Hey, stop nagging me. Wear high heels more often? Heeeey, stop nagging me.And when I got the ol’ Stop acting like your my mother…I gave the…stop acting like a child that needs a mother. Eventually, we ended up writing down a bunch of expectations in a journal. And it only took 14 years to get him to agree.
>My husband will tell me not to nag him about something in one breath, and then tell him to remind him of something else in the next! Very frustrating!!I feel your pain.~Amalia~
>He used your deoderant? I. Would. Freak. You are a saint. Definintely not a nag.
>you KNOW what my husband is like…your friend in SF
>YES! “It is “reminding” if it is something he wants to do”Thank you! That is exactly how my husband would react. I absolutely hate to be called a nag. But I’m sorry, when I was growing up when my parents asked each other to do something they didn’t say “I will in a minute” they just did it. My DH is the KING of procrastinating. Example? I asked him every single day for the past 5 days to vacuum (his 1 chore) and he says ” I’ll do it tomorrow.” UGH! I’m sure it will get to the point of him calling me a nag… it always does.
>I hate being in a position where you can’t win.However, when it comes to putting things in a place where you are sure to trip or slip on them? That’s not a time for nagging…it’s a time for giving him a smack upside the head with a clue stick (non-violently, of course). Blast out his eardrums.
>Have a husband like this? Are you kidding? We’re apparently married to the same man. Anything I say is considered nagging (and of course, when I don’t say anything and the task goes undone, he then yells at me for NOT reminding him). Gah…..
>Hrm… Yes, I think many people do.I offer you a suggestion that worked very, VERY well for me.When I ask for something to be done/moved, I need to (a) ask in advance of *right now* (b) give a timeframe of when I expect it done and(c) be specific if I want it done a certain way.(d) if there are two tasks that must be done I can sometimes offer which would he rather do (ie- you can give the kids a bath and put them to bed or vaccum the house and clean the kitchen).For example:”I would like the house picked up and vaccumed, the living room and all the bedrooms, the dishwasher loaded and run, and the counter cleared and wiped. The vaccum needs to be done before the kids go to bed and the rest has to be done before bedtime.”This way, he can run the vaccum, go putter around on the computer until 10, then do the rest of the things I insisted were his share of the work that evening. And he knows exactly what I mean instead of just “pick up around here.”Is it irritating to be so specific? It’s MORE irritating to do it all myself and resent it.
>Absolutely. Case in point..Me: “AAAAAAAHHHHHH…. YOU”RE GONNA HIT THAT CAR!!!!”Him: “&**^ &*^&^&, I have been driving for 25 years, and do you see any dents in my car!!??!!”next time……Me: (to myself) “Oh my God, Oh my God, we are going to die, he’s gonna hit that car and we are going to die.”him: (slamming on breaks) “Why the hell didn’t you tell me that car was right there!!!???!!”Say what?
>I agree here with everybdoy!! But the really question is what is the differnce between nagging and remind them what they have forgot?
>This is such a common thing…good to know..i just moved in with my partner and got the glimpse of this issue the very first day. we were setting up the house and using the knife to cut packages and he kept leaving the knives at various places , open for someone to fall on it or get hurt, i told him 9 times! he kept saying ‘ok, ok.’ eventually i came out of a room and saw him sitting on the floor with blood on his leg…i said what happened….he gave me a cheeky grin !so much for a nag….which would u prefer guys? getting hurt and damaged or just hearing your wife?