>True Love, Ten Years Later
>You can’t watch television, listen to the radio, surf the Internet, or read a magazine for any length of time without encountering something inspired by love. Our culture is obsessed with it.
More specifically, our culture is obsessed with new love. Popular singers rhapsodize about infatuation. Magazine ads depict bedheaded women with glazed, lustful eyes. Romantic comedies feature our favorite winsome starlets meeting and marrying the man of their dreams. Hit television shows parade a stable of hot men and women who rotate partners with all the predictability of a square dance.
When it comes to long term relationships, though, everything changes. Turn to Lifetime and you’ll see movie after movie about cheating spouses and murderous mistresses. Talk shows hosts quiz married men who are “on the down low” and housewives moonlighting as call girls. Magazines spotlight stories about open marriages, swingers, and cyber affairs. Popular literature explores the psyche of the modern married couple and why, after years together, boredom is inevitable… along with betrayal.
Of course, we all get married dreaming that our relationships will be different. We hold out hope that, decades down the road, we’ll be like one of those old couples in When Harry Met Sally, reminiscing about the day we first laid eyes on each other 50 years ago.
But once we’ve exchanged rings, we don’t get much positive reinforcement. I’m certainly not hearing any top 40 hits about hot married sex, and I’m not seeing many movies being made about couples who’ve been happily married for, say, 15 years. Real life mirrors the media; for the first time, the number of kids my six-year-old daughter knows who have divorcing or divorced parents is… significant. It’s noticeable enough that she’s asking questions about my marriage, and worrying when she hears my husband and I arguing that we might get divorced, too.
And the thing is, my husband and I do argue. Not all the time, but y’all. Honestly, at times that man drives me out of my mind. Someone has got to set him straight and who else is going to do it but me?!
Anyway, I have to admit that based on all I’ve seen and heard, and the fact that my own parents divorced when I was six, and the statistic that 70% of blended family marriages fail, I always knew in the back of my mind that there was a good chance that my own marriage would founder, too. Our passion for each other would fade over time, our arguments would multiply, our interests would diverge.
Like most other married couples, we’d either continue on through life tolerating each others’ existence– or we’d call it quits. Looking back, I’ve probably been more guarded in my marriage than I should have been, because a part of me was girding myself for what seemed to be, according to all I saw around me, inevitable. I hoped for the best, but prepared for the worst, because if the worst did happen, I wanted it to be as pain-free as possible.
Funny, though, life never turns out quite like you expect it to.
I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I’ve been with my husband pretty much every single day for ten years now and by some miracle…
I’m more in love with him than ever.
THAN EVER.
Yes, he wears an ushanka. Yes, his obsession with coaching youth soccer almost forced me to stage an intervention. Yes, at times he drives me insane.
But he is also my very best friend. My defender. My champion. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy and smart. He can make me laugh until I cry. He never bores me. He still manages to surprise me on a regular basis. He’s romantic. He’s thoughtful. And he’s the best father I’ve ever known.
I’ll be honest. Marriage has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My husband and I have had to put a monumental amount of effort into maintaining a close relationship. We’ve spent money on babysitters and weekly date nights that a more prudent couple might have put into fixing the stain in the ceiling from that upstairs shower leak. We’ve stayed up late talking and watching movies together when a smarter person might have turned in early and gotten some much-needed rest. We’ve foregone girls nights out and men’s bowling nights in favor of spending every possible moment together that we could.
But looking back, it has all been so worth it. Because the love I have for my husband now is 100 times stronger from the love I had for him on the day we married. Popular songs aren’t written about our kind of love. Movies aren’t made about it. Wives don’t whisper about it over coffee at Starbucks. But it’s so much better than anything I could have dreamed up on the day I married, when shiny, happy, new love was the only kind of love I was seeing around me.
My husband has seen me at my weakest. My ugliest. My most embarrassing. He puts up with my anger. My tears. My petulance. My pride. And he loves me anyway. With passion. He has never given up on me.
And I will never give up on him. How could I? With a little luck and a lot of perseverance, we’re well on our way to becoming that little old couple who reminisces about the day we met forty years ago.
It could happen. It could totally happen.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Hubs.
I love you now more than I ever realized it was possible to love.
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