>Who Needs Sarah Palin More- America or Her Kids?
>In theory, I like to believe I’m a feminist- the kind of new-line feminist who believes in supporting all women who are trying to make good choices for themselves and their families, whether they opt to stay at home with their children or work outside the home and hire someone to help out, or hold down a job while their husband stays home with the kids. In theory, that’s how I feel.
But as a mother, I have to admit it troubles me that Sarah Palin has accepted the offer to be John McCain’s running mate.
I want to be supportive of her decision. It would certainly be politically correct of me. But I can’t.
I’m troubled because Palin’s family clearly is at a crossroads. Her youngest has Down’s syndrome. Her oldest daughter is 17 and pregnant. Let’s face it- for most families of Palin’s economic and social status, these factors would create a situation in which the parents would circle the wagons, cut back on outside responsibilities and deal with the issues facing the ones to whom they’ve made the greatest and most important commitment- their family.
But Sarah Palin is hitting the campaign trail. And if she becomes vice president of the United States, she won’t have a whole lot of time for her family, any way you cut it.
The mother in me has trouble coming to terms with her decision to run for office. The mother in me has trouble believing that any person out there can adequately take Sarah Palin’s place as a fill-in mom to her children while she jets around the country. I got a lump in my throat when I heard Michelle Obama tell Brian Williams a few days ago that when her oldest daughter saw her father talking to her on a satellite TV screen at the Democratic Convention, she burst into tears because she misses him so much. It actually pains me to think that Barack Obama might become president and as a result, miss much of his daughters’ childhoods.
But frankly, it pains me even more that Sarah Palin might do the same thing. Because I remember being small, and I remember how connected I was in my early years to my mother. If I’m honest, I have to admit that if my mother had taken a job that required her to be away from me on a regular basis for days at a time, it would have had a very negative impact on me and on my emotional development, far more so than if my father had been the one on the road.
I haven’t yet decided who has my vote. I actually liked much of what Sarah Palin had to say in her speech last night. I liked how she came across. It’s just hard for me to believe that this country needs Sarah Palin more than her own children.
>Very well said, Lindsay. I agree wholeheartedly.
>And the same could be said for Obama. Who needs him more, America or HIS kids? Double standard? I think so.
>This is the post I’ve been a little afraid to write. Well said, well said.
>I agree, although I’m admittedly biased. I hate her policies so it would be hard for me to like her regardless, but here’s my $.02 (focusing only on the child issue because I could go on all day about her policies and experience or lack there-of). She has FIVE kids. Five of them. How a woman with five children could work a normal job and be there for five children is completely beyond me. Let alone having a child with a serious and heart-breaking mental handicap. How does she expect to manage her family with her baby and her soon-to-be-mother eldest and the three middle? Now is time for BOTH parents in that family to step away from work and towards their family. Also, I feel like she is pushing Bristol into marrying the father for political correctness. Pregnant or not, what kind of mother allows or encourages their SEVENTEEN year old to get married? She’s going to be overwhelmed enough with a child, now she needs to be a newlywed too? She should have options. What about adoption? What about her parents helping her with the child for the first few years so she has time to get her life together and maybe get a degree? And to anonymous-It is not a double-standard for obama. Organically, we have more ties to our mothers than our fathers. Regardless, Obama only has two children. And they are old enough to understand and they are healthy. Further, while the President travels a lot, not as much as the VP generally. The VP often spends MOST of their time traveling while the President handles Washington (supposedly).
>Wow – you really put yourself out there with this post – which, by the way, was very well written, and especially interesting to a Brit who doesn’t have a vote in your forthcoming elections.It will be interesting to see what shakes out of the tree in your comments box!
>I think that if it was Sarah’s husband who was running for VP this would not be in question. I think it is a total double standard.
>Though I definitely see your point, and agree to a large extent, I think it’s unfair to use the absent parent card against her. That argument could extend to every single working mother out there, whether they choose to work outside the home or not. And what about other politicans, actors or every other person who has a job that takes them away from the family? What about the Clintons? Chelsea didn’t have mom OR dad home much when she was growing up. And the last time I checked, she’s been pretty successful with her life. Though an absentee parent doesn’t compare to one who is around for every growth stage, I think HOW the absence is handled is as important to the family unit as opposed to WHY the absence happens.
>This is the exact thing I first thought of when I found out about her daughter’s pregnancy and her down syndrome baby. It would be nice to think that ‘oh this happens all the time with working mothers’, but this is an entirely different situation, and most working mothers don’t have to be away for days or weeks at a time. I almost felt like she was being irresponsible by accepting VP, with the condition that her youngest one is in.
>I haven’t figured out where to land on this one yet. It was interesting to see all the Republican pundints spin everything the last few days. I hope Ms. Palin looks back at the birth of her Grandchild as a happy time and not as a sour note in her political career.
>I completly agree with you, I have just one thing to add.Teenage girls are very emotional, impressionable and vulnerable. When they have a problem they want Mom right now, not tonight when they get out of that meeting or next week when she gets home from overseas. Double standard, NO, it’s nature. I loved my Dad, he was my hero, protector, strong and understanding. But, my Mom was the one who could sooth my emotional hurts, she was tender, sensitive, and understanding. That is not double standards, that is just the way we are made up.
>i’ve seen a lot of people voice their opinion and say this but i think we’re only seeing part of what’s going on. we see the surface of her family and not the depth. having your teenage daughter get preggars can happen to anyone. having a kid with downs can happen to anyone. she’s obviously turned it all around and makes the best of it. i dont think this election should be about her family but about her and her ideas and direction for our country. i also think that she’s making the best decision for her and her family. what mom doesn’t want to do that? just as some moms are better moms for working, some for staying home, and some for freelancing like you, to each his own. there isn’t one mold for a woman to fill anymore.
>Everyone will have an opinion here. I think Lindsay’s question is a fair one; I also think that I, personally, have no place questioning Sarah Palin’s decision to throw her hat into this ring, any more than I would have any place questioning a career-vs-family decision by Lindsay, or any other visitor here. It’s a personal decision for each and every family, and who can say they know better for another family, how such a decision should be made?Part of what is driving this new debate, in my opinion, is that it isn’t so much that Sarah Palin is a mom with young kids; the issue is an issue to some folks because of Sarah Palin’s politics that they don’t like. I wouldn’t be entirely surprised, if Sarah Palin were a Democrat, to hear some Republican women making the same point against her.Politics is a funny thing.In the end, if Saracuda does become our next Veep, how it plays out for her family is yet to be seen, and the responsibility and accountability for the good and bad will be hers and her husbands, not that of anyone here, including me.*off my soapbox*
>Yeah, as I said, the woman in me wants to be supportive. The mother in me has some issues. I’m conflicted.And I also felt last night like Bristol and her husband-to-be, as well as her baby were being sort of paraded about for political reasons, and that bothered me. I also wonder if Bristol is marrying because she wants to or because it’s best for her mom’s career. On the other hand, did anyone see the shot of the youngest daughter elaborately licking her hand and smoothing down the baby’s hair while she was holding him in the audience? I’ve never seen anything so adorable.
>I have been wondering the same thing. And I never thought about how I would’ve felt if my own mom had been VP. It would’ve been horrible!
>From personal experience, I come down on the side of double standard. We adopted special needs twins when they were almost six from the child protective system. Because of our circumstances, my husband was the primary caregiver while I worked. At least my man was totally capable of parenting special needs children. We were not certain that these boys would ever be able to live independently and they are now normal 19-year-old boys/men. I give my husband a lot of credit plus the support of our small community, but I was able to be a good mother also, despite a demanding executive position.
>I would hope as a family they discussed this prior to her accepting McCain’s proposal. Mr Palin looks like a capable man and one that has been active in the raising on his family. He should be able to step up to the plate and jump in when Sarah is not available. I have a problem with this even being an issue. If it were Mr Palin not Mrs who had stepped up to the podium we would not even be having this discussion. I highly hope that come election time this is not something that is going to sway a voter one way or the other. We should be voting on the issues not if Mrs Palin should be home with her family.Disclaimer: This is coming from a working mother who will be voting Dem not a supporter of Palin.
>Love it! I have been waiting for my fellow “mommy bloggers” to blog about this (and obviously I am too chicken to do so!).You know, I can maybe look past the other 4 kids who are a little older (maybe!), but the 5 month old with down syndrome really bothers me. This baby will need lots of attention from BOTH parents.Keep in mind, I am a step-mother who is now helping raise 3 boys who essentially grew up without a mom (and not because of her career!) and I can honestly say that children need their mother for a variety of reasons. Even my boys who were raised by an amazing father.Sometimes it is just for that mom hug that makes things a little bit better at the end of a bad day.
>I agree. I am conflicted as well. And apparently it’s not politically correct to talk about it on tv… but it’s truly what my sisters, girlfriends and the moms in the school parking lot are saying. It’s just not allowed to be said on public airwaves. Part of me thinks that the male newsanchors will be bashed for being sexist …. and the female tv hosts take it personally because they themselves are in these high power positions. Sally Quinn (who I don’t know enough about to know if she’s someone I strongly agree with on a regular basis) has been the most outspoken and she’s consequently being debated and villified for saying it. It’s a new version of the mommy wars.
>I am a stay-at-home mom who has never worked outside the home and feel that this is where I belong. I am really surprised by this debate on your blog, I thought we moms want to do whats right for our families and not be judged for that decision. We have no clue what talks went on in her house and how the decision was made but yet we are judging her. I know this debate always goes on about working mothers but how as women are we to expect equality when this is how we behave?
>Joe Biden has 5 kids, I WISH he would stay at home with his. All the sanctimonious crap we get from the equal rights people and we do not hear a word about how Joe balanced his schedule and father hood. Usual left wing double standard. Sarah Palin is a woman with NO FEAR and she scares the left. She has handled the mayorship, the governorship and she will be even actually closer to her children, they will live 2 blocks from her office. Get over it, crybabies, and say WELCOME to your next VP.
>I agree with you 100%. I have two healthy kids, work full time, and have never felt like I had it all—that is impossible—something always has to suffer. I don’t care how well Sarah Palin can multi-task, she will never be able to be a great Vice President and a great mother. She might have a great husband who will do his level best to fill her shoes, but it isn’t even close to being the same thing. I think she has chosen ambition and career over family.
>I disagree that there is a double standard – two healthy kids =/= five children, one of whom is a newborn with special needs. If Mr. Palin was the candidate, I think people would be saying the same thing, though probably not as loudly. John Edwards received quite a bit of criticism when he chose to continue his campaign after his wife announced that her cancer had returned (and let’s try not to get off-topic because of the Edwards reference…). I won’t be voting Republican because I loathe the party, and I find Ms. Palin’s politics abhorrent. I personally think either parent of a family this large, settled so far from DC, and with so many issues to deal with, should not attempt to take on such a demanding and important role at this time, but it won’t affect my vote either way.
>Lots of moms work outside of the home…many of those jobs include travel. No one questions Barack or Michelle being away from their daughters. I think as being VP, she will be able to provide opportunities to her family otherwise not available. I am PROUD to be a Palin supporter and as a mother of 2 who works outside of the home I’m EXCITED about what she represents.
>Good for you for being willing to put yourself in the middle of a scorching debate that could get your ass a bit toasty…In deciding to accept the VP nomination, Sarah Palin has done the same- opened herself up for a world of criticism (literally from around the world) but that is the very nature of politics. She will be hero to some and herectic and crappy mother to others. Her motherhood will be a large part of what ought to be a political debate(I mean really, does McCain think so little of women that he believes he can “balance” the political polls by choosing a woman? Does he think women are so desperate to have a female voice in the political arena that we are stupid enough to champion any person whose best experience includes a constituancy if 9,000 people? It’s a little insulting and I’m ranting off the point of Lindsay’s original post- sorry.)Unfortuantely, it is the nature of politics to call into question personal lives. Isn’t it the Republican Party that is so into family values? What does her decision to run say about Ms. Palin’s? Easy for us to debate because as Mrs. M pointed out – it’s not us and we don’t know about their personal family dynamics. Perhaps Dad is an awesome parent and willing to put his life on hold to take care of the kids and perhaps she has overwhelming other family as a support system. For the kids’ sake I hope so. But the thing that would make me, as a mom, really hesitate is not just the time spent away from the kids but the exposure and criticism you subject them to…the media can be so cruel. Is her ambition worth the price they will inevitably pay? Then again, if someone offered you a chance to change history and the world’s perceptions of a woman’s place within it, would you have the strength to turn it down?
>Delurking here, just to let you know that your opinion was very well stated. I too am still unsure about who is getting my vote, and I am also unsure of how to feel about Sarah Palin’s choices as a woman and a mother. In the end, we may end up with differing opinions, but for now I appreciate your ability to say your piece in a dignified, respectful, non-judgmental manner. Thank you.
>I think your opinion coincides with your overall view on family. I saw a bit of this same attitude from you in your attacks on stay at home dads. You are entitled to your opinion, of course, but realize that not everyone shares it and there is more than one way to “raise and love a family” so to speak.
>You took on a challenging subject today and handled it brilliantly. Of course this will not be decided here. As with all elections and families we all have to make our own decision based on what we feel is right.We make a decision then hope for the best. While I am not sure how I feel about Palin, I am happy that she has the option to run. Maybe she sees being VP as something that will be good for her kids in the long run because she will be able to make a change, an impact on the country FOR her kids. Who knows what she thinks, how they will work it, or how her kids feel? All I know is I am going to research each candidates beliefs and make my decision accordingly. Thank you Lindsey for tackling this subject.
>I’m really enjoying reading your comments. The degree of Palin’s devotion to her family won’t affect my vote- It just interests me that I’m having this reaction. Before I had kids, I absolutely wouldn’t have thought twice about her decision.Whenever we discuss a hot issue related to motherhood though, there are always a few commenters who say we shouldn’t be talking about the subject, it shouldn’t be an issue, and I’m somehow “perpetuating the mommy wars” by writing about it. I think that’s ridiculous. How do we form opinions and gain perspective if we don’t discuss how we feel and what we think about issues and read what others have to say on the matter? Why shouldn’t we discuss this? I enjoy reading all of your opinions- they only give me a wider range of perspective.
>Interesting and courageous post. There is nothing I would like to see more than a woman in one of our highest executive offices – but unfortunately for me, Sarah Palin is not that woman. I don’t agree with her politically – and so man or woman – I hope she isn’t our future vice president.That being said, there is a part of me, even as a working mother, who is uncomfortable with the choices Palin has made in her life. I cringed when I heard she returned to work two days after giving birth to a child with special needs. I admit to being horrified she is encouraging her seventeen year old daughter to marry. (Really? At 17? I don’t know anyone in their RIGHT mind who should jump into marriage at 17.) And I feel sadness when I think of the days/weeks/months she will be away from her family – particulary her youngest if McCain wins the election.Is it a double standard? It certainly is. I know it is – and I HATE that it is. I don’t know why, but I think many of us (including myself) hold mothers to a higher standard. The choices Palin has made had told me alot about the type of person she is, the type of mother she is – and right or wrong, they aren’t choices I would have made.I am not sure I like what that says about me as a person, as a working mother. It’s not my place to judge her or anyone else. There is a part of me that hates I feel this way about her, but I can’t seem to shake it. And maybe all of us as women, as mothers, truly are our own worst enemies.
>Well put, I have been thinking of the same thing as I drive to work and listen to the news each day. I am not a US-citizen so dont have a vote, but while one part of me wants to support her (aka feminist part), as a Mom I still feel her family needs her to be around which she may not be if she is VP or campaigning for one.Even if her husband is the primary care-giver and a very capable one at that, I still feel her 17 year old daughter and her special needs baby need a mom now more than before.
>Ok. Guy weighing in here. Even had to turn the sound off on the TV to write this.It is about time that this country puts a woman in the White House, and not just as the First Lady. A woman needs to be THE First Lady. I don’t understand the reason behind McCain choosing Palin, there is way too much political crappola going on with that, but she was chosen. The woman has been in politics for some time now with kids, and a husband, some guns, and maybe a pet or two. She will have excellent care for her kids. Hopefully, a large portion coming from her husband and not a crew of nannies. Dads can fill the nurturing role, just as Moms do. It isn’t the way that most of us have been brought up, but there are men out there doing it, and doing it well.Kids need both of their parents. Balanced roles. It really shouldn’t make a whole lot of difference who is the nurturer as opposed to how is the good-time parent gender wise. Just my 2 cents.Fire at will.Namaste.
>There are many of us who had better relationships with our fathers. My mother was the LAST person I wanted when things went south. Todd Palin is home with the kids. As Governor, Palin fired the cook, preferring to do it herself.So many women work, there’s no need to add to their guilt over this difficult topic. And it implies that SAHFs don’t matter to children.
>Sarah will do the same thing we do in my family. I earn the money, Hubby is the “mom”. In fact the Hubby is a much more patient nurturing person than I am. It works fabulously and the kids get plenty of parental love. Sarah Palin seems to be very balanced in work/life. She’s not brand-new to politics and has been doing the balance thing for a while.
>Very nicely done Lindsay, and tough topic. I do not pretend to be nonpartisan here as is now well-documented. But politics aside, I think it’s fair not to question whether a woman with a baby can work, but whether this particular woman with her particular workload cut out for her on the home front, can take this particular job which is arguably the second most demanding one in the world. It’s a very specific situation and I don’t like that either side is using it to paint a greater picture about what the public does or doesn’t think about working mothers.
>I have more of a problem with Sarah Palin encouraging her daughter to get married vs. the fact that her daughter is pregnant. Seriously, who would tell their child “Oh, getting married is a GREAT idea!” at that age? No one. Except someone who’s world revolves around politics. I feel sorry for her children, especially her special needs son. Kids just need their moms. It’s a fact.
>It’s my understanding that Todd Palin won’t be at home. He has a job, too, and has had one while she’s been governor, so it doesn’t seem that either parent could possibly be around all that often. If he is going to stay at home, that does make a difference in how I feel, frankly. I’m sure he could do a great job.
>My mom was diagnosed with MS during my preteen years and was absent, although physically present. This was a tough time for me but taught me independence that serves me well even today. My dad was then and is now my rock. My husband and I have two small children and both of us have professional careers outside the home. Whether Palin’s decision is right or wrong is not for me to judge. As women, the decision to work outside the home or not is a personal one. But isn’t she really “applying” for an executive position not unlike many women holding similar positions in companies across the US. Do we jump in to criticize a female executive at a Fortune 500 company who has children? Unfortunately for Palin, this job is in politics and in the public eye and the gloves come off more quickly. At the end of the day, I am excited for my children to see that you can dream big and realize it whether you are a man or a woman.
>I TOTALLY disagree with you! I am a regular fan but you have a hit a nerve with me – Sarah Palin is already a freakin’ governor! Her family situation should have no bearing on your decision to vote for the McCain/Palin ticket. I personally think she is the best thing McCain has going for him and would be a breath of fresh air to our country because she IS a mom of five and a special needs child and will be a grandmother in her 40’s – think about Lindsay, you have 2 teenage daughters and 2 small children yourself – if someone implied you were being selfish by going to BlogHer or another business function, wouldn’t you be pissed?
>Well, A, if BlogHer were twenty days out of every month, I’d have to admit they had a point… 😀
>Being a mother that works, I face the same “leave my kids to someone else’s guidance during the day” as other working moms. I think that Sarah Palin has a strong team of family and friends that will help her family get thru this time.
>I don’t think we can really understand their family situation in specific since we aren’t her family. One question that occurs to me however is what kind of burden would it lay on the daughter to always wonder if her teen pregnancy caused her mother to turn down this opporunity?
>Great post Lindsay, I see where you’re coming from, definitely. I couldn’t care less though. About her taking on the VP candidacy. I just care whether or not we vote that bitch into office. And I don’t understand the comparisons to the Obama family. They aren’t parenting a 4 month old. It’s that simple a difference that makes the comparison invalid.
>Lindsey, you lost a loyal reader today. I am disgusted that you would be so simple minded. You are proof that FEMINISM is dead. Shame on you for taking women’s rights back 40 years. Just because you gave up your career to be a professional mommy doesn’t mean everyone has to. Moreover, its not really any of your business (or Americas) if she is a working mother. Just because she’s different doesn’t mean she’s wrong. My husband runs his own business — much like Mr. Palin — and takes it upon himself to assume some of the more “traditional” roles that a generation ago would have fallen strictly to the mother’s shoulders. He doesn’t operate like this out of servitude for myself or our family. He does this because its the setting in which is the most successful. So how dare you suggest a father isn’t as good as a mother. How dare you suggest she isn’t as good of a mother because she chooses to sacrifice herself for the good of her country. Are all the women soldiers serving overseas bad mothers because they leave their children and go to combat? What about female doctors who work 18 hour days to save lives? Or what about you — a former member of the media, living off her husband’s financial success and pontificating on the values of a woman who is actually trying to make a difference, rather than discuss the body functions of her child on a blog. Yeah, talking about your kids’ bowl movements is waaaay more important than running the free world.
>Very good topic Lindsay! Can she handle balancing family and her career? It seems like her track record is pretty good. I mean if you get rid of the cook so you can cook your family meals…. Get rid of the housekeepers so you and your family can live a somewhat normal life “at home”. She still manages to breastfeed her 5 month old…It sounds like she is balancing her priorites well to me. If she becomes VP, only time will tell if she made the right decision. She probably will be spending more time with her family as a VP than a Governor…think about it. I am not sure who I am voting for, but I stand behind her decision to be McCain’s running mate.
>I for one appreciate the sacrifice she is willing to make. She represents me as a woman, a wife, and a mother (as opposed to previous candidates). She brings things to the table that no man ever can. Obama was home 10 days last year. This is the same guy lecturing other men to step up and be there for their families. Also, Obama’s mother was 18 when she had him. Bristol could be carrying a future presidential candidate for all we know. I don’t see how this is so different from when feminists asked women to give up home and family and go to work so that future women could make more money. The only difference is the feminists are pissed because Palin is doing this without them.Also, the commenter who said the media and others are afraid to talk about this. I have to disagree. It’s all I have read about in the paper, online, etc. for days. Nobody is afraid to talk about it and nobody in the media is sticking up for Palin and her rights as a grown woman to choose where she works. MS
>Lindsay, I agree with you 100%. Although she presented herself well last night, I can’t agree that this is the right time for her to accept a responsibility this big. Not that I don’t agree with women running for major office, I do. I voted for Hillary. But Hillary is at a much different place in her life. She didn’t take political office till her daughter was an adult. I feel for the baby, I feel for the daughter who will be thrusted into adulthood and can use her mom now more than ever. Not to mention she has other minor children as well. I, personally, can not give her my vote because I feel she has an extreme responsibility to her family at this time. This country needs alot of work to turn it around from the turmoil it has been in for the past several years. She will have to dedicate herself body and soul to it in order to be an effective VP. I feel at this moment, her family deserves her undivided attention more.
>I understand when people say we are talking about this specific situation rather than the stay at home mom vs working mom in general, but there’s a problem. We don’t know everything about this specific situation. We can’t possibly know everything about this specific situation. We end up using genrallities for this one situation and it doesn’t work that way.
>Oh, horsefeathers…gotta add something here, bearing in mind that this is from a bachelor with no kids and no responsibilities therefrom.I think Lindsay’s approach to this is reasoned, thoughtful and balanced. I don’t see her passing judgement on Sarah at all. She’s asking a question as a mom, about a working mom with young children, who just stepped into the fire of very public politics, for the second most prestigious office of leadership in the land, and how that can be balanced with the role of mom and caregiver to a special needs infant. It’s a good question, and a valid discussion to be had. It might just open a few eyes to some hypocrisy in how this debate is shaping up. But it’s a good and valid debate.I stand by my earlier comment: if McCain and Palin win in November, then how this role of Vice President and mom is handled by Palin, in so far as the health and well-being of her kids is concerned, is the responsibility of Sarah and her husband, not any one of us. Whether it works out for better or worse…Sarah and her husband will have to answer for to themselves, and not to us.There’s nothing wrong with Lindsay’s question or her expressing internal conflict on the subject; and to answer any question my comments might open, yes, I am currently leaning toward supporting McCain/Palin. There is no concern in my mind about her ability to multi-task. How many women in government and business do so now, and very capably?’Nuff said.
>Lindsay, you’re a brave woman. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
>Funny, nobody had the same criticism of Nancy Pelosi rising to power when she also has 5 children.Maybe like me, Sarah Palin realizes that keeping the United States as far away from socialism as possible IS in the best interest of her children.
>Oy, Sarah Palin.It’s Bristol who gets to me.Ok, Sarah Palin, you get an opportunity. Chance of a lifetime. Chance to change history, change the world, be a leader, whatever. Only catch? You have to submit your daughter to the most intense scrutiny her 17-year-old self will ever have to endure. While she is trying to grow another human life.What do you do? Take the job and risk your daughter’s emotional health? I say hell no. How could you put your own flesh and blood out to the blood-thirsty media like that?I know it’s unfair – a man would probably never be questioned if he was in the same situation; however, a man doesn’t have that physical bond to his child… and that’s just the way it is.I give mad props to her for making such a difficult decision (I honestly don’t know what I’d do).. but I’m just saying: I’d put my daughter first, hands down.
>I don’t think it matters whether or not it’s the mother or the father outside of this home life. It’s a horrible situation for either parent to be so absent. No president nor VP has had family issues such as these to deal with. Because international policies and relationships are such a huge issue, the VP will be required to spend days, months out of the country. It would be hard if the father of this family was gone, too. One parent can’t deal with these situations alone. Look at how her family is ending up with her just being the Governor. If she practiced more of what she preaches about abstinence and the parents job to teach children about sex, not the schools, maybe she would have been present to talk to her daughter and save the daughter from becoming a 1teenage mother. Apparently, someone was doing their job as a parent to educate their daughter or this wouldn’t have happened, according to her stance.
>Here is another perspective in case you are interested. This isn’t my blog, but one that I read every day. http://mommylife.net/
>In response to the commenter about doctor’s, military moms, etc. I can just about guarantee you that many moms that are a doctor, overseas, etc. did NOT start practicing law or sign up for the military months after giving birth to a special needs child and after finding out their teenage daughter is pregnant. She knew about these responsibilities and chose to not be present for them. Doctor’s can’t help but be called for 18 hour shifts. If a military mom is deployed after these issues arise, so be it, but they would not agree to these absences knowing their family situation is such. It’s about decisions. She fully knew about her home life and family situation. She was called upon to make a decision after this had happened. Unlike the examples you gave, she knew this would be an issue. These aren’t surprises that happened along the way.
>I think the real problem with Palin is not whether she’s a good mother or capable of balancing life and work, it’s that she’s so conservative on issues important to me and other women. She let her daughter make a decision about her pregnancy, but believes that women should not have the right to make a different decision, even when rape or incest is involved. She does not advocate teaching about contraception in school but wants abstinence preached instead– that obviously did not work in her own house, why should it work in mine? Those two issues are why her daughter’s pregnancy is relevant. She advocates drilling for more oil in Alaska, doesn’t believe people are causing global warming, and doesn’t believe that polar bears are an endangered species. She’s an NRA fan. She’s a fan of teaching creationism in schools. I would love to see a woman president or vice president, but it has to the right woman who has my kind of viewpoints, not just any woman. Palin is just as bad as Mike Huckabee
>Your question was “who needs Sarah Palin more – America or her kids?”I don’t know because I haven’t heard Governor Palin speak about education (other than abstinence) or the national debt or economic issues or immigration or civil rights or torture or any of the other issues that surround us.Her speech last night focused on McCain’s patriotism and her belief that Obama lacks the same. I don’t want to make a decision about her until I hear and learn about her entire stance on the issues. But thus far, no one seems to be able to get beyond her teen-aged daughter and her infant child. I can tell you if I think American needs her more once I learn about all her views…not just her family circumstances.
>I think there is one thing we can all agree on, it is a personal decision and we are all right. Each one of us are an individual and have are own personal perferences. This is a great blog and I am pleased to have found this site.
>I completely agree (except that I think her speech was an hour of bashing another candidate rather than a speech of ideals and plans).I think that the absent parent argument could’ve been made for the Clintons and the Obamas too, but those children are not infants and they do not have Down Syndrome. Whether it’s a double standard, whetether it’s fair or not, that child needs special attention, attention he can’t possibly get from his mother if she’s the vice president of the United States.
>You are right. Why isn’t the right-wing media, conservatives, etc. getting her policies out there? They want Hilary supporters and if her policies get out, Hilary supporters will realize that they have nothing in common other than being female. They have their uber-conservative in John McCain, “let’s just assume she’s a little more to the center so we can get those votes undecided votes.”
>I agree with the double standards comment. Apparently, so does Rudy Giuliani…gee, didn’t know he was such a feminist.But seriously, he’s right in this respect. No one would question a man with five kids who was running for office. Maybe her husband has the sort of schedule that would allow him to bear the brunt of child care. I’d like to believe that the Palins discussed this before she accepted the nomination.
>Maybe her husband is going to take care of the family. Why aren’t we hearing about this? Why haven’t we heard about him selling his business? Everyone is asking these questions, but we’ve heard nothing to support that he’s going to do it.
>I hadn’t given much consideration to the impact of her decision on her family until I watched the coverage last night.Between that and what you said about circling the wagons in circumstances like these (which really resonated with me), I can only say that were I in her shoes, I would not make the same choice to run.
>Very good blog post which expresses what many of us have been thinking and discussing with friends. I honestly don’t know the right answer here; I just know that I have a serious problem with this woman taking a job that will take an incredible amount of her time away from a family that obviously needs her. Yes, a woman executive does the same thing. Yes, many fathers can parent just as well as a mother. Yes, we do need a woman in the white house.Still. I just can’t get over her taking this job with her family situation.
>Anonymous at 10:17AM is right on the money. This is a woman whose family made a private decision, but she wants to DENY the privacy of that decision to all other American families. This is a woman whose career most definitely came about because of feminism, but who casts herself as anti-feminist and wants to DENY other women the opportunities and chances that she herself has had. She embodies everything bad about the right wing… “equal opportunity for me, but not for thee… personal responsibility for thee, but not for me… fiscal responsibility for thee, but not for me.” Not only does she want to teach creationism in public schools, but she truly believes that GOD wants the US military to kill innocents in countries that never attacked ours. I am glad that a woman was nominated, but not a woman whose politics are so blatantly anti-woman, and so far to the right.
>Darn… I feel sad that so many women are thinking like this… Nancy Pelosi had five kids. Granted, they were a bit older when she started campaigning, but she didn’t use her children as excuses for not serving her country. Why are we putting this woman under a microscope like this. How another woman runs her family is not up for our judgment. Let’s stick to the issues, like which one of these tickets is going to bring us more financial burdens… the guys who want to tax all the companies we need to help our economy and our own households, or the guys that want us to keep more of our own money? That’s just one little issue for starters. There are a whole lot more… and NOT ONE of them has anything to do with whether the VP is making Chef Boyardee or Baked Chicken for dinner. What is this argument saying to our kids? To our daughters? That you can’t have a family and work? C’mon Ladies… circle the wagons for HER… for US… for our DAUGHTERS!
>very well put. when i heard she had five kids, my thoughts weren’t as well organized and i came across (to myself in my own head) as being a macho man from the 1930s. my heart breaks for all of the kids on both sides. and your post put it (feminism, career women, stay at home moms) all into great perspective.and yes, if it was sarah’s husband that was running for vp, this wouldn’t be an issue. i don’t think it’s a double standard. but it does get tricky there.and because i’m at the top of the comments page right now and i can see anonymous’ comment… she mentioned obama and his kids and how tough it is for his kids, too.
>I think I am much more “pro stay at home mom” than you are, actually. I write on this topic all the time. But in this case, I think the answer is: America. Leadership is a calling from God, and I am so grateful that He has called a godly woman…finally!
>Sexist, judgmental and disappointing. The woman already has to deal with the heartbreak of a new baby with Down’s, the loss of a dream of a healthy child. Now you want her to abandon all of her other dreams for her own life because of the death of that first dream? Harsh and cruel. The woman deserves the chance to live her own life as well as being a mother to her children. Taking that chance away from her with our own judgment on how parenting should be done is the kind of thing that drove women to suicide in the past. Sexist attitudes that keep all of us in cages passed down from our male-dominated history.Anonymous Democrat who wouldn’t vote for her anyway. But still…
>There’s plenty to dislike about Palin without resorting to her choices regarding her family.Worry about her B.A. in Journalism. Worry about the $20m in debt she left for her mayoral town. Worry about her wanting creationism taught in science class. Worry that she misused her power as governor to have dissenters fired. Worry about her wanting to ban books from the library. Worry about her opposition to abortion even in the case of rape or incest. Worry that she promotes abstinence-only sex education. Worry about her thinking that the founding fathers wrote the pledge of allegiance, including the “under god” part. Worry that she doesn’t know what exactly the vp DOES all day. Worry that she says we’re doing “God’s work” in Iraq.Her choices as a parent? Waaaaaaaaaay down on my list of objections to her candidacy.
>Lindsay’s blog is eliciting passion – about politics – mommydom – feminism…all right! Everyone’s definition of feminism is influenced by her (and his) life situation and experience. As a one-child mom who works in a high profile job and travels almost every week, I can’t imagine how Palin can do it – or would want to. So what? That’s applying MY definition of being a mom/woman to her situation. It’s what we all do, but come on…can’t we all at least agree that being a mom isn’t one-size-fits-all? That doesn’t mean, of course, that I can’t use my take on her decisions to evaluate her suitability for the VP slot. In my opinion, she’s an abysmal choice. For me, feminism means that I can vote for anyone I want – regardless of their gender – and shouldn’t automatically vote for a woman for that same reason.
>While I will not cast my vote for her, it is because of her politics. I have no problem with her going back to work after having her newborn or running for VP. We do not know how she thinks or how her family runs. It is possible that her being a SAHM would be the worst thing for her family. If she is a better mom while being away and making sure her children are cared for and loved by their father and caregivers who am I to judge? My family was much happier when I quit SAH and went to work. Not just me, but the entire family. I am now back SAH (after many years) because that is what works best for us right now.I do not believe that just because you have a family you must stay home or give up your dreams to make sure your family is ok. I will judge her on many things, but how she manages her children are not one of them.
>Word for word – what I commented to Grace Davis… regarding Sarah Palin, parenting & feminism. "So I went to the dictionary to make sure my vocabulary was clearFeminism: the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.And my point – I don't care if the parent is man, woman, or animal – it is your duty, moral obligation, and should be your nature to protect your children from things that will be of detriment to them. Choosing to do something for yourself that will knowingly be of detriment to them is bad parenting; Political candidate or not. Feminism shouldn't even be in play."
>As a woman, I did not want to ask this same question but I couldn’t help it. I am a new mom and feel like it kicks my ass half the time. I do not agree with her policies so this is not a matter of whether or not I will vote for her. It just made me ask the question “how?” If she can make it work and all, great for her. I just know that if it were me with that high pressure job + 5 kids and their current issues I’d probably show up to work drunk with two different shoes on my feet.
>There are a lot of long comments here and I just don’t have the time to read through them all but I wanted to give you a little something to think about.Wasn’t it a huge imposition on her family just to have question of being the VP nom asked? Look at it from her childrens’ point of view instead of as a fellow mom. Can you imagine finding out one day that your mom turned down the possibility of being the first female VP because you got pregnant while unwed at 17? If it was your mom what would you have her do?Plus she has already been working a full time government position. There has to be some kind of support system already in place for her family and her children. Yes, Washington DC and the Vice Presidency is much larger, requiring more of her time and energy. And after the move to the White House Todd may actually have more time to spend with the kids than he does now.
>Sugar….you have my same view point. Well spoken!
>I suspect that if she was Obama’s Running Mate, many of the folks wringing their hands over her decision, would be championing her, and the “First Dude” acting as a SAHD so she could accept the nomination.Personally Bobby Jindal was my first choice for Veep, but I like her a lot.
>I have been having these same thoughts and have expressed as much to my husband. (He wants to know what happens if she becomes pregnant again…) Personally, I think that her family needs her more, especially those young kids, and her son with Downs Syndrome. Her children (and grandchild?) will likely be raised by a team of nannies. While I was a nanny and loved those kids like my own, there’s something to be said about a mother.Obama has my vote – and not just because of Palin.
>At first I was a little surprised by your post but even if I wholeheartedly disagree with you, that would not be enough to make me stop reading your blog. Now if I disagree with you over and over and over again, then I might have a problem and guess what, you wouldn’t be the wiser, if I stopped “clicking” here. I like your blog and I think you are an intelligent, respectful, and funny woman.Boo hoo to anyone else who says, “I’m outta here” just because you asked a question with honesty.BTW, I am a SAHM and a conservative. (I’m sure I’ll get crucified for admitting that!)
>While I struggle with the same thoughts, I think that it’s her buisness. And I have heard that Bristol and her boyfriend had discussed marriage before all of this anyway. Yes, they are young, but it happens. I love that people are complaining about Palin’s speech and how she didn’t talk policy, just bashed Obama. That’s the exact thing Biden did at the DNC. Why is that okay? McCain will talk policy, not Palin, just as Obama did. Stop making the “Evil Republicans” so evil. Both parties are doing whatever they can to get in the White House.
>The fact that Sarah Palin is a fan of teaching creationism in schools is right on. Why do my kids have to listen to the Big Bang Theory and the rest of that crap? Get over it, there are other view points.
>Thank you for not being afraid to say the obvious. I’m going to put a post together about the whole gender politics things one of these days and I’ll email the link to you.I’ll admit I am not an undecided voter like you. I would never vote for Palin because of her politics. Just about everything she supports, I am opposed to. I also think her speech was extremely mean-spirited, divisive and contained a lot of untruths. I like Obama because he inspires rather than divides and that is the sign of a true leader and what this country needs.But putting her kids through all this during a difficult time. Any parent – man or woman – who has made career sacrifices for their children are lying if they say they haven’t internally questioned her family’s decision. She talks about how “the first Dude” can handle the kids and then talks about his job and his racing. And she fired the cook? Something seems off there.
>Her relationship with her children might survive, but her marriage might not. Who would want to be alone in that firing line?Then again, maybe she isn’t a very hands on parent. Maybe she’s planning on taking the younger ones with her. As a mother, I think that she’s going to miss a lot of time with her children. As a woman, I feel that she will never get this opportunity again, take it
>It’s something I’m struggling with as well. You made great points and explained my own confusion regarding how I feel about her as a mom, a politician, and an ambitious woman willing to put her family in the background for her career. It’s a tough one.
>I didn’t have a problem with her decision until I heard Downs and pregnancy. One of these issues alone is enough to break a family in half let alone both! I don’t care how she thinks she is going to handle all of this. The fact of the matter is, she can’t.I respect that it is her decision to make but, she does not respect decisions that other women make about their lives: namely being pro-life. So, that is why I won’t vote for this ticket and my feminism is firmly intact with that statement.
>Sarah Palin’s family values? Not mine. I don’t care that she’s a working mom, I do care that her family is in the middle of some huge transitions and she chose to use her daughter Bristol as a political tool. More of my thoughts here:http://momocrats.typepad.com/momocrats/2008/09/sarah-palins-fa.html
>I don’t think you have to be a good parent to be a good leader. Our responsibility is to pick good leaders.I don’t think Palin or her husband are good parents. I don’t think they are connected enough to their children. I don’t think losing the election would help her to connect better to her children. The lack of involvement has been going on awhile.I disagree with Palin on many of her stances. She is far too right for me. I think she is a shark and I would be afraid to see what she would do, if god forbid, she became president. She does have a great backstory, I want to like her positions and, her, but I just can’t.
>Well, here’s a thought for you. Whether you agree with the reasons for the war in Iraq or not aside, what about all the mothers AND fathers who have left children at home to go fight for our country and make a difference. Who here has the nerve to question their decisions? Are THEY bad parents?? Serving and putting one’s country first has many faces, and it doesn’t care what sex you are or how many children you have.Do you think any of her children are going to look back at what I can only hope she and John McCain will accomplish and not be proud to have had some role in that? No way.
>Do you think that MLK, Jr. knew that he would likely be assassinated at some point? But that he decided that what this movement could do for the future of his children, for all children, might be the more important thing he could do as a father? What can Palin communicate to her children, especially to her daughters, by accomplishing this? It’s not the traditional package that “motherhood” is delivered in, but it is no less great. I hate her politics, but the minute we make her run about motherhood, we are devaluing EVERY working mother.
>I couldn’t read all 85 comments but I read some in favor of your post and those who aren’t.Double standard keeps coming up. Yet, like you, I completely acknowledge that fact. I’m at the same crossroads you are… GO WOMEN! and yet, I’m also a mother.Technically it IS a double standard. Yes. But this is one of those situations that you have to look deeply into. Like a PP said, Barack only has 2 children and they are healthy and seemingly issue free at this point. Palin has 5 including a tiny baby who has Down’s. I think her family needs her more. I say that as a mother and a woman. Maybe I’m a traditionalist. This is an issue that has no resolution I’m afraid. I think it is hard for any of us to see people in the White House who have small children. Generally the office is reserved for grandfathers, not fathers. I think America is cheering for the younger generation to take office (Obama and Palin) and I think we are also scared and tradtional at the same time because we care about the kids and know what public office could do to them. I’m all for a woman to hold the office of the VP, I’m all for Obama to be president. It’s just an historical time in America and only the future will tell how this really plays out in our culture. It’s a brand new path we are all paving.
>It IS a double-standard. So much so, that my husband and I debated it out last night. (He made your point.) And, I really hate that society is like this.But, on the other hand, if I were in her shoes, I couldn’t imagine doing what she’s doing. But, who knows–maybe her husband is the at-home nurturing parent and she’s the “pants” in the family. The thing that makes me the most sad is that her teen daughter is having to be put center-stage and scrutinized at what must be such a hard time in her life to begin with. Yes, she made a mistake. But, when you’re 17, that kind of mistake can feel like the end of the world. Now, she has the media on her and knows that some might judge her mother, based on her mistake. That’s too much to handle along with a teen pregnancy. It’s just sad…
>I can’t stand her politics and I was never voting Republican anyway, but you do have a point. I would never do something that kept me away from my kids for weeks out of every month and I do work out of the home and my kids have been in daycare since they were infants.Although, she may not be mothering at all and her kids may be better off with her husband or nannies.
>I very much agree! Obama should have picked Hillary as a running mate to seal the deal….
>No one knows how she and her husband made this decision. I’m sure she’s concerned about it and they’ve worked out a plan and agreed together that they can do this. Together. When Joe Biden tells of being sworn in to office at his little boy’s hospital bedside after his wife and baby were killed, no one ever says he shouldn’t have done that. What was he thinking, commuting to Washington with two young boys who just lost their mother??? But no, it’s just a tragic story for him and everybody says how wonderful it is the way he managed all that. But Sarah’s situaiton isn’t even close to being that dire and she’s getting all sorts of criticism. And her husband should be thoroughly insulted that apparently no one thinks he’s capable of much on the homefront. We know she’ll live in Washington with all the kids, right? Like, 5 minutes from Capitol Hill? Women are killing themselves with this. We need to decide what we want – equal treatment or the assumption that Mom has to be the one home, especially if there are more than 2 kids or one of them needs special attention. I guess “be careful what you wish for” is a cliche for a very good reason.
>First off, it’s hard for me to be objective because I am so opposed to Sarah Palin’s politcs, as well as put off by the lies she told last night that I can barely see straight.I don’t have a problem with her as a working mother, even with 5 kids and the baby having Down Syndrome.I have a problem with any PARENT that would take this on when it meant that doing so would ensure that their 17 year old daughter would be subject to intense media scrutiny (whether or not that should be the case is irrelevant at this point) during such a pivotal point in her life when she is likely to be fragile.It’s not as though this is a job that only Sarah Palin could do. She’s doing this for herself–which we would be fine if the repercussions for her daughter were not so great.The “fiancee?” He was not having a good time.
>I love this post!!! I do not fault her for being a working mom of 5 but going on the campaign trail is hardly what I call a “normal” work day whene she will be home with those kids every night. I have heard her husband is a stay at home dad and that does make it a little better but didn’t he have a DUI? Looks to me like Mccain did not do all his homework before selecting her!! Frugal Carol
>I have read most of the comments on this topic, and it is hard to agree with. I am someone who got pregant at 19. yes I was out of high school, but just starting college eith no job. my boyfriend and I got married. Our parents did not push us to get married, but both of us were taught you have to take responsibily for your actions.(we are still together and going strong for 8 years) You don’t know if it Sarah pushing her daughter to get married,it may be the guy and his parents. What if her daughter and the guy are madly in love and want to get married. It is not fair to judge her as a mom. Kids are going to do it if they want to. My parents always were open and told me about what will happen if I got pregant. We made to desicion to have sex and we had to step up and take care of the child we made. What a good mother for supporting her daughter. There are a lot of people who do not do that. It was not to long ago that people met their high school boyfriend graduated and started a family.I think it is unfair to her as a woman to say whether or not she can do both jobs. I work and my husband works. A lot of the time our parents step in and help us by picking them up from school and doing the afternoon routine.Remember she has only had one speech. wait to see what else she has to offer. before passing judgment.
>I like your comments….I don’t know…I probably would not make her choice…seems like she has a role to fill at home HOWEVER I am a working professional mom and would never want to sound as if I do not support a working woman….this mom just has a lot of things going on…perhaps her presence would be better at home than her husband’s right now….”now that’s a sexist statement!” I know and I said it. Actually it’s just a thought…what do you think??
>As mom to a special needs child, I have to say that my daughter’s first year was perhaps the most challenging time of my life. I can’t imagine having had any more important responsibilities than taking care of her at that time.As a woman, I would love to see a female president or VP, but she and I are polar opposites on the political spectrum, so she’s not the woman I hope to see there.
>A candidate’s personal life shouldn’t be judged, but their professional record should. After all, they’re being interviewed on a national level for very important civil service jobs. When someone asks you to serve on a committee, do you take into consideration possible time spent away from your family if you have one? Of course. All of these candidates will spend time away from their families, including some very important holidays from time to time, to govern this country; don’t think they haven’t worried about not being there for their own children during this campaign season.In terms of fair energy solutions, the economy, our national security, our foreign relations, our domestic sense of well-being, this country needs parenting like it’s never needed before. I cannot imagine a more important time in this nation’s history for a President and their second-in-command to be spending time on this country than now. If Palin, Obama, Biden, or McCain must spend time away from their families, better to spend time on the U.S. to ensure you are not spending $5.00/gallon on heating oil or gasoline, depleting your resources that would go towards food or medicine for YOUR family. Only a President and Vice-President can mandate legislature that solves our inherent problems. If that takes time away from their families and ensures the livelihood of our own, who are we to judge?
>Bottom line: A man in Sarah Palin’s exact same situation (5 children, including one with special needs and one going through an unexpected pregnancy) would NOT face the same criticism that she is enduring. Tell me why it is acceptable, or even expected, for men to sacrifice their roles as fathers in the interest of being successful?
>It’s a valid question, but at the end of the day, I’m not voting for her family. Her family can vote however they want and they can take their famiily’s perspective into account when they do.I’m voting for my family. For my life. For my country. I don’t give a rat’s ass about her family life or her family choices or judgments or actions or what-have-you. I care about what influence she would have on our country in the veep position. And whether or not I feel that influence is the sort of influence I want for my family.
>I should clarify that I don’t think this should be an off-limits discussion and I don’t think that anybody who opens this topic up for discussion is perpetuating the mommy wars, I just personally don’t care. Or rather, I personally care so much more about the future of my family than I do about the future of hers (wow, this sounds bad) that I leave her family stuff in the dust.I just thought I should clarify my comment above, because I re-read it and realized it sounds like I could be accusatory or judgmental of those that differ from me here and that’s not the case at all.
>I think what concerns me most is how much you two resemble one another. Seriously, more than just stunt double similarity.
>I am the daughter of a teenage mom. At 17, my mother had a child (me) and then shortly afterwards married my father. Over 30 years later, they are still married. Rather than lock her away and be ashamed of the fact that they had a daughter who was a teenager and pregnant, my grandparents supported her and allowed her to make her own decisions. They didn’t need to hold her hand and babysit her in order to do this. Why are so many people assuming that SP is forcing her daughter to marry for political reasons? Why are we assuming that her daughter wanted to have an abortion and didn’t because of her mother’s forced politics?Reguardless of whether or not I am in line with SP’s politics, it saddens me to see so many other mothers judging her or saying that she is harming her children for political purposes. I may add that I’m especially puzzled that so many moms who also blog make these judgements. As bloggers, we often say that we hate it so when we get hate mail judging us by the snippets of life seen on our blog. We’ve had a few days of getting to know this candidate and we are assuming that we know why/how she made family decisions.As for the thoughts that she is parading her children around for political gain….were Obama’s children not also on stage at the DNC with a microphone in hand? Have they not been pictured in every magazine in America in the past several months? How is this so different? Also? Would we rather her not show her children to us and then then wouldn’t we assume that she was doing that because she was ashamed of her pregnant daugher or Down’s Syndrome son? I’m sorry but she will be judged no matter what she does. I think that’s to be expected but to see moms (especially ones who put their own kids out there for the world to see as so many of us do as bloggers) is what blows me away.I don’t agree with all of her policies but I’m not about to judge her decisions as a mother. I do applaud you for feeling that you could put this out there without actually saying hateful things, Lindsay. It’s so much better than what I’ve been reading from others this week. I wasn’t directing all that assuming and judging stuff directly at you, either 🙂 I was just sayin’.
>I’m curious about what it was that you liked about SP’s speech last night.I have absolutely no problem with her working, regardless of how many children she has. I don’t think it makes her less of a mother that a woman who stays at home with her kids. But, admittedly, I don’t give a shit what kind of mother she is. That’s her issue, and her family’s. Unless Bristol and Levi get a reality show, and then I’ll be all over that.
>i like what navel gazing midwife said:http://navelgazingmidwife.squarespace.com/navelgazing-midwife-blog/2008/9/3/palin-pall-family-is-not-off-limits.html
>pfffft, as vp she would have nothin’ but time to hang with the kiddos….it’s not like they do anything or anything( said with tongue firmly in cheek).my(single) mom had 5 kids and worked we all survived, as a matter of fact we learned a good work ethic, self reliance and how to kill dust bunnies.
>I have to agree with Karen’s point. Sarah Palin is not the first – nor the last – parent to run for a political office, or become heavily involved in a career that takes that parents away from their family a lot. In a way, maybe it’s better than she has five kids, so that they have one another to lean on and hold strong to while their mom is embarking on this historic adventure.Sarah Palin didn’t wake up one day and decide that she wanted to be the first female VP candidate. She woke up one day and decided to get involved with her children’s school’s PTA. PTA involvement led to Wasilla City Council, which led to mayor and then to governor of Alaska. And from what I hear about her life in the governor’s house, the kids still have chores, Todd does work around the house and they let go the personal chef. Even at her busiest times as a career woman, it sounds like she’s done a pretty good job of keeping her kids grounded and maintaining a sense of a normal life.
>Personally I don’t care if it was Sarah Palin or her husband who was running for VP…this is a family that needs to pay attention to the home fires right now.I will refrain from the political rant I want to indulge in and merely say that all the reasons I *really* don’t like SP are listed on my blog under the entry “Is Sarah Palin a Good Mom…do I even care?”. I will also admit though, that it wasn’t like I’d ever vote for a Republican in the first place so it doesn’t really matter.
>Ok I’ve been struggling with this since I heard the news. I’m a republican all the way and I like McCain anyway. But I faltered a little when I heard about Palin. I think she would do a great job and she’s tough as nails. BUT I also work in a facility that helps those with developmental disabilities so I KNOW how much care is needed for a newborn with Down’s. And that’s just one of her children. People my age have been really hard on me for feeling this way but I just can’t help it. I’ll still vote for McCain and Palin but that part is really going to bother me. I was starting to think nobody was going to agree with me. And yes I realize it’s a double standard but that’s just how I feel.
>As I wrote on my own blog earlier this week, Sarah Palin isn’t getting my vote, but it has nothing to do with her family decisions. I simply don’t agree with her politics. I 100% respect her decision to move forward with her pregnancy after they found out Trig had Down syndrome, but I don’t think (as she does) that every woman in America must be forced into the same decision. I don’t agree with her stance on drilling in ANWAR. I don’t think creationism has a place in public schools (unless it’s in a World Religions class alongside other religion’s theories and teachings) and I don’t agree with her on guns. I think abstinence-only teaching is equivalent to sticking one’s head in the sand (as demonstrated with her own daughter). And my jaw hit the floor when she (complete with eyeroll) said Obama is in favor of reading terrorists their rights. Um, I think that sentence is missing the word “alleged.” Last I checked, the policy in this country was innocent until proven guilty.Questioning her decision to run right now with a pregnant teen and special needs infant at home is a double standard, and it’s unfortunate, but I understand why people feel the need to question it. And discuss it. Thanks for giving people a place to do so.
>Loved this post. Double standard? Of course. There is a time for all things. No one said this about Hillary because her daughter is fully grown. Lindsay was very clear that the Palin family is in crisis, and I agree. Her youngest is 5 months old. I would question a man with a five month old child with special needs running for office!
>Hi, ladies. Interesting comments all the way around. I found another blogger who’s talking about the same issue and has some interesting points on Palin: http://www.mommapug.com/2008/09/stirring-pot.html
>It looks to me that they are a solid family. Her husband appears to be the supportive type.Many women all over America who are mothers in Corporate jobs travel all the time and the husbands care for the children. Women I know so I think this issue is irrelevant. The children are well adjusted. I think some women like to make it seem as though their children simply couldn’t live without them and they do just fine with Daddy. I believe men are just as capable in raising child as women are. It depends on the person. Palin gets my support!
>I didn’t read all 114 comments before posting mine, but I think one thing that bothers me is that I feel like Sarah Palin is letting herself – and, even worse, her family – be used. I believe McCain wanted someone who would pander to the social conservatives who dislike him. He got that with Palin, along with a large family that can be paraded around to the family values crowd.Also, as a mom of three girls, I’m a little skeptical that encouraging a pregnant 17 year old to get married is the right choice. If I was a hormonal basket-case during my pregnancies in my late 20s and early 30s, how can a 17 year old make a reasoned decision about whether she wants to spend the rest of her life with this boy? I definitely think it’s the Republican thing to do to make her get married, I’m just not sure it’s in Bristol’s best interests long-term.
>Teenagers are funny creatures. No matter how much talking you do, at some point, they’re going to do what they want to even if (or especially if) it’s in direct opposition to their family’s point-of-view. Do they realize the long-term consequences? Not always. Realization often dawn a few years down the road. I have a feeling that BOTH of Bristol’s parents had many, many talks with her. And possibly with the (then) boyfriend. And they made up their own minds about what they were going to do and did it. I also suspect that if Bristol had wanted an abortion, she would have gotten one the way so many girls do – on their own or with a friend, family none the wiser. I admire Bristol for the choice she has made to have her baby.As for having a five month old baby with Downs – there are disabilities that are infinitely worse and much more heartbreaking. I work with people with Downs every day and they are an inspiration. Some were institutionalized (back when we, as a country, did that sort of thing) but they managed to retain a sense of wonder and joy that is amazing. That little boy, no matter where he lives, is going to be a survivor. I’m interested to see what Sarah Palin can do in terms of advocacy for people with special needs. Another thing to consider is Britain’s Royal Family. Charles and Diana had two sons who grew up very much in the public eye (and continue to be) and they are perfectly well-adjusted young men. BOTH of their parents had to travel extensively throughout their childhoods.It will be interesting to see how all of this plays out.
>Thanks, Lindsay. I was surprised and disappointed in myself when I realized I was asking the same question. No, I haven’t asked the same about Obama, Biden or McCain. I’m using a double standard, yeah, but I think it’s b/c she’s trying to have it both ways. She identifies herself as a “hockey mom.” I’m not aware that any of the male candidates have defined themselves as parents to the same degree she has. She puts her mom role prominently on the table, so it’s difficult not to consider how she fulfills that role.I initially liked how she came off, too – she gives good speech. Then I realized that, much as I appreciate it, sarcasm is generally used when substance is lacking.
>Very good point, anonymous. I went back and read a transcript of her speech to remember what it was about it that I liked, and I realized that, aside from saying special needs children would have an advocate in the White House, it wasn’t really what she said, it was how she said it. She definitely has charisma and charm.
>She's already governor, her time was going to be split one way or the other. But why does it have to be Mom at home taking care of everything? Her husband left his job when she was elected to Alaska's government & he's taken over the SAHP position in the family. Maybe it's easier for me to see how this is a WONDERFUL option for the children since this is also the set up that we have in my own household. The children will gain just as much from having their father at home – these children aren't being left to fend for themselves – they just have a different hands on caretaker than most families are accustomed to seeing. And Downs Syndrome is not the defeatest debilitating affliction that it was in the 50s. This family has all the resources in the country available to them & the child's father will be available to help him, teach him & care for him while Mom is at work. I don't think that women can "do it all" and do it all perfectly – but with a supportive and loving husband beside you, you can come close. Her family doesn't rise and fall on her presence alone – it takes a team to raise a family & their team just happens to have Mom in the driver's seat for the next few years.
>Well, you certaintly know how to get people talking, Lindsay!I am so not political so I really have nothing else to add.I don’t think it matters who gets in office. . .and since both the candidates have small children at home I don’t think one will be any better than the other. . .
>GREAT POST LINDSAY!! I applaud you for getting the tough stuff out there. I applaud you for getting all of us to think. You want to run for President? You got my vote. ;)Seriously, great thinking post!
>Politics aside (and yes, I am a Republican and proud of it), I don’t think it is a question that applies any more to her than it does to you or me or any man who has a time consuming job. Using this logic, many of us would forgo all sorts of activites, whether volunteer or work related because our kids need us more than whatever it is that we wish or need to do. Not a fair question unless we want that same standard applied to ALL of us, the men included. The variables are just too vast.
>My question about her daughter is how do we know they are being forced to marry? Were any of us with them as they talked about their options? Not to mention the boyfriend has a tatoo of her name on his ring finger that doesn’t seem coerced.
>Not only is it a double standard…why is this any concern of ours? This was a private choice between Palin and her family…and how does it effect politics?
>I can’t help but think that McCain’s camp are sayn'”We see your Black man and raise you a WOMAN WITH A PREGNANT TEEN AND A BREASTFEEDING BABY WITH DOWNS”My issue with her (and the GOP) is not about gender and the rolls we do or should play.There are so many other women who are so far better qualified, Libby Dole just being one…
>How tragic! A talented person who seems to have a genuine desire to serve her country is being judged because she is choosing to act with “a servant’s heart.” According to a great many of the comments, because I have a stressful job that requires me to work long hours for my community prosecuting criminals, I had better not have children. Especially not a child that requires extra attention, and definitely not more than two children! Furthermore, if I do have children, I had better immediately give up a job I’ve dreamed of and trained for through 20+ years of education. Finally, if I don’t make that choice on my own, I can rely on my “sisters” to chastise me for being so selfish as to want to serve something greater than myself.To those same commenters – please make sure that you inform your own daughters that they can do anything to which they set their hearts and minds – just so long as “anything” is limited to what makes you comfortable. Women’s liberation . . . what’s that again?
>Well Lindsey, you have once again proven yourself to be a savvy blogger. You are good at drawing traffic by stirring up controversy and making space for people to express their opinions. I’m taking notes.I read all of the comments (Yes I need a life) I notice that no one who actually has 5 or more children seems to have weighed in. And no one has mentioned the possibility that the more children you have the easier it gets. That is the experience of many moms I know of 5 or more kids and my own as well, though I’m only at 3 so far. By the 3rd baby you tend to feel as though you have the hang of this a little bit and it no longer consumes so much of your time and thought. I just today saw a picture of her wearing her baby in a sling while working as governor in Alaska. Just because the baby has Downs doesn’t really mean much will change at first. He’ll take longer to do everything. He’ll need more doctor’s appointments and have more physical challenges as he gets older, but right now, as a baby, I bet he’s pretty easy as far as babies go. I love that she is setting an example of women who continue to be mothers while working at other things. I get the impression that she hasn’t stopped being a mother in order to be governor, she is blending the two roles, bringing her child to work with her, breastfeeding him in her office, things that most working mothers of newborns, who only get 6 weeks before they HAVE to go back to work would only dream of being allowed to do. (Being a SAHM is a luxury many women in America cannot afford right now.) Sarah could change things for the better for lots of working women by her example of raising her children on the job.As to Bristol and her pregnancy, what we know of the Palin family so far seems to indicate that if their lives were lived far from the public eye the decision for Bristol and her boyfriend to marry would have been the same.Obama wouldn’t want his daughters “punished” for their choice to be sexually active with a baby. I have a feeling the Palin family doesn’t see it that way. I imagine a dialogue that goes something like, “Sex can lead to babies. You chose to have sex. Now you have a baby. Congratulations. Now what are you going to do to take care of this child that occurred as a result of your choice?”That’s how it would go down in my family so…I don’t even get to vote because I’m not a citizen. But I hope the Palin/McCain ticket wins. I think this country desperately needs people who still think thoughts like, “The taxpayers shouldn’t have to pay for me to fly around in a private jet, or to pay the salary of my personal chef. Just because I’m a public servant doesn’t mean I should get treated to more expensive things than any one else.”
>great post!you know, like yuou i am surprised to find myself straddling the fence on who i will vote for….dont tell my darling republican husband because he will love it just a little too much.asied from the raging double standards that disappoint my pollyanna view as the mother of 4 girls, i also find myself identifying with this woman….i have 5 children, my youngest has ongoing serious medical and developmental special needs that we knew about before he even joined our circus and we still willingly opened the act up to include him. my oldest daughter is a young single mother who is more dependent on us than we all care for her to be. she certainly did not plan this, in fact she did her damndest to prevent it but when it became her reality she (surprisingly) made a choice most would not have expected. our family took on a lot of crap and criticism for taking on a child with complicated health and developmental needs and we took on a lot of crap and criticism when we chose to support our daughter’s decision to continue her pregnancy and accept the crazy-assed challenge of being a young single mother. and with all that going on, i somehow manage to juggle a very stressful, busy career. i can imagine what her day to day struggles, fears and triumphs must be like because i live my own. yeah so many “suggested” i should stay home during these challenging times (surprisingly no one ever suggested my husband should)they also were quick to remind me of what i should do everytime my son faced another surgery or as our daughter dealt with the stress of balancing work/school/baby/baby daddy who can’t step up. whatever is my response to them.my circus, my family is what gets us all through these challenges. it is challenging and it is stressful but it is still, all the same our family’s adventure and we juggle it together.the ones who are always curious as to how we/i can do this all well, i can’t tell you how but i can tell you it gets done probably just as well as it gets done in your household. i don’t judge those who are different than me and i would say, don’t judge me. so yeah, i can’t help but identify with palin and maybe admire her a little because i walk in similar peep-toe shoes.still there is the whole issues thing….yeah, i like her but….some things are just so hard, you know.i am sure by november i will know and will cast my vote the way i should.
>(FYI) – My comment is meant to be without political bias, so here goes:First, this is a double standard – and not just regarding men, but also working moms who have a choice and those who don’t, single moms, and married moms who don’t have much help at home.Do you think by not voting for her, she’ll spend more time at home…”circling the wagons” so to speak? Nice idea, but you don’t know that. An earlier commenter said it better than I…it’s HOW an absence is handled. Oh, and…A mom at home does not a great, supportive, sunny, ideal, childhood make. By the way – this is isn’t going to be the Palin’s family first rodeo. Mrs. Palin moved from mayor to governor. The state may have a relatively small population but public officials are extremely busy and gone from their family quite a bit.I like your column and thank you for having the courage to write this, but instead of projecting your own personal childhood experience onto Palin and her family, take off the blinders and have faith that working moms can make good decisions. Besides, it’ll be all her fault anyway. She’s a mom, isn’t she?
>Gosh, I found myself asking the same questions. I told my husband that had I not had children I wouldn’t be asking the same things. My husband was the one who came down hard on this. He reminded me of my usual defense of parents when I see them being judged. I’m always saying that we don’t know how their family works and I wouldn’t want someone to look at our family and feel as though they could make a snap judgement on how we parent.I also ask this question of myself. “What difference does it make is Sarah Palin is more suited to be the working parent than her husband? Does it make her a worse person if she is NOT as nurturing as most mothers? Does that disqualify her from being VP? What if she chose a man that complimented her spirit?I don’t think it’s bad to evaluate these things in ourselves. Most of us were raised to believe women can do whatever they choose, and then found when we became mothers that most of us don’t mind putting our personal ambition on hold for our kids. But surely there are women out there who have more of a provider personality than others. I can’t tell you what Palin is, but I can tell you that I’m willing to see her differently than I see myself.
>”I know this debate always goes on about working mothers but how as women are we to expect equality when this is how we behave?”Written by “anonymous” many comments back, and to you I say, “exactly!” I initially reacted very negatively to this issue. In fact, I found myself commenting on political blogs all day yesterday which is something I never do. Now that I’ve digested a little, read a lot of different views, listened to some commentary, I’ve changed my mind. Lindsay, you got it right when you said your reaction “interests” you. It is interesting how, as mothers, many of us immediately react like the mama bears we are. The truth, however, is this isn’t a power-grab for CEO or a 9-5 job to win the bread for her family. This is public service, and if she is qualified and passionate and able and ready, we owe it to her as women to evaluate her on THAT, not on her mothering.
>Well, you just maligned practically every working mother by implying working moms are playing “fill-in” roles in their children’s live. Many working mothers travel for the jobs, work long hours and come home to complete professional projects – a balancing act not altogether alien to that of other women in visible, public positions. Women like you, essentially, have wasted your education for something that may or may not have a return or make any qualitative or quantitative difference in the long run. This whole “professional mom” shit is tired; women who are mothers and so happen to work are professional moms, too, with, I sare say, more finesse at multitasking and micromanaging than the stay-at-home moms whose limited worries encourage myopic thinking certainly face.
>From the time her candidacy was announced, I felt like I SHOULD be happy, as a feminist, that she was chosen. But I’m not. So this post struck a nerve for me. It was like you were in my head. And are saying exactly what has been bothering me about Sarah Palin.
>Anonymous yet again “courageously” strikes… bitterly insecure about their life choices anyone?
>Wow, I had no idea Sarah Palin had some many close friends who were bloggers. I mean anyone who is privy to conversations that took place among her family members must be a close friend, right? Otherwise how would so many people have inside knowledge about how she “pressured” her daughter to get married or how her kids just won’t survive with daddy in charge?It is interesting how passionate people get about what other PEOPLE (not just women) should do with their lives. I often wonder if it is just us feeling vulnerable for the choices we have made. If they made different choices and they are right, does that make us wrong? I don’t think so. We are all on our own paths – living life to learn what WE need to from it. What works for you might not work for me – who am I to judge your personal path?Now, if you want to talk political issues that affect all of us, that’s a different story.
>Oh and Jenn S. – well said. You should start a blog…I would definitely read it!
>If you’re torn between the McCain and Obama ticket, your racially loyalties are really showing.
>Hey Lindsay,I read your post right after you wrote it, but I didn’t comment. I came back to it to let you know that it really got me thinking.First off, I love Sarah Palin. I am so excited about her and what she can bring to our country. However, I’ve had to admit to myself that I have a double standard. I generally *do* believe that women should be home raising their babies, at least during the young years, and that really, teens take more time and energy than toddlers, so they need a mom at home, too. I’m no feminist. I’ve had to admit to myself that if Palin were a Democrat, or were a different kind of Republican, I would not want her to run. I think children should have a parent at home. I think Joe Biden should have stayed home with his children after his wife and daughter died, instead of being sworn in at their hospital bedside. Personally, I would not make the choice that Sarah Palin is making.However, I am glad that she’s made it. I don’t know her personally or the conversations that went on in her family before she accepted the nomination. She’s been in government for quite a while now. Maybe if she weren’t so busy, her daughter wouldn’t have been having sex at such a young age (yes, I’m one of those who thinks having sex was the bad decision, not having the baby – babies are not punishment). But maybe that would have happened even if Palin had been a SAHM. It happens to other kids all the time. Having a SAHM myself didn’t stop me. :)I am not responsible for her parenting decisions. But in all honesty, I am excited about the opportunity to watch a Down’s Syndrome child grow up in the White House and be loved by the whole country. I look forward to seeing little Piper Palin care for her brother and blossom as the sister of a special needs child. I am excited about an advocate for children, a real advocate for children, in the White House. At a time when over 90% of Down’s kids are killed before they’re born, this could help change the heart of our country towards children with disabilities.I was never going to vote for Obama. While I don’t agree with him on lots of things anyway, I could never vote for someone who voted (multiple times!) against the Born Alive Infant Protection Act. Anyone who could be so callous, so hard-hearted as to vote against providing medical care and treatment for babies born ALIVE – real, live, helpless human beings – from an abortion, will never, ever get my vote. Yes, I’m a single issue voter. Don’t hassle me. :)So I was always going to vote for McCain. And I do think he’s a good man and will make a good president. I don’t agree with him on everything either (although I LOVED his statement about education being a civil rights issue). But I’m excited to vote for Sarah Palin. Her decision to run given her family situation is a good conversation topic and I have no idea how she’ll do it. But many kids have grown up in the White House and turned out fine.Anyway, I know this is a total hi-jack (I don’t have a blog), but I just wanted to thank you for bringing up the subject and I do think it’s worth talking about and I appreciate you making me think it through. 🙂
>No one would ever say this about a man.
>I’m afraid I have to concur with annonymous below, dearie – double standard. If McCain had chosen a married man with five children that included a special needs child, the children wouldn’t have even been an issue, with the slightly possible exception of the potential for an advocate for special needs children in the White House.
>I don’t understand how anyone who would willingly expose her teenage daughter’s pregnancy to the national media in service of her career, can seriously be called an “advocate for children!” That poor girl. Maybe if she’d been taught something besides “abstinence-only,” she wouldn’t be pregnant. This woman is not an advocate for anyone but herself… she is the new generation’s Phyllis Schlafly, an anti-feminist who’s been able to make a career BECA– USE of feminism. Never mind that endless war is far more dangerous for all babies than letting women decide whether or not to carry their pregnancies to term. Sigh.
>At what point does the needs of a child come before the dreams of a parent? It is not a double standard. It is called being a mother. I am sick and tired of hearing/reading about this notion of a double standard. As a mother you spend nine months growing a baby, giving life protecting the baby, feeling the baby. Fathers can’t do it so the relationship between you and your child will be different than it is with their father. Mothers play a vital role in the development of their children. If you want to be a good mother and not a babysitter you have to make sacrificies for your children. You give up some dreams, change some plans so that you give your children the love and security they need. This isn’t a debate about working mom’s or stay at home mom’s which is better which is worse. This is a discussion on what it means as a women to be a mother. Fathers have a strong role but is not the same role as a mother. The role is equally as important but different. Can you be an effective mother when your job will over take your life for the next four years? Can you meet the needs of your children before your needs to the country? This notion of putting your children’s long term needs ahead of your own goes against the social norm.I don’t think a woman with a big family can handle the responsibilities of being vice president because her first priority should be to her family. I understand she has a husband, I understand she will probably have nannies to help but the part of me that is a mother fails to understand how you can put your children last and your dreams first. How can you get on a bus or plane and campaign for the next 60 days and leave your child. The baby is 5 months old not 15 years old. If she parades her child around like some kind of prop I will be offended. I guestion her desire to be a good mother and if you can’t take care of your own family then what will you do to a country. By take care of I mean be there for. As a mother what comes first our children or us?
>Clearly,families should come first. Asking “who needs whom more” is a question that can become a trap we each may fall into. I am sure that my kids need me more than my clients or my company. Just as I am sure my kids need my wife more than her patients do at the hospital.Any canidates family need them more than we do. The real question is ” Do we need Obama more than we need McCain?”Sometimes I wish I could make a commercial. I would only make two. The first one would show a buss load of school kids. A new driver is about to be hired. The first is young and eloquent and describes in great detail how scenic the drive will be to school;but he has never driven a bus. The other is a weathered grandfatherly figure. His description of the drive to school is blunt and direct, cause he has driven a bus there for many years and just knows what to do.The second commercial would be two chlidren on a playground. A big bully ,named Russ, is picking on a little kid named George. A classmate that is very preachy comes over and begins to try to talk to the bully and says things like” Stop beating little George in the face. Think about why you want to do that and lets make nice and keep playing. I will even let you keep his lunch money”. Then you see the same scence being played out only this time a little scrappy kid comes up and steps in between Russ and George and says”stop now and give him his money back or I will dot your eye until you do”But ANYWAY…lol , I’ll sit back down and be quite and fade into relative obscurity again. I am glad Dennis told me about your blog! You do a great job.
>I’m sorry. I already commented, but this is just hilarious! We’re not talking about corporate America…Mommy escaping her role as a housewife in order to buy a bigger house, or drive a better car. We’re talking about the White House!! Can you imagine having the opportunity to change the nation for your children, introduce them to an incredible new world, include them in the history books, etc., and actually turn that down??! I am a stay-at-home mom, and I’d sooner live in a box than work away from my children. BUT, if I had the opportunity to do what she is about to do…I’d take it. I’d have wanted my mom to take it too.
>She is engaging — just remember the Bush speechwriters tell her everything to say.
>I haven’t had a chance to read through all of the comments. There are just so many a girl can read! Maybe someone has shared this perspective already. Maybe not.But maybe Palin is taking this opportunity to show her family, her children, especially, that when life gives you very difficult challenges you do not stop you life and moan about it. Maybe she believes you do the best you can, but keep a semblance of your lives. Would I want to be there for my children in similar circumstances? Of course. Would I want to teach them that the world stops because life gave us some harder times? Absolutely not.For what it is worth I am not at all a fan of Palin and will not be voting for her ticket. However, I am not hypocritical enough to contribute to taking feminism back 50 years either.
>Had to add this in, because it’s so beautifully stated. I’m not saying I necessarily agree with this opinion, just that she put her viewpoint very well. This was a comment from a woman named Kristi over at Divine Caroline, where this post is also running:”Thank you for so eloquently articulating what the “mommy” in me has been feeling. True, under no circumstance would Palin get my vote, I should disclose that. We’re too far apart. But there has been something nagging me more than the political divide between us. I work a 9 hour day, leaving the house at 7 and three nights a week not returning until after soccer practice at 8. In between, I make sure my kids’ homework is done, their teeth are brushed, small bodies clean, and do the “hard” emotional work of a Mom: drying tears, kissing boo boos, soothing hurt feelings, disciplining with love and affection. My husband and my father who lives with us do the same and there are NEVER enough hours in the day to get it done. I learned a long time ago that yes, I can have it all, I just can’t have it all at the same time. For now, I’m happy to be the one tucking my kids in at night. Soon their beds will be empty, their small bodies grown. My brass ring will wait… my children will not.”
>I think it’s a dangerous game to attempt to decide what is “right” for another woman with regard to her personal, family responsibilities. It is not your (or my) job to decide if America needs Sarah Palin more than her children do. Raising her children is Sarah Palin’s (and her husband’s) responsibility. I am not called upon to make that decision for her, nor for any other woman. Nor am I called upon to judge her because her personal convictions regarding her maternal responsibiltiies may differ from mine. My job is to examine her political position and vote responsibly on that basis, and not on some sort of misguided notion of doing what I feel is best for Sarah Palin’s family.
>Double standard much, do ya, Suburban Turmoil?Would you have given a thought to writing that same post were the candidate the FATHER of five, rather than the mother? I defend Sarah Palin’s right to determine what is best for the family that she knows better than any of us do. And, while you certainly have the right to your opinion, I disagree heartily with your attitude that outsiders should judge the way families function. After all, would you like a stranger to make the same comments about the way you choose to execute your maternal responsibilities? I think not.Give it a bit more thought and I look forward to a better post on this topic from you in future.
>If you “work a 9-hour day,” then I, as a woman who works outside the home with a real career and who is also a mother, must easily put in close to 16 hours a day then. My children aren’t wanting – or waiting – for anything. You are not making a sacrifice. You are in a position exacted by social and financial privilege. As much as you posture as the anti-thesis of the white suburban do-nothing SAHM, you are the very embodiment of it, riding on the coattails of your husband.Hmmm.
>Are you talking to me, Anonymous? Because I’ve never said I “work a nine-hour day.” I’d say I work a 16-hour day, just like you. Any time I’m not directly taking care of my family (and I mean any time), I’m working on freelance writing jobs.Also? I’m making a full-time salary, the same amount I made as a news reporter. So I wouldn’t exactly say I’m “riding on the coattails of my husband” or “wasting my education,” like someone else said in these comments. I’m assuming most of us are doing what we can to make ends meet and provide for our families. For that matter, any SAHM is essentially deducting the cost of full-time childcare or a full-time nanny from her family’s expenses. That seems like a lot of money saved and sacrifice made to be calling it “riding on her husband’s coattails.”
>Howdy. I comment on this post at Daddy Dialectict.
>It might be a double standard, but part of me definitely feels that way. I’m surprised people are bothering to point that out in the few comments I read–you said you know it’d be politically correct to not be bothered by it. And yet it still bothers me; that’s my reality. And I don’t know…even if her husband was running…as you said, their family just is at a MAJOR crossroads. They don’t just have 5 children, that have children that right now–it would seem—need some extra attention. …And, admittedly, I really DON’T like her or her politics. I’ve never considered myself “political”, but as I want to be an educated voter for once have actually been doing a lot of reading. She irks me. And does seem completely unqualified. But that’s an issue for another day.
>Didn’t a very famous dem once say “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country”? Maybe Sarah Palin asked herself that question before she accepted the nomination. Why must we automatically assume that by accepting the nomination for V.P., Sarah Palin is selfishly choosing “what’s best for her” and abandoning her family? I’ll admit that altruism is rare in politicians– so I’m skeptical, too. But until I see evidence of selfishness or neglect or dishonesty or opportunism, I will consider that perhaps the Palins are patriots and perhaps they are willing to make sacrifices to do what they believe is best for their country. Why does everyone think this was such an easy decision for the Palins? And frankly, in answer to the question posed by your blog, I think many people DO feel that America needs her more. But perhaps it’s not really that black and white; not really an either/or scenario. Shockingly, I think that perhaps she can help lead America AND her children can grow up with a loving mother and a good role model!
>That’s commendable and I’m sorry for blasting you. But I felt very offended; it’s like you were saying mothers who work are not really mothers. Some mothers work as an exercise of choice and are able to find fulfilling work that compensates them well and uses their talent. Others, due to economic forces, must work. Not working is not an option. And to suggest that mothers – especially those – are doing a disservice to their kids is patently painful and unfair. I find the idea of providing to the family by not having to pay for childcare or nannies (LOL – the provision of the privileged!) almost laughable. There are many women making low wages who work and pay for childcare.Again, it’s largely an issue of social and financial privilege, not being a renegade or a maverick in any sort of way. That you could take a calculated risk and quit conventional work embodies my point.Moreover, beyond salary, many mothers work for the sake of health benefits – a position some of the SAHMs could one day find themselves in, in this economy with cutbacks and “restructuring” at any turn. The idea of choice is an economic one. Your audience is not comprised of women in the trenches who have had no choice. You are speaking to your very own choir; you’re not that different from those you berate.
>I work 60 plus hour’s a week, am away for weeks at a time and am currently fifteen weeks pregnant. I still have to climb on and under houses etc. I do a dangerous job as a claims adjuster in catastrophe areas. But I raise my children the best I can. And if the kids have a father that can help pick up the slack. She can be a parent from miles away. You can be a parent without seeing your kids daily. I have to do it…so do many in the military and in other positions that require stays far away. and my kids are perfectly normal.
>I totally agree with you. I don’t think anyone with a four month old child, let alone a special needs one, should be in such a position. It’s true Obama has kids too, but they’re older, in school, and have their Mom around.
>I agree that there is a double standard. However, even though my husband spends more time with our children, as a SAHD, I am the one our children go to feel nurtured, cuddled, and in general provide the kind of love and attention that it seems only a mother can provide.On another note, I would hope any women who considers herself a “feminist” or even pro-women would look into the social views of Palin. I’m not pro-Abortion, but I am pro-choice. I don’t like to think that my daughter will have sex in high school, but if she does, I want her to know about contraception (obviously, the abstenence only approach wasn’t too successful for the Palin family). Among a million other reasons…
>Thank you for saying what I have been trying to articulate but have yet to get it out as well as you did!
>Sarah Palin is a nasty piece of work recruited by the GOP to revive a lackluster campaign run by a man who thinks that being a POW makes him qualified to be the leader of the free world, and questioning that makes you a traitor to your country. Not that I have an opinion on that or anything.I cannot believe you’re still undecided about for whom you’re going to vote, Lindsay. It is absolutely stomach-turning to watch conservative America do a total about-face on all the social and political arguments they’ve been marshalling for the past jillion years, not to mention this campaign. Palin’s snide references to ‘community organizer’ (for which read, ‘angry nasty inner city person’), the blatantly offensive senator who called Obama “uppity”, the fact that FOX called a married woman with children a ‘babymama’ but praises Bristol Palin to the skies – why on earth is this even a viable campaign anymore? The Republican party has had the better part of TEN YEARS to make this country a better place to live, something they’ve done an admirable job of doing – for the wealthiest 5%. The rest of us can go whistle as far as they care. Now, suddenly, they’re going to change their spots and work for the people? How noble of them. Don’t believe it for a second.Sarah Palin reminds me of a line Ann Richards used to say: “You can take a pig, and you can put lipstick on it, and you can call it Lucille, but underneath, it’s a pig.” And underneath the glamor, Sarah Palin’s just another pol on the make who did nothing more notable than be the right gender and the right party at the right moment. I don’t trust her one bit.OBAMA 08.
>Mothers you have a job to take care of your children. They need you more than anyone else. For your children’s sake, know that any mother that puts their country first over their own children while someone ELSE can do the job is just plain being selfish. A mother’s job is the toughest in the world. NO ONE ELSE can be a mother to your own children. SOMEONE ELSE CAN be V.P. She made her choice, didn’t she?
>@ Cathy — there is NO SUCH THING as “pefectly normal” and you saying such a thing in itself shows how ignorant you are. LOL. I’d like to see how your kids turn out. Let’s see how “perfectly normal” they are 10 years from now.
>Wow, this exchange has reached epic heights of divisiveness. Mama bear instincts set aside for a minute: what, exactly, are we saying that mothers are sacrificing FOR? What benefits are we expecting our daughters to reap from seeing their mother turn down a history-making opportunity? What’s the lesson there? Should we stop encouraging our daughters to get an education? To dream big? Should we just go back to sending them to etiquette school and verse them in the real expectations the world will have of them? I admit I reacted as Lindsay did at first, but really, what does that say about us as women? I’m a single mom, I work for a living, my daughters are in other people’s care for a number of hours every day. Why do I bother working so hard to try and save for my daughters to get the best possible education they can, to prepare themselves for whatever road they choose? Maybe I should cut back my hours and forget about it.
>Sorry, most women who grew up as daughters of working moms are not scarred for life. SAHMs, when doing the job right (i.e. not sitting on the couch watching judge shows and talk TV all day, those with lesson plans, itineraries, etc.) perform a service to their children and for their families. However, so do women who work full-time or part-time. If you put in as much work as you say you do, Lindsay, then you’re not really a SAHM. You work, on a contractual basis, I presume? You are not putting your all into your kids. All this blogging, posting on other sites, writing columns, traveling to conventions … who is caring for YOUR kids? LOL!Therefore, you are representing an interest that you don’t even embody.Paradox, me thinks!
>I don’t know where you got the idea that I’m promoting staying at home with kids. I’m not. I don’t have any problem whatsoever with moms who work. What I have a problem with, as a mother, is understanding why a woman would choose to take a job that would take her away from her family for a significant amount of time, when she doesn’t absolutely HAVE to take that job. I am sure it’s a positive move for her. I am not sure it will be a positive move for her family. I am sure her husband will do his best to make up for her absence. But we all agree the role of a mother is important to a child, right? We all feel sorry for the child who doesn’t have a mother. So I don’t understand how we’re supposed to say that in the case of the Palin family, the mother’s prolonged absence won’t be felt in a signficant way.
>And I should make it clear that what I mean by her taking on this particular job is that it involves a GREAT deal of travel and many, many, many hours beyond a normal work week. I’m absolutely not opposed to mothers who work simply because they want to, but when that job takes them away from their children MOST of the time, I have to admit, it hurts my heart a little as a mom, whether I want it to or not.
>I agree with whoever said if it were her husband running for VP, this wouldn’t even be a question. So women do have a ways to go in order to be seen as equal to men in the workplace.That said, I think there is a double standard in the sense that it’s considered sexist question her ability to be a mom to five — one a pregnant teen and one a special needs infant — and a candidate for VP, hell, you aren’t even allowed to mention her family, however she’s constantly “playing the mom card” by referring to herself as a “hocky mom” a member of the PTA, etc. Sorry, you can’t have it both ways. Don’t use your family for political gain if you don’t want to have others question your commitment to your family.But beyond that, she is woefully unqualified to be VP and it’s a terrifying thought to me that if McCain wins she’ll be a 72- year-old-cancer-survivor’s heartbeat away from being Commander-in-Chief.
>You’re kidding, right?”I started this blog back in 2005, about a year after I left the television news business and began my life as a stay-at-home mom. Deciding to try my hand at my dream career, writing, I had begun sending out essays to parenting magazines, only to be rejected over and over again.”Most of what you write about are SAHM issues, but you now say you don’t promote it and truly are not one?Color me confused.
>I will have to say that since Sarah Palin came on the scene, I took notice. As far as experience goes, I think many people look at her age and “assume” that she must not have that much experience, both in policies and in family management and overlook the fact that she has held many demanding public positions over the past years. I am sure she has found some sort of balance by now, just as we all have to. Most mothers feel pangs of guilt when they have to spend more time working than with their children, but for most of us, it’s simply a reality of life and she is no different. This is her career. Female doctors may spend long hours at the hospital or get late night calls and then they have to sleep somewhere in there. There are several mothers who have very demanding jobs, just out of the public eye and we always just sort of associate those with a “well she has to work to support her family” type attitude. The VP position is a paid position even though she would be a public servant. With that many kids to put through college and now one that will need special medical attention; she does have expenses like the rest of us. One of the things that I like best about her isn’t in what she says but how she says it. She speaks with a confidence and has actively shown in previous positions that she isn’t afraid to say no to someone, even congress. I believe that if she really needed to be with her family at any time, she would be. I am not a feminist, so it isn’t my goal to come of sounding that way, but I am a single mother with a full time job and my own business in addition to that. I also have always thought that is was important to try to do things for others to make the world better for my children and to show them that sometimes you have to do things that aren’t exactly the most perfect or easy for you to do in order to look out for others. There is a possibility that Sarah Palin’s children see her as a role model who is trying to make the world a better place for everyone’s children, and not just her own.
>I don’t see how writing from one’s own perpective equals, promoting that perspective, Anonynmous. I don’t claim to speak on Lindsay’s behalf, but from what I can tell, many of these posts are meant to illicit different points of view for all of us to stick in our pipes and smoke and to promote meaningful exchanges of thoughts and ideas- not everything has to be an argument- does it?!Your personal attacks, obvious insecurity (hence the anonymous)and need to PROVE your point are not really constructive or useful in this type of dicussion. I wish you valued your own comments enough to put your name on them- but as they are, the bitter tone paired with the cowardice leaves a bad taste in my mouth… can’t we all just get along?
>Yeah, what Ringleader said.I wouldn’t say I go around “promoting” being a SAHM, or even attempting to “represent” all other SAHMs. I don’t. I write about my life, most of which is spent right now staying at home with my kids. Beyond that, while staying at home works for me, I’m highly aware that it doesn’t work for other women. That’s absolutely fine with me. Sarah Palin’s situation is a unique one, which 99% of us will never face. There’s nothing wrong with discussing theoretically what she should do. And we don’t have to resort to attacking one another personally to do it.
>Look out Lindsay. The “Mommy Mafia” may be conducting a “blog blitz” on you at this moment. It’s an insidious means of attack and almost indefensible.
>I like Sarah Palin even more than I like McCain!It’s an opportunity that comes once in a lifetime and a position her children and grandchildren will be proud of. There is no better place for a mom than in a position where she can make positive changes that will effect her children and future generations to come. A mom in the white house is who I’m voting for.
>I think that is a choice that she and her family will make (well, obviously, they’ve made it). We all need to do what we think is best for ourselves and our families, and I think that moms should support each other and not judge. For everything that I might point to in superiority that another parent is doing/not doing, there is much fodder on my side of the fence as well.
>I am a life long Democrat and an Obama activist.At the same time I have been intrigued by Palin and I have had many of the same thoughts as Lindsay. I have a 4.5 year old and a 17 month old and I have just spent the last year as a full time SAHM in Nashville. That’s when I started reading Lindsay’s blog. Now I am back in Pittsburgh and working full time again as an English Prof.With my two small children, including my youngest who is still nursing, it’s hard for me to imagine how Palin is doing it all. As I have come back to work my head is just not “in the game” of work. I miss my youngest all the time, and I am having a hard time connecting with my colleagues and doing some of the kinds of work things that used to be so important to me.I think my negative thoughts about Palin choosing her career (her country?) over her family are sexist and anti-feminist, but I am still having them. I have thought, also, that most intense part of Obama’s political career has coincided with the lives of both of his daughters, and that seems sad to me, too. I love Lindsay’s blog even though she and I have made different choices about where we work, and perhaps, who we will vote for. But I think it’s important to be able to say some of our prejudices out loud (even more taboo prejudices, like ones about race), so that we can talk about them with each other. Thanks Lindsay! I’ve been checking your blog every day because I couldn’t wait to see what you said about Palin!
>Thank you, thank you, thank you. Caroline, right on! I’ve been desperately looking for rationality! To me this nomination is so obviously a PR move and in a way an insult to our intelligence because we are being fed a candidate for reason others than merit. And the country’s eating it up!!! If this were the democratic candidate, Republicans would be blasting her like there was no tomorrow. She is exactly the opposite of what the GOP applauds. The irony! She is already the governor of a state, she has made it, she has broken down barriers, feminists rejoice, so how about staying there now that her family needs her most?
>I don’t see her as choosing her career OVER her family. Are the two really mutually exclusive…really? Please don’t tell my daughter that. My spidey senses tell me that if she were a Democratic candidate… there would be a different reaction… not from everyone, just those who are, really, deep down inside, mainly bugged that a “gasp” republican woman, maybe, just maybe, can come pretty close to being all things and balancing family and an extremely demanding job. And yes, in case you hadn’t surmised, I am a republican and yes, I have a small, purely platonic, girl crush on Sarah Palin…so I shall now cover my ears to all criticism (hear me going “la-la-la I can’t hear you”?)Because I like her- flaws and all.
>Sarah Palin and her daughter are proof positive that the teaching of abstinence only, which is what Palin spouts off about, Does Not Work. Also she’s been caught in lie upon lie. You people who are so enthralled with her need to watch something other than Fox noise.I’m not crazy about either ticket, but McBush/Palin will certainly Not get my vote.
>Ringleader,You are overwhelmingly irritating.
>YES!!! that’s it, you hit the nail on the head. thank you Lindsay, I knew there was something about the whole thing that just didn’t sit right with me but you’ve articulated it well.
>Why, “Anonymous”, must once again, the sharing of opinions be reduced to a personal attack? I have greatly enjoyed the variety of opinions expressed in this thread, some mirror my own, others are opposite… that’s what makes it interesting. Lighten up and might I suggest some ointment for your irritation?
>Plenty of high achieving, well-adjusted, healthy, successful adults were children raised by career women, and many of those were raised by SINGLE career moms at that. (myself included) In fact, having a career-oriented mom isn’t such a bad thing. God knows there are way worse situations for kids to grow up in, and since we’re on the subject, plenty of successful people grow up in horribly dysfunctional homes and they turn out just fine too. So I love ya, Lindsay but I disagree. I have no issue whatsoever with her being a mom and the VEEP. Did anyone make this case for Chelsea Clinton? I don’t recall it. ~Monica
>I say BOTH!! America and children including her own need her to help the insanity in Washington! I don’t question her decision. She seems to have a great family and her husband is a great support system. And why can’t she be mom and Vice President?? I trust that she knows what she is doing!
>There is a double standard, and for good reason. As much as I am for powerful women, running counties, corporations, ect…I cannot shake the feeling that for a few short years in our life, our most important job is raising our families. Nothing takes the place of a mother, not even the most loving and caring of fathers. It does not bother me that Palin has childern, it is that they are so young and are at a point in their lives where they need her most of all.What will happen when her youngest needs surgery (as many with downs do). Where will she be? With him? What if her country needs her during that time?What bothers me most is not that she is away, but that she DOES NOT have to be. An immigrant who leaves to make $$ for their kids would do anything to be home with her kids. Palin chooses to leave them and it kills me.