Who Stops Sexual Predators? You Do.
If you’re like I once was, you see the occasional stories on television about teachers and coaches who have sexually abused their students, and you think it could never happen to your kid.
After all, you and your child talk. You’ve told him or her what kinds of adult behaviors are inappropriate. Plus, you just assume that if one of your child’s teachers was exhibiting strange behavior, you’d know. Everyone would know. The kids would be talking about it. The other parents would be hearing about it, and taking action.
Believe me when I tell you that it just doesn’t work that way.
Several years ago, one of my stepdaughters was on a sports team with a young, single assistant coach who was setting off my inner alarm bell every time I saw him. Soon after he joined the team, the girls began telling “Tom” stories whenever I took them home after practice. They said that Tom had made up special nicknames for all of them. They said Tom was swatting them on the butt after plays. They said Tom was always finding excuses to touch them. Hubs and I talked to my stepdaughter about it and we agreed that it would be unfair to take her off a team she’d played on for years, but she promised to stay as far away from Tom during practice as possible, and to tell us if Tom said or did anything directly to her that was inappropriate or made her uncomfortable.
Before long, my stepdaughter mentioned that Tom had started bringing pizza for her teammates during lunch time at school, and eating at their table.
Um. Okay. What the hell was a single man doing coming into a school and having lunch with tween girls without their parents even being notified? Hubs called the principal, had a little chat, and Tom was quickly barred from coming to the cafeteria for lunch (and anyone else who wasn’t a family member of one of the kids, for that matter- The administration solved the Tom problem merely by tightening up the policy).
Despite this, Tom didn’t back down. We began hearing that he was sending e-mails to the girls’ private accounts. At one point, we were told that he sent some of them a “funny” picture of a man’s bare butt. By this time, we had given Tom so many dark glares during practice that he was studiously avoiding my stepdaughter. Instead, he seemed to be focusing his attention on the girls on the team whose fathers weren’t in the picture. These girls were giddy with the attention Tom was giving them, and loved talking about all the inappropriate things he said and did when he was around them. There was no doubt in my mind that Tom was on the hunt, and even though I was a brand new stepmom and didn’t have a whole lot of influence among the other parents on the team, many of whom had known each other for years, I began discussing the Tom problem with some of them.
As it turned out, one set of parents had actively begun trying to get Tom kicked off the team. The mother had even confronted Tom face to face and told him to stay away from her daughter.
The other parents? Well, they “didn’t want to get involved.” It would be uncomfortable and messy. And Tom was friends with the coach, and with another set of parents on the team. Oh, they all agreed that his behavior was inappropriate, they just didn’t want to “rock the boat.”
I was flabbergasted. There was no question that Tom’s behavior was way out of bounds, but no one wanted to do anything about it?
It wasn’t until Tom called the coach’s house and said some “creepy” things to her daughter that he was finally, finally kicked off the team. It seemed obvious to me that his behavior was escalating. Despite this, he showed up at one of the girl’s sleepovers a few months later, ostensibly to hang out with her single mom, and stayed all night.
Blech.
I can only write about this now that several years have passed and Tom is out of our lives for good. But the whole experience changed me. I will never, ever assume that other parents won’t stand for a potential sexual predator hanging out around our children. Because you know what? They will.
Tom couldn’t have been more overt- When 11-year-old girls are calling him a “perv,” well, it doesn’t take a fool to figure out that something’s amiss. Yet almost no one was willing to do one thing about it. These were typical suburban parents, too, who attended all their kids games, came to parents nights, and volunteered at school events. But they weren’t willing to step up and do whatever it took to remove a problem adult from their girls’ lives.
I hope every single parent who reads this post pledges to be on heightened alert when it comes to the adults that are around your children. Who are your child’s teachers, teachers’ assistants, student teachers, coaches, assistant coaches, and tutors? Who exactly is around when your child goes to a sleepover? Is it just the child’s parents, or do they have adult friends who will be there too? Asking questions can be so uncomfortable, but if my children are ever put in a situation in which they’re fending for themselves against a pedophile, I feel like it will be my fault. I have to do everything in my power to keep that from happening.
90% of sexually abused children were abused by someone they know.
I challenge all of you with children to take this statistic to heart and consider it every time your inner warning bell is going off, but you don’t want to “rock the boat.” Go ahead. Rock it. We like to pretend that children aren’t sexually abused in our nice little middle class neighborhoods and communities, but unfortunately, they are. And you can’t rely on others to ferret out the sexual predators. You are your child’s number one advocate. Youare your child’s protector. When you ask questions, when you voice your concerns, when you listen to that warning bell going off in your heart, you’re not being a pest. You are just doing your job.
>Thank you for writing this.
>I agree with you 100%. My kids will nto be allowed to sleep over people’s homes, their friends can sleep at our home. I will never assume anyone has my child’s best interest at heart but my husband and I. I will never chose a man or not wanting to “rock the boat” over my child. Now I wish all of the other parents in this world, did the same.
>Thank you for writing this, Lindsey.Thank you.
>Scary damn story. We all need the reminder.
>There’s this term, “helicopter parent” – I guess it’s supposed to mean you are hovering or overinvolved. Damn straight. And I’m a coach, and a room mother, and a field trip volunteer and anything else I can be to keep an eye on my girl and her friends too. I know all her friends and their parents. Damn right I’m involved in her activities and they know me by name at the school office. I say more people should rock the boat more often.Thanks Lindsey.
>Amen.
>High-five! I'm a boat rocker too.I once quit going to a church because the man who helped his wife in the nursery gave me the CREEPS. I got back from the worship services and found my infant daughter still seated on his lap … not on his knee … and the wife smilingly told me, "Oh, she's been there the whole time — he just loves babies!" I grabbed her and waved them goodbye. I wish I could explain clearly why what looked so innocent on the surface made my hackles rise. He was just enjoying the wiggling baby too much, you know? (Re her age: I don't remember exactly; she was sitting up, but not crawling yet. After that, no one could hold her for long.)When the church outreach group came by my house (unannounced & uninvited) to ask why I had stopped visiting the church, they PERSISTED on asking why. So I explained my discomfort, just saying that I thought the contact was prolonged and inappropriate. They was shocked and tried to argue. So I explained a bit more clearly and forcefully: "I was not comfortable that a grown man saw fit to hold my wiggling infant over his penis for an hour and that the other adult in the room with him was perfectly fine with that. Maybe he's not a perv but I didn't like it or the look on his face. And it's fine with me if you don't agree; you don't get to make this decision for my child. Bye."Funny benefit is that they didn't come knocking on my door inviting me to church anymore either. I guess "penis" doesn't get mentioned too often in their doorside chats. :o)
>and sometimes you need to look a whole lot closer to home,too.
>I have no problem with rocking the boat. If anything, my issue is one of self-control. But I will learn. See, I probably would have pulled my daughter off the team; it’s a knee-jerk reaction, but as you demonstrated, it was not necessary to go that far.Rock the boat, the appropriate amount.
>How timely and thank you. I just had to have this talk with my 14 year old because the picture of the man who molested me as a teenager appeared in yesterday’s paper. He was touting his business, all smiles and life is wonderful. I showed it to her, with hands shaking and told her my story. My parents never knew because they would not have believed me and they would have blamed me. And he knew that. Amazing how they can pick their targets. But thankfully our relationship is different and so much better. She knows – even without hearing my story that she could come to me with anything and I would believe her and we would fix the situation. I pity the person that would dare mess with any of my children. But thank you for writing this Lindsey – there are too many pervs out there.
>You are so right, Lindsey, you have to trust that ‘weirdo alarm’ we all have. I think sometimes we try to suppress it, but it is there for a reason and the reason is safety.
>You are so right, Lindsey. We have to trust our inner ‘weirdo alarm’.
>Thank you.
>I agree 100%. Thanks for tackling this sensitive issue. So many times when people approach this subject they approach it the same way. The fact is, most of the time sexual predation is not black and white, and I think most parents sadly do not realize that standing up for what’s right can be uncomfortable at times. We always imagine it will be easy to stand up against sexual predators hypothetically, but when it turns out to be a member of your community, all of a sudden it’s trickier than you could possibly imagine. Thanks again for sharing.
>I’m with you – and it can happen at any age. When I was 15, my boss used to tell me what a “beautiful dancer’s body” I had and try to “tickle” me. I had a great relationship with my mother – we were best friends – but it took me 6 months to tell her. And I waited until I had quit and gotten another job. If your kids feel ashamed because it happened to them – and they will – they may not come to you. No matter how close you are.
>It’s so hard to decide how to handle things. It really would have been unfair to pull my stepdaughter out of soccer. It would have been “letting him win,” too. She (and the other girls, for that matter) were so open with us about what was going on that I felt like she could remain on the team without being harmed. We just stayed in close contact with her about what was happening.I will let my kids attend sleepovers. I’m glad in this respect that we have cell phones- I will make sure my kids always have them when they’re out, and I’ll also make sure we have a code that means that I need to come up with some excuse to come and get them if they’re feeling weird for any reason.I think it’s all about open communication, and making sure your child knows to trust his or her gut instincts, just like we try to trust ours. Right now, Punky’s obviously too young to understand most of this stuff, but I have taught her the basics. I’m REALLY working on making sure that she knows she doesn’t have any secrets from Mommy for any reason, because I read over and over again about predators using the “This is our secret” line with young children.
>This is so true! i’m glad you wrote about this subject. Most don’t want to talk about it. There was a teacher in elementary school who was a major perv. All the girls in his classes year to year would complain about how he would look down their shirts and give them shoulder massages. Well apparently no one was listening to these girls. I had been forced to be tutored afterschool with him and he tried one of those shoulder massage things I stiffened and I guess he knew I was uncomfortable so he stopped. You are right about these men searching for girls with no father around cause many years later he found my little cousin and he touched her in places where had no business being. She was a stong enough girl to say something to her mom and they took him to court and he was fired after many months. This poor little girl had to go in front of a bunch of strangers and say what he did to her.Mind you the only reason he was able to violate this child is because he tutored students after school and apparently she was left alone with him one day. This man was married, had childen, and was of all things “a pastor” of a church.Point being you can’t trust anyone with your kids. Good job Lindsay!!
>I have a step-daughter who’s mother is dating a man who has a young son who is older than my step-daughter and he keeps abusing her(choking, hitting) and her mother doesn’t believe her and sides with the boy and his father. I don’t know what to do! She comes over every weekend upset about it. Her father is so upset over it but feels powerless because her mother doesn’t believe it’s going on. I’m afraid my husband is going to end up in jail for beating the kids father for allowing the boy to behave this way.This man also curses at my step-daughter and says negative things about her father. A total jerk! but on paper looks like an upstanding citizen. what do I do? please help. What scares me even more is what if this kid decides he wants to “experiment” with my step-daughter. If he getting away with everything else what would stop him from going farther.
>Amen, sister. A-freakin’-men. When I was in middle school there was a young, single coach that gave me the creeps. After only a year at our school, he was busted for having sex with five (FIVE!) students my age and younger. He went to jail but those girls lives were forever changed. The publicity alone given to the case was enough for two of them to transfer schools. One of the girls was a friend of our family and her parents had heard rumors but couldn’t imagine that they were true so they did nothing. As a result, their daughter was targeted by this man. I’m all about being an advocate for my kids. Good on you for doing the same.
>to 3:01 Annon-Please, please, do something! Contact a lawyer, get an order of protection, anything. Please advocate for this innocent girl, even if her biological mother does not.
>Thanks for this. As a single mom I need to look out for just this kind of thing but I’m so trusting that I might be inclined just to ignore it.
>Lindsay, it is a crazy world out there! I took my 6-year-old to the highschool football game and all his friends were running around by themselves!! I told my son we had to be able to see each other at all times. I ended up walking around with the first graders so my son could be with his friends. It was that or go home!!
>Thank you for posting this. Why is it that people just refuse to believe what is going on right in front of them. We are our children’s advocates. That’s our job. There is no excuse for letting people take advantage of our children in any way, small or large. I found out a few years ago that a man who was my dad’s best friend when I was growing up molested his young granddaughter – she was about 9 or 10 at the time. He went to prison. It sent a chill through me that this man who babysat for me and my sisters is now a registered sex offender. All my life I have felt like a victim of sexual abuse, though I’ve never been able to identify any memories to confirm that. It’s just been a feeling, a belief. I wonder if that’s because of him? I will protect my little one with my life if I have to. No one will ever hurt him on my watch.
>So true. I’d also like to add the very real threat other children can pose. I’ve just had one of the worst weeks of my life thanks to some experimenting that took place between my three year old daughter and a nearly eight year old little neighbor boy. What happened was out of the area of “normal child curiosity” and happened in just a matter of minutes basically right under my nose. While this is not as traumatic as an adult being the abuser, it’s still absolutely sickening.
>anonymous at 3:01, I’d contact an attorney first for advice, if you can afford it, and then contact child protective services. I believe they’re obligated in most states to investigate every call.
>Also, Anonymous at 4:36 you make a very good point. I think it’s important for us to make sure that our small children are never left alone with older children, since abuse from other kids makes up a significant percentage of sexual abuse as well.
>Lindsey:Great subject that definately needed to be addressed. I am VERY proactive with my kids. I will always be proactive! That is a part of who I am, sorry if it affends, but, then they didn’t give birth to them, I did! No One, and I mean No One will protect your kids, if you don’t! to Anno 3:01, please do something for this young girl. Things will continue to escalate. If you can’t afford an attorney, contact your employer’s EAP, most offer free legal advice for their employees, and if you don’t work, ask her father to talk with his employer’s EAP legal team. Believe me, he will not regret it. If anything, they will set him on the path he needs to be on to get custody of his daughter so that she doesn’t continue to be subjected to her mother’s lack of self esteem issues (and that is what this is, when a mother doesn’t WANT to see that someone SHE has brought into the household is abusing her child, she has self-esteem issues!). Good luck.
>When my oldest was 4yo, there was a 10yo neighbor boy who took an interest in her. WHen we would be at the community playground, he would play with her and pay quite a bit of attention to her, which I thought seemed “nice” at first. Then, he started coming to our door to see if she could come out and play with him. THAT creeped me out. She was pretty cool as 4year olds go, but WHY would a 10yo boy want to have a play date with her? Weird. I carefully kept her away from him after that and sure enough, a couple of months later, I learned that he had molested another neighbor girl her age who WAS allowed to play unsupervised with him. Mommys, when those hairs on your arms stand up- take notice- it is for a reason!
>Trust it people. My own brother gives me that creeped out feeling. I’ve had to make a rule that no men in the family may bathe my kids and I’m pretty strict on who I leave them alone with because I don’t want my parents to inadvertently leave them alone with him. It’s heart breaking to have those thoughts about your own brother, but why even let those feelings turn into concerns?
>My youth group leader at church was a molester. One of my high school teachers (female) was a molester. And more recently, my neighbor (an Army member) was molesting his 16 year old daughter. Gender, occupation, and/or any other “type” makes no difference – it can, and does, happen everywhere. It doesn’t mean we will never let our kids go places, but we have to be smart about it. But the unpredictability of it all scares the hell outta me! Thanks for sharing this.
>I know…I am going to be the biggest pest on the planet.
>This is so true, and I’m glad that you were able to trust yourself and have a conversation with your daughter as well as keep an eye on that creep. We should be WAY more worried about things like this than stranger danger/kidnappings by strangers. We have the responsibility to talk to our kids, but also to keep our eyes open – after all, like you pointed out, most of these things happen with people kids KNOW. I went through something a little similar to this in middle school, and it’s still hard to think about, so I understand how difficult it must have been for you to write this post. Thank you for doing it anyway.
>Punky is NOT too young to understand. When I was 5 there was a man who worked with an after school group I went to who joked with and tickled some of the other little girls in the back of the bus. I told my mom and she pulled me out of the after school group immediately. Also, since nobody else is pointing this out, innocent people’s lives get ruined when people make accusations that have little merit. Not saying that this is what happened in this case, but it’s why people don’t say anything a lot of the time.
>You cannot be too vigilant. I take pride in the fact that my children and their friends are always monitored. The situation that occurred in my home was in a room with an opened door where big sis (the same age as the abuser) was at a desk doing homework. She never realized anything was going on. I was popping in and out of the room. It happened in mere minutes. If it can happen on my watch, it can happen on nearly anyone’s. Do any of us have our eyes on our children every second?
>You are so right and good for you on standing up for your daughter’s safety. There’s not enough rocking the boat, no measure to great when you think there’s good reason to believe someone’s a threat. I’ve got no problem being THAT parent…I’m glad you don’t either.
>The hairs on my arms are standing up. Thank you for writing this.Parents should be involved, if they won’t stand up for their children, who will?I am a firm believer in always believing and following my intuition about people.
>I was molested as a child so it takes A LOT for me to trust someone enough to be in charge of my kids. I am a very observant person and always watch things and people’s behavior. If I so much as get a yellow flag in my brain, I keep my kid’s away. I’d rather be safe than sorry.
>Sometimes you’re funny, sometimes you’re crude but sometimes you are just SO right. Thanks for writing a great article – one we all need to see. We had a sexual predator in our neighborhood because too many kids were coming up with “symptoms”, kids were acting out in very sexually illicit ways. One day I caught a 10 year old molesting my 2 year old. I tried to get the neighborhood together to figure out what the hell was going on. The police finally traced the problem to the boys father but he started threatening suicide and you can’t believe how the backlash came back at ME. It became so bad that we had too move and we lost all the friends in our neighborhood – NO ONE wanted to deal with the problem. They just keep saying “I don’t want to traumatize little Susan” or “This talk makes little Jimmy uncomfortable”, eventually the police did not have enough to convict and he is still a free man – a man that has probably abused 10 kids in one neighborhood but the parents did not want to talk about it with their kids – so yeah Lindsey I know exactly what you mean – it is darn sad and scary. Thank God for parents like you who are diligent and aware.
>Thanks for the reminder, we all need it. I just can’t believe parents would not want to rock the boat when its their daughters health (mental, physical, emotional) at stake. What a sicko, gives me chills.
>Pedophiles are often pillars of the community.Thank you so much for writing this!
>I don’t get the “I don’t want to rock the boat and upset anyone” mentality. You creep me out? You’re not getting near my kid. And I’ll rock the boat so hard, a tidle wave would wash the creep away.Thank you for writing this post.
>Thank You!! Thank you!!My biological father is a "low-level" non-registered sex-offender (plead down). He had served his time in prison & I crossed him off the face of the Earth. Until he had another child at 52. At which time (messy or not) I emailed the local sheriff asking if they were aware of his history. When I got no response from them (not even 'I can't discuss this with you'), I emailed ALL the local schools with some basic public knowledge info on him. I wasn't sure of the legal ramification so I simply told them if they wanted to contact me about someone I knew, I'd fill them in. ONLY ONE PRINCIPAL RESPONDED asking for a picture!!!!!!!!Since the birth of my own daughter, I no longer care about those "ramifications". If I hear someone has family in that town, is sending their child to college in that town, etc. I fill them in on him. They will probably never run into the man, but just the fact that they could scares me. He's so SLY & MANIPULATIVE!I have ZERO tolerance for child abuse of ANY sort!!
>Thanks for writing this.
>Here’s two comments from a single, childless guy (though with a boatload of nieces and nephews):1. The great majority of us are NOT the least like Tom (and thank you Lindsay, for saying so and making a very necessary distinction).2. When Tom’s behavior began to show and grow, where was a uniting of parental response on this? Yeah, we find ourselves having to walk some peculiar legal tightropes in this very litigious age of ours, but hell’s bells…it’s not like there isn’t plenty of reporting on sexual predators of kids and teens out there, and what to look for to see if your child might be in a predator’s sights. Hell, according to what Lindsay wrote here, this perv was sending up enough warning flags to trigger a DEFCON alert!!!Perhaps the answer in denial and inaction until things have gone too far, is in the stats and the shock of what those stats say: It can’t happen to your kids, and it can’t be perpetrated by someone you know. And most of the time, it can and it was.At least it appears that Lindsay and her readers have a better grasp on this.Superb entry, Lindsay.
>The only way you can be sure to stop sexual predators in their tracks is by monitoring so that you can cut off their heinous crimes before they transpireand.Websites that track known sexual offenders help all of us to know where these people are, and help us to monitor them.————Nickysambuzz marketing
>Well said. As parents we are the ones between our children and the “world.” We should always listen to our inner hmmmmmmmmmmmmms. Maybe someone will read this, who is going through just that situation, and do something about it instead of ignoring it.
>This was a great piece, thank you for writing this.
>Thank you for writing this. It’s a good reminder.My children are in a Catholic school and after all of the shame our church has had to endure because of the priests, we have a new program in place. ANYONE who is around our kids – teachers, assistants, coaches, lunch servers, janitors, secretaries and parent volunteers… all have to go through a fingerprinting program and a class to attend that addresses the issue you just raised and many others. After the class we get e-mails frequently and are asked to read and be quizzed on “new” unsafe practices that predators may use. When the program first rolled out in our area we all were in an uproar and found it so invasive in our lives. We’re five years into the program now and I and many others find it the single best thing that could have happened. It opened our naive eyes and also gave us all a stake at ALL kids futures. We’re hyper vigilant now. You just can’t be too careful.If a program like this comes to your communities someday, embrace it. You will be glad you did. I can’t say that it stops the scum from trying but I think many of us had our eyes opened to the lengths they will go to getting near our children.
>Aside from the obvious, the thing that bugs me the most about this topic (and especially your story Lindsay) is the fear people have. Not a sensible fear as in, this man could abuse MY child, but fear of what people will think. When a parent doesn’t want to “rock the boat” they essentially care more about themselves then they do about the children. They are afraid of hurting Tom’s feelings, or they are afraid of what others will think of them, or they are afraid of being wrong, or being sued…and that fear is selfish. And in many cases, that fear ends up being permissive.
>Great post. I will definitely remember this when Suzi gets a little older. I agree–it’s better to make a few enemies than risk our children’s safety!
>I hope to be like my own mother. She was always asking questions (much to my mortification). She knew all my teachers and coaches. She got to know my friends (asking those pesky questions again). She didn’t let me go to or stay at anyone’s house until she had gone over there and met the parents and weaseled her way in to see the house. (This was slightly more lax as I got into later teen years). I never thought of her as “helicoptering”. She let me do my own work, and make my own mistakes. But she made her presence KNOWN.
>Anon at 3:01…CALL THE POLICE! In your jurisdiction and the one she lives in. Have her make statements to them. Call child protective services and legal aid if you need help with an attorney. Do not stop until she is out of that house. A friend of ours daughter just went thru some issues with her Mothers new husband. He has custody now and neither Step dad or Mom are allowed near her. It was a long uphill battle but he won. Even before this I was always leery of letting my kids out of my sight. I have no problem hosting sleepovers and parties and cookouts for my kids. What amazes me are the parents I have NEVER so much as met that drop their kids at the curb. I note it down on the you will never go to their house list. EVER! And remember folks it is not just your daughters you have to watch. Your sons aren’t safe anymore either. And your local police station should have lists of convicted perv’s posted. Stop by Dogwatch.com too for a fun filled interactive map of where are the creeps in your neighborhood. We had TWO convicted molesters living in eyesight distance of the playground at my kids elementary school. Gee wonder why they didn’t walk to school?Heres to the boat rockers!!!! Long may we live!!!!!!!
>Thank you for writing this! It made me sick to my stomache- to think there are parents who would take something like “Tom” lightly- for what? all in the name of sports and winning I guess- sick! Our girlies team have rules where the male coaches need female ass. coaches or at least one female parent at practices at all times! it just makes everyone more comfortable-plus our all our coaches (male or female)are always someone’s parent, and that’s why they are coaching in the first place.Thanks for the reminder!!!! I really hope none of the girls were harmed by him in anyway-or any other child-
>This is so full of all kinds of ickiness. Tom gives me the willies. The thought of him is repulsive. Sorry you had to deal with this loser. Thanks for reminding the rest of us that he exists and has many cohorts, surely.
>even better than calling the police to see about offenders in the neighborhood, there are websites with names, addresses & even photos, I found two guys I went to school with ….scary http://www.nsopr.gov/
>Thanks for the very important post. I remember being lectured by my mother about “strangers” but never a word about family and acquaintances. I learned by myself at a young age to listen to my gut instinct and if someone gave me the creeps, I went out of my way to avoid any type of contact. Kids need to trust their own instincts about people. I’ve tried to teach my boys that even if someone seems nice on the outside, if the voice in your head is saying “watch out” or “get away” to pay attention and act; don’t worry about being polite, that’s it’s okay to just get away.
>Thank you for this post and for finding the courage to write it. My son is 3 and we are talking about bad touch and that he should not have any secrets from Mom and Dad. Our job as parents is to protect our children. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
>We used the terms “personal” and “private” with our daughter. We then told her if anyone ever told her something was a secret that the first thing she was to do was to tell us. We talked about not telling things to other people that wasn’t hers to tell. Like “My mom has a tattoo on her bottom” was her mother’s to tell not hers. It was private. We also explained that no adult had the right to tell her to keep a secret from her parents. She is now an adult and shared with us that having those term helped her know what was safe and not. We also never did Santa at our house. How could we tell her to be aware of strangers and to never accept gifts or rides from anyone she didn’t know and then turn around and tell her that a strange man was going to come in the house in the middle of the night and leave her gifts.
>Bravo!
>this was an awesome post! thank you for this!
>I couldn’t agree more. It’s really up to parents to step up and let people like “Tom” know they are on to him. We had a similar scenario here with a coach videotaping girls changing in the locker room and it wasn’t even a felony charge. Apparently doing that to underage girls is some kind of pesky little misdemeanor. Grrrrrr.
>when young people victimize younger kids, it’s almost a guaruntee that they themselves are victims.not that that should stop you fom getting the police or childrens aid involved.
>I know this is way late, but I just remembered something and immediately thought of this post…What I remembered was that when I was a little girl (7 or 8 years old) and went with my dad to the store, there was this guy who would sometimes be there, and he would tickle me. We didn’t even know him, but he would just come over and tickle me. He had the weirdest smile, too, all toothy and… UGH. I recall him setting off my ‘creep’ alarms even then, and I was a bit disturbed about going in the store after and instead waited for my dad in the car. So yeah, some kids have those little ‘something isn’t right’ mental alarms too, which is very comforting to know.But I digress. High-five to you for making this post, and thanks. We all need the reminder.