>Your Helped is Most Urgently Requires in these Matter
>I don’t really get too many negative e-mails, but when I do, they’re generally hilarious. Like the one featured below. I’m not sure what ‘Kate Moss’ was getting at, but I believe it was somehow intended to piss me off. It deserves a response, but what? What?
That’s where you come in. Leave a comment with your most clever response to this e-mail and I’ll compile the funniest ones into one ‘reply,’ which I’ll then send on to ‘Kate.’ Are you in?
Subject: “Where have all the manners gone”
Date: Sunday, September 21, 2008 6:00 PM
From: ‘Kate Moss’
To: ‘Suburban Turmoil’
Nice article, Mrs Ferrier.
I was wondering when you “smile” at people like, oh I don’t know, say an attractive woman, do you do that before or after you size her physical appearance up?
Maybe that is why your smile is met with some “scowls of suspicion”.
And I’m not only referring to you, women in general have a way of sizing up other women and then when they are caught, they give a lovely, fake smile.
You didn’t cover this in your article.
Just curious on you thoughts about that…
-SEH
PS–Oh, and just one more thing, this particular piece gives an opening that tries to lead the reader to believe that you are some nice, classy southern belle.
However, with a self-decribed slogan of “wiping ass and taking names”, that southern belle act couldn’t be further from the truth.
>Yea, that’s it….those snotbags are all scowling at you because you are checking them out.Girl, if you were checking me out, I’d take it as a compliment. You wouldn’t get just a smile, you’d get a big fat hello!
>FUCK them. I’m guessing it’s an ugly dude that can’t have you, or an ugly woman who can’t be you. Simple as that. Hmph.
>That wasn’t very clever. Or funny. Oops. I’m out. *lol*
>Lindsey:Well, shit! Do women really “size” each other up? Didn’t know that.I have always smiled at someone in passing, it’s just me, part of “who I am”. I was raised on the belief, that it wasn’t my responsibility to “size someone up, or judge them”. Eventually God would do that! But I figure that that smile in passing might just brighten someone else’s day. If not, I didn’t lose anything! Hell, after all, if anything I feel better for having done it!
>Dear Marzipan,I take it you have stopped eating ground almond paste candies and your blood sugar levels are down again. Perhaps you should see a doctor about your condition. It seems to make you kinda grumpy.Does somebody need a hug?Lots of love and happiness,Lindsey
>Dear gentle reader-My opinion has always been, to treat others as you would like to be treated. My smile says, hello and good day. After your response, I have little doubt what your pinched smiles to strangers must say. But as a Southern lady, I don’t dare out those words down. I also can only guess what your “friendly wave” is. I’m thinking it has only one finger.Butterflies and teddy bears,Lindsey
>Dear Kate,Thank you for your sincere compliment on my article. I am glad you enjoyed reading it.As to your question about size and attractive women, I am not sure what you are driving at. If you are concerned about your size, there are a number of WeightWatchers meetings available that may address your concerns better than I ever could.I hope to see you at the next cotillion. Until then, keep smiling!Love and kisses,Lindsey
>I don’t think I can think of any pithy remarks you might want to use, but I wanted to let you know that from reading ALL your blog entries, I am confident that you are NOT the kind of “size-up-er”/fake-smiler woman that ‘Kate’ imagines you probably are just because you are not getting many nice genuine smile responses. It is not you, it’s them, but ‘Kate’ may have uncovered the answer to your situation — in reverse — many of the people who do not nicely return your smile may be the people she describes (which I will bet includes her).
>Dear Kate,If you would have read the post in it’s entirety you would have noted that one I did not claim to be a southern bell however I noted it must be a southern thing to do the smile and expect a smile in return. If you will also note the smile is give out to a variety of people. When I returned home I asked my husband and he too has notice that when he smiles at people he is not getting the return smile.I’m sorry you have such a low self esteem that you would think this post was directed at you or people like you. Maybe you should seek counseling for it.And as far as my heading is concerned, if you do not know a witty slogans when you see them maybe you need to take a chill pill while your pulling the stick out of your ass.Smiles,LindseyThis chick must be a drive by reader if she doesn’t know better than to rip you for that post.Smiles,Jackie 🙂
>This doesn’t deserve a reply. I’d hit delete. Some people need to get jobs or hobbies or therapy or whatever will stop them from being (thanks Mrs. Schmitty) snotbags.
>Unfortunately
>Yeah, I mean, if it gives you the giggles, go ahead and write her back. But you shouldn’t feel obligated to, it’s a pretty unintelligent e-mail, and you have better things to do.P.S. I REALLY hope she is under 21, if she is still insecure enough to be sizing up the women in the grocery store!;)
>Does Kate think you are a man? I am confused. Do women spend a lot of time checking out other women?Either way, if I caught you checking out my ass, I would still smile at you. In fact, I might just smile bigger … what a compliment! If anyone, especially a fellow mommy, gave my appearance anything more than a glance, that is something to smile about!That being said, Trish’s response was really perfect. Use her’s.
>Unfortunately I’m sick and can’t think of any witty replies – I must comment though. First, a little background: I’m a 26 year old “Yank” from Green Bay. I’m kind of cute, but I have bad skin & qualify for gastric bypass surgery, which makes me rather self conscious, and some would say lacking in self esteem. In general, I don’t like people, especially strangers, as I’ve always kept to myself around people I don’t know – even when I was skinny. Yes, we as women do judge each other instead of support one another, which is flat out wrong. But the “smile-back” has nothing to do with being a southern bell or sizing up other people’s appearances. It’s just what you do when you make eye contact with another person. It’s as simple as that! I’m anything but PC, but there’s nothing wrong with being polite to another human. You never know, your smile or a kind word might just make someone’s day. So to “Kate Moss” please stop judging someone’s thoughts and/or appearance.
>Smile! Blink. Blink.
>Dear Kate,You got me. I admit it. I check out women and like to size them up, just like you claim.But I only *smile* at the ones I’d like to bang.So if I smile at you, consider it a compliment.Kisses,Lindsay
>Your comments are cracking me up!The e-mail is just entertaining enough that I thought it might be fun to respond. And yes, I think it’s a “drive-by” reader who’d never been here before and may very well never visit again.And the whole first part of the e-mail mystifies me- If I see a pretty woman, I can’t imagine “sizing her up” in any negative way- I can appreciate beauty in men, women and children, and the thought of getting angry when I see someone who’s beautiful makes me laugh. Now that I’ve reached my thirties, I’ve come to terms with the fact that there will ALWAYS be someone in the room who’s younger, thinner, and/or prettier than I am, so there’s no use getting angry or insecure about it… I’ve got what I’ve got and I’m better served to work on what’s inside at this point.
>Dear Ms. Moss,Bless your little heart. Hugs, Lindsey
>Kate Moss, darlin’,A real Southern lady like my mama calls a spade a spade without those tacky “euphemisms” some other women like to “use.” Pearls are pearls (or not,) a slab of cornbread is good eatin’, and a no-good, double-damned, liquor-swilling, cheatin’ turd of a scoundrel can be called just that. Particularly, ladies don’t say “classy.” Ugh. Anybody who uses that word, ain’t, just FYI. Your “friend”
>Dear Kate,I generally do not size women up as I am a happily married heterosexual woman. I do hope those women who are suspicious of my intentions realize I’m just happy not to be alone in my snot infested world of wiping ass and taking names. As for your comments about being a Southern Belle, you have no idea. We Belles are hard as steel. See Steal Magnolias or Gone With the Wind for references.Have a lovely day, and for God sake , eat a cookie!Suburban TurmoilThat’s MY response.
>Dear Kate,You make it sound like women look at each other like we are sides of beef, isn’t that a man’s job? Also southern bells are no longer coy, docile creatures sunning themselves on the veranda. They are strong independent women who say what the mean and mean what they say.
>Dear Kate,To paraphrase Freud, sometimes a smile is just a smile.Sunshine & Lollipops!Lindsay
>Obviously this person hasn’t ever received a random smile. Or clearly never smiles back. I definitely agree with your original article. I smile at strangers all the time, and it’s so nice when you do get a smile back. This response seems a little out of nowhere, possibly directed by low self-esteem. Definitely a hard one to respond to! I’d probably thank them for their misguided, off-topic, and fairly ridiculous feedback and then forget about it.
>Dear Kate -If you’ve got to think that hard over a simple smile, I’d hate to see how you manage a more complex reflex, like blinking.Here’s mud in your eye –
>I vote for lar’s reply.
>Oh my gawsh, I’m still laughing…my vote goes to Kelly’s response at 11:52. That was hilarious!!!!”I only smile at the ones I’d like to bang!”So naughty!!!
>I agree…”smile at the ones I would like to bang”.
>So here’s a response for Kate Moss, but first a disclaimer:I worked in retail for 5 years, selling high-end clothing on commission to women. Oddly enough, I was neither a shark nor a liar: I wasn’t greedy enough to lie to a customer about how a suit looked on her, because I knew the minute she got home someone would look at her and ask “WHAT were you thinking??” She’d then return it and it would affect my commission, and I’d feel like an idiot.So it was better to truly (and literally) size up a customer and suggest something flattering and appropriate. Nine times out of ten I was right, the customer was thrilled, she bought more than she had intended on buying, and I could safely add her to my growing client base.So yeah, I have a lot of experience sizing women up, even though I’m the most boy-crazy gal you’ve ever met. I checked out women right and left because it was my job. But part of it was knowing I’d made someone’s day. I loved telling young women they were pretty and proving it by dressing them up in my idea of what worked – it was like playing dolls! And it was fun to see the women who were obvious beauties when they were younger, and tell them out loud “hey, nice set of gams. Are the boys still beating a path to your door?” I ALWAYS complimented sincerely. It’s a New Year’s resolution I made one year that I’ve kept to this day: compliment OUT LOUD a person, regardless of gender. You can then SHARE a smile, instead of intimidating someone who is as insecure as ‘Kate Moss.”And as far as ‘Kate Moss’ is concerned, reply with:”I’m a Southern belle, all right. I only make time for those who’ve successfully passed their Charm School classes. You obviously flunked, so I’m deleting your posts. Come back when you’ve couthed up.” And leave it at that.Ciao
>Paranoid, table for one??? Perhaps you should spend a little more time working on your own self esteem issues and a little less time worrying about why a stranger is smiling at you…
>Dear Kate,The reason I am smiling at the "beautiful, attractive and well heeled" woman is because she has a trail of toilet paper stuck to the heel her shoe or the back of her dress tucked up into her pantyhose or spinach stuck between her front teeth. If she would have taken the time to smile back at me I would have quietly told her about the embarrassing social faux pa she was committing. Because you self-pleased classy(read snotty) southern belles can't take the time to climb down off your pedestals to interact with us ass wiping & name taking women, I will continue smiling. Smiling at the fact that the rest of the world can see your too small thong or the parade of toilet paper as you sashay your way into Neiman Marcus, Saks or even better into your child's private prep school. However, you are right about the slogan of "wiping ass and taking names", being wrong for you southern belles. That titled would be held, as well as your children, by your nanny.
>Dear Kate:I would be careful about flattering oneself with your paranoia that everyone is looking at you. Even if you are a precious and unique snowflake, you’re not in a spotlight (since you’d melt, disproving my point). Sometimes friendly is just friendly. (A different) Kate
>SHE must be “sizing them up” herself. I don’t have a problem with attractive women. I know they work at it harder than I do. Heck–sometimes I’m thinking “gosh, that’s a cute purse. Wonder where she got that.” (But if it’s a woman wearing a baby, I admit I AM sizing up her baby carrier. Especially if it’s really good or really bad.)
>Dear SEH,When I woke up this morning, I noted that my coffee cup was half full. Yours, it appears was half full as well – half full of shit.Cheers!
>*granted, this is the best a bachelor who has about as much understanding of the female thought processes as I have of the IRS tax code, can come up with, but what the heck…I’m used to ducking boos and throwd items, so here goes**Dear Ma’am:Did I fail to properly — in your mind — check you out when we passed at some point about the time this article was written? Perhaps it’s because, if like your namesake, you turn sideways and disappear, I wasn’t smiling as much as I was straining to see you as we happened in passing. Or, it was that genital piercing that was protrubing from your straining thong, that caught me pondering who dressed you before sending you out to crassly exhibitionalize?You’re quite right that I’m no southern belle; nor would I mistake a real ding-a-ling like you with Miss Manners, either.But you keep workin’ on it…
>Kate Moss? Maybe that should be Peat Moss, or possibly "the moss that grows beneath the rock you crawled out from under." The article was about the lack of friendliness in the world today, not how to psychoanlyze everyone you encounter in the hopes of dicovering an ulterior motive in their actions. Not every woman on the planet is that catty. And being a southern belle (a claim which was not made, BTW) is really a state of mind for those of us born & raised in the South. It involves being pleasant, being kind, but NOT taking shit from people who should really know better. It's not an act, honey, we're really that cool.
>I vote for roadchick’s reply.
>Kelly’s reply is my vote. Coffee on the screen you bad girl!
>Well, damn girl!!Does it HAVE to be a response where you have to show you are the bigger person? I LOATHE those situations. My first response would be similar to that of Immortal Matriarch. However, given the fact that you recently mentioned your Reverend reads your blog, you might want to turn the other cheek and write something ::gags:: nice.It kinda sucks to be dignified. Something “Kate Moss” will never know.
>WWPWD?
>I agree with Amy and her milk breath.
>dear kate, you think southerners don’t have asses? or are you a big enough one for the entire world?smiling @ you,xoxolindsey
>Tell “Kate Moss” to eat a cheese burger and get that stick out of her ass. 🙂 have a good day
>Dear Kate,Whilst I completely understand your position and your right to form an opinion on my article I would also like to point out one thing.Had you taken the time to make eye contact and smile at a stranger in the street, perhaps that stranger would have been kind enough to point out the small white smudge at the side of your nose before the paparazzi did.Just saying.Squeezy hugs.Lindsay
>Dear Miss Moss,When you move back North, and you will, remember that surely someone in the South once smiled at you as nothing more than an attempt to be polite. They may have in fact waved for no reason or nodded with out handing you a pamphlet. Heaven forbid a gentleman may have held your door open with no ulterior motive. The fact that you did not recognise it as a friendly overture and nothing more is due entirely to your upbringing, bless your heart. It was no fault of a genteel society that enforces manners as a necessity not mearly a sales tool. As to my slogan I can only say that Southern Belles have long been known and respected as the iron fist in a velvet glove. Around here the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. That is how we survived, triumphed, and passed on our culture and traditions to this day. Not to mention instilled manners in those who will support our way of life when we are gone. It is not something of which we are ashamed.I wish you best of luck on your move, and hope you will return to visit in the future.All due respect,Mrs. Ferrier
>PS- As lady I am reluctant to take you to task on one point but feel it my duty. The use of the words and phrase, at least in conjuction with each other, nice classy and Southern Belle is redundant dear. But you wouldn’t be expected to know that.
>HAHAHA! I can’t respond because I’m too busy laughing at everyone’s comments!Write From Karen
>LOL…Cindy and co. wins my irrelevant vote, with an honorable mention for roadchick and milk 😉
>Dear Miss Moss,I’ve added you to my prayer chain, you poor thing, in the hope that you will find happiness one day, and drop that mantle of self-hatred. It’s plain that you must have issues with your own “physical appearance” as you put it, and I pray you will find help for your paranoia and self-loathing.The smile-back is for everyone, regardless of gender, age, size, etc. Perhaps one day, you’ll feel secure enough to join our movement. In the meantime, rest assured that every smile I offer will be dedicated to you.Love,Lindsay
>”Dear Kate Moss,OMG!!! I can’t believe you actually read my blog! I have followed your career forever, even way back when you were a ‘waif’ and all ‘heroin-chic’ and everybody was ragging on you and saying you were the antichrist who was leading an entire generation into eating disorders. “Not my Kate,” I staunchly defended you. And now that you are ‘cocaine Kate’, I’m just as loyal. At least you’re not as screwed up as that Amy Winehouse or as slutty as that Sienna Miller. I would smile and check you out and size you up any day, even if you were too busy or stoned to smile back. Thanks again for your sweet comment, I appreciate the encouragement more than you’ll ever know. Stay skinny! Lindsay”
>How about “It’s called Manners!”. My mother smiles and speaks to everyone. I don’t but I’m trying to be better. If I see a good looking woman of course I check her out – what self respecting woman doesn’t?? Honestly, some people need a fucking life.
>BabyBloomr’s response has my heart. If you could throw one of those evil, southern, double-edged “bless your heart”‘s in there, it would be absolute perfection.
>You guys are all so funny, I don’t know that I can choose! I should probably just send “Kate” the link to this post. 😀
>Don’t worry. I wasn’t smiling at you. It was just gas.
>Don’t worry. I wasn’t smiling at you. It was just gas.
>i have always liked”Kiss my fat white ass bitch”
>Dear Kate,If you would lift your head up off the next line of coke on the mirror you would see me smiling at you. As long as you keep your head down facing the mirror you’ll always be sizing yourself up, which could only lead to that scowl you reference.With the appropriate respects,Lindsey
>Oh L,”oh hell’ :-)I think the link should just go in because damn it all these responses are classic funny stuff :-)You have some truly clever readers 🙂
>Nice email, Kate.I was wondering when you sent this email if you thought it made you seem like an intelligent person? Or a nice person? Or if you realize that it made you seem like you were on the highest of high moral horses? As if everyone besides YOU sizes up people?What IS the air like up there? I just wonder how you managed to not group yourself in the category of “women in general.” Please, enlighten us on how you are not part of the norm. What makes YOU special?KELP.S. –Just one more thing, this particular email gives an opening that tries to lead the reader to believe that you are some nice, classy reader. Maybe even intelligent. But then you read the entire email and discover that you’re just an average, holier-than-thou-art betch with a superiority complex. Get. a. hobby.
>Rawr! Kate needs a cookie.
>someone pissed off her Weight Watchers coach and decided to take it out on poor ST.I’m smiling at you if it helps?
>Wow.These are all great responses. Too funny! I think you have met this "Kate" and somehow rubbed her the wrong way. Sounds like she's just insecure and jealous of your talent & beauty.
>There’s a psychiatric term for what Kate suffers from, although it is usually only found in adolescent girls… I believe the clinical term is “imaginary audience syndrome” where you believe that everyone is constantly looking at you and noticing every booger and pimple.