>Bonding with Your Teens

Okay, so despite the fact that my teenage stepdaughters sometimes make me feel as if I’m Hitler’s scabby right hand man? They hang around here an awful lot. On weekends, we’re lucky to get them out the door with their friends for one evening, let alone two. And I can objectively say that they’re pretty, popular girls with friends who call and text them and ask them to do things all the time. The fact that they’d turn those friends down in order to stay here with me (even as they look at me as if I’m Hitler’s right hand man), lets me know that I’m doing something right.

Now that they’re world-weary teenagers, it’s a lot harder to find things to do with them than it was when they were children. Shopping is always good; you’d be amazed how much bonding can be accomplished when you’re willing to hand over your credit card to your teens. Our primary together time now, though, involves the trusty television. The Amazing Race has always been a family favorite and the girls and I also watch America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway together. Gossip Girl is a new show of theirs, so I suffer through it, too, hoping to be the voice of reason every time a teenage character casually has sex or drinks alcohol or smokes pot on the show, which happens a lot and is very annoying. With the exception of Gossip Girl, I enjoy all of our programs…

…Or at least I would if three out of four of didn’t air on Wednesday nights!

This week, we watched Top Model, followed by Gossip Girl, followed by Project Runway. By the time we got to Project Runway, my eyes and ears were bleeding (well, not really, but they felt like they were); it’s hard for me to get through 30 minutes of television, let alone three hours. But I felt sort of obligated to find out what ridiculous thing Christian would say next or whether Elisa would spit on another piece of fabric. And above all, I did it for my girls. It’s a noble sacrifice, I know, watching three straight hours of television, but you do what you have to do.

I think a lot of parents and stepparents out there end up foregoing family time with teenagers, simply because it’s too difficult to find something that the teens will enjoy doing with their fuddy duddy mom and dad. I’ve found it’s best simply to make them an offer they can’t refuse. If there’s a movie you know they’ve been dying to see, offer to take them to see it with you one afternoon. Buy tickets to a Jack Johnson concert, take a deep breath and do a roller coaster marathon at an amusement park, or schedule a family river rafting trip. Going out on a limb to do these kinds of things have provided some of my family’s best times together. If you have two teens, you might even consider buying tickets for them that are separate from you and your husband. We’ve done that before simply because we had to, and I could tell that the girls really enjoyed the independence of finding their own seats and acting as though they were at the show alone, while still spending the bulk of their time (getting to and from the show and intermission) with us.

Life with teenagers is difficult, but there are some things you can do to make the time sweeter. Even if your plans fail, it’s important to try to get through to them, so that when they’re adults and normal again, they’ll be able to look back and see all the time and effort you put into the relationship.

This post originally appeared on Parents.com.