>And You Thought Your Child Was Hard to Handle?
>I’ve been keeping an unofficial list called, “Things I’ve Found in Bruiser’s Mouth.” It includes whole almonds. Moss from a potted plant. A tiny, opened hair clip. Various crumbs from off the floor. A doll shoe. Oh. And poo.
That’s right. Poo.
It was just yesterday that the unthinkable happened. When I went to collect Bruiser from his crib after a nap, he was sitting with his back to me, totally absorbed, playing with something. And then he looked over at me, his deeply contented grin ringed with…
Poo.
POO!
My baby was eating POO!
It was like a scene from a horror movie. Poo was everywhere. Everywhere!
I snatched him up and started scrubbing him down with wet wipes, cursing under my breath. Once I’d gotten the poo off his face, I began cleaning his mouth out with wipes, one after another. Each one came out tinged with brown.
(Let’s pause for a moment until your dry heaving subsides. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Okay. You good?)
Once I had gotten rid of the worst of it, I plunked him down naked on the floor and stripped his poo-ridden crib of its sheets. When I turned back to him a few seconds later, he had a funny look on his face.
“Oh hell no,” I muttered, grabbing a wipe and sticking a covered finger into his mouth. Out came a clear plastic lid from a vending toy. This child was clearly sent to this earth TO PUNISH ME.
“How’s it going?” Hubs asked on the phone about 15 minutes later, after Bruiser had gotten a thorough kitchen sink de-pooing and sanitization.
“Uh, not good,” I said. “Bruiser ate his own poo.”
“Oh my God,” he said. “What did the doctor say?”
“I didn’t call the doctor.”
“Oh.”
“I mean, babies have been eating poo for thousands of years,” I reasoned, “and it’s not like a big issue. There aren’t public service campaigns that say, like, ‘Poo. It’s what’s not for dinner.’ There aren’t news stories about babies dying from eating their own poo, or studies about how eating poo affects your IQ.”
“That’s true,” Hubs said. “Okay.”
Still, once we’d hung up, I Googled “My baby ate poo!” just to be on the safe side. What I saw relieved me. There were hundreds of screechy posts on parenting and medical forums, and hundreds more responses assuring the panicked mom that visits to the ER were unnecessary, that the baby would probably be fine, that everyone knew someone who’d eaten their own poo, generally when they were small.
But ass you can imagine, Bruiser’s culinary adventure was the talk of the Ferrier household last night.
“Wow. He’s the first Ferrier child to eat his own poo. This is going to haunt him for the rest of his life.”
“It really gives new meaning to the term, ‘shit-eating grin,’ doesn’t it?”
“Well from the looks of it, it was chock full of carrots. And he does love carrots…”
I also knew, of course, that I would have to blog about it. I mean, this isn’t the kind of thing I can keep to myself. Yet I feel a bit guilty. Will this some day come back to haunt him? The fact that he ate his own poo and I shared it with the world? Am I ruining his chances to become a Supreme Court Justice? Or… President of the United States?
Because I have a feeling that “Sources tell us that as a child, Senator John McCain ate his own poo,” for example, would absolutely have an impact on McCain’s chances…
I’m just sayin’.
>my 9 yo son never ate his own poo… although, that is amazing since he put everything in his mouth. My usual to him was “let me see your tounge” then, about 5 rocks usually fell out. everytime.then there was the time he swallowed a penny and the doctor used a metal detector to see where is was (!)if it makes you feel any better… he laughs at it all now 🙂
>This cracked me up. I mean eww but seriously he’s just a baby. My 8.5 month old is killing me. He’s always smiling but he is ALWAYS into something. So far the worst thing that he has put in his mouth is dog food and for about 3 weeks I was constantly chasing him to the bowl.
>Bwahahahaha!Got to love kids. Alex is fond of dimes, and recently swallowed one! Parent of the Year, I am!
>BTW – I’m totally planning on quoting just this bit of your blog:”Sources tell us that as a child, Senator John McCain ate his own poo.”Is that okay with you?
>Aaack! Little boys! My son started with poo (at 9 mos.) then progressed to quarters. Last year shortly after turning 4 he tried to eat not one but two quarters- only they didn’t pass through they got lodged in his tiny throat. If you don’t have a weak stomach feel free to check out the pics Truly scary…but once he was out of harms way we were able to laugh and now my son has lots of cool nicknames like 50 cent, slot machine…etc etc.
>OH.MY.GOD. That is one of the scarier things I have seen Worker Mommy!! I think mostly because I have a little boy too.
>Wow! No poo eating stories here. They’ve both poo’d on me, but nothing has ever been consumed! Too funny!
>It goes without saying (not that it ever stops me) that after a day like that, you were probably rather pooped…*ducking boos and throwd items including poo*
>Well, I figure that most people in government have eaten a whole lotta poo, so as far as that is concerned he’s good.Our oldest once played Picasso with her own poo, and ate some while she was at it. I had to take her crib outside and spray it with the hose. It was awful, but at least those mattresses are covered, right?
>Hilarious. You inspired me to post about my own poo-boy:http://greenroomthoughts.blogspot.com/2008/03/stinky-and-giant-poo.html
>What IS it about boys and their love of putting anything in their mouths? My son is 3 and I am ALWAYS chasing him around the house because he’s got something new in there. Although,he has never eaten poo, he does love him some boogers. I asked him why he likes to eat them and he said “because they taste like green popsicles, mummy!” as if to really say “You IDIOT! They’re just really effin’ good! Now leave me alone and let me pick my 3pm snack now!” I’d have blogged about this, too! At least you all have a sense of humor about it!
>Ah…but now that you HAVE blogged about it, you also have a weapon…because no girl, in her right mind, will want to date a boy who once ate his own poo! So..when Bruiser grows up to be a big, handsome teen being chased by all of Punky’s friends (because you KNOW they’ll all fall in love with him), you can easily direct them to this post…LIVING proof. too bad you didn’t take pictures!
>Not sure why my post was deleted, but at the risk of being deleted again I will tell you that two of my girls ate poo. Once. You are not alone.
>This takes me back to when Oliver was younger…he ate his poop and loved to sling it around. It was disgusting. I think I blogged about the time I was wiping dollops of mushy poop off of his bedroom floor when, from above me, a kernel of corn landed on the floor in front of me…I looked up and Oliver had the biggest…well, shit eating grin on his face…
>I thought it was bad when my daughter pooped in the tub the other day. Now I know I have it easy.
>Okay…Damn. My kids are definitely beating yours in the presidential race of 2048. They only eat garbage from the ground and pre-chewed gum from under desks.So, I just heard my sister’s baby put his hand in his diaper and wiped diahrrea on her face on Sunday. She only knew when her face was wet. She rushed out of the pew. OH, did I mention this was in the middle of her church service? That’s the perfect time to tell holy shit! Er Holy Hallejah? Can you tell I’m not a church-goer? Someone in the foyer told her she had a little “something” on her cheek. Really? No shit??!
>At least it was his own poo.
>still. dry. heaving.
>you have typed “ass” instead of “as” at the beginning of a paragraph towards the end!was funny 🙂
>”poo- It not what’s for dinner” HAHA! Just think, now, when someone else googles poo eating child, your site will pop right up there, with the best of ’em.
>We were at a friend’s house, our then 3.5 year old and their 2.5 year old were playing. Their toddler wandered off and I went to retrieve her and saw that she was eating something off her hand. She reached back into her diaper for more…POO!I was thoroughly grossed out. Little girls eat poo too.
>usafinks and becky- I was hoping this phase would pass in a few months. When I hear your stories, I’m not so sure it will…allisone- Quote away! :)workermommy- WHOA. Those pictures! Wow! I would’ve been beside myself! 50 Cent is a great nickname for him, though!skunkfeathers- heh. ;)b-funny government comment!!anonymous- Green popsicles! Gross!linda- So true. I can totally use this later if he brings “undesirable” girls home!cacklinrose- Good to know. I think. ;)Mama Tulip- Your comment made me laugh out loud!Scout’s Honor- You made me laugh out loud again!!city gal- Yep. I sure did.
>I really like to typo “ass” you can imagine…choice.
>um.I mean I really liked YOUR typo “ass”. I do not like to typo “ass” myself..
>Remove all magnets from your home. Good Morning America just did one of those scary segments on kids eating magnets. Turns out if two swallowed magents attract each other they can block the intestine. Of course then there’s no poo to eat!
>Oh yeah. Add that to my unofficial list of Things I’ve Found in Bruiser’s Mouth: Magnets. More than once. I don’t know how he does it, but he routinely manages to get magnets off the refrigerator that are like, eight feet off the ground.
>If Bruiser likes older women, maybe some day he can hang with my daughter. Let’s just say that one-year-olds and senile, incontinent cats should not be left alone together in the same room. Ever. We’ll leave it at that…But on the bright side, she’s 5 and healthy (the girl, not the cat; the cat has since moved on to a better place). So apparently it wasn’t harmful. Maybe it even helped. JK! 🙂
>If it makes you feel any better, mine ate a squashed slug.EWW!
>I found my youngest with a dead, dried-up old stinkbug in his mouth a few months ago (he was about 10 months). I thought that was disgusting but at least it would only make him smell like poo – not quite the same as eating it!
>I love how so many of you are going anonymous with your comments… Probably a lot smarter than what I’m doing! 😉
>OMG your story cracked me up. I don’t think this post about your son eating his poo will hurt him for the rest of his life so don’t worry. LOLMy oldest shoved everything in his mouth, everything. I don’t remember him eating poo but since he’s nearly 14 all that happened a long time ago. My other two weren’t so bad but oldest was like a little squirrel storing nuts in his cheek. Only he stored pennies, rocks, a marble…the list goes on and on…
>Ok…ok…not so much dry heaving as laughing hysterically with tears rolling down my face. I have girls so have never had the particular pleasure of wiping poo from my baby’s mouth. Oh, my!
>My daughter ate her poo. I never thought of the “shit eatin’ grin” meaning, but I absolutely thought it gave a new meaning to “Shit for breath.” I swear I smelled it for weeks. WTH is wrong with children that they eat their own crap?? Seriously.
>Ok I was literally LOLing on this one! That is all so sick and hilarious at the same time! What did Punky have to say about this? And Worker Mommy WOW Those pics!
>You are not alone. I will say no more.
>Oh my! That is not fun. Funny. But not fun. My son #2 once smeared his high chair tray with poop. I don’t think he ate any of it but he might have. It was awful.
>My girl half of my twins would play in her poop diaper after nap time…very quietly so you wouldn’t know she was up…and smear it everywhere, and eating it…I was grossed out at first, but after the peds told me she’d be fine, I got over it…I was disinfecting her crib every day.So needless to say I about died laughing when I received an e-mail from my husband at work one day, the first time she did it and he found it, he was gagging over it…almost threw up…I think I have the e-mail saved at work.
>Its April 17th, and your post is 1st in google for “why is my child eating poo” which I googled after the second time today our dear daughter did the same thing.Ugh.
>Woo hoo! I’m first! I’m first!
>So, sure enoough my 8-month old just did this and I was thinking…do I need to induce vomiting, wash it down with some water? So I googled it, found your blog and am now relieved that this is not a cause for medical intervention!
>So I have 2 boys an a girl.. the boys didn’t eat any poo ( a dried up dead gecko from sliding door frame yes but poo no) My 2 yr old has been doing hard little poo nuggets all day today and while wrestling with his 6 yr old brother one fell out… guess who picked it up and had it in her mouth? Yep little miss 9 month old. So. As if it’s not bad enuf eating your own poo.. what about someone else’s? I’m a little freaked out but I’m sure i’ll see the funny side in a day or 2. Argh!