>And the Unfriendliest City Award Goes to…
>Once upon a time, I moved to Washington, D.C. for a summer internship.
My apartment was in the heart of Cleveland Park, so close to everything that I didn’t even need a car. I was a block away from shops that included a grocery, my bank, a bookstore, and several coffee shops. I was half a block from the subway. I was right across the street from the best Irish bar in town, as well as an enormous Art Deco movie theater. My apartment building bordered Rock Creek Park, where you could get lost on the running trails and even get make your way to the Appalachian Trail. I was two blocks from the National Zoo. It was the kind of living situation I had always dreamed of.
And I hated it.
I had moved to Washington from Athens, Georgia, where people were, well… nice. Strangers made eye contact and smiled in Athens and what’s more, strangers who continually ran into each other there would eventually stop and talk and learn more about the person they passed on the sidewalk each day.
In metro Washington, though, no one wanted to get to know me, which was fine, but also? No one smiled. No one made eye contact. I lived on Connecticut Avenue, where people seemed to get into fender benders on an hourly basis. The sounds of screeching tires and then, cursing and yelling between the two drivers, filled my consciousness at all hours of the day and night.
One morning, I came down the stairs of the Metro station just as the train was arriving. Along with everyone else, I ran, but I knew I could make it. It wasn’t all that crowded and beyond that, I was headed for the first car, where the driver stood watching to make sure everyone was on before she closed the doors. I got in line with everyone else boarding the train and waited my turn to get on. Just as I got to the door, though, she closed it, right in my face. I turned and looked at her incredulously; she was literally standing five feet away and looking right at me. “Uh, can I get on?” I asked uncertainly. I thought it was some kind of candid camera joke. She rolled her eyes, turned around and off the train went.
Another time, I was headed home from work after a quick stop at the market. My arms were filled with grocery bags, as were the arms of a woman about 20 feet ahead of me on the sidewalk. She turned into the driveway of my apartment building and I realized with relief that she lived in my building, too. This meant that I wouldn’t have to put down all my bags, find my keycard, and swipe it to get inside. Sure enough, she got to the door, put down her bags, and swiped her keycard, just as I was coming up behind her. As I got to the glass doors, she turned back, looked at me, and then closed them, right in my face. This wasn’t a safety issue; it was broad daylight, we were both in office clothes, and there was a man at the apartment’s front desk. This was just rude.
Both these incidents epitomized my experience with Washington residents. I spent the summer in a sort of culture shock, stunned by the rampant unfriendliness. Today at the age of 33, I can’t believe it had such an impact on me. But I was young, and it did. I hated Washington. Hated it.
Of course, there are friendly and not-so-friendly people in every city, but I’m curious which ones stand out in your mind as the best and the worst in the manners department. When Hubs and I went to Wisconsin, we found the small towns there were filled with friendly people who wanted to know our entire life stories. And I’ve found that New York has a surprising amount of friendly residents, considering its surly reputation. LA, on the other hand? Not so much.
Also, today’s post was inspired by this week’s Suburban Turmoil newspaper column, which was in turn inspired by your fabulous comments on this post. Read it and find out if your comment made the cut- and learn about the Manner Maids, men and women who use politeness in a not-so-polite way (I’ve been a Manner Maid from time to time, and I’ll bet you have, too!).
Oh, and have a wonderful weekend, everyone. Imagine I’m smiling at you right now.
>I grew up in TN and my husband and I lived all over the South for many years. In 2001 we moved to SW Florida, and even though it’s in the southern part of the US, it is NOTHING like the rest of the South! No one smiled, people seemed cranky a lot, and when I tried to chat with anyone they looked at me like I was nuts.Now I live in Texas, and I’m glad to be back in the land of manners and friendliness!
>You should have interned on the Hill. I lived a little further north from Cleveland Park (by the way, if you go back to visit any time soon, go to Palena in your old neighborhood and get the burger. You can thank me later) because I was taking a class at American University. I had a lot of the same culture shock issues that you had (I moved from Macon instead of Athens), but working on the Hill everyday surrounded by Georgians saved me. I made some of my best friends and fell in love with that shining city on the hill.
>i live in lexington, kentucky (central kentucky) but my whole life i grew up in southeastern kentucky. i cannot even explain to you what a difference an hour and a half south makes! the people here in lexington seem so snobby, rude, "rich", and obnoxious. if i make a sarcastic comment or try to make them laugh, they stare at me like i'm from another planet! it's super frustrating… *sigh* i love people in the south. LOVE. southern ky, tn, alabama, georgia, louisana, it goes on & on…
>People in Park Slope, Brooklyn are much much friendlier than folks here in Northern Virginia.
>Moving away from the hustle and bustle of the big city seems to slow things down a bit, to the point that folks actually do seem to get to know you better and care about you – even if it’s just to stay in the gossip circle!Or maybe it’s the Southern accent that just makes people envision “down home and friendly.” I know when I (native Nashvillian) go to my wife’s hometown in St. Louis, the bit of an accent and a “Howdy!” seem to make people smile.
>I hear you!This same thing happened to me when we moved from Raleigh, NC to Los Angeles. Most people weren’t blatantly rude, but no one was nice. It took me a looong time to adjust. I grew up in Texas and now live in Nashville and it is so nice to be around friendly people again.
>I remember visiting San Francisco (from Portland , OR) several years ago and chaffing at the genereal attitude of superiority that seemed to prevail among the residents (at least those we encountered)who behaved as though visitors should be so impressed and grateful for the honor of being allowed in. It was weird. Community pride is great, but there was definitely arrogance in the air. (No foul meant to SF residents… obviously, we didn’t meet EVERYONE and I realize there are jerks everywhere and maybe we just ran into more than out fair share that trip)
>I’m smiling back! Actually- we went to Savannah Georgia this summer and east FL. I was surprised at how “unsmiling” everyone was- Marin, ca county, very unfriendly-your right about L.A.- although some of our most friendly nieghbors now, are from the 90210! Our little chunk of Ca is very friendly-don’t smile at someone unless you want to have a full on conversation! I like that!
>I spent my College Summers in DC. Loved it at that age, but did find the people to be quite rude and extremely stressed out and always planning for the next drunk fest.So. I returned to DC in 2003. I lived in the greatest row house on Capitol Hill with two fellow Tennesseans and we had a blast. Until, I found myself turning into a DC Rude Dude. At year's end I packed up and hauled my hiney home where I awoke to the smell of fresh manure, walked across the street to the Post Office in my housecoat every morning and said Hello to every Tom, Dick & Harry. It's good to be home!
>I spent 3 years in Cleveland Park at 3220 Conn Ave and loved it. I grew up in Maryland so living ‘downtown’ was fun for me. I don’t make eye contact and people that talk to me in line are just ‘not’ from here. It’s something I already knew and did not shape my experience. I did live in an AWESOME building where we had happy hours, socials and book clubs. I loved our building and it saved me from the 4 P’s down the street.The metro drivers suck. It doesn’t matter where they pick you up at they are on a schedule and could care less if you are 2 feet away from the train. They suck. Sorry your experience was so lousy.
>I have lived in a small town, in a rural agricultural setting, and in a major metro area.There are always exceptions, but, the generalities generally apply: rural and small town is, on average, much more friendly than large metro areas. That’s just the way it is.I’ve been to DC once: I was there on business part of the day, and as a tourist the rest. The people were…typical people in a large metro area. No rudeness stood out; no friendliness did, either.Do love the bars in Georgetown, however: at least in ’91, the guy to gal ratio at the bars (J.Paul’s) was 1-8 😉
>I’m Canadian. It’s all smiles up here!(well, mostly – I *did* grow up in Toronto and saw my share of scowls on the subway)
>you couldn’t be more right about the folks in NY! I was told not to look anyone in the eye, and no one would be nice, BUT EVERYONE was nice! I didn’t have one rude person ever.Wisconsin on the other hand, depends on where you go lol. Living here I can tell you that the small towns are the nice ones, once you get to the one’s who think they are big, but really arent (Aka..APPLETON…) people get rude…Milwaukee and Madison and Green Bay though, ARE VERY NICe places..and of course, my hometown…Manitowoc, is the nicest lol
>Actually, having grown up in the North, I hated Atlanta when I first moved there. I got so many “little lady” type comments I wanted to smack the drawl off of any and every Southern Gentleman I came across. I also hated the saccharine sweet manners/stab you in the back gossip of the South. But, my mama raised me to be adaptable and now I wouldn’t live anywhere else.
>Washington state, and small towns in the northwest are fairly friendly. If you really want to experience friendly people go to St. Louis. We moved here about a year ago and I’m still amazed at the friendliness of this city.
>I’m from Wisconsin (La Crosse) and I’ll agree most people are very down to earth and friendly. Although, my husband is half-japanese and we do sometimes get looks from people but once they get to know him they love him. We live in Iowa now and it’s pretty much the same – friendly, friendly, friendly.
>That’s why I love living in Wisconsin!!
>I’m sorry to say this, but Nashville was the rudest place I ever lived, and I’ve lived in several big cities, including NYC and DC. I found people in Nashville pretty intolerant of others they didn’t think were sufficiently like themselves. Very cliquey, and stratified according to class, profession, religion, race, you name it. I prefer my cities a little more cosmopolitan and open-minded, even if they aren’t as polite at four-way stop signs. (By that measure, Nashvillians are the most polite, friendly people on the planet!)
>I live in Los Angeles, and I’m surprised every single day by how rude and cold people can be here. We’re locked in our cars most of the day and when we finally do move about people, they’re just freakin’ rude. For the past 5 years we’ve gone to New York City for short vacations. The first time we went, I braced myself for how rude everyone was going to be, but every single person we met was kind and helpful (especially when I stood in the middle of the sidewalk with my map open staring up at the sky like it was going to speak to me and give me directions). People even smile once in a while. I have never had a bad experience there.
>I grew up in NY, but lived in NC and SC for a time. Southerners are nice, oh yes, TO YOUR FACE, that is.And now I live in the Boston area. I’d much rather have the rudeness and honesty of the north rather than the hypocrisy and sugary sweet fakeness of the south.But that’s just my experience.
>Hi from a small town in Wisconsin!! Why were you in our neck of the woods?? I love my state. i was born and raised here. I have traveled all over the world, but still love my home the best. Although, honestly, Tennessee is a close second. I love the Smokies, we have been there for vacation many times.
>You do know that we New Yorkers spread the NY is rude rumor to keep people away, right? But in truth, friendliest people in the world are in midcoast Maine. I still remember a cop clearing an entire road of standstill traffic (there had been an accident) just for me so I could get home to nurse my baby. And the workers all waved and smiled as I drove by, even as they were dragging a small plane out of a nearby lake. Now that’s friendly!
>Portland, Oregon.Everyone bitches about the rain, or is running to get out of the rain, or is in a general foul and depressed mood because of the rain.
>Hi. I am from Boston, and I know we have a reputation of being “short” and hard to get to know. I guess I cannot be completely objective. Everyone who has lived in a large city (and Boston is large enough) has come into contact with some very strange and dangerous people who approach you on the street. So, I admit there is sometimes a small delay on my end when a stranger comes up to me all smiles. I want to know what they want. Having said that, I am proud of my city and always try to help visitors out if I do get talking. It is fun to meet new people.I have also heard that it is hard to get to know people here when you first arrive. I believe that too. People stay in their own group, and we get so many temporary people up here (students, etc.) that maybe natives don’t always make the effort. However, once you do get to know someone from Boston, it is usually for life, and it is real.
>We went to Wisconsin for a week long vacation (just Hubs and I) because he worked in Green Bay and Milwaukee for a while and knew the area pretty well. We stayed in Milwaukee, Baraboo and Door County and we LOVED it. I could totally live there- at least in the summer time! 🙂
>I don’t know- I’m a midwest girl so it’s hard not to think we’re just the greatest thing since sliced bread. Well.. I mean… except for that whole 5 months of painfully gray, cold, blistery weather that turns us all into crabby A-holes. Besides that we’re just peachy. And PS- I love the banner on your blog. I’m so not worthy, me with my blogspot template… (wallowing in self disgust)
>I grew up in SE TN, small town where everyone knows your name. I moved to Nashville to get away from that (I know I am strange, don’t worry). I love going to DC and NYC but part of it is to see the different cultures and not have to worry about saying hi, smiling, all that. I am an outgoing, nice person but during my normal day to day errands and work I just want to get in and get out.I don’t go home as often now and it is kind of surreal to see people waving to strangers, saying hi and all of that. Again, yeah, I know I am strange but I sure do like the anonymity living in a larger city affords me.
>It’s funny, and a little hurtful to my pride, that you hated DC so much. I LOVE it. I live about 40 miles away, and DC will always have my heart as one of the best cities in the entire universe. I know exactly where Cleveland Park is, even Conn Avenue, and I am so envious that you lived there! Cleveland Park is like this perfect little place, in my mind, and I frequently travel up there – and all over DC – by myself. It’s been a part of me since I was 2, really.In my experience, DC is actually one of the more friendly cities. I mean, I have a lot of love for New York, but the only time I’ve ever heard someone call someone else an “anus” was in that city. And yes, they’ve gotten nicer since 9/11 (which is kind of funny, because they’re still not nice) but so has DC I think. And yes, the metro is ridiculous (I was actually on a train that ran over a suicidal woman two months ago – and she lived), but it’s not nearly as bad as transit in other cities. I’ve seen some nasty things on trains, but never anything too terrible in DC. I’ve seen some incredible friendliness in DC as well. Just as an example, whenever I’m there with my goddaughter or 3-year-old niece people hold open doors, give up their seat on the metro, and smile/wave at the little girls. But also, I’m the type of person that doesn’t take strangers too seriously, and I laugh to see people cussing at each other on the street. So maybe it’s just a matter of personality. I for one, will forever heart DC, in all of its dirty glory.
>Speaking of NY I was there today and out of the hundreds of people I walked past today only one was polite and friendly. The rest would mow you down in a second not to mention slam a door in your face. I had a man allow another man to get on a elevator before me when I was waiting the longest and the man just got there. How rude! aren’t dor supposed to be held open for ladies? Everything is backwards there and I don’t like it one bit. I’m convinced all the nice people are not from NY but transplants from places where manners count.
>Came over by way of DivineCaroline’s site…I know your pain. I’m from Wisconsin, and when we lived in upstate NY for a few years, we found the people to be depressingly “reserved.” It took us (outgoing, friendly types) a full year to become casual friends of our next door neighbors!
>I’m in Chicago, the city, not the burbs. I love it. People here for the most part are super friendly. Even the vagrants are friendly! I’m a New Yorker, from the city and feel they are pretty friendly too.
>If you encounter a Portlander running around depressed and complaining about the weather, they are most likely not a native Oregonian, but probably a transplant from California. The rest us just smile, lace up our Nikes, flip up the hood on our Columbia Sportswear anoraks and splash merrily along our little way!
>I grew up in Centerville, Tennessee, and a frequent visitor from Florida (in the 70s) once mused that he had to learn to drive with one hand because the other was used to wave at oncoming drivers. Those were the days!I think the friendliest people I have met (outside of the South) are Mainers. They actually remind me of Southerners… just with a different accent. My experiences there (on a couple of trips) have made me be a bit more careful to group all “Yankees” together.I have ridden the subways in NYC, DC and Boston, and the only place I was actually fearful was Boston. I really didn’t interact with Bostonians, so I can’t reall draw any conclusions. I just know my Maine acquaintances sometimes dislike their neighbors to the South… they call them Massholes.The winner, in my book, would be the people of Oklahoma. I love to visit Oklahoma City- in large part because of the nature of its people. It reminds me of Nashville… many years ago.
>This has to do with how people act in different parts of the country, rather than friendliness in the abstract IMO. It is just not a custom for people on west coast (for example) to say hi to or even smile at strangers. I grew up in a small town in Southern California, and even there, you would only smile and/or talk to people you already knew, not just randoms on the street.When I went to college, there was a mix of people from the whole country, and so I did notice that people said hi and smiled more often. But it’s not just LA, New Yorkers do not smile and say hi, they will help you if you ask them, but it’s just not the same thing as, say, the South. I would imagine DC is like that because it’s a mix of people from all over the country, and not a typical southern town.
>L.A. can be known for it’s “Diva attitudes” both male and female, and of course it’s “I’m better than you because I have more money and/or am better looking than you” attitudes, but I’ve come to find that some of the people with these attitudes are from other places where they were the “Big Fish” in their pond. I’m from L.A. and I don’t fit this mold, except for maybe the “me first” attitude when it comes to driving, not because I’m trying to be rude, just because it would take me much longet to get to my destination if I wasn’t a bit agressive. It really just depends what area of L.A. you’re in. Being from there I can usually tell who I can smile at and be certain I’ll get a smile back, and who to just avoid eye contact with entirely.
>Hate Chattanooga TN. That’s where my relatives are from. One Word: FAKEThey’ll be all nice and friendly to your face and the next thing you know they’ll be saying crap about you behind your back.
>My husband and I moved to Cleveland, OH a few months ago after living 13 years in Nashville. We’ve both said the same thing…people in Cleveland are a lot nicer than people in Nashville. I can’t believe how surprised I have been by that. I think a lot of folks in Nashville are pretentious and uppity. Could have just been where I lived in Nashville and my experience, but I’ll take the people here in Cleveland, OH over anyone in Nashville any day.
>When did hubs work in GB? I was born & raised there, moved here in 2005, and I thought there was something familiar about him! Which station did he work at?iwantperch@aol.com
>I’ve lived all over the country. And currently reside in the DC area…I worked on Capitol Hill for awhile, and can agree wholeheartedly about DC drivers and Metro employees. I spent 12 years in Charlotte. In The South. And I hated it so much that at the first chance I ran like hell. Because it wasn’t my thing. I’m not a small talker. I don’t care about the grocery store cashier’s garden, nor the gas station attendant’s son in law. I want to do my thing and leave. Which is why I love living in DC so much. People can be friendly, but generally prefer to go about their business. For me, that’s heavenly. But then again, I grew up in Jersey, so I don’t know that I’m impartial. Rudeness is part of my blodd.
>I had a similar initial experience when I moved from a small city in Michigan to DC. Everyone in DC dressed in dark suits and looked as if they were going to a funeral, and they could not have been less friendly in public. But soon after I arrived I met nice people at work, and I made more friends at Cafe Deluxe on Wisconsin Ave., and the atmosphere changed. There’s an intellectual vibe in DC that you don’t find in many places, and people there are actually well informed. Plus, there are some real job opportunities in DC for college graduates. You have to give it time. I loved DC.