>Best. Hate Mail. Ever.
>
In this week’s Nashville Scene:
Why is it that your reporter Lindsay Ferrier always uses poor language in her “reporting.” There is no need for phrases like “What. The hell. Happened.” (Suburban Turmoil, June 8)—which is not punctuated correctly—or last week’s “cheap-ass” comment (Suburban Turmoil, Jan. 11). I wonder: have you lost advertising with this? Your publication has certainly lost class with this.
I was a reporter for years, a columnist too, and I never used such unprofessional language. There was no need and I am too classy to do so. I find her offensive and ignorant, and find you even more so for paying her. Maybe that is what you are wanting—a Howard Stern, if you will. Well, my wine tastes do not like your stale, cheap-beer reporter/ing and lack of respectable copy-editing. I look forward to your next trashy article from Ms. Ferrier, as my cat needs something to catch his urinated litter granules as he exits his cat box, or, as Ms. Ferrier would call it, his shitter.
-Henrietta Percy
Whoa. What is it with me pissing off little old ladies? And why are they reading the Scene, anyway? Is there a Little Old Lady Scene Demo that I wasn’t told about? Ironically, this issue also featured a headline on the cover about my reporter husband, which blared, Among [convicted murderer] Perry March’s last words to Dennis Ferrier: ‘Eat shit and die.’
We like to keep it in the family, Henrietta.
One of you reader types e-mailed me the other day, asking how I handle the mean comments and e-mails. I wrote back that it was pretty easy, because I’ve yet to receive a venomous e-mail or comment that didn’t sound like it came from a complete weirdo. I actually appreciate it when someone writes to me and politely disagrees with what I’ve written. I have nothing but respect for different opinions and perspectives. But when someone calls me names for daring to say that I didn’t fit in to their playgroup, for example, or for questioning whether or not to circumcise my son, I just have to laugh. Because really, that kind of behavior is ridiculous and pathetic, isn’t it?
And beyond that, when I take into account all the e-mails and comments I receive, the mean ones are so few and far between, they’re hardly worth noticing… unless they’re very funny and cleverly crafted, a la Henrietta Percy (I don’t believe this is her real name, by the way, so don’t get miffed over me “outing” her to the world). I have you guys to thank for that. You’ve been kind, most of you, even when I let my sick kid sit on the well side of the doctor’s office… even when I didn’t return my library books on time. Thank you for that.
Anyway, with Henrietta in mind, I present to you this week’s installment of the Nashville Scene edition of Suburban Turmoil. In it, you will find the words penis, jackass, and Carrie Underwood. You’ve been warned.
>Woah! It must be hatemail week. Dooce got a dose too. I used to teach HS English. I do not consider myself a grammar snob because of it. Sometimes, you sacrifice proper punctuation and sentence structure to get meaning across. It’s called good storytelling (just don’t tell any of my former students).
>People just love an excuse to be nasty to anyone who seems to be successful.. take it as a compliment, obviously you have a lot more fans than poor anal Henrietta :)You Rock Lindsay!
>Penis, Jackass, and Carrie Underwood? How could I NOT look?
>I agree with BBmama…there is a new standard for grammar for blogs. Blogging is like talking to your friends, not writing a science report. You know who drives me crazy is those people who won’t use caps or punctuation..think Rosie O’Donnell’s blog. You know, one of my latest posts was kind of about you and your ability to cause a heated argument over anything. The last hate mail I got was from one of your commenters!! LOL..so much for playing it ‘safe’ on my own blog!
>She’d probably hate me because I too, call the cat box the shitter.I have a 6 Mo. baby and I chose not to circumcise. I REALLY wanted to because I think they’re “prettier”. But my husband was adamant about it. and after talking to some other moms and my pediatrician about it–I decided to follow my hubby’s wishes. (my husband is actually pissed that his parents circumcised him)It’s no longer recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics and only 60% of boys are being circumcised now as opposed to the 90% that it was when we were babies. I live in California — so there are probably less circumcisions here than where you live.Oh– and yesterday, I took my sick kids into the well room but only because I was asked by the receptionist if I wanted to. (Otherwise I would have continued to wait outside.)
>OH. MY. Hell. =) I think it’s funny she’s reading it. She may not be as proper as she claims to be.
>I call it a claim to fame. When your words can motivate or inflame someone enough to actually WRITE to you or about you, you have arrived.You do handle it better than I could.Just getting that teensy hateful remark on your contest comments last night (basically calling me a fraud…puh-lease, I am not that creative!) caused me to feel kinda’ sucker punched. Makes me all defensive and crap and then that makes me all bitchy and then there ya’ go….full on cat fight.So, good for you. Let it roll….you have more talent in your pinky toe than most of those folks standing on their self-righteous thrones.(pssst, Henrietta Hun, go empty your cat’s shitter….it is beginning to smell like you!)
>I don’t know. Henrietta cannot be all that classy. After all, she was quite willing to use the word shitter…and as she correlates your writing as low class, and as she seems to be one of your faithful readers…This brings up another point…Howard Stern was villified by his employer until the results of a listener survey was reviewed. It appeared that those who loved Stern listened approx 3 1/2 hours just to hear what he would say next. Those that despised Stern listened approx 3 1/2 – 4 hours–just to hear what he would say next…Henrietta, sound familiar??
>Oh, whatever about that conservative ahem…lady! What I admire most about your blog is your complete honesty and your injection of humor into the mundane and awkawrd moments in life that we ALL face! Henrietta ought to look under her cat’s shitter, (or le toiletta? is that classier?) ’cause it seems she’s lost HER sense of humor! Good God!
>Love your attitude. People take themselves too seriously sometimes. A misplaced (or conveniently placed) punctuation mark never hurt anyone. She’s probably the kind of wet noodle that complains about all things unsavorty to take the fun away from the rest of us!
>Aw come on,with a name like Henrietta, you gotta kinda expect a response like that.*No offense intended toward any cool, hip Henriettas that may be roaming the world.
>I think i love you.
>I’m going to call you Howard from now on, ‘K?
>She sounds like a stuffy broad and not part of main stream America. She is old school.. that’s fine. But the majority love you because of your down to earth wit. Class is overrated… even some of the wealthiest people in the world don’t have it… ie: Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Save your class for the times you really need it and keep writing like you do… we love you for it.
>The.wrong.punctuation. LMAO!
>Hi there. Long time reader, first time commenter.When I click on the link to read the article online, one of the Google ads is for SexToy.com. If THAT’s the kind of advertising your newspaper sells, I don’t see them getting their collective panties in a bundle over a few naughty words.
>My favorite part is the fact that your “reporting” is being criticized with sentences that break grammatical rules:Your publication has certainly lost class with this. This… what? Pronouns! No antecendents! She should be ashamed of herself for such shoddy e-mailing skills. I wouldn’t hold whatever she’s saying in high esteem. If you’re going to insult someone’s writing, spelling or grammar, make sure you don’t screw up.
>”and Carrie Underwood”LMAO!
>WOW..loved the article. Screw Henrietta, you have a lot of fans.I love your writing and will keep coming back to “lurk”.
>Shame on you Ferrier for using the word “penis” in print. What is the media coming to?Seriously though, another great column. Sometimes I wonder if you don’t make up your own hatemail. Henrietta seems like a name the Ferrier clan would come up with.
>Yes, how dare you be witty and original. We need more dry and boring reporting! We must cater to more people with lovely names like “Henrietta Percy”.
>I got nothing… I’m still laughing at Jenna’s comment.I love you. Shitty grammar and potty mouth. You’re my kind of gal. But then, I’m fairly certain Henrietta certainly wouldn’t approve of me!
>RE: HenriettaSome. people. need. to. GETALIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Oh crap. I must suck too, I guess. Oh well. I’d rather be in your company than Ms. Percy’s, any day. :)Keep up the good work, honey! You ROCK!Peace,Suzanne
>Snort. How funny. Henrietta Percy can’t possibly be her real name . . . right? And I love that she says you don’t have class. I’ll go further . . . You’ve got Klass with a capital K.
>Good Lord, even your hate mail is funny! Sounded like a cleverly written parody hate-mail of someone who wants to be you when she grows up. You are awesome. WE know and you know it, and I’m guessing Henrietta knows it, too.
>It takes all kinds, I suppose.I suspect she’s secretly jealous of you. And back in her day, she didn’t have a computer and all the filters and spellcheck, she had to do all the work herself. Yep, she’s jealous. She only wishes she had your job! I’m no expert, but your grammar and typing skills seem just fine to me. I LOVE all the pregnancy stories, btw. I’m an OB/L&D RN at a hospital. What that means is that I had the worst pregnancy and delivery ever (it’s a curse all OB nurses have). So it’s so nice to read other “horror” stories to know that I’m not alone (thankfully I never broke any bones while pregnant). It’s great when we can all look back and get a good laugh at what happened to us! As far as what one blogger said about circumcision rates, yes, they are dropping nation wide. The midwest (where I live and work) still has the highest rate but it’s still only about 75% here. It’s not as common as it once was since it’s not a “recommend” procedure but more of a “cosmetic” one. My hubby and I did not circumcise our boys. I’ve seen it done and just could not stand the thought of having done to my kiddos. They’ve never had any problems and we’re happy with our decision. A video of an infant circumcision can be found at http://intact.ca/video.html (hope I’m allowed to post links here. Sorry if I’m not).Anyway, love your blog! It’s a real treat. Keep up the good work!Lacey
>Actually, she is correct about your punctuation and/or phrasing. Standard procedure is three words separated by periods, ie, Oh. My. God. You clearly used four words in your statement, “What. The hell. Happened.” I’m certain that is the basis for her complaint. Some examples taken from the comments with the correctly added periods:Poor. Anal. Henrietta.Love. Your. Blog.You. Are. Awesome.
>People like Henrietta Percy live for moments in which they have an excuse to be offended. Think how much joyful righteous indignation you give to her every week, and keep up the good work.
>I thought this was funny and maybe appropriate – some wisdom from the depths of the pageant world…Somebody posted this quote recently, and it’s probably not original, but it made me laugh…Some people are like a slinky, not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs Thought for the day…
>Yes, but you also used the word “wisenheimer” so you are forgiven.This time, anyway.
>ahhhh, I am always the last to figure it out.. you are THAT Lindsay Ferrier!! wsmv! scotland! I am even more of a fan now..
>Okay, that name just cracks. me. up. (oh – was that punctuated incorrectly?) It’s the perfect handle for that sort of priggish moralistic elderly lady. It CAN’T be real!