>Friends and Lovers
>Back when my husband and I got engaged, we made a deal. We would no longer keep in touch with those we dated before we met.
Personally, I don’t think it would be that big of a deal if to exchange the occasional “how’s life” e-mail with an old boyfriend. But when I consider the white hot rage that would cause my eyes to turn blood red and make laser beams shoot out of my fingers if Hubs were to send or receive a message from an old flame, well…
I get it.
And so I comply. I don’t e-mail exes. I don’t call exes. I don’t text exes… even in Texas. I don’t confirm my exes’ friend requests on Facebook, which is kind of awkward- at least until I stop and think about how I’d feel if I saw an ex-girlfriend’s face in my husband’s list of Facebook friends.
Oh. Hell. No.
I have friends, though, who regularly keep in touch with former flames. They have lunch with them. They and their spouses socialize with them. I suppose that for those who still live in the same town in which they grew up, some degree of this is unavoidable, but I’m always surprised when I hear of married friends who still get together with their exes. I’m sure it can happen without incident, but isn’t that just asking for trouble?
How do you feel about maintaining contact with your exes now that you’re married? Do you do it? Does your spouse? Do you think it’s possible, or merely problematic? DISH.
>I get really irritated with my husband because he STILL keeps in touch with his girlfriend from 20 years ago. Long story, but I don’t like it…I DON’T want to be her friend and I want him to freaking move on already! I feel like I’m not good enough for him that he still has to keep in touch with this woman!
>I honestly don’t think its a big deal as long as neither of you are hiding anything from the other. Clearly your spouse has moved on (he’s married to YOU!) and chances are good that the other person has as well.
>both my wife and i still have friendships with people we dated in the past.no probs really because we trust each other.
>Two of my husband’s exes set us up. They were both in the wedding party, and we see them regularly. They’re both married, and we all have moved on. I don’t keep in touch with any of my exes, but that’s by choice. There is, after all a reason they’re exes.
>Depends entirely on the strength of your relationship. Exhibit A: a friend of mine has exchanged christmas cards, new baby pictures, and family updates with her ex for years. Totally cool with all parties. Exhibit B: my ex-husband looked up his high school girlfriend twenty years later and spoke with her regularly – and secretly, until she called our house one morning and immediately hung up when I answered. May have had some bearing on us no longer being married!
>I’m still friendly and in contact with my first serious boyfriend (highschool – first love – first lots of things for both of us). His current wife didn’t like it when they were dating. We were all in our late 20’s by then. Then she met me…. I was married and about 8 months pregnant. I think that eased everything. We now exchange holiday cards, pictures and have had dinner with kids before. Not sure how I would feel if my husband did the same. He never had a really serious girlfriend before me, so I think that makes a difference. He barely keeps in touch with his male friends, it’s just not his thing.
>I got a letter from someone I dated twenty years ago. I’m thinking he didn’t know I am married, because I still use my maiden name. Anyway, Yankee pointed out that he was probably divorced now, and looking for love. It sort of freaked me out, so I just threw the letter away. I’ve seen marriages destroyed that way before.
>Frankly I don’t see how it’s possible not to be friends with your exes. Or maybe I just have too many. If your relationship isn’t strong enough that you don’t trust your SO to keep it in his pants I’d say there are more fundamental things that need fixing.. Relationships are a commitment with certain terms of agreement.. I can see understand how “don’t talk to exes” might be one of them, but maybe a better one would be “don’t shtup any of your exes”
>I don’t keep in touch with any of my exes and I think it’s just as well. Even if you absolutely trust your spouse, it still is awkward and you can’t necessarily trust the ex to not have something else in mind.
>It’s academic to me as a bachelor nowadays, but when I was in my one-and-only engagement, my ex-fiancee was a classic hypocrite in this regard: it was okay for her to stay in touch with some of her ex-boy toys, but if I made reference to having spoken with an ex-gal-pal, the eyes went battle station red, the fingernails extended six inches, and the fangs gnashed menacingly. Meantime, she had an affair that ended our engagement, and then found that she’d been used by her affair to win his ex-wife back.Touche.Sometimes, there is justice 😉
>I’m in fairly frequent touch with almost all of my exes. I suspect [tho he has never said as much] that it was a bit disarming at first for my husband to learn that not only am I actively parenting with my exhusband, but we still go to the same church and even sing in the same [very small] choir together. But like others have said, there’s a reason why they’re all exes. 😉 I don’t think it would bother me if my husband were in frequent touch with an old girlfriend [but I don’t think he is]. He married me, after all.
>I didn’t understand true love until I met my mike. I didn’t understand true jealousy, either. With any other boyfriend, including my now ex husband, I wouldn’t have cared. With my mike it’s different and we will have none of that thank you very much.I don’t think it’s a trust issue. It’s an I love you, you’re mine, I don’t share issue.
>I am OK with being friends with exes if it was a high school relationship… i feel like things were more innocent and friendly in that time period than later in life. Any later than that, I’m not a fan of maintaining those relationships.
>DH and I started dating when we were 21 (babiez!) so all of the previous relationships we had were juvenile, and pose no threat to our marriage. I occasionally e-mail some exes, and one in particular was instrumental in the formation of my relationship with DH back when we were 21 (he has since died), and wouldn’t be at all concerned if DH did, too.He just doesn’t have as many exes as I do.However, I drew the line when he wanted to name our first child “Kyleigha” – the name of one of his ex-girlfriends! She’s Mary Grace, now, and #2 is Claire, and neither of us dated anyone by any of those names!Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
>My hubby and I met when we were 16. I was dating his best friend and did for almost 2 years. We went to the prom together, wink, wink. My ex and his wife? Are our best friends and the Godparents to my oldest. Now how is that for weird?
>I had been in contact with one of my exes. DH was ok with it, especially as it was only through Myspace and I often read every comment/email to DH. I asked how ex and his wife got together and he responded weird talking about how he and I were meant to break up and stuff. Umm duh I know that. So I felt uncomfortable talking to him so no more emails or anything. I was surprised he even spoke to me because back when we were neighbors and he and his wife were just dating he wasn’t allowed to talk to me or stay at his apartment with out her. Hmm guess she missed the part where we broke up so I could date a woman.
>I’ve stayed in touch with an ex. But it was one of those special cases I guess.Honey, ex-boyfriend and I were all part of a close group of friends in college. The ex and I experienced a near-death car accident together so I think that kept us from breaking up sooner than we should have. Then he couldn’t return to college for a few years and over that time we just drifted apart until we both realized on day that we were just friends.And since then we have all stayed in touch, been at each others weddings and now our kids play together when we meet at another friend’s wedding or special occasion about twice a year.As for the rest of our exes… the hate is too strong. We willingly stay out of contact with everyone else. Those were some U.G.L.Y. ugly breakups.
>I also think it depends on the reason why the breakup occurred. I stay in contact with only 1 ex, and that’s mainly because we ended things incollege because we realized we were better off as friends – and have remained that way since. We are like brother and sister, not ex-lova’s…So he ended up becoming a great friend to my husband.
>ex’s from high school, it wouldn’t bother me, ex’s from after college til we met and married, no way at allnow, if your situation ins’t such that there is a big gap there, then I’d say no not at all….
>Here’s a funny thing. My first boyfriend in high school is now a client of mine in business, and we occasionally go to lunch to catch up. He married his high school sweetheart, the only girl he ever seriously dated besides me. My husband thinks its a bit weird, but hello, its been 20 years since I dated the guy, and we’ve been friends way longer than we were bf/gfs. And he pays me consulting fees sometimes, so that usually shuts my huz up pretty fast.
>I have no particular desire to get in touch with any of my ex's but if one of them turned up out of the blue on Facebook or in an email I'd have no problem chatting with them. I wouldn't mind if any of DH's exs turned up the same way. We've all moved on and haven't had any contact with any of them 20 or so years. If possibly they were interested in seeing if something was still there, I'd send them packing & I trust DH would do the same.
>my hubby kept in touch with exes. I didn’t have a big problem with it, except for one. When we were dating, she had called him while I was there. And he took the phone into the bedroom and closed the door, and stayed on the phone with her for a long time. I don’t know how long it was, because after 15 minutes, I left. And he had no clue. And he had called by the time I got home (it took a half-hour to get to my house), but I ignored him for several days. He saw nothing wrong with it.When we were married, he invited her. By this time, I really didn’t care anymore…then I found out they they’d lost their virginity together…ugh. Just another reason to piss me off again. I’d been divorced and totally cut my ex right out of my life, right down to not having ANYTHING that he’d ever given me, etc, etc. And here was my new husband flaunting his “first” under my nose?But what I’ve come to realize is this: He’s married to ME. In the end, he chose ME and I chose HIM. I don’t look back at the exes in hatred anymore…just pity that they didn’t see what he had to offer them. His “first” girl? She’s been married 3 times now…and divorced 3 times. So who got the better end of the bargain? Me.For the record, MY “first” and I just became friends on facebook, lol!
>I don’t keep in touch, but that isn’t to say I wouldn’t. But truly, I don’t have any male friends that aren’t friends with my husband too. My perspective is also born of our lifestyle and our history. 1. He travels a LOT. I don’t want him to have exes that he gets together with in other towns he travels to.2. We’ve been through a rough spot in our marriage when I had post partum depression. If he had an ex as a friend during that time I think there would have been additional insecurity added to the problem. 3. I would never get together with an ex without him present. Not because I want any of my exes, but to avoid any drama that could come out of it. I mean you can’t control what the ex feels or does, can you?When we got married we never discussed these things, but when he took the job where he travels it did come up. He has a female broker in another town that always brings her husband along if my husband and she go out to dinner. To her it’s a given that she has to be with my husband after hours, but she doesn’t want that to bother her marriage in any way. It also gives me a level of comfort that she isn’t after my husband for anything other than business.
>I married my first boyfriend 14 years ago.How weird is THAT?!
>Well, I live in a small town. As such, I met my husband because his brother was my prom date and brief boyfriend, then I dated their best friend, who later was married to my sister for a while. I’m still extremely close to both BIL and BF, which never bothered my husband as he was close to them too. One big happy family! *L*(I mentioned it was a REALLY small town back then, right? Right!)
>I think it depends on several factors, most notably if you were friends with the ex before you met your current significant other, and also how the relationship ended. I don’t keep in touch with my exes because either the relationships ended badly and I don’t want to talk to the assholes anymore, or we just lost contact after the relationship ended.My boyfriend keeps in touch with one of his exes still, but I am friends with her, too, and they continued to be friends after they dated. It would seem odd for me to mandate they stop being friends just because he and I are dating. It also helps in that they only dated briefly–and a LONG time ago–and realized they were just better off as friends. However, if you don’t feel like you could be friends with an ex and let your current SO know about it, that’s a sign you shouldn’t be friends with him/her. If you have to hide it, nothing good can come out of it.
>Depends on WHICH ex it is. We are good friends with my high school sweetheart and Hubby’s as well. We were invited to both of their weddings. That is fine. Our deal is that if we talk/email/have contact with the ex, we simply let each other know. Nothing is “hidden” and both exes know both of us. BUT there is an ex that I will NOT allow in our lives…..one of mine and one of Hubby’s. He agrees. Its all about communication and trust.
>We have a couple of old flames each that are completely, one hundred percent, divorce-material off-limits.The rest, we don’t worry about so much. He doesn’t really talk to his, and I don’t really talk to mine… one or two, very rarely, so thankfully it’s not a problem.Of course, one of his exes had to be named “Autumn”. That — USED to be my favorite season. Bitch.
>Trust Smust. People who make that argument sound so holier than thou. I hope they never find out, but it’s just a REALLY stupid idea. Yes, obviously, experience talking.
>I have a very casual acquaintance with an old boyrfriend, but I think it’s easier because he was a loooong time ago, and now more of a brotherly relationship than even friendly, and because he lives so far away, I haven’t seen him in person in about 5 or 6 years. In theory, though? I think it depends. I think it depends on the spouse and on the ex and on how they act together, and whether or not that combination seems trustworthy. I think trust is really important, but if it sets off alarm bells and you talk to your spouse about that, there has to be some respect for your feelings, too.
>We don’t keep in contact with exes out of respect for each other. But just like you I have a stepdaughter and with that territory comes the constant contact with the ex of all exes. She calls all the time, they see each other every weekend, twice a weekend, of course it is all because of their daughter but it still gets me heated. I love my stepdaughter but I hate that her mom is such a huge part of my life and even has a huge amount of control over my life. 10 years after the divorce. I used to try to get along with her but now I just don’t care to even look at her. I don’t respect how she has raised my stepdaughter and I don’t respect her. Call me immature, whatever. I just don’t like her.
>No phone calls, no e-mails or texting. But I do exchange an annual Christmas card (with a generic Christmas letter) with an ex-boyfriend from 23 years ago (yikes!). I don’t think it’s appropriate to stay closely in touch, but I do like to read that once-a-year letter and find out what he’s been up to and how his kids have grown.
>Well, in my situation, the ex I keep in touch with is my husband’s best friend. No kidding. So this guy (with whom I was very serious at one point) still hangs out at my house, plays with my kids, eats my food, etc. We’re kindof the family he’s never had. This works because my husband trusts me 100% and I have never given him a reason to think otherwise (he trusts his friend, too). It would be better if my ex were married, or at least had a serious girlfriend. But he doesn’t, so sometimes it’s a little weird. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be so easy-going if the situation were reversed. 🙂 I don’t keep in touch with any other exes, and neither does my husband, although I don’t think either of us would mind running into them, just to see how their lives have turned out. Neither of us dated a lot, so it’s not like our pasts are littered with dead relationships. 🙂 Most people I know do not keep in touch with exes. Unless the relationship was fairly casual, I’d think there would be too many memories and feelings to deal with.
>I don’t mind at all. My feeling is that that was a part of his life before I was even in the picture. Who am I to say who he can/can’t talk to at this age?? We’re certainly not teenagers anymore, and I’m secure enough with our relationship to not give it a second thought.I chat with an ex on Facebook. It’s totally not a big deal.
>No way, Jose. Not unless you want me to hunt you down and rip you a new a-hole. Seriously.
>I’m in fairly constant contact with a lot of guys I used to date. IT doesn’t bother my husband at all.I went to the bridal shower of one of his ex girlfriends because her family is also friends with his family.I had no problem with him sleeping over at her house the night before her brother’s wedding, for which he was best man while I was in a different country. It was 5 guys, tow of his brothers and his friend. Why would I have a problem with that?Perhaps it helps that most of my exes are very far away and the only contact we have is online.Perhaps it helps that I chose him, and that I broke up with mot of those guys and I tell him why I knew they weren’t the one for me.I guess it just comes down to the fact that I trust him, and he trusts me.
>There is no way in Gods Green Earth that I would be good about my hubby keeping in touch with his ex-wife. Girlfriends would probably piss me off, but dh is more jealous than I am. So neither of us does it. Hubby is a firm believer that a man and woman cannot be just friends. That one of them has to like the other- and based on my male friends in the past, one of us usually did crush on the other. So its much safer to not stay in touch, but I know I am missing out on some good friendships.
>I am friend with an ex-boyfriend but, our relationship was in high school. We have grown up and changed so much since then. I feel more like brother and sister than ex-boyfriend/girlfiend.
>My husband and I trust each other completely, but both of us do not see the point in keeping in touch with exes.We want to make sure that we love and respect each other. Having former flames in the picture can’t do us any good.In all honesty, I didn’t keep in touch with exes when I was single. What’s the point?
>I think for my husband and I, it’s not an issue of trust. I TRUST him and he TRUSTS me. It’s just that when you start crossing boundaries that it gets dangerous. I wouldn’t accept an ex’s friend request and I would hope that my husband would do the same. I’m happy to see that so many people that commented have great relationships with ex’s. I might be wrong but it looks like most of those commenters had constant communication with ex’s so the past is way in the past. Drudging up an old flame might ask for trouble. So no….no contact here!
>I could easily stay in touch with my exes because I know that I don’t have any feelings for them. However, my husband still text messages his ex (who is also his first love, first fiancee, lost his virginity to her, bla bla bla). He says it means nothing (especially since she lives in another state) but it drives me bat shit crazy none the less.
>When I first read this post, I was wishing that I made some pact that my husband and I wouldn’t talk to exes. It’s definitely been an issue we’ve struggle with.But I think if we made a pact, at some point we would have carelessly broke it and that could have caused a lot of pain too. I don’t think it’s smart to keep pacts if they can be broken. I know my husband’s exes are out there — they’re friends on Facebook. But I trust him to leave her alone. I know my husband has chosen me over her plenty of times, so I don’t really worry about anything terrible happening with her.However, I do worry about him with new people he has met since we’ve been married. Is there any reason for me to get jealous and mistrust him for conversing with women that aren’t exes?
>My boyfriend still hears from an ex-wife – she always needs something, like money or to use his car. (They do not have a child together.)I HATE it. I told him that he should give her my number, and I would put her in touch with the appropriate social services agency.I talk to my ex-husband occasionally, but only because we share a child. And I could skip those phone calls altogether.
>We both still keep in touch with our exes – some are mutual friends, and so it’s never been an issue. (One of his exes was actually one of the people who brought us together, actually.) Since they’re real friends, it’s not weird at all.
>Two of my wife’s closest friends are exes. One is married and one is, well, not legally allowed to marry his mate in NY.I just recently did a gig with an ex. We spent the weekend with my old band back together 25 years after last playing together. She looked great, and my wife acknowledged it. She knows I’m not going anywhere. It could be that I’m too fat to get another girl, but still…
>My husband’s ex-fiance once sent a letter to our house asking for money that he never even owed her.This is after we’d been married and had a child and THAT made me furious. He wouldn’t call or write her back to tell her to leave us the hell alone… so I did :-)In his defense, it was only because he wanted to cut off any further communication with her, which I was all for.
>It’s weird, because I’m not a jealous person, but the way I feel when my husband’s ex-girlfriend sends him an email is unlike anything I can ever express. Her presence in the universe enrages me. I don’t even know her.She lives in New York where my husband will be doing a residency interview in the winter. Needless to say, I will be going with him to that interview, because hell-to-the-no is he going to hang out with her. I’m not sure what that says about me, but I’m pretty sure I’m over it. And perhaps I also want a reason to go to New York…
>I’ve got a couple ex-boyfriends on Facebook as does my husband – no biggie. Texts? Phone calls? Lunch? Creepy.
>I was contacted by an old high school boyfriend via myspace about 1.5 years ago. He saw me on there, offered his congrats on my baby being born and we have kept in touch ever since. He lives thousands of miles away and if we were ever in the same place we would like grab a drink. We dated for a brief time and it was a lifetime ago. No biggie. My husband knows and he’s cool with it.Hubby had 2 serious relationships before we met. If he talked to one of them, I would see red. The other one wouldn’t bother me at all. I think it depends a lot on what the nature of the relationship was and how it ended and how those feelings were resolved. Case by case basis for us.
>I think it’s stupid to keep in touch with exes, unless it’s unavoidable, like you share children. You were attracted to this person at one time. You had emotional feelings for the person. Even if you think you’ll never have a romantic relationship with that person again, why risk the temptation? What if you have marital problems in the future while you’re in touch with an ex? No thank you. There’s lots of people in the world that you’ve never dated. Make some new friends.
>Totally depends on the situation, the spouses, the exes, the circumstances of the breakups, the weather, oh heck, who am I kidding. It’s probably not the best idea in most situations. There are exceptions (Like when the guy was friends with one of your exes before you started dating and it ended easily), but not many. Asking for trouble.
>Normally I am not friends with an ex but I made one exception and it was probably the most surprising of them all. The guy I dated through college and then some; it was a horrible match dating wise, he was horrible to me and when things ended, I was convinced that seeing him in some distant future would be too soon. I ate my words three years ago. I had gotten out of a relationship, we met for dinner and a friendship was born. He apologized for everything and we actually had real conversations (something that we never did while dating). He is a good friend and someone that I can count on when I need a laugh.I told the current boyfriend about him (along with a couple of other male friends I have)that these guys are in my life and he would have to accept it. He did, asked if I ever fooled around with any of them, to which I laughed and said, umm, no. He trusts me and if he had an ex he still spoke to I wouldn’t mind either. I think it is up to each person/couple to find their comfort zone though. In fact, the bf loves to hear about the high drama dating that my ex still revels in. I just shake my head because I think it is so funny that he loves to hear updates on him. We do dinner about once every week or so and everytime I see him I am thankful that we never got back together because that boy was not a good match for me.
>Every summer my family goes on a camping trip with two of my highschool friends and their families. These two friends of mine are both male. One of them was my boyfriend senior year of highschool, the other was my best friend through almost all of highschool and actually one night we ended up kissing after going to a friend’s wedding back in the day. We immediately regretted it. Anyway, I was great friends with both of these guys in highschool and my husband likes them, they have kids close to our kids’ ages, and we get together as much as geography allows. My husband also has a girlfriend he casually keeps in touch with over email, and I have no problem with it.Maybe the difference with us is that these were just highschool relationships and the friendships are actually what defined them more than the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Also, it seems like ancient history…
>I asked my husband if he is bothered that I keep in touch with one of my xes. I was with him along time and we basically grew up together, and things ended well. Although once when we were dating my now husband said he felt a little jealous, he trusted me (and still does). I don’t speak with my ex much, but we made a point to continue to be friends, and it is amicable. Not to the point where we all hang out, but we speak every couple of months. My husband is amazing and isn’t jealous, but he feels no need or desire to keep in contact with any of his exes. I answered all and any questions he had about mine, and he knows all the reasons it didn’t work out. Needless to say, I have an amazing man and am happy I’m with him and not the ex.
>I got in touch with my ex fiancee on facebook and it was anticlimactic. even though we dated from age 16-21? nothing in common anymore, and it was awkward and uncomfortable and sad.just don’t do it!
>I always use to keep in touch with exes but once I got married that pretty much stopped. There are 1 or 2 that I may talk to every 6 months or so – but nothing serious and no one that we hang out with now.And I’m not keen on my husband keeping in touch with a couple of his exes but he does the same thing as me and I know I can’t have it both ways – so I suck it up.
>If my husband’s had sex with her, I don’t want to have coffee with her. If she’s pretty, it’s even worse. 🙂 Can’t help that catty side of me inching it’s way outta of me from time to time.
>I still see an ex of mine occasionally, but only because we have mutual friends. I would never hang out with him alone. If I need to contact him about some event or something, I just email his wife. I feel like this is much more respectful to both of our spouses.
>My husband doesn’t really have any exes, he has one friend that he had a very big crush on for a while, and she makes me a tiny bit uneasy, but not uncomfortable really. I don’t mind as long as we talk to each other about it! I only have one person I used to date who I’d even WANT to keep in touch with, and I know my hubby wouldn’t mind. It’s all about the relationship and what you’re comfortable with – some people say no contact with exes, others have open marriages, it just depends on the people!
>I’m still regularly in touch with an ex, in fact I posted about this a while ago, my husband knows about it and doesn’t mind and he’s in touch with his ex although that’s because there’s a child involved and he and his ex aren’t what you’d call friends.http://seethewoodsandthetrees.blogspot.com/2008/09/weird.html
>I guess it's my day for commenting. To me, it depends on how serious the relationship was & whether sex was involved or not. I did get rid of all my ex mementos. But we've been to a wedding where one of my ex's was a relative & were all friendly. And since my husband dated my best friend from high school a long time ago, we're ok with hanging out. Now his ex from college or my semi-serious ex from college? No contact. But neither of us really want to stay in touch with those people anyway.
>Here’s a good ex story for you. My dad’s first wife left him for his brother. My dad still got long with his brother and his new wife (my dad’s ex). We would even has family Christmas’s at the exwife’s mother’s home with both families. It would be my mom and dad and us kids along with my dad’s brother and his wife and kids. Kind of strange.
>Neither of us has huge jealousy issues, so it’s not a big deal. We’re both friends with exes, and I genuinely like his ex, and he im’s/chats with my ex because they’re into the same stuff (computer programming in a specific language, etc).I think it has to do with how secure you feel in the relationship and if you’re a jealous person in general.
>Like anything, it’s personal preference…My preference, I agree with you, if I saw my husband’s ex-girlfriends as friends on his ‘facebook’ page…that would be a one way ticket to uglytown….and in the same breath, I don’t keep in touch with my exs either…
>I had an ex boyfriend who had been engaged and had bought a house with his ex fiance. They broke up and called off hte wedding but continued to live together for another year before she could get her act together and move out. During that time she put him through the ringer, dating other guys, having men stay over and still going to him for booty calls.She eventually left and moved out of state. When the ex and I started dating he would still call ehr ALL the time even though she was recently engaged and pregnant. I always thought it was more her playing him. He and I eventually broke up and what do you know he was obsessed with me, I have had to change my email repeatedly and my cell number. I got married and he went around telling people he and I were still going to get back together. He recently found out I was expecting and somehow got my new work email and emailed me to let me know that he would make a great father for my baby and would love to raise the baby as his own … obviously I do not keep in contact with this person and looking back I realized that his ex didn’t really keep in contact with him either but rather he would call her all the time and he had her mom’s, sister’s and work numbers in his cell but I doubt she had all his families numbers!As for my Hubby, it might be pregnancy hormones speaking but I would have steam coming out of my ears if he got in contact with any of his exs…it still kills me that one of his exs was a striper (sorry I know everyone makes their own choices but I still find this profession totally icky)When ever he goes home to see his mom or to do work for his dad and I am not with him I get insanely worried that he is going to run into her and a striper compared to my pregnant behind has got to look pretty good!(PS my hubby calls my “hormones” horrible moans because he thinks I am insane for even thinking he talk to an ex let alone hook up with an ex)
>I know I’m late to the party on this, but I don’t have a problem with the “how are you?” conversing. 3 of my ex’s are still friends. The funniest part is the person who talks to me most online is one’s wife. (Awkward when she asks me if I would invite them to my next wedding)I guess it all depends on the level of the past relationship, how it ended, and how long ago. Two of mine were friends longer than we were a couple. One was very serious. But it’s been 10 years, he’s married with 4 kids, and while we care about each other, the flame has died.I think you have to be secure with yourself. If their name sparks even the slightest tinge of excitement or nostalgia in you, it would be asking for trouble to communicate with them. As for me, there’s not even an ember left of what we had so I don’t see any trouble that could come from it.
>FYI – I think distance would also matter. I know living in the same area would make you more apt to "bump" into each other & rekindle friendships. But for me it would be all the more reason to avoid contact. I wouldn't want to be in contact with an ex who lived close enough that you would turn to them in a moment of anger/rage/grief/etc. Even if the flame is dead, people do unexpected things in desperation.
>Well, my husband is not the jealous type at all, but I have an ex i am friendly with, and he occasionally works the same days as I(he’s a dialysis RN at my hospital). We were good friends before and after dating. Problem is, every time he’s met my husband, it’s usually when we’re at a bar, he’s usually pretty buzzed and cannot remember my husband’s name…they’ve ‘met’ at least 5 times. Needless to say, my husband doesn’t like him and says next time he asks his name he’ll punch him so he will remember him- and he thinks my ex still carries a torch for me, but I honestly don’t think so.
>I am friends with my husband’s ex. They were together almost ten years before we met. It was weird when I first met her, because my husband and I had only just started dating then, but now I forget that they were ever together. I like her a lot, actually, and we would be much better friends if it weren’t for the fact that we do not discuss certain things (like my husband, ever!).
>I am friendly with my ex, though we don’t email often, and almost never talk, my wife gets midly annoyed but doesn’t seem to really care.
>Since I actually dated most of my girlfriends’ current husbands… I’m all for keeping in touch. Like they say… one womans trash is another womans treasure. 🙂
>I do have e-mail contact with two former boyfriends once in a blue moon. And my husband knows. And, he does the same, again, once in a blue moon. No big deal. But, I think lunch would be inappropriate for either of us.
>well..this is totally wierd, but I blog with my husbands ex girlfriend from high school. And the other blogger on my site is the wife of..ok, wait complicated. me: wife of christoni: ex girlfriend of chris, and baby mama of husband of aliciaalicia: married to tonis babys daddyYes, we all blog together on the same blog and talk on the phone almost daily. No, we are not rednecks. It just worked out that way. trishamomdot.com
>Just found your blog today, and I’m enjoying it thus far. I think I’ll add it to my links list!My husband and I don’t have a problem with this. If one of us wants to stay in touch with an ex, it’s because that ex has become a close friend. There’s a reason they’re exes, but the fact that we didn’t work as a couple doesn’t mean we don’t work as friends. We always prefer to salvage something out of our past relationships whenever it’s possible.Anyway, I think it works. As long as there are no secrets between husband and wife. You can’t hide things. You can’t sneak around. You can’t harbor secret feelings for your ex. Otherwise, it will not work. The exes we are still in contact with have become our mutual friends. We’re all good with it.
>I keep in touch with most of my ex’s and a few of them were even at our wedding. My husband trusts me with these casual “keep in touch” friendships because they are part of a tight circle of friends. There are boundaries, of course, and I respect them. He is not friends with any of his ex-girlfriends but only because they were long-term gf’s who ended with him in bad circumstances. I’m a hypocrite because I’m glad he doesn’t.
>I just found your blog today when looking for blogs re keeping in touch with exes.My husband keeps in touch with his ex and it drives me absolutely INSANE!! To quote “Overflowing Brain” – her presence in the universe enrages me.She tried to get back together with my husband when we first started dating and continued to do so even when we bought our house. She keeps in touch with his sister (yep, that makes me LOVE his sister too!). All in all, I feel that exes (esp. ones who tried to get back together after you are on the scene) should be BANNED. Unfortunately, my husband doesn’t see it that way. It’s the one major thing we cannot agree on.