I’ve Got the Redshirt Blues
“Wow, Brent, you’ve gotten so big!” I told my friend Susie’s son the other day when I ran into them at Starbucks. “How old are you now?”
“Six,” he said.
“So you’re in first grade?”
“Kindergarten,” he said.
“Goodness,” I replied.
Brent and Punky began talking and I was impressed by his imagination. “So you think you can knock me to kingdom come?” he teased her. “Can you knock me all the way to Washington? Can you knock me so far back in time, I’ll see dinosaurs? Can you knock me all the way into space? All the way to Neptune?”
The kid was well-behaved, too. So why on earth is he in kindergarten? I mused. Why, why, why? And that’s when it hit me.
Brent had been redshirted.
It made perfect sense. Like many parents around here, Brent’s parents are obsessed with their children’s participation in sports. Brent was already on soccer, baseball and football teams. When we socialized, they often speculated about which sports he’d choose to play in high school, and whether he’d qualify for a college sports scholarship. And I’d been hearing a lot lately about the growing trend of “redshirting” little boys, keeping them out of school an extra year so that they would be more mature, smarter, more physically developed and, hopefully, better at sports in high school.
This was the first time, though, that I had seen redshirting in action. And it irritated me.
Because Brent is the size of a first grader. He has the maturity and intellect of a first grader. And it occurred to me that if this trend continues for a few more years (and why wouldn’t it?), my son would potentially be starting school with a bunch of boys who are bigger and more developed than he is. I’m not excited at the thought of my son struggling at school simply because we’re following the rules and enrolling him in kindergarten at the age of five, instead of six or seven.
“Thank God Bruiser is aggressive,” I told Hubs later that day, “or I’d be more concerned.” The thought of Bruiser being bullied is inconceivable; he’s a sweet and loving boy, but let another child try to take his toy away and already, he’ll open a can of toddler whup ass. I’m pretty sure he’ll be able to hold his own amid a group of older boys.
At the same time, I can see him causing more trouble for his teacher than his redshirted counterparts. A teacher with a classroom full of six-year-old boys may not be so sympathetic to the one causing a five-year-old amount of mayhem. And studies show that the younger children in a classroom typically don’t do as well on tests as their older classmates. So perhaps I’m wise to be concerned.
I chafe nearly every day at the various pressures placed on middle class parents- pressure to enroll our children in this class or that school, pressure to do whatever it takes to make their lives easy and pleasant when secretly, I think a little bit of unpleasantness would be good for them, pressure to throw my children extravagant birthday parties in order to prove to them and everyone else how much we love them. And now? Pressure to either redshirt or potentially set up my son for 13 years of struggle?
It’s a little much.
>Well, school hasn’t always been age specific. Year ago they combined grades in one classroom and that was how education happened. I’m with on hating the thought of red-shirting a child but I think you should be assured that your child will probably turn on just fine regardless. Just keep parenting him with understanding and love and I bet you can help him work out any potential obstacles.
>Kindergarden “red shirting”?Who will think of what next? NESAA (National Elementary School Athletics Association)? A sports draft for each advancing grade? A sixth grader passing on his sixth grade year to jump to seventh grade NMSAA football? A BMS playoff system?Some kids’ parents 😉
>I’ve heard of kids as old as seven in kindergarten, and agree with you that that is going way too far. But where we live, all is determined by birthday, and whether a kid is born before or after Sept. 1. That’s it, no exceptions. I think it is much fairer.That being said, I will also add that I was always the youngest in my class and it SUCKED. I was tiny, and in Red Rover they would always put me between two of the biggest kids and I would go down anyway. Then when all my classmates were into lip gloss and Sassoon and Jordache jeans, I was still into frogs and tree climbing, and I got teased a lot. Not fun.
>Not that the boys were into wearing lip gloss and stuff. Most of them, anyway.
>Jenny – I don’t that the date matters that much. Our school district has a Sept 30th date for enrolling students, but exceptions are made all the time. My girls have June and September birthdays and are by far the youngest and smallest of their grade. My first grader just turned 6 on Saturday and her classmates were amazed that she was just turning 6. Any classmates that are close to their age are girls. The boys are all 6-18 months older.Also, it’s not just sports, but an academic side as well. I see kids who are in the same grade but are 10-18 months older getting chosen for the gifted program over my 3rd grader. I question whether they are being evaluated on the same level? Are they being offered special programs and opportunities because their parents held them back a year? Would they be considered gifted if they were in 4th grade?
>My son will be redshirted when he enters Kindergarten, but not by my doing. He misses the cut off date by less than a month so he’ll be older. I worry he’ll be bored the year before he goes to school. Also, have you seen those “12 year old” boys that are in the Little League World Series? Some of them have beards!
>I read about that redshirting thing last week somewhere and honestly, I think it ought to be stopped. Some of today’s parents have got it all wrong. God.
>I was the youngest in my grade, and I loved it. It helps that I am a giant Amazon of a woman and was the same size as everyone older than me, but really? It was because I was as smart (in most cases, smarter) than people who were OLDER than me. I felt so superior! It was terrific. ~Amalia~
>From what I hear from other parents it is very difficult to redshirt around here because the school system really enforces the cut off date as well as age & skill appropriate grade assignments. If you show up for the first day of kindergarten with a child who is almost 7 & has no school history or is homeschooled, they will be tested and 95% likely they will be put in 1st or 2nd grade where they belong. If they do get put in kindergarten, they will probably be bumped up to 2nd when 1st grade starts assuming they have the knowledge.I think it is rediculous to keep a child out so he will be better at sports. You have no guarantee it will work. Bigger does not promise better.
>Don’t even start me on this topic. There were 7 kids in Busy Girl’s 8th grade class who had learner’s permits (to drive).At least half of the class behind her is older than she is.
>In just a few weeks, my son will be six and in kindergarten. We didn’t redshirt him — it’s just the way his birthday fell.
>I too bucked the trend and started my son in kindergarten at five. Where we live (suburban Nashville), almost all boys are “redshirted”. My son had already spent years in preschool so I thought he was emotionally and developmentally ready for school.Unfortunately, he did struggle in his kindergarten year. Not academically, but socially. He did things to bring attention to himself — basically causing a distraction constantly to the teacher. However, we had read that by the third grade, things even out with the “redshirted” boys, so we stuck it out. First grade was a BIG improvement, second grade was great and now he is in third and has had no behavioral problems at all this year. All that being said, I think he is somewhat disadvantaged socially in terms of interacting with most of the other boys who are much older. Luckily for me, my little guy has a real independent streak and possesses no lack of self esteem.
>I am from the north and moved to the south(which I like) but I am shocked by how many parents hold their children back. I have a school age child and for whatever reason holding children back was rarely done. I have friends whose child turned 5 in May and they held her back??
>I don’t have a problem with red-shirting if a child is socially/emotionally immature, or not ready for the academics due to their age. Kindergarten is a lot harder than it used to be when we went to school. Teachers are required to teach lots of new and improved standards, it isn’t all coloring and nap time anymore.I struggled with this with my youngest, because our cut off date is September 30 and her birthday is September 7. I enrolled her in Pre-K (for 4 year olds) this year, and since school starts at the beginning of August, she was 3 for the first month of school. I did it as a test year, to see if I think she’s ready for K next year, and so far, so good. At this point, I’m thinking we will send her on to K, even though she will be one of the youngest in the class.
>The child I’m referring to is in private school, where it’s much easier to redshirt than it is in public schools, and where the parents are generally at an economic advantage and can afford to hold their children out of school an extra year.Of course there are individual cases in which parents are justified in holding their children out an extra year. But there’s definitely a trend to do it regardless of whether their children are technically ready. I see “Brent” just enough to know pretty much unequivocally that he was ready for kindergarten last year.It bothers me that my son, whom I assume is completely normal, might struggle when we’re simply following the rules and putting him in kindergarten at the appropriate time.
>I was the oldest (correctly enrolled) kid in my class as my birthday falls in the first week of Sept. My husband is 1yr & 1month younger than I am so he 'should' have been in the next grade. However, he's very smart & thanks to genetics, he was one of the biggest guys in our class. If his parents had started him in the grade he was supposed to be in, he would have looked like one of the bearded red-shirted little leaguers you are talking about. I do think it is wrong to deliberately hold them back for sports.
>It was actually the opposite for me. I was enrolled early because I have a late birthday. Meaning I was allowed to sign up for kindergarten when I was only 4 because I turned 5 by the end of the school year. It really didn’t hurt me developmentally. I was in the top of my class in academics and I did well in dance and sports. I think it does depend on the child. That being said, I was the smallest and a little emotionally insecure as a young child. I think because I was younger.
>My daughter is a November 11 birthday (our cut-off in CA is Dec. 2) and in first grade 13 of 20 students were OVER a year older than she was. It all evened out by 3rd grade and now that she’s in 9th grade I can’t imagine her held back a year.I do think it’s a little different with boys–it’s especially hard to make teams in high school and everyone is driving before you which affects dating. It is an annoying trend.
>I need to make sure my husband doesn’t find out about this redshirting business, because I’m sure he’d be all over it. What is amazing to me is that Moms go along with this–why don’t they want a few hours a day for their little boys to be in school? I need somebody to tire my son out for me these days–he has boundless energy!
>I am at the opposite side. I believe all boys should be closer to six than five. Even if they are “bright” which means what at five-knowing their letters? They are almost always less mature than five year old girls. I tried putting my five year old boy in kindergarten and he was too young. I stressed about it but took him out and tried again this year. My husband went to school at five minus one month and was always the smallest and youngest. He never got a chance to play varsity sports and was always making bad decisions based on immaturity and trying to keep up with his older buddies. For some kids I agree they may be ready. But for most boys I think six is more realistic.
>I am concerned what will happen when these “redshirted” children grow up to be children who are either not good enough at or not interested enough in sports. Isn’t that a lot of pressure to put on a kindegartner? You can’t tell me these parents won’t be disappointed if the sports thing doesn’t happen… and look at the numbers, it probably won’t.And that makes me a little sad.
>The schools in my counties and surrounding counties (not sure about state-wide) don’t have sports for elementary age students. Community sports go by age, not grade.I turned 5 2 weeks before I started Kindergarten. If my parents had held me back a year I would have been bored out of my mind. My daughters have January birthdays, so they were 5 years 8 months going into Kindergarten. Their pre-K teachers and I taught them to read and write, so they were a bit bored in Kindergarten but enjoyed the interaction and enrichment activities.
>It frustrates me no end to know that people are keeping their kids back a year for dumb things like sports. It doesn’t seem to be a trend here, but I know in a certain place in KY it’s a big deal to have your child in sports and be super-competitive. If that’s what your kid wants, OK, let them be competitive, but age 5 they don’t even know what their favourite colour is, much less whether they like (name your sport). Let them be kids, sheesh!
>Our district used to have a novel way of dealing with this. We had two years of kindergarten. K-1 was less structured(more like K used to be) and tended to be for the younger kids. K-2 was more seat work and usually got the older kids. Many children did both years of kindergarten, but some went straight to k-2 and then first grade ( my firstborn and only girl).Some did two years of k-2. My oldest boy did K-1 then jumped to first.Of course they’ve now got only preschool and kindergarten, but I loved the flexibility of the other system.
>I will not be a parent who “redshirts” her children, unless there is a valid, tested reason. My oldest, at age 3, is already wearing size 5 clothes, is 43″ tall, and other than the 3 year old vocabulary, smart as a whip! He’s a July baby, so he just barely made our cut-off for Kindergarten, but I will have him with his peers. His little brother is smaller so far but way more agressive than big bro. He’s probably that way because of big bro! I know he’ll be fine in Kindergarten even if he’s smaller than his peers, but already he’s smart and crafty, which scares me to heck!I understand holding kids back when they don’t meet the criteria or have the maturity for the class, but in terms of sports and size reasoning, I’ve seen even the big kids get bullied because they’re bigger! I say put the kids in with their peers, they’ll do just fine!
>When I started kindergarten the cut off date was Oct 1st (my birthday is Sept 15th), so I was still 4 when I started kindergarten and it was AWFUL. I was tiny too, so that didn’t help. I wish that my parents had held me back a year. My daughter just started kindergarten and will be 6 in Nov. I am so happy that she will be one of the older kids in her class! I am glad that her birthday falls the way that it does!I had no knowledge of “red-shirting” and think that holding children back to give them an academic or sports advantage over other kids is just wrong. I do agree that there are individuals who aren’t ready to start kindergarten and it should be the decision by the parent/school (together) if they should be held back. Holding a child back until 7 for kindergarten is just plain ridiculous (IMO).
>Lindsay:Did know the Catholic school down the road from you only accepts 6 year olds in their Kindergarten class? I have a who friend drives her kids to a West Meade school for just that reason.
>Our son missed the cut-off date by a few weeks. We could have requested to let him in early at 5, but decided to keep him back. He could probably handle it socially and metnally, but when I started looking at the expectiations for KG around here, I felt he could use one more year to play. Really, he’s only 5, and KG is full day here. I want him to enjoy playing and having fun for one more year…he’s only young once. I’m not quite seeing the need to rush him into school. (Sports had no factor on our decision, by the way.)
>This is the first I’ve heard of redshirting. It does sound ridiculous to keep one’s child out of school simply to give them an advantage in sports later in life.That said, I do think putting one’s child in to kindergarten should never be determined just by age. Each parent needs to decide whether their child is emotionally , developmentally and socially ready. After all, Kindergarten is the new first grade. It’s much different then when I was in school. It’s no longer just coloring and being read to. It’s learning to read, write, punctuate, do math and a whole host of other tasks that may be incredibly challenging for the average 5 year old. I have 5 year old boy/girl twins that just entered kindergarten. They are both incredibly smart kids and had met all the milestones the school district suggested. So I registered them. My daughter’s transition has been fine. My son has had a rougher time of it. I have a friend who also has boy girl twins that are two weeks younger then my children. She decided against starting them this year because she didn’t feel her son was emotionally/socially ready. Sports should never be a deciding factor for entering one’s child in school later then age 5. But it should go without saying that lacking the social/emotional and/or developmental skills should be.
>Here in CA, the cut-off date is Dec. 2, and school typically starts the day after Labor Day. My son is 12 and in 8th grade. His 13th birthday is this Thursday. He is definitely one of the youngest ones in his 8th grade class, and two 8th grade boys on our street turned 14 at the beginning of August. Physically, my son is 5’7″ and academically does very well. I could not imagine holding him back but sometimes while he says he minds being younger, I think secretly he likes it because most of his friends are older than he is and he likes being able to hang out with “older kids.”
>Here is the thing though. My best friend has a masters in elementary and special education. She has taught kindergarten, 2nd and 5th grades. She told me kindergarten is the new first grade. i.e. The things we now expect from kindergartners are the things we were not expected to know until first grade.So many things must be taken into account. My 3 year old son is smart as a whip. Knows the phonetical counterpart to every letter of the alphabet and can sight read about 10 different 3 letter words like cat, dog, and the like. But…..he is probably a little more socially immature than even other boys his age and certainly more socially immature than girls. He can only be expected to join circle time at Little Gym maybe 1/3 of the time. As with everything in our lives, we will let our son be the guide. If *all* of his development seems ready for kindergarten when he technically qualifies, we will send him.But we are in a weird conundrum. He was a preemie. 12 full weeks early. So his birth date qualifies him to start school on the day after he turns 5. But….had he been born on time (and really developmentally this should be taken into account) he does not qualify for kindergarten until the following year.My child is a huge child for his age. So was his dad. DS is consistently at the 97th+ percentile for height and 75th for weight. He already looks huge next to kids that are a half year older than him!These decisions are hard.But my teacher friend told me that she sees the first couple of years of school as “setting the stage” for the child’s feeling of competence in school and that almost without exception the older kids in her class are more confident students.As if any state has the money to do this….but, maybe some testing to assess readiness might be in order?
>I’d never heard of that…wow.
>I have never heard of this before, but it’s ridiculous. There will always be something of a range due to cut-off dates but deliberately holding your child back? And for SPORTS? Seriously, what happened to school being about academics and learning something? I hope all those parents who do this deliberately for that reason end up with the kids who are in the band and head of the AV or chess club! But they’ll be behind academically so who knows? Way to compromise your child’s future.
>Where we grew up (Green Bay, Wis) the cut off was always Sept. 1st. My sister’s b-day is Oct. 16th, and at age 4 passed KG testing w/ flying colors. She was technically a grade ahead, and even then she took AP classes. She was always younger than her peers, and didn’t turn 18 until 4 months after graduating HS. I think it goes to show that it’s really about what’s best for each individual child. Anything other than that is just ridiculous.iwantperch@aol.com
>Lindsay, I don’t have any children, so I’m no expert on the red-shirting phenomenon, but I have to say I was surprised to hear the phrase “following the rules” from you, as in, of course that’s what you’ll be doing when you enroll Bruiser. I double checked, but I thought I had remembered you did exactly the opposite when it came to vaccinations – you staggered them as opposed to subjecting your kids to everything at once. Sometimes “the rules” aren’t best for your kid, and as a parent, only you can know. There will be some that abuse the flexibility, but really, it is their decision to make.
>This issue hits close to home for me as well. My 3-y.0. daughter’s birthday is Sept. 3, two days after the school district’s cutoff. So far the plan is to keep her home this year, try pre-school next year and take the preschool teacher’s advice on whether or not she’s ready for kindergarten the next year. That is, provided the school will make an exception and let her in. Not sure how tough that will be. But she’s so smart, I really cannot see holding her back from kindergarten until she’s almost 6. And doing it deliberately to give an advantage in high school sports 10 years down the road is just wrong.
>I don’t understand what vaccinations have to do with age requirements for school.Assuming Bruiser is developing at a standard rate, I want him to start school at the standard time. As far as I know, the schools don’t contain thimerasol.
>I think (and I am only guessing of course) that the point that indiekitten was trying to make is that every parent has opinions about various parenting issues. And certainly lots of that is based on your individual children and what you have deemed appropriate for them.It was not the best analogy in the world. But I see what she meant. You made a personal decision for your child that delayed vax was best. While maybe I make a personal decision for my son that waiting to enter kindergarten is best for him.I think this is one of those areas where it is really easy to slip into judging another parent when we don’t always have all of the information about that person’s child. I would hate for somebody to assume that I am holding my very tall for his age son back for sports when it would be for social readiness and ability to properly attend in a classroom setting.
>This seems so foreign to me. We always thought of the older kids (all boys) in our class as “dumb” because it just meant they had to have more schooling than us. Of course this was our elementary mindset but wow! I just had no idea this was going on. And about the vaccinations…it seems like she is saying a parents’ choice is a parents’ choice whether it has to do with health or a possible future career in pro sports (insert rolling of the eyes here) They don’t even come close to being the same.
>And I only meant I think it is stupid IF the parent is holding the child back for sports. Not because of developmental, emotional or other issues.
>I think the “summer birthday” excuse is going a little far. Lots of moms around here cite it as the reason for waiting to send their son to kindergarten. Um, since when did April or May become summer? At least not here in MN…
>Smith is 6 and was born in March (he is in the 1st grade). Before he went to Kindergarten, so many of my friends asked me if I was going to hold him back and wait a year to start K. My response, “Why?”
>I really loathe the argument that “every parent knows what’s best for his or her child.” Look around you. Obviously, that’s not the case at all! I certainly don’t always know what’s best for my child. I think I do- and then I read about something someone else is doing or I see someone else parenting and I get a new idea and realize that my own ideas were off, and not really working. Every time we discuss an issue here, someone chimes in about how we “shouldn’t judge” or how “every parent knows what’s best for his/her family” or how I’m “perpetuating the mommy wars” by even bringing it up. But I think there’s value in discussing trends and issues, particularly when 99% of you have demonstrated over and over again that you can be passionate about an issue and still be polite and respectful of others. I used a personal anecdote to talk about an issue that’s receiving quite a bit of media attention right now, and there’s nothing wrong with discussing it.
>I never heard the red shirt term before, but my entire family has dealt with this. I apologize in advance for this being so long, but this is a real hot topic for me.Background: My husband and I were both 4 when we started K, my birthday is the end of September and his is the middle of October. We both are comfortable with having been the youngest. The only time I ever remember it being an issue was when I couldn’t get a driver’s license until I was a senior in HS. My husband does not remember it affecting him, but he was one of the tallest in his class, despite being one of the youngest. My youngest daughter has a Nov. 30 birthday, and the cutoff in NY was December 1. She was well equipped to attend K, so we had her go. The school vehemently disagreed with us, and we requested they test her. She earned a perfect score on the admission test. Her age was not an issue until we moved to FL at the start of first grade, where the cutoff ages are significantly different. Most of the children must be “red shirted” here, some of the children are close in age, but many of the children are 2 years older than her in her classes, and some are even 3 years older. Her first grade teacher constantly made a big deal of her being “immature” but when questioned the only example she could cite was that she fell out of her seat in class one day. (I chaperoned a field trip, and lost count of the times I saw other children falling out of their seats, but that was never mentioned.) This same teacher graded her with all “S” (the grades were S for satisfactory and O for outstanding). When I questioned the teacher, since nearly all the papers she brought home where O’s, I was told that in 4 subjects she had an 89 grade average (which, to this day, I believe must be statistically impossible, and that I should have had her buy a lottery ticket!)Move to grade 2, different teacher. All A’s, along with a recommendation for enrichment, and her age was never an issue.Move to this year, grade 3. So far, I am unsure as to if it will be an issue. We have not had a meeting with the teacher as of yet. She is small, and self conscious about it, but most of the children are, as mentioned previously, significantly older than her. So, did I do the right thing by her? I still think so. She is not intellectually challenged enough, and for the most part she is at the same place emotionally as her classmates. Yes, she is a bit immature from time to time, but she is also the baby of the family, so, is it that? Is it her personality? Is it her age?Should we have held her back because she was more than ready to attend school? Almost everyone cites the “advantage” for their child being older, but do they now have an unfair advantage, because they started K when they were 6 and turned 7? There are children in 3rd grade (where I believe the age range should be 8 or 9, and maybe 10) who are 11 and 12. I started high school (9th grade) when I was 13!I don’t know the answer. I don’t know why we can’t feel free to cut our kids some slack if they need it, or give them a push if we believe it will benefit them. As you can tell, I think about this very issue frequently.
>i guess i am a “redshirter” too. however, my decision had nothing to do with sports. It had everything to do with the major speech problem and the size and maturity of my son. He turned 5 and school started the next week. My husband and I a made the decision to keep him out, work with a speech therapist and do a pre-K program at home. He started this year, and loves it. You can understand him when he speaks and his confidence has improved ten-fold. He is eager to go to school every morning (we will see how that plays out in January 🙂 There are pros and cons to every decision we make as parents, and we second guess ourselves all the time hoping we are making the right decision for our childrens future. As of now, I am confident I made the right one in the redshirt move.
>My youngest son has an August birthday, he will not be starting K right after he turns five. I want to give him one more year to be a kid, never even thought of sports – and we have two very involved high school athletes, who grew up in sports and the thought never came to mind. Where we are LL sports go by birthdate not grade. I posted about our decision on my blog http://onefineday-susan.blogspot.com/2008/08/holding-off-not-holding-back.html
>What the heck, man? Since when can you tell that little Johnny is going to be a football superstar at 5?Some people are ridiculous.It’ll come back to bite them when their precious, athletic teen comes to them and says he wants to grow his hair long, quit sports, and be a rock star.So much for living vicariously through your children.Seriously though, this seems to be yet another manifestation of the overeager, overindulgent, overbearing parent.Keeping a kid back from starting kindergarten because they’re not emotionally ready? I don’t think that’s a bad thing. In most cases, it’s wise.Keeping a kid back from starting kindergarten because you have some weird twisted foresight of them getting a college scholarship because they’re going to be a big ole athletic superstar? Misguided at best, and irresponsible at worst.
>Here the cut off is Dec 31. That means you can start school at 4 yrs old.Almost all of the boys that I know who were born between sept and dec of any given year start school late. That is just how it is. I have three of them.Not one of the people I know has held their child back for sports reasons and I think it is just absurd to suggest that.
>I rarely disagree with you, but I think you’re probably jumping to conclusions. My son is a September baby so he’ll be held back if we stay here, and my daughter is a July baby and is always the youngest or second youngest in her grade. Why? Because the schools here redshirt almost every student with July and August birthdays. My daughter just happened to be ready. Anyhow, school isn’t was it was when we were growing up. NCLB means our kids spend almost every minute in a desk, even in kindergarten. Recess is shorter, lunch is shorter, and even the “extra-curricular” activities are done in a desk. Bruiser sounds a lot like my son, who will be three on Monday. Destructive, loud, fearless, etc. They’re boys – it’s what they do. But the bad thing is, they get worse. Three is killing me. I just stripped my kid down and bathed the Clorox spray off his body. The spray he used the stool to climb on the kitchen counter and get into the cabinet over the sink to get. While I was changing his baby sister’s diaper. He is entirely incapable of sitting still for more than ten minutes at a time, and his curiosity drives everything. And just because they turn five doesn’t mean they magically stop being boys. I can’t imagine them trying to keep my son in a desk. The boys in my oldest daughter’s kindergarten and first grade class were hell-raisers, and I don’t feel like being the mom who gets the notes home, and called into conferences because my son is being a boy, and the district doesn’t understand that it’s not natural for a boy’s boy to sit still for that long. Even if we move to a state that DOES allow September babies to start school at five, I’ll probably hold him back. Yeah, he’s smart, and he’s already a head taller than everyone else. But unless he has some unexpected maturation that turns him into a sloth, we’ll keep him home, and let him run around like the hooligan he was born to be for an extra year. I mean, he has 13 years to sit still – why rush it?
>Well, while it seems like a questionable practice in terms of trying to give your child and unfair sports advantage, studies have demonstrated that it mat be better for children to start their academic careers later than they normally do in the public school system.Kids who wait until 7 or 8 to start learning basic math and reading tend to learn faster and within a few years are even with, or surpass their earlier starting peers. There is a professional camp who think we start children in school too young.It’s fairly common in homeschooling families to delay academic work longer than in the public school and focus on character development and emotional stability. And teaching things related to helping out around home and relating to others. They seem to do better once book learning is introduced than the children who start younger.So I probably wouldn’t hurt bruiser at all to let him wait a year if you chose to do that. Just sayin’.I would consider delaying my child a year if I was sending them to public school for reasons other than eventual sporting prowess. And I think they would be legitimate reasons.
>As a teacher, I can tell you which of the children in my class are fall birthdays and which are spring. There is a great deal of maturing that happens in kindergarten and first grade. Some little boys are ready to begin kindergarten when they are five, some are not. It’s the same with little girls. All I know is that children who are on the older side tend to do better in school, have less behavior issues, and of course do better in sports. I just believe that the parent should truly look at their own child to see if they are ready for school or not. If they are not, it’s going to be a very long road and your child may even be retained.
>Well, guess what, Chris? I just talked to a mom who had no idea I wrote this post and mentioned the parents she knows who are redshirting their boys in part because they want them to be more physically developed for school sports… It’s definitely happening, particularly in upper middle class areas of town, where many of the kids are enrolled in private schools.Google redshirt articles and you’ll find plenty of references to children who are started in school one year later for sports, as “absurd” as it sounds to you.I think some of you are misunderstanding me- It’s not that I WANT Bruiser to start kindergarten at 5. It’s that by law, he’s supposed to, and since he will be going to public school (and the best in the district at that), we will follow that requirement. If everyone were supposed to start school at 6 and a significant number of parents were holding their kids out until they were seven specifically to give them an advantage over the other kids (and not because of speech/learning/emotional issues), I’d be irritated about that, too. It’s just something else for me to worry about.
>And Mir, your concern ties into mine, actually. If a classroom is full of five-year-old boys, they’re all going to be at about the same maturity level.If a classroom is full of half five-year-old and half six-year-old boys, the six-year-olds are inevitably going to be more mature, and could win their teachers’ favor more easily than the five-year-olds. Suddenly, natural five-year-old behavior could become a “discipline issue.”
>It’s very common here in the Tiny Kingdom. It’s not unusual to have May and June birthdays wait until the next class, and it’s funny that it ONLY seems to be the boys who need the time, not the girls.Now that we’re in the throes of sports you can see how uneven it makes it, when those bearded 12 year olds someone mentioned take the field against your hairless 6th grader!
>Wow, I’ve never considered that a kid would be held back because of sports, nor has anyone ever admitted to me that they did that. I thought it was always the worry that their boys were so close to the cut off the parents were concerned he wasn’t mature enough to start school.
>My sister struggled with this issue: her son has a June birthday, and many of her friends were surprised that she was sending him to kindergarten having just turned 5. Her attitude was: someone has to be the youngest in the class; it might as well be my son. And that seemed like a good attitude to me.What I wonder is what effect the delayed start will have on these boys when they are 19 and 20 and still living at home and under the rules of their parents. I remember being very eager to leave home at 17 and 18 myself. I can’t imagine still being in high school at age 20….
>I agree that it seems to be happening too much. I also can understand when people do it for maturity reasons. Sometimes a parent knows when their child really is not ready, but this should be an exception. One post mentioned that children learn some skills like reading, etc. at a later age than what is being pushed at school now. I agree with this too, but this is the school's fault. We should try and change this policy, not just hold kids back. I sometimes think some parents just don't want to let go. Many parents simply over analyze when given this choice. If you are on the fence, take a chance and send your kid to school! This is part of life; why delay?Redshirting for sports makes no sense. How on earth does someone know what their child will do at 16 when he is only 5? That is just plain & simple arrogance, to me.
>I’m in the pacific northwest and it’s also a hot trend to redshirt (mainly boys) here. It’s a real pet peeve of mine when people assume that I automatically held my son back because of his birthday. They always say wow – he’s young for a kindergartener or now a first-grader. He just started first grade and is doing quite well. I can totally relate to your worries that your son might struggle just because you are following the rules. Two of my son’s current classmates were with him in kindergarten last year and obviously could have handled being in 1st grade at the time. Those two boys are more advanced socially and academically than my neighbor whose son is their age but is in second grade. My husband and I were always the youngest during our school years and neither one of us felt like we were ever behind. We were both near the top of our class and did well in athletics. There was never a question in our mind that we should hold our son back when he was of age to start kindergarten.
>But I think there’s value in discussing trends and issues, particularly when 99% of you have demonstrated over and over again that you can be passionate about an issue and still be polite and respectful of others. I used a personal anecdote to talk about an issue that’s receiving quite a bit of media attention right now, and there’s nothing wrong with discussing it.I completely agree we should discuss these things. In terms of judgment, I was really warning about judging a situation that we don’t have full information about. I have certainly been guilty of this myself. I wonder how many people have seen a child somewhere with a behavior issue and thought “What an undisciplined child” when we might not have the entire picture. For example, the child is on the autism spectrum and that is a reason for the behavior.I would guess that if I wait to start my son in kindergarten on basically the day he turns 6 (an August 30 bday) that I would have parents look at his size and perhaps think he is being redshirted for sports. Not even close. We would NEVER consider that a valid reason. We would, however consider relative social immaturity a reason. Nobody could look at my son and guess that he was 3 months early. Everybody consistently guesses that he is 4 and he is only a 3 year old. I can’t put him into kindergarten based on size and a cutoff date that is only a day from his birth.I need to take his intellectual development, social development, and ability to sit for as long as is required in schools these days into account.
>I forgot to add that there is nothing worse than having a bored child in school, so if holding your child back might mean that he or she is bored because the work is not hard enough or interesting, trouble could come from that too. Just something else to consider.
>We waited to go with both our sons (late summer birthdays) and have never looked back.We don’t do team sports (we do tae kwon do and golf instead).The proof on wheather to send as youngest or not is in the parents/kids who’ve gone before: I have yet to meet a parent who was sad that they’d held a kid back, but I know dozens who’ve expressed great sadness in putting a child in with their age-peer group. I was always the youngest in my class, and darn near the smartest. But what stymied me nearly all my school days was that I was behind SOCIALLY. I didn’t have the social skills of my class. And really, since we’re living longer and seem to be doing everything in a group a generation late (moving out of parents’ houses, marrying, having kids, getting a good career started, etc) What is the point in rushing a kid into school? If they are ready by all accounts, fine – let them be the youngest. But if you as the parent has any reservations, by all meansREDSHIRTWAIT TO GOHOLD HIM/HER BACKYou will never regret it.But you just might regret sending them on. Forever.
>My son turned 6 in May and he just started kindergarten. We didn’t even consider sports into the equation when deciding on when to send him. He just wasn’t ready. I taught school for 8 years and I saw far too many boys (and girls) being sent to school way too early. Now my son is far more eager to go to school, to do his work without complaint, and hopefully will be more mature when problems arise. Why does everything have to be cut and dried according to age?K
>Good point Cool City Mom. A bored child is *very* hard to deal with. I was a bored child. I was consistently way ahead of my class, *and* I was a July baby so very young already. In third grade, I was in a 3rd/4th combo class. Maybe not the best idea in retrospect. I would finish all my 3rd grade work rapidly and listen in on the teacher doing the 4th grade lessons.As a result, the school was pushing my parents to have me skip from 3rd to 5th grade. My parents thought a lot about it, because I was academically bored. But they realized I would be graduating HS at 16. Ultimately they held me back, had me tested for a gifted program I went to twice a week and took me to the library a ton.I am glad they didn’t push me ahead a year. I wasn’t exactly a social butterfly as it was. 🙂
>Thanks, Aiden’s Mom. It can be just as hard to be behind or way ahead, and we never know how it will turn out. All this emphasis on holding back can backfire way down the line. As I recall, it was always the bored kids at school that caused the most trouble. Your parents sound wise. They thought about it and made the best decision. I guess that’s all we can do.Ironically, where I live, there is more emphasis on pushing a child to excel academically than holding back. I have a neighbor who tried to get her daughter to skip 1st grade. Her teachers said, “no way”. Both extremes seem silly to me, especially at Kindergarten. Why not wait and see what your child will do, and then adjust it?
>Sorry, I misspelled Aidan’s name in my last post!
>This movement really has less to do with sports than the ability of little boys to stay seated for long periods of time. Sitting still is not part of their DNA and research has confirmed that more and more boys are failing because of a “girl friendly” school environment. On the other side, my son is very ready for school. At 4 1/2, he is Kindergarten ready. But he still needs to hop around between lessons and needs to jump around yelling yay-yay-yay when he gets something right. As with my daughter, I’ll be homeschooling him until he’s at the age and confidence level when comments from classmates will not make a difference in his accomplishments, both educational and extracurricular.
>The compulsory age for Tennessee is 6. This means your child does not HAVE to attend school until they are 6. That is public school. My experience is this: first son born late June. Started 4k in August right after turning 4. Every year was a struggle until 4th grade. If I could go back now, I would have held him out until he was a year older. He was not emotionally ready. Second son was born in late November. He started 4k shortly before turning 5. School has come so easy for him. He is much more confident about himself and school. I wish this had been the experience for my older son. I think the cutoff should be June 1, not September 1. And I agree that most boys should not start regular school kindergarten until they are 6. This has nothing to do with sports as neither of mine are interested in school sports. But it is the difference in the maturity factor of boys.
>My son has a June birthday. We waited until he was 6 to send him to kindergarten. Before we made our decision about school, his dad and I spoke with 6 different kindergarten teachers. All of the teachers concluded that if we had any qualms that we should wait. Based on our son’s personality and maturity, we decided to wait. He is now 8 years old and doing very well. We haven’t regretted our decision. He is no bigger and/or smarter than the rest of his classmates. In fact, there are several girls in his class who are actually TALLER than he is although they are six months younger. Until you’ve walked in a parents’ shoes, you might think twice about judging their parenting decisions. We held our son back because it was the right thing for our child, not to ensure him a place on the Dean’s List or the football team…and if people would actually ask me before judging me, I’d get the chance to tell them that.Trish
>This must be a geographic issue. Here in CA, it’s common practice to enter kids who are 4 into Kindergarten…. way too young. Currently in my second grade class of 20, I have around 10 kids who are very very young. And boy does it show! Bruiser’s born in the spring, right? He’ll be just fine!
>My son turned 5 in July and started kindergarten that Sept. He was tested, and was ready – academically, socially and emotionally.Now let me tell you about a family in town — they took their son out of school the year he would be in 8th grade, “homeschooled” him and put him back in 8th grade. Guess who’s the star quarterback of one of our town’s football teams….and his father one of the booster clubs biggest boosters? Same parent who insisted his son drop down a team in peewee football because he didn’t like the position the coach had him playing….I KNOW everyone has their reasons (I don’t think anyone’s judging you specifically Trish), and mine experience could have gone either way. But some people just aren’t willing to let their kids succeed on their own merits are they?
>Just wondering, have any parents gone the Montessori route for their boys with these late birthdays? We are considering it for our son, whose birthday is in September. Mentally, we’re sure he’ll be ready for the stimulation.We liked the idea of K-2 being together, and then when each grade ends, we could decide whether to move him up, or leave him in K-2 Montessori for one extra year. Since most states don’t have age restrictions after first grade, this might allow us a little more freedom when deciding what grade he is in for those first three years. Also, Lindsay, the rules in Georgia are your child must be enrolled by age 6 for kindergarten. You might check if TN is the same – you could easily enroll Bruiser after his 6th birthday. Since it’s in the spring (I think??), he’d be middle of the pack, you know? Graduate at just barely 19, but still starting college at 19. Not that unusual.
>Mir:Good point. We are actually considering this as well. Montessori is usually an environment that has a lot of child led learning and the children do a lot more moving throughout the day. And since most Montessori schools operate under the principle of 3 year span of learning, it is more inclusive of differing ability levels. For example children of about 3-6 are taught by the same instructor. The only problem is that not all families have the financial means to pay for a Montessori education. But if it looks right for our son, we will probably go that route.
>Unless he seems to be having issues, I’m planning on sending him to kindergarten at 5. I’ll have probably homeschooled him before that point with a kindergarten curriculum (like I’m doing now with Punky), so I think I’ll have a good handle on whether he’s ready to sit still and learn.Besides, if I’d had to wait until I was NINETEEN to go to college, I think I would have lost my mind! And if I hadn’t, my parents would have! I was young, by the way- graduated at 17.
>I’m sure you are getting a gajillion comments on this post. Redshirting seems to be a hot topic. I agree that redshirting just so their kid is better at sports is not a great thing. And there are all kinds of class issues (if you can afford to pay for an extra year of child care/preschool, you can redshirt).But there are also many perfectly valid reasons to redshirt. I struggled with this question for almost a whole year for my May birthday son with autism. In the end, I sent him to kindergarten with the other five year olds. And I’m not sure if it was the right choice. But, for the most part–at least in my area–most kids are NOT redshirted, so hopefully your son will not go up against a lot of older kids.It’s a really, really tough issue.
>I guess the lesson learned is to time your pregancy so that your child is born one month AFTER the cutoff date in the school district you will live in when your child turns five. Especially if you intend to have a boy. Plan ahead, people!
>Interestingly not a single one of these posts seems to be from someone who held their boy back in the hopes of getting a sports superstar. I would really like to hear from one of those parents.
>The studies show that “redshirted” kids score better on math, but not so much on reading. Additionally they’ve found that catching up on math is easier than catching up on reading, which usually ends up being delayed for quite a while. I was always young for my grade, and did very well socially, athletically, and academically. I don’t think the issue is that the younger kids have trouble adjusting to school, it’s just that the perspective has skewed against them, if the rest of the class seems more mature. This issue always gets me riled up… I just wish people would follow the rules and enroll their kids when they’re supposed to. What good can it do for the emotional health of a 6 or 7 year old to be surrounded by a bunch of 5 year olds all the time?
>Montessori and child-lead learning is a very interesting area. Our city has both a private Montessori school and a new public one that they just started.My oldest son, who is 7, is already enrolled in another public school, but we are following the progress of the public Montessori. It’s a great option for people who cannot afford private. My son went to a preschool that followed a Reggio Emilia program, which is also a child-guided learning program. He really enjoyed it,especially the year before he went to Kindergarten.I agree with those saying that movement is crucial for boys (and some girls). There are many different ways of learning. It is also great when you have choices. Not every community has them.
>I have never heard of this. I guess people will find any way to manipulate the system.
>Sigh. As a (recently) former kindergarten and preschool teacher, I can tell you that the trend 5 years ago was parents insisting their 3 and 4 year olds were ready for kindergarten. I even had a parent bring me a two year old and insist that she be allowed to join the kindergarten class.The schools around southwest VA are strict about age cutoffs. The private school where I teach has a cut off of Oct. 1st. If the parent really insists, we don’t say no, we do a screening test. If the child doesn’t test as ready, no kindergarten. If the child tests into the first grade…and is six, into first grade he or she goes. That said, even with an age cut off, every kindergarten class has a very wide range of ages and abilities; September birthday kids and December birthday kids are going to differ a bit. A good teacher will be able to differentiate instruction to work with each learning level in his or her class.
>In the district where I work, parents are holding their kids back hoping it will give them an academic edge. In! Kindergarten!Seriously folks!
>My son has a July birthday, and is the youngest boy in his class of 20 here in Nashville. I read a lot about the redshirting phenomenon when I was deciding if I should redshirt him or not.To go to Kindergerten, you need to be able to write your name, count to 20, know your address and phone number, and know the sounds that letters make. He could do all that. I was a little worried about the maturity issue, but decided that if I felt like he was having problems, I could request that he be held back. He’s been in Kindergarten 5 weeks, and is doing beautifully. I don’t think he’ll need to be held back. I think he would have been bored to tears if I would have held him back.
>God, are you kidding me? You need to move up here to Canada. Up here, we’re all “equals” and we’re all “winners” and our shirts are all rainbows and sameness. Winning is frowned upon. Or something. 😉
>Universally every kindergarten teacher that I’ve spoken to about this has said to enroll my son with with an early August birthday once he turns 6 years old. And I’ve polled at least 7 of them. This may be a “Nashville thing”, but I think since we live here, I’d better follow the unofficial rules on this one. My husband entered kindergarten at 5 and 1 week, and always hated school until middle school, I think because he struggled a bit in those early years.
>The fact that people actually do this and that it has a nickname makes me feel gross.
>I’ve never commented here before even though I am a daily reader. I love your blog and think your parenting style is very close to what I aspire to.I disagree with you on this one though. I have delayed kindergarten for two of my boys. They would both be very young in their classes (late summer b-days) and they are both very small for their age. However, even if those factors weren’t at play, the fact is that girls are ready for the structured school environmnet about 6 months ahead of most boys. It puts boys at a real disadvantage. Private schools in my area generally will not accept boys for kinder if their birthdays fall after mid-March or April no matter how well they test. If you had told me this before I had children I would have said you were sexist. Now, I totally see that it is totally a fact with very few exceptions. My oldest is now 13 and in the 7th grade. Holding him back for kindergarten is still one of the very best parenting decisions I have ever made. I feel sorry for the boys with summer birthdays who push their boys into that structured environment before they are ready. (frankly, Im not sure many boys are ever ready for the amount of desk-sitting that goes on in school)Ive never heard of parents doing this as a long-term plan for success in high-school sports! Who is thinking THAT far ahead about sports?? There is no end to the crazy!
>Redshirting is not a new thing. I held my #2 boy back 8 years ago because the cut off date in Maryland was months after the cut off date in Oklahoma. My Navy husband and I knew we would be moving to OK after #2’s kindergarten year and he would be so much younger than his counterparts in OK. I know that there were kids redshirted for football in OK at that time, and I shook my head in wonder. Now that we are back in Maryland, I have never regretted the decision to redshirt #2. He is a mature, articulate, 6th grade honors student, who is one of the oldest in his class (but not the tallest). His older brother, #1, probably would have benefitted from an extra year at home. He has a late June birthday and was born 3 months prematurely. He struggled in middle school and in 9th grade because he was a bit immature and disorganized. His twin sister has not had these difficulties. But it would have been very difficult if we had held #1 boy back while moving up his sister. Thank the Lord he will be graduating this year with a B average and will be going to college next fall. But I have to pay a little extra at the salon to cover “his” grey hairs. The point of all of this is that while I think redshirting for sports is silly, considering the number of people that actually do get into professional or even college sports, it is never a bad thing to be more mature in school. I see the proof in that every time I substitute in my local schools. All children learn at their own pace and in their own way. And most public school are not designed to accomodate the different learning styles and timetables of all of its students. Not all 5 yr olds are on the same maturity level and not all six year olds for that matter. So hopefully the unintended consequence for all of those pre-professional sports wanna-be’s may be a better educational experience. And that will benefit all of his classmates as well.
>All this holding back of boys sure makes for a fun time in high school when some of them are 19 or 20 year old seniors.Seems to me that boys (some, not all)are deemed “socially immature” mainly because they don’t act like girls.I have boys and a girl. See? I said don’t start me…
>Wow! LOLMy daughter’s birthday is in Nov and she started kindergarten in August. She entered at 5, but will soon be 6.One thing that I wanted to mention to those of you who have yet to send a child to kindergarten…..I was shocked at all of the “rules”. We are in a top rated school district in SC and is one reason we chose to live in our town. I am so happy that Brooke will be 6 for kindergarten because even though she is extremely mature for her age (as an only child), there were things that she stubbornly refused to do in my “kindergarten homeschool” environment that I provided her this past winter/summer. (specifically reading) If she had entered kindergarten last year she’d certainly would have struggled with the curriculum. I am not one to push my child (to the extreme). She’s a Scorpio and her personality trait is to balk if you push too hard. She’s a thinker, and when she was ready to read, she did. That was that. I was supportive and encouraging, but never demanding. My nephew is 6 mos younger and when we saw him for a visit this summer he was already reading, BUT when I congratulated him, he looked at me with very sad eyes and said “I HATE to read”. He was being forced to quit play with his cousins to practice his reading….and now he hates it. Anyway, children in kindergarten (in my district) are expected to behave, be quiet, sit still, raise there hand, get there own lunch and open it (you should have see the yogurt explosion Brooke had on her first day of school). This all happens from 7:45am to 2:30pm. FULL DAY! She is doing fabulously, but has many stories of the children that will not follow the rules and get into trouble everyday….it’s not just the boys and after having lunch with her I’d bet those “troublemakers” are pretty young. I feel sorry for them because they aren’t getting the positive experience that Brooke is getting. The expectations on these kids is quite shocking. Way different then the kindergarten classes of yesteryear. LOLThe more they keep lumping on these kids, the older they may have to be to handle it. Brooke has her regular lessons (reading, writing, math etc) plus she has her related arts (music, art, spanish, PE) and computer lab / library. Tell me that’s not a lot for a 5 year old!I guess what I’m trying to say in my extremely long post, is that each child is different and will respond to the rules and expectations in their own way. It’s up to us to recognize any warning signs and do what we can to make the transition as easy as possible.Good for you Lindsay! Thinking about it early only makes you more prepared when the time comes and trust me, it’s not an easy period to go through for child or parent.
>Better to hold them back before kindergarten than in elementary or, heaven forbid, middle school. ‘Cause by the time they get to high school, they won’t be held back… they will drop out.
>I have a daughter in 5th grade. She turned 10 at the end of August. I wonder if I should have held her back. She is tall for her age, and athletic, but socially she is at a loss with almost 11- and already 11-year-olds in her grade. At the time she started K, her brother was a newborn. I could not face finding a preK for her and driving her to it every day with the newborn, so she started K. She has always done well in school, but not above grade level in reading or math. As an older 5th grader she would certainly be above grade level.
>I think Bruiser’s birthday is about 6 months before my son’s, and if my son were born around then, it would be more of a non-issue as well. Unfortunately, school only starts once a year, so it’s all or bust. My son ‘s birthday is after the cutoff for almost every preschool around here, but we didn’t want him held back with 2yos, so we decided to put him in one that would take him. He turns 3 next week, and “potty trained” is a term we use really lightly. When the school asked if he was potty trained, I asked them HOW trained. I assume he would be fully trained if he were 6 months older. There’s a lot of growth and differences that take place in a half year. I’ve heard of more and more school districts with Montessori programs, and hope we get one here before he starts because our Montessori program is expensive. We’re not really into sports here at these ages, but since we’re thinking we’ll hold our son back, I can tell you now, I will be pissed if people assume we did it for that reason. He’s going to be big anyhow – somewhere around 6’4 – and if he does get into sports, that’s when our decision might come back to bite us. If these parents you mentioned who take advantage of redshirting for sports become commonplace and my son is prejudiced against for his size and age, I will be a very angry mama. Also, I turned 19 two months after starting college – November birthday – so that explains the difference in perspective on college.
>I am not quite sure of what the Metro Nashville public school’s policy for cut off for kindergarten is, September? My July baby son will be 6 and 2 mos in kindergarten. That’s just the rules according to the admission director.It’s life. I’m cool with it. If I sat on him till 7 and 2 mos, that’s psychotic.
>Gee. So it goes. So many problems, so many answers. I bet everybody turns out fine, though.
>My kids entered kindergarten based on the school system’s cutoff dates. Daughter was 5 years, 10 months. My son, G, was 5 years, 3 months…the first time. G wasn’t red shirted, though some of my acquaintances think he was because he was 6y, 3m when he was in kindergarten with his current classmates. The fact is that he is “twice exceptional.” Both gifted and special needs, but people who don’t know him well don’t see the special needs part. They just know he is articulate and bright. Getting him evaluated for learning disabilities (other than speech and ot, which were obvious) was difficult because all of us agreed something wasn’t right, but he is so bright that it’s hard to believe that he’s learning disabled.That said, I really don’t think the typical boy should enter kindergarten much before he’s six. Having volunteered through 3 years of kindergarten classes, the differences among boys over the age spectrum are much more pronounced than in girls. True, schools can’t create one cutoff for boys and another for boys, but parents and teachers are really the best judges of what each individual child is ready to do. The year that they recommended that G repeat, there were 9 boys out of 80 k’garten students that they recommended repeat. 7 parents chose to push their sons through because of the stigma attached to “failing.” They’d have saved everyone years of difficulty if they’d “red shirted” their sons before kindergarten.
>I was not tuned into this until recently when I heard about it from another parent at a swimming lesson. I started school when I was four. My daughter will be an early five, unless she’s not ready (that would be the only reason I would wait).
>By the way, the first anon poster wondered if an older (redshirted) 3rd grader is more likely to be picked for the gifted program than a younger. Generally, the abilities tests used in the process for determining gifted status are age indexed down to the month, if not day. You don’t need to be concerned about that.
>I don’t have time to finish reading the comments–I’m only halfway through–but I wanted to say this:I’m planning on holding my boys back from kindergarten until they’re six because of what I’ve learned about their brain development, and what was mentioned earlier–kindergarten is the new first grade. To hell with sports. I just want my boys to have a fighting chance keeping up in an environment that’s increasingly geared towards girls and testing-based.
>And what you’re doing, Emily, is exactly what’s worrying me. I’m sure you have good intentions, but I now have to worry that there will be so many parents out there making your decision that my son will be at a disadvantage simply for going to school at the appointed time.I really don’t want to hold him out an extra year unless it is completely obvious to me that he can’t sit still at five and do some degree of work.But I don’t want him to be “the problem child” when he’s behaving like the five-year-old he is and all the other boys are behaving like the six-year-olds they are.
>My son turned 5 the day kindergarten started. I didn’t send him. He was ready mentally and his behavior was fine. He’s also huge for his age (and now has a mustache at age 12.) However, he was the BIGGEST follower and let anyone and everyone push him around. I had images of him being bullied even though he is big and visions of him being the youngest in his peer group and saying, “oh, sure, I’ll do that,” when he is pressured. So, I didn’t send him. Fast forward to now and it’s helped him immensely. He’s the leader in his peer group now. Full of the once-lacking confidence. And yeah, next year he’ll be the biggest kid in 7th grade and the stud on the ball team but THAT was not my original intent.
>I’m the 101th commenter… at least if I type fast enough. Clearly this is topical.We see this all the time. I feel fortunate that my boys birthdays fall smack dab in the middle of the school year, and they will start at 5!My oldest is so petite and lithe that I can’t imagine an extra year would help him. My youngest can floor me with his tackles at 2, and I’m not a small lady.It’s crazy, but just one more crazy thing to add to the craziness of childhood these days. What are we all creating, and how did we get this way?!
>L, I think you put it well. I considered redshirting for about 30 seconds ONLY because everyone I know seems to do it! Yes, there is a fear that my son will be judged by his typical 5 year old behavior when he’s one of the few 5 year old boys in his class. My son is the youngest boy in his class due to the 4 redshirts in there. He’s doing well and I’m glad I sent him. He’s a bit of a follower but a good teacher knows how to deal with that (in our case, by reminding him that he will LOSE all his privledges at home if he goes to time-out). And I do kinda have a problem with my son’s behavior being compared to that of kids a year and a half older than him whose parents deliberately chose not to send their kids on time.(if your close to the deadline, then I understand, or if the teacher reccommended the kid be held back))What happened to allowing the experts, i.e. the teacher, decide if a kid would benefit from being held back? That’s what I say and what I’ve done this year. If she says he needs to be held back, I’ll do it and have no problem doing so. I just can’t imagine a parent, upon the teacher telling her that her son would benefit from being held back, saying no.
>I’ve seen enough kindergarten boys to agree with a parent who wants to keep them home another year if their birthday is fairly close to the cut-off date- that extra year to mature can work wonders toward keeping a boy who might otherwise have a terrible school experience, from getting off on the wrong foot, and having to be held back later, which can be socially devastating.People who do it just so their kid will get ahead and sports mystify me. So, if it’s for the right reasons- it doesn’t bother me. My 6yo turned 5, 5 weeks before kindergarten and yes, there were kids almost a year older and some of them were ahead of her academically- but it all averages out in pretty short order I have found.
>We just red-shirted our oldest son. No hopes of professional sports because he has my genes. However, we needed a little extra social development.
>I know these types of parents from my own “soccer parent” days. Although my son started Kindergarten when he was 4 (we have 12/1 cutoff in Michigan), our next door neighbor, whose oldest is 2 weeks older, kept their son back.The dad was a baseball star in college. I have no doubt that it played a part in their decision.
>I feel for your son. It isn't his fault but he will different than the "older" boys. I was pushed up a grade when I started school. I was a good 9 months to a year younger than everyone in my grade. It didn't make a huge difference in the 1st, 2nd & 3rd grade. Starting the 4th year it hit. My report cards all ways read "does well in studies but lacks maturity" "has trouble making friends". Out of school I had plenty of friends my age but in school it was rough. It got worse in jr. high school. All the girls were going through "puberty" but not me. They were interested in boys. I thought boys had cooties. High school was hell. Everyone else could get in to R rated movies, I was to young to go. Everyone else got their learners permit and then drivers license, not me I was to young. College was almost impossible. I was 16 years old sharing a dorm room with 18 and 19 years old. I wasn't ready to be exposed to the type of pressure college brings. Now I am an adult and my life is good. Full of people of all ages but when a parent brags to me about how "advanced" little Susie is or that little Bobbie is going to be bumped up in school I shiver with memories.
>I am the mother of five ranging in age from 16 to 2, four of which have birthdays in and around September (8/30, 9/9, 9/10, 10/1) – yeah I know Christmas time ya ya…I did NOT “redshirt” my kids, my oldest, just 16 and a Junior in High School, top 10% of his class and one of the YOUNGEST in his class – is 6’8″ and 300 lbs. People asked me when he was entering school if I was going to “hold him back” because he was a boy and I said, “Why on earth would I do that??” He was reading at 3 and his parents are HUGE (Yes I am a 6’2″ hockey mom of five!) and there was no way I was going to subject him to that. He was BORED through elementary and middle school. It is bad enough the poor kid has been hearing comments from ignorant parents like, “Hey kid did you drive to the game!? There is no way you can be___ years old.” We have taught him to ignore ignorant comments and just be the best person he can be. People need to realize that there are many sizes and shapes and maturity levels and get over it. Always remember, no matter how big or small – those are someone’s children out there. Eventually the cream will rise to the top no matter what – keep loving your kids and supporting them for the things that matter!
>I teach a Junior Kindergarten program at a Catholic school. The JUNIOR K program is specifically designed for kids who miss the cut off for Kindergarten however, the kids must turn 5 by Dec 31. Year after year, parents “redshirt” their kids for Jr. K who have ALREADY turned 5 and should be attending Kindergaten. I’ll probably get backlash for this, but we have classroom issues with those “redshhirts” every year. We get more and more of these “redshirts” over the past 6 years I’ve been teaching Jr. K. I’m not a fan of parents using the “redshirt” concept for anything other than their kids REALLY NEED the extra year for academic or emotional reasons, not to foster parent-made sports prodigies.
>Lindsay- I’m a teacher with a Master’s Degree and a 4 yr old. I’ve taught 2nd and 5th grades. All that said, I plan on holding back my son. I felt frustrated like you did, until I had to teach my 5th graders algebra!!! And went to staff developments that showed how the state standards had been rearranged…with most of them being pushed down to lower grades. After doing all the research through NAYEC (National Ass. for the Education of Young Children) I’ve found that all EDUCATIONAL abilities level out by third grade. However, it’s the emotional and maturity factors that still exist and never even out. Athletics didn’t affect my decision. I just see on a daily basis how much more we are expecting our children to know before they are developmentally ready. I think that if Bruiser has 3 older siblings, he’s most likely picking up more maturity than my only child (and I’m a single mom). So he’ll do just fine. I will agree with you that redshirting is ridiculous for sports reasons alone. How insane!
>”redshirting” for sports is absurd. That said, I had my son (early sept b-day) start kindergarten at 6. He is very bright and could have gone on,but kindergarten in TN is now an all day affair, 8-3. This is too long for a 5 year old to pay attention. He did a great 5 year old preschool year from 9-2 which eased him into school. Now at 13, he continues to excel both socially and academically. Darling daughter (9, july bday)also started when she was six and ditto. I am an educator and come from a family of early childhood educators. Back in the day, kindergarten used to be half a day, perfect for 5 yr olds. I started kindergarten at 4 and turned 5 after a couple of months. Bad plan. Children have such a short amount of time to be children and a very long time to go to school.
>Where my children go to school the cutoff date is September 1st. My son’s birthday is in early August. Every other boy in his class with an August birthday is a year older than him. It’s not just a sports thing, though. Some of them don’t even play sports. Their parents just “didn’t think they were ready” and more likely didn’t want their kids to be the youngest in the class. I always wonder how long it will take before the parents of kids born in June and July decide to start this, too.I had never even heard of this until my son started kindergarden (7 years go). Other parents of boys in his preschool with August birthdays asked me if we were starting him in kindergarden. I was really surprised since it would never have occurred to me to not send him to kindergarden unless there was some serious reason for it. It seemed they were all looking at it completely opposite – they wouldn’t send them unless there was some extraordinary reason to do so. Apparently that they were the appropriate age to attend wasn’t reason enough.
>My son’s birthday is 10/3. He is 4 turning 5 in a few weeks. He is very smart and my husband and I knew that academically he was ready for Kindergarten. The cutoff in MN is age 5 by August 31. It was a bit of a process to get him enrolled early involving an IQ test and an evaluation by the school principal.We jumped through the schools hoops and my son passed all the requirements. We started in Kindergarten this year.It has not been a good experience. His teacher made up her mind about him from the first day commenting to me how “he’s 4 and almost all of my kids in this class are 6”. We are dealing with the very problem you are worried about.My son has always been very active and is definitely a “boys” boy. His teacher has sent me e-mails daily about his “behavior” and that he “can’t sit still like the other kids”. It has been extremely frustrating.It really affected my son and his demeanor and behavior changed drastically. He would come home from school and ASK me if he could go to bed at 5! He also started to act out a lot. We had enough.We made a decision mid-week to pull him out of the Kindergarten class and enroll him in a Montessori program near our house that combines the classroom for the 3-6 year olds. It was the best decision we could have ever made. After just 2 days there he is acting like himself. He is excited about what he is learning there and full of energy again. His teacher has had nothing but positive things to say. No “behavior” issues or problems.I really believe that if the children in his classroom were not all already 6 my sons teacher would not have singled out this behavior as bad. It would just be on par for his age group.
>We had the opposite issue, our daughter missed the cutoff by days, but by all accounts is ready to go. We had her “tested” for acceptance to get in early. My wife and I debated, researched and discussed it with her preschool teachers. She started 3 weeks ago and is doing very well. I came here while doing more research for a paper on redshirting in my Behavioral Science (parenting) class.
>Michelle, that’s not fair. It’s not just that the kids in his class were kept back a year – YOU put your kid in school a year EARLY. You were doing the *exact same thing* as those other parents – ignoring the cutoff. Good or bad isn’t my place to decide, but it’s unreasonable for you to criticize others for doing what you did.
>I think that each parent knows what’s best for their child. Age cut offs are rather arbitrary- some kids are going to be ready earlier, and some are going to be ready later. My son has a birthday a few weeks before our cutoff and I started him late. Even with the extra year he’s the smallest child in the class by inches, and in terms of academics he’s right in the middle. His preschool teachers did not think he was ready, and I’m comfortable with our decision. No matter what choice you make as a parent, there will always be another parent who made a different choice or who has a different opinion ready to comment and judge. As hard as it is, sometimes I just have to remember that the negative comments from the rest of the world are irrelevant- I need to do what I think is right as a mother.
>Gotta say, this topic made me feel sick. I’m pretty certain that my son is the oldest child in his 2nd grade class (he’s 8 1/2). No doubt other parents wonder why, and surely some of them make disparaging judgments about us, or our motivation. To everyone else’s eyes, he is bright, capable, personable, and yes, an awesome soccer and baseball player. :)I see all those things, too, but I also carry with me years of painful memories of an infant, toddler, and child who screamed in terror every time another child came near him. A child whose capability for social interaction was so lacking even three years ago that I wondered if he would ever be “normal”–whatever that means. A child who had a year of therapy classes instead of a first year of preschool, and whose teachers doubtfully said when he was 5: “Well, you COULD send him to kindergarten, but…” No one but my husband and I can see those things. And while I wish I hadn’t had to experience them, I know it could always have been worse.I’ve come to accept that I don’t know how or why his life started out that way, or what exactly made him develop out of it stunningly quickly the year he was five. And I certainly have gotten past the point where I feel a need to explain it all to random parents in our school just because the subject of age happens to come up. Just sucks to know that this “redshirting” phenomenon is in full force, because I wouldn’t ever want anyone to think that’s what we did. Like it’s any of their business in the first place, though, right? Even so, I’m glad my daughter started kindergarten this year at 5 1/2, and our youngest son is on track to start when he’s 5 1/2, too. See, the insecure part of me still wishes my oldest at least had a summer birthday, rather than late spring. Like that would make it more acceptable, or something. For what it’s worth, though, the whole experience made me WAY more open-minded to things other parents may be going through that aren’t readily observable.
[…] year, I wrote about the practice of redshirting, in which parents hold their kids out of private kindergarten for one or even two years so that the […]