>Let Them Eat Cake
>I’ve gotta get some new friends.
The latest media-generated mommy war is being waged over elaborate and expensive birthday parties tailor-made for the Dora and Diego set. According to news reports, the better the birthday party, the better the parent. And I’m not talking about dialing up some ragtag balloon-twisting clown. No, I’m talking limo rides, private petting zoos and rented-out candy stores.
The question is, why haven’t Punky and I been invited to any of these fancy-pants soirees? We count ourselves lucky to leave birthday parties around here with a plastic baggie of cheap favors and bellies full of birthday cake. I mean, come on people, can’t you spring for a helicopter ride for us or something?
“How much would you spend on your toddler’s birthday party?” an ABC reporter asked recently on Good Morning America. “Five hundred dollars?”
Five hundred dollars?! I bristled silently. What the hell?! Five hundred dollars? Who has that kind of money for a baby birthday party? That’s insane. And obscene. And, and… obscenely insane!
But the reporter wasn’t finished. “Five thousand dollars?” she continued . “Fifty thousand dollars?” As she continued, I stared dumbly at the screen. The implication was that five hundred dollars was a normal amount. Five thousand wasn’t out of the question. It was fifty grand that merited a story on national television. Good thing this talking head hadn’t found me. I imagined the same reporter doing a follow-up story a week later.
“ABC News has learned a Tennessee mother is believed to be responsible for the cheapest-assed birthday party ever thrown for a suburban three-year-old,” she’ll say, looking wryly at the camera.
“Sources tell us that Lindsay Ferrier allowed her young daughter’s third birthday to be hosted by a six-foot-tall rat calling himself Chuck E. Cheese. Party favors consisted of game tokens and…” and here the reporter’s lip will curl in disgust, “rat stickers. The total cost was around fifty dollars.” She’ll stop and look at her notes. “This can’t be right,” she’ll murmur to herself.
The resulting embarrassment to my community, so eager to horn in on the prosperity of its upscale neighbors (we just got a dadgum Marble Slab, for heavens sake! Surely Neiman Marcus will be next if we can just get these assholes to stop heading to the Dollar Tree for every little thing they need!) will be so great that a special fundraiser will be held just for Punky’s next birthday party.
What? You think this seems like a little much? I’m only trying to help all the news people out there. To be honest, the suburban moms I know are far more likely to compete over whose kid has gotten sick the most or who’s gone the longest without a date night than baby birthday parties. But if the media say we’re all going apeshit over birthday parties, then you’d damn well better believe we’re all going apeshit over birthday parties. Every last one of us. Especially me.
And so I’ve already decided that I’ll use the money raised for Punky’s next birthday party to go toward a special private performance by Justin Timberlake (including such gems as “I’m Bringing Greg Wiggle Back” and “What Goes Around Comes Around-Rotavirus Remix”) and an all-you-can-eat lobster buffet.
Either that or I’ve gotta get new friends.
>OMG…that’s awful! Who rents out a candy store for their 4-year-old? Is that mom crazy? I doubt I would want my kid going to an all you can eat sugar fest for 2+ hours. I doubt I even spent $50 on my son’s first 3 birthdays. And at age 1, we went out to dinner. NO party. I know…now I should get the worst mother of the year award but that’s the price I’ll pay. How sad.
>I think I spent ~$150 for my five year old’s party this year. That included her presents. It was at my house. The highlights were decorating the goody bags for the pinatas with stickers and playing in the back yard. It was a great time.
>Where do these people live? I thought they were only in Hollywood or something. (Better question, why do we care?)I wouldn’t spend money on my kids until they can remember it, at least. I don’t need that kind of pressure.Reminds me of the time my husband was unemployed (for a few months) and we had a “Dollar Store” Christmas. Our kids had lots of things to open and they still don’t remember anything.The worst birthday party I threw for my kid: On my son’s second birthday we moved into a new house. It was our first home, and we didn’t have much money (we’d just put it into the house!) so I bought him a play piano, used, from a Once Upon a Child store! I didn’t wrap it. I gave it to him when he was crying because of all the chaos from the move. I made him cupcakes a few days later. He actually loved the piano and has never once brought up the trauma of that birthday. (I still feel badly about that. But I know he doesn’t remember.)
>I must be a super-horrible mom. My 3-year old’s birthday party consisted of cupcakes and presents in the morning before work and cake in the evening after dinner. At home. Alone (just our family). I spent about $15 on Thomas the Tank Engine hats and balloons and stuff.
>ooI think most of us will readily agree that we don’t fit into whatever group it is (The Hiltons?) spending that outrageous amount of money on their kids. I think most of us, knowing how those Hilton girls turned out, should learn a lesson from their misled parents and teach our kids how wonderful simplicity is.Sunshine usually gets jipped on her bdays – we usually have ice cream cake at grandmas with the family – but last year was the first year we had a kid party for her. It was still cheap – we even made the cake – but she loved it – loved having all her friends there. Ninja Boy usually gets to go bowling or something for his (because his bday is at tax return time) – that ends up costing around 100 or 150 dollars, and I hate spending that much, but it’s better than having 8 ten year old boys playing in my house!
>Our kids get cake and ice cream and a party that consists of us and grandparents. And they are young enough to think that’s great.
>Shit…better not tell the media or they will have the authorities remove my children based on lack of birthday loot, but I only spring for a bucket of popcorn and one friend to a movie.Screw the party. I hate cake. My poor deprived kiddies. Sometimes, if they don’t get up to go to the bathroom a million times during the flick, I may even toss a quarter at them so they can play a video game.I really suck. Cheap bitch. Oh well. The therapy bills my kids send me will bound to make up for it all…
>I have to admit…I have always loved my birthday. It is MY SPECIAL DAY! I plan on making my baby’s birthday a great big deal…but that doesn’t mean I have to spend more than $50. I hope your community raises your $50,000, though! Ha! Can we be invited to that party?!
>We just celebrated the birthdays of all three of my children last month. My wallet cries like it’s Christmas shopping season. We average around the $500 amount per party. I wrote about the cost and items needed for my daughter’s party at http://mommas-world.blogspot.com/2007/04/efforts-and-costs-of-at-home-birthday.htmlIn 2006 Snow White was invited to a birthday party which turned out to be one of those high priced soirées you spoke of. The party was also on the Bravo TV. This show was about parents throwing expensive parties for their spoiled brats. The parents were pitched a different “story line”. Not what they thought it would be but that’s the media for you.Family parties are great! Wait until the kids are older. They will be invited to everyone’s birthday and want to invite everyone to their birthday.
>My favorite birthday event as a kid was when my mom hid pieces of bubble gum around our swing set. Total cost about .25 cents a pack!
>OLD NEWS. WHERE’VE YOU BEEN.THIS HAS BEEN BLOGGED TO DEATH.GET SOME NEW MATERIAL.
>Anonymous is grumpy.I don’t throw birthday parties for my kids until they are in school. Until then, it’s like, here, have a cake! Click, send photo to grandparents!My cheapest ass party involved a birthday party at my HOME that involved cheap dollar store balloons, a cheap Safeway sheet cake, and such mundane games as ‘musical chairs’ and ‘that freeze game thing.’
>All the parties for all of my kids all combined wouldn’t add up to $5000 dollars! I let them live another year, that has to count for something!
>At our house birthdays are family celebrations. After all, being born made you part of a family. It has always been that way and always will be that way. And by the way, my children range from 8 to 24.
>I’m not blowing lots of money on my kids’ parties until they’re old enough to -remember- it! And be -grateful-!
>You are cracking me up. I think the expensive b-day parties are happening in big cities and expensive suburbs, but not happening in the real world most of us live in!
>Your post made me try to remember any birthday parties my parents threw me. I know there musta been some… I have great parents! But I only remember my 16th, it was a surprise party, but mostly surprising to the guests my mother invited: she was about 3 years behind in who I hung out with and who I no longer did. It was… a disaster!
>For my son’s next birthday we are forgoing anything elaborate (which certainly isn’t anything crazy) and just having a bunch of kids over to shoot hoops and eat pizza.My friend recently did this and her son said it was the BEST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER!!!
>Ok, I’m probably guilty of spending a little too much on the twins’ last two parties. I can’t help it, I’m a big old kid and want to have fun too. Not that you can’t have fun w/o spending lots of dough but I opted for doing the parties elsewhere because what I saved in sanity by not have to scour the house before and after was well worth it.Having said all that I seriously couldn’t imagine spending $500 (and certainly not 5K) I spent a lot – but good lord not that much.
>Ok, let me just say… if you would have given that foo-fo playgroup a better review, maybe Punky’d have have been invited to party with the rich and famous! Hehe.
>The women in my neighborhood try to outdo each other with everything, including birthday parties and I hate hate hate it! I would love to have a birthday party in my backyard, but I’m afraid no one would come.
>I’m with you, sistah!I’ve been to birthday parties for TODDLERS at which I felt underdressed. Or overwhelmed. Or both.Ugh.(Oh, and I’m a reporter. So if I chose to focus on cheap parents who throw inadequate parties, well … let’s just say I’d have to write it in first person. ahem.)
>I had a related problem with my whole “RSVP” issue. Even though we were “only” having a backyard birthday party, I still spent a lot of money putting it together. And trying to adequately plan without parents honoring the “RSVP” request made it difficult and ultimately more expensive. I was able to return some items, but I planned on serving 15 seven-year olds lunch and only had 7 show up!! Can’t take back sub sandwiches and uneaten bags of chips!!
>Probably one of the reasons we decided MF didn’t need a 2nd Birthday party last month.Yes, we are bad parents. But we know we’ll be throwing him one next year.
>I’ve had two simple parties with family members for my first daughter and next year it will be two parties but I don’t spend a lot. One of the markets around here for the first bday offers a free cake, I was there with birth certificate picking up the cake. I was back home on Long Island a few years ago and my friend was saying how she is having a petting zoo at her house for her sons first bday. My hubby and I couldnt stop talking about it later we both thought she was nuts. We thought her friend was even nuttier who was renting a hall for her kids first bday. What happened to the simple fun bday parties? Now they are another thing to show your status.
>My feeling is, I don’t care what the other parents are doing for their kids, I’m doing what works for us. It helps that our friends and most of the other parents in our school are normal like us and don’t go over the top for parties. We generally spend around $100 for a party for cake, favors, and decorations. Because, if you hire the Wiggles for a four year old’s party, what are you going to do when that child is 12 or 16?
>Maybe you could get Justin Timberlake to actually join the Wiggles!(Sam Wiggle isn’t too bad though!
>Hilarious commentary L!Although I have to say $500 only sound like a lot unless you live in NYC. Figure you plan a nice low-key party at your own little apartment with maybe 5 kids and 15 adults, some cake, a few balloons….The Xanax alone will be like 3 Cs.
>http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org/Man — I don’t get it — we were park party kids — it was special because my mom used frosting & we got to get pizza from the pizza places (vs. homemade) — and it was GREAT! I invited the whole neighborhood for a Costco cake and bought 2 dz balloons for decorations for my son’s 1st party — I’ll be in mommy jail if people hear about the lack of party. Spent maybe 25$ — didn’t get presents b/c he wasn’t into them — the kids from the neighborhood opened them for him. Dang.
>Have you check out Birthdays Without Pressure yet?
>I’m so sick of hearing about people doing this crap. Donate to a charity. Teach your kid something valuable instead of trying to impress other adults. I’m not even throwing my kid a 2nd birthday. Just cake at home. No other kids. She’s 2!
>Most of the mom’s I know are much more likely to compete in throwing the “least expensive birthday party” with special categories for bargains and items picked up on clearance.
>Now that we have the Marble Slab, if you can’t pony up $500, I don’t know you anymore.To be truthful, I think we averaged about $300-400 for my daughters first 4 birthdays. I don’t think that $500 is unreasonable if you are considering food, cake, paper products, a location and gift bag if you have a guest list of about 20 kids + about 20 parents. My daughter’s first was cheaper, ($200) because it was food and cake at the house for about 20 adults and 10 kids.The boy’s first birthday may be a little pricey despite being at home because think we will have a lot of people, not because we are having a sushi tray.$5000 is a bit much.
>You seriously invite 20 adults and 20 kids to your toddler birthday parties?But you’re a doctor and have to keep up appearances. 😉 I’m just a humble stay-at-home mom who limits my guest list to about 6 kids max and their moms.
>HOT BUTTON ALERT! Listen, I love birthdays as much as the next girl, and I particular love my own. However, I am on a personal mission to eradicate the scourge that is The Goodie Bag. UGH. I am indoctrinating my clients into the Church of Old Tyme Parties, where ONLY the birthday kid gets presents and the biggest attraction is that you get to eat cake and ice cream and run around in your dress up clothes with icing on your face. WOOHOO good times. What is with everyone at the party getting presents aka Goodie Bags?I get so disheartened when my mom clients cave to the pressure of the neighborhood party and their kids end up bringing home bags of craaaaaap that nobody wants or needs which only serve to junk up their house. But even worse, this is a major missed learning opportunity. Kids need to learn that it actually ISN’T all about them 24/7. Birthday parties are the perfect way to teach the young’uns to be gracious when someone ELSE gets fawned over and gifted with cool stuff. It’s great when kids can stand by and watch another kid be the focus of attention for the day. What a wonderful human skill to learn, but the omnipresent goodie bags teach every kid there that NOBODY gets a special day just for them. Chaps my shorts, it does. I bet you couldn’t tell!RESIST, MOTHERS OF EARTH, RESIST I SAY!! ~Monicaps: I’m going to my niece’s 2-year birthday party this weekend, which will be cleverly disguised as a cookout for adults. 🙂
>Oh crap I didn’t realize how LONG my comment was until after I sent it. Ooopsy!! I should have just blogged about it myself if I had that much to say. Sorry Lindsay!~Monica
>Lindsey,The reason for 20 invites is that when a place charges X dollars for up to 25 kids, etc rather than X dollars per kid, it liberalizes things. We’ve tended towards fixed cost rather than the cost per kid, otherwise 6 kids would be our limit too. In addition, the whole preschool issue…if there are 15 kids in his/her class, you have to invite them all or do it by USPS. Then there are the kids of our friends from work. It’s only polite.At that age, the parents don’t abandon the kids. So they get cake too.
>Our most expensive was probably for my son’s 8th last year – birthday night at the ballpark. It was about 300 bucks (8 boys and 2 adults), but they did absolutely everything – food, cakes, souveniers and entertainment. Well worth it.This year, he wants to go bowling. Not have the party room at the bowling alley, just his dad and me, two friends (brother and sister) and their parents, bowling, arcade games, then back to the house for pizza and cake. My big splurge is the Baskin Robbins ice cream cake. We’ve had several parties at home – pull out the sprinkler, slip-n-slide and kid pool, throw ’em out in the back yard and let them play. They loved it – so did the parents!
>You parents make me sick. Why not give all the money your spending to a worthy cause like Darfur or cancer research? Your babies won’t even remember this crap.
>Ummmm…anonymous….who’s to say we DON’T do those things as well? These are discretionary funds that we are forunate enough to have. We know many people don’t have that – and we give to help them as well.Lindsey, sorry for my anonymous post. Google won’t let me log in for some reason. I just couldn’t let that one pass.sw
>Rats. I meant forTunate.
>Our “goodie bags” are simple, some candy (good stuff like M&Ms, not Mary Janes), and I think last time there were crayons, princess stickers and a princess note pad. The year we did pony rides, hats and kerchiefs were the “goody bag” and those were from the dollar store.The issue I would like to see is how do folks handle gifts…We get invites where it says, “No gifts.” I translate that to no plastic junk. I usually bring books.
>OOOOOH, this is such a hot topic for me. I love entertaining, and look forward to the event. But we try to balance it with our personal values. So we downplay the materialistic component (no Ceremonial Opening of the Gifts fiasco), and stress that we are celebrating with the family and friends who will support the birthday boy in the year to come. Gee…think I think a lot about this? Why, yes I have! Monica Ricci, my perspective on loot bags is that they present the birthday boy/girl with the chance to graciously thank their friends for attending. I create them with an eye to low cost (see below), but also with the knowledge that the parents will probably want the child distracted as they usher the kids away from the party and their friends and into the cars.Furthermore the idea of “ONLY the birthday kid gets presents” irks me. That really seems to feed of the whole ME Generation of egotism and to me is just as offensive as the over-the-top, mommy and daddy are trying to usuage their guilt extravaganza’s that Suburban Turmoil mentioned. After 5 years of attending and planning parties, I’ve got a pretty good formula in place. We hold the parties as brunch/playdates for the families (parents and siblings and pets are all welcome). Usually we wind up with 6 kids (peers of the birthday boy), at least that many older and younger siblings and 12 adults and lots of dogs. Our parties run to about $75 (CDN) total. This includes the present for the birthday boy, the food and drinks, and supplies for making a craft. The making of the craft is the only ‘structured’ function of our parties. The time is mostly spent with children being children while the parents socialize. And God help the child who comes in their “dress up clothes.” Between glue and glitter and snot and throw up and dog hair and icing and markers – those clothes are going to be in a sorry state. Casual is very in. I average about $1.50/loot bag (I collect scrap fabric all through the year and then sew up the gift bags myself). We burn cds with favourite music alternating one song for grown ups, one for kids (Lindsay, the Wiggles do feature prominently) and include one healthy snack or a toy (I stock up all year long at clearance sales).And what’s more: I’m not the only parent who thinks like this. T with Honey’s ‘hood is a lot like mine.
>OOPS. Usuage is not the same as ‘assuage.’Not the same at all. Sorry for the typo.And for the monologue.
>I thew my son a party when he turned one. Actually, it was a mostly adult party to celebrate the fact that the Husband and I survived our first year of parenthood! But I told myself no more birthday parties until my son was old enough to ask for one. He’s three and a half and has just started planning the guest list for his 4th birthday party. So yes, we’ll have a party. But you can bet that it will be inexpensive – yet FUN!
>Regarding the ME generation birthday parties (amen sister):We never open gifts at the party.I’d rather not get gifts but the whole “No Gifts” on the invite comes across as scrooge like. I wish it were polite to say ‘No Junk”.When I was a kid, the birthday boy/girl got to go first (first piece of cake, first turn at pinata or pin the tail on the donkey, etc) except in my house! My mom was all about, “ALL YOUR GUESTS GO FIRST, just because it’s your birthday you don’t get special treatment.” That was probably a good thing.
>Dude..we did the Charles Fromage thing for my daughter’s 5th birthday when my son was a tiny newborn because I couldn’t bear the idea of cleaning my house and hosting people when I was all postpartum-y and hormonal. Handing $130 over to the big rodent was my absolute pleasure, though I thought even that was a bit much. Why? Because when it comes to little kids who appreciate practically nothing, I am one cheap betch!
>While I agree that $5000 sounds like a lot, I don’t see what the outrage is all about. As long as the parents throwing the party can can afford it, whats wrong with that? Isn’t everything in life like that? There will always be people with more money than us who like to spend it the way they see fit and people with less money than us who probably think we are insane for spending the money on whatever it is that we spend on. Why are you judging the way other people spend THEIR money? Are you jealous?
>Ha! If you knew me, you’d know how ridiculous it is to accuse me of being jealous of parents who throw expensive birthday parties. I had the expensive parties/ clothes/ cars as a kid and I was pretty spoiled as a result. It has taken years to undo the snobbery I picked up along the way and the belief that “stuff” equaled status.So yeah, speaking as one of these former kids, I guess I do have a problem with a $5,000 party because future parties will have to be even more over the top and the kids will grow up with a warped view of how their lives are going to be as adults.
>Exactly. And the next thing you know your kid’s on MTV’s “Sweet Sixteen” whining about how she deserves to have her daddy buy her a $100,000 car.
>For my son’s first birthday party I rented out a hall and invited everyone under the sun that I knew. I spent a lot of Money and worked really hard. This year I got real and decided a small family party with cake and Ice cream was better. I wish I could spend $5000.00 dollars on a party, but even if I could I don’t think I would.