>More Questions Answered

>To continue yesterday’s theme, here are more of your questions answered:

T with Honey: What about fashion faux pas that were in style 32 years ago that are making a comeback but shouldn’t? Like the one piece terry cloth shorts outfits for women. Or Dr. Scholl’s Original Wood Sandal.

Speaking of terry cloth jumpsuits, I was in a store yesterday and a woman held one up as I walked by and said, “What is this? Is it a bathing suit or something?” I remembered this very comment and laughed and said “Apparently, some people are wearing them, like, around.” She knitted her brow and shook her head. Yep. Those terry cloth jumpsuits are hideous, all right. I’ve yet to see anyone actually wearing one in person.

I can’t wait for knickers (ca. 1982) to come back. That’ll be a real blast. And my oldest stepdaughter is aching to wear bell bottoms.

Blonde Mom writes:What about ambushing the lead singer for Cinderella and persuading him to do a benefit concert for Bellevue Mall? (readers from outside of Nashville are now scratching their heads.)

That would be hilarious! Bellevue Mall, for all out-of-town readers, is our neighborhood shopping mall, which is dying a slow and painful death as every major store in it continues to shut down and be replaced by baseball card shops, storefront churches, real estate agencies and furniture consignment stores.

katbliss asks: How about a post about the beauty secrets women on television use? Since you were once on TV, maybe you have some great ideas for the rest of us?

I’m a huge fan of MAC Studiofix, which covers like foundation, but it’s a powder. I use it with a brush every day, but if I’m going to be on TV, I use the sponge. I’ll never use foundation again. Most TV people use MAC makeup because it rocks, plus you get a 30% discount if you use it professionally.

Oprah turned me on to false eyelashes- the kinds that you put on individually, not the ones that cover your entire eyelid. If I’m going out at night or even if I’m just feeling kind of dowdy, I’ll put two or three at the outer corners of my top lashes and trim them so that they’re the same length as the rest of my lashes. They really make a difference.

And I love Physicians Formula bronzer, which you can get at the drugstore in a million different shades, so that it’s really subtle. It keeps me from looking washed out.

But my new favorite product of all is Benefit’s Dear John face cream. I’ve used it for two weeks now and my skin is softer than it’s ever been in my life. I’ve used a zillion different expensive face creams and this one is by far the best- and it’s not even pricey!

Anonymous says: My 17 year old daughter just came to me about sleeping with her boyfriend. She said she wanted to discuss it with us first….Ahhhhhh

Wow. I don’t know your daughter and her situation, but I can tell you about the talk I’ve had with my 16-year-old. I told her that abstinence is best right now, not only because she’s not in a position to take care of a baby, but also, more practically, because sex in high school will almost definitely suck. Guys in high school do not know what they’re doing, it would be awkward, and it would not be the “feel-good” experience it’s portrayed to be on TV- It’s just not an experience, I said, that I think she would want for her “first time.” I told her that every guy she met would probably be gunning for it because it will feel good for him, but not for her, so why chance pregnancy and STDs for that? Plus, it’ll get out all over school- every sordid detail, and that’s just gross and immature. I know, I know, my anti-sex talk is not very parenty sounding, but it was the honest truth, so I think it probably came across better than a resounding “Save yourself for your husband, child!” would have.

Nicole asked: Would you let someone else nurse Bruiser? Would you nurse someone else’s baby?

I would let him drink milk from a milk bank, if it had been tested and pasteurized and all that, but I wouldn’t let him nurse from someone else, just because I would never be 100% sure about what she had put in her body before nursing him, and why take chances? I don’t have a problem with the act of nursing someone else’s baby at all though.

Fenicle wrote: Plastic surgery. If you could have any surgery at all (money not an issue)…what would you have done & why.

Okay, if money weren’t an issue and plastic surgery didn’t hurt and wasn’t dangerous? I would definitely have a tummy tuck rather than wait the year for my mummy tummy to flatten back out. The jury’s still out on how I feel about my boobs. Right now, they look fine, but I’ve still got nine more months of nursing to go.

Jenny Rough asked: How about getting carded? I got carded the other day ordering a beer and even though I don’t want to turn 34 or look/be old, it still annoyed me.

I got carded yesterday and I loved it. I’ll be sad when I realize I’m never carded anymore. What’s weird is that I always get carded and my husband never does, even though we’re together.

Sophie wants to know: How do you deal with the ‘trophy wife’ stuff, and explain it to your daughter if she’s around?

I find it hilarious now that I’m writing humorous stuff about this kind of thing. Writing Suburban Turmoil has totally changed my outlook on suburban life over the last two years and given me confidence to see the silliness for what it is, rather than let it affect how I feel about myself. I hope that you can do that too. Any woman who would make a rude comment to you simply because you married a man who’s been married before has a miserable life, so you can’t let something like that get to you.

Well, that does it. As I said yesterday, stay tuned for much more to come on stepmothering. And I saved two of your topics for future blog posts! Thanks for pulling out of my birthday malaise!

P.S. Father’s Day is coming up. Here are two great ideas for gifts. First, an inexpensive scent for your man that won’t leave you on the floor and gasping for air. Second, a kick ass DVD collection for fans of one of the greatest rock groups of all time.