>The Big K
>Today, I’m registering my daughter for kindergarten.
(CUE DOOMSDAY MUSIC)
I’ll admit, I’m scared. And I’m putting it off at this very moment by writing about it, instead of strapping shoes on the kids and heading over to the school to get it over with.
I’ve been thinking today of all the great advice friends and family members have been giving me lately, about how to handle Punky’s first year of school. It is such good advice that I’m going to share it with all of you.
- One of my neighbors writes a letter to the principal each year, outlining her child’s personality, in order to assist the administrators with matching her children with the appropriate teacher. I love this idea and totally plan to do it, too. My neighbor says the letter has two benefits- It gives the principal a good idea of the right fit for her child and it lets the principal know she’s an involved parent. And the last thing you want is an unhappy involved parent, right?
- Kelly from Mocha Momma, a school administrator herself, writes a letter to her children’s teachers every year, letting them know about her child and offering ideas on how to handle them. I love this idea, too. She says every single teacher has been totally grateful for the letter, and many of them have used the advice Kelly has offered.
- My mother says that looking back, she wishes she’d been more like the mother who was always showing up at school whenever there was a problem, and advocating for her kids. She says at the time, that mother was not the most popular mom around, but now that she thinks about it, that mom’s children always got what they needed at school. I don’t want to be annoying about it, but I do like the reminder to not be afraid to stand up for my children, to be their advocate, and to go in and fight for them whenever it’s necessary, no matter what people might say.
- A friend of mine has already told me to be ready to call her after I drop Punky off that first day, and she’ll help me with what I’m feeling. She said that’s the only way she got through her firstborn’s first day of kindergarten. Her veteran friends were there for her and talked her through it the whole way. I think having a social network of moms ready to offer support that first day is a great idea.
And now it’s your turn. What advice to you have for me and other moms preparing for their child’s first day of kindergarten. What did you do right? What do you wish you’d done differently? I can’t wait to read your comments.
>My word of advice- make sure your friends are there the first day. You will get through it, I promise. She will love school!TALK to her teacher- a lot. And volenteer in the classroom once a week- you get to see her, and you start to love her friends in there, too. Teachers need help! Shannon
>Bring tissues – separating from children is painful, and you’ll do it gradually for many years. Embrace the pain like you did childbirth. It’s worth it for what it does for them.
>Honestly, I couldn’t stand the idea of putting my kids in school, away from me, in the hands of total strangers – so we homeschool ours. So I have no suggestions for ya but wanted to let you know that I’m here, reading 🙂
>No new advice, I’m right there with you.I registered T a few weeks ago. We do have an advantage in that he’s already in speech therapy at the school he’ll be attending. When I was filling out the mountain of paperwork, and thinking to myself, what if they lose him, I had to keep reminding myself that he’s already there, and they haven’t lost him yet.I like your suggestions. There’s a fine line between being the involved parent and the annoying parent, but you’re right that we’re our childrens best advocate. I think writing a letter is a great way to give the teacher useful information without being meddlesome and in the way.
>My first advice would be to take a step back and marvel at the momentous occasion. I think we get so worked up over the worries, that we forget to enjoy the excitement of this stuff. I was worried to death over my daughter starting kindergarten, mostly because she was able to express her own concerns to me really well. “Mama, what if I don’t make any friends and no one wants to play with me?”. That totally broke my heart, because the truth is… what if she really didn’t have anyone to play with? It’s not like that doesn’t happen. In the end we talked about her fears, and we made sure to meet up with some of the other entering kindergartners for a play date at the park a few days before school started, so they would each have a couple familiar faces. We got all her gear ready and took lots of pictures. We made a big deal out of how exciting it was for her on the outside, while I was terrified and worried to death on the inside. We got to school and crossed our fingers and I looked down and saw this face http://www.flickr.com/photos/edubyad/113547296/ and new everything was going to be just fine. Just do each day the best way you know how. Follow her lead. As far as involvement at school, it’s great if you can put the time in, for sure. I find that I get more information about the class and all the kids if I’m a more familiar face around the classroom. That said, I’m careful not to be a PITA. If you don’t get the teacher you really want one year, remember that it is just one year. Your kids will have lots of teachers and some will be mediocre, but the ones that are awesome will make up for it in spades. GOOD LUCK!!
>I like Colleen’s answer. 🙂
>I’m sure she’s going to love school. Most kids don’t have much of a problem the first day.It’s about three days in when trouble crops up.I’ve been a prek and k teacher a long time and I almost never had trouble with k kids the first day. They adore school! They have such fun! Then day three or four, they suddenly realize this is going to be *every* week day.Be prepared to hand Punky off to her teachers with a *short* and cheery goodbye and walking briskly from the room. I usually advise parents to part with “See you this afternoon!” or “See you after (whatever the last activity of the day will be)!”Then let the teacher handle any clinging or crying…as heartwrenching as that can be.Every single year, I start the year by giving the parents homework. I give them each a paper headed “My child, in a million words (or less)”. I get incredibly detailed letters from them…which are even more helpful now that I’m teaching middle school and high school.Good luck! Don’t obsess over it and enjoy the steps your kids are taking toward being lively, happy learners!
>Don’t forget to prepare Bruiser – it will be different for him without Punky around for the time she is in school. They have such a close and sweet relationship, he’ll certainly wonder where his big sister is!
>My big girl is only three, but we did a couple of things when moving her up at daycare into the preschool class that might translate helpfully for you. 1) Can you and Punky go observe the classroom for part of a morning now, while school is still in session? It’ll give her a sense of what she’s getting into. 2) Can you two go meet the teacher in advance? Demystify the big new authority figure in her life?Also, here’s something my neighbor did that turned out great. When they got the class list, she invited all of her kid’s new classmates over to a big playdate at her house the Saturday before school started. That way, her kid saw a bunch of familiar faces on day one, instead of strangers, and she got to know all the parents a little bit.Good luck! Can’t wait to read what happens!
>Our school has a "Boo and Hoot Party" for the parents after they drop their kiddos off at school. The parents that are dropping their firtborn off get to boo-hoo and the parents who are dropping their unexpected…got pregnant during our trip to Spain baby off get to "woohoo" it up..hence the name Boo and Hoot. My advice is document every step…I'm on # 3 and I have a few pictures from #1 & #2 but that is it. I'm very thankful for the blog thing….Good Luck and let us know how it all works out. I can already see it before you know it you will be helping your sweet daughter make a sign, "Punky for Senior Class President!". Many Blessings,Amanda
>I would say the same as Maybaby… make your goodbye that day short sweet and simple. It will be harder on you than it will be on her. I also agree to let the teacher handle the clinginess and tears if there are any. Most of all, don’t let Punky see you upset! She will react the same…My daughter once went through a phase when I dropped her off that she would cry and scream. The teacher told me she was fine in 20 seconds or less after I walked out the door. I just couldn’t believe that….until one day I decided to go back and peek in the window. She was playing just fine and having fun. And of course, don’t forget the camera!!
>Hang in there, Lindsay! So glad you have a friend to call after you drop off La Punky…In regards to being an advocate for your child–that is a great idea, but bear in mind that if there is a problem, you need both sides of the story before making a judgment call.One of the hardest parts of being a teacher was having a parent go into “MY CHILD WOULD NEVER DO THAT” mode. Please (please?) assume that the teacher is professional, and not given to exaggeration unless proven otherwise….Sorry to get a little preachy; teachers need advocates too, sometimes… :(Anyhow, I can’t wait to read your experience when Punky comes home today–I hope she really enjoys her time and learns a lot!
>To be completely honest with you…considering I just got my son registered for K earlier this month…I plan on having a nice BIG bottle of wine chilled in the fridge to guzzle once I drop him off!!! A little bit for celebration..A LOT for nerves/sadness.
>On my only child’s first day of kindergarten, I shot videos, took pictures, and had my sister come along to do the same when I couldn’t. My son’s teacher had a parent orientation at the beginning of the day, while the kids played on the playground. When she passed around the volunteer list, I signed up to volunteer for one full day each week. That was GOLDEN. Since I was there for a whole day every week, I had plenty of time to observe the class, chat with the teacher during recess, and help other parents stay up to date on school events, etc. I wouldn’t have traded that time for anything. Oh, and on that first day of kindergarten, I put fresh lipstick on and kissed the back of my son’s hand so he could have a Mommy kiss all day, then my sister and I went out to breakfast, hung out a bit, picked up the kiddo after school, and had a very peaceful day. It turned out to be a really great day for everyone — not traumatic or sad at all. 🙂 Good luck!
>If Kindergarten registration there is like it is here you had better get going there in a hurry. People get in line hours early to get the times, days, even schools they want here. Here you are not guaranteed school of your choice. Let alone if you want full day vs half day.
>Keep your departure short and sweet. Also make it consistent – do the same routine each time. If you lollygag and talk to the teacher it makes it more difficult on the child. At our pre-school sometimes the child will “push” his or her mommy out the door, which is kind of sad for the mommy but the kids think it is fun and empowers them and gives them control over the good-bye situation.
>You (and she) will be fine. I wrote about this a few months ago.This is a BIG DEAL!http://misfithausfrau.blogspot.com/2008/08/pms-forcing-child-onto-school-bus-for.html
>It was hard for about a week then it’s all good
>The good news is that they generally want a lot of parental involvement in kindergarten. I helped out every Friday in the classroom last year and stayed for lunch and I also went on field trips. I also was VERY lucky because I knew her teacher previously through Junior Achievement volunteer work.It wasn’t as tough on me because my daughter had been in daycare, but trust me it was bittersweet!You might also want to plan a fun family dinner outing that night to “celebrate” her big day!Even this year, in first grade, I try to eat lunch with my daughter on Fridays since that is my work from home day. But I’ve noticed that the teachers don’t want as much help in the classroom now.
>p.s. sorry to hog the comments…one thing I’m going to try to do every August is take a picture of my girls in the same spot on the first day of school for their nonexistent scrapbook I am so diligently keeping up with 😉
>Never sent a child to kindegarten. However, in my MIL’s house there are two photos in the same frame side by side… one of my husband walking away down the sidewalk on the first day of kindegarten and another of him walking away down that same sidewalk on the last day of high school. I LOVE THAT.
>My advice would be to NOT be a helicopter. Sure, you always want your child to have the best teacher at the best school with the best friends, but what does that teach them about life? That everything will be rosy? Let the chips fall where they may, and accept what is given. Your child develops better when they get to see the good and bad side of things.
>Document everything — take lots of pictures, make the day special and then get out of the way. We had a special picnic breakfast at the sound with our whole family and then we all (sibling included) took her to school. We hung out for a few minutes, but my big girl made fast friends and was ready for us to get out of her way. We did hugs and kisses and left — and I cried…lots. But its ok!
>My son’s school had a “tissues and donuts” party in the courtyard. Parents dropped off the kids and were quickly taken to this party of donuts and crying. Then we could sneak down and see our kids playing happily. And go get more donuts and tissues since they don’t miss us.
>I’m all for the getting involved plan even if people are annoyed with me. My priority is my kids. This is going to be tough for you because you have had her home with you for as long as you have. Bottom line is Punky will be fine and you will be right there supporting her and cheering her on like the loving mother you are. Bring Kleenex for the first day and maybe the second too. Bruiser might need it too. He is gonna miss having big sister around.
>My advice: Never, ever be afraid to advocate for your child, whether it is for additional help in a subject, a different teacher due to a personality mismatch, or if your child is in trouble for something that you honestly don’t think that he/she did – after hearing both sides, of course.This is going to sound cynical, but the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Not saying you have to be mean or nasty, you just have to be willing to speak up – and frequently – and always give praise where praise is due (to your kids AND the teachers/administrators).Most importantly – cry a little and laugh a LOT. It’s a big day for both of you.
>My kids’ school has a “Kleenex and Donuts” thing for parent dropping off kindies for their first day of school, so the parents can cry, eat donuts and commiserate with the other parents. 😉
>I’ve had two different experiences with kindergartens and am going to have another one in August with my third. They all went to preschools… but there was something about kindergarten. The school always seemed so big and they seemed so small and it’s such a big hustle and bustle on that first day.Our district separates the new kindergartners into 3 groups. Group 1 goes on the first day of school but not the 2nd or 3rd. Group 2 goes on the second but not the 1st or 3rd, etc. Then on the 4th day they all go and school resumes as normal. I love this because it gives the teacher a little more time with each child on that first day.I also write a letter to the teacher. Bug’s 1st grade teacher requested this when he started 1st grade and I loved it so much I’ve done it ever since. Every teacher has been grateful as well. 🙂 When I dropped Bug off to kindergarten I was scared… but I didn’t cry. I had two kids at home and too much to deal with so I just kissed him goodbye and crossed my fingers.When I dropped Munchkin off, though… the waterworks began as I left the classroom and walked to the car. I was embarrassed because I appeared to be the only mom crying as she walked to the car. So my advice? Bring tissues and try to keep your chin up till you get to the car. Then… just cry it out. There’s no shame in it. 🙂
>Lins, I love you to death, kiddo. Been reading for a couple of years now and am a fellow Bellevue-ite. I’m also a mom with (older )kids, and I am a teacher. So please know that what I’m about to say is being said without even a smidge of malice.But don’t do it! Don’t send in that letter. You will be instantly pegged as a hovering worrier (or worse!). I’m just telling you from a teacher’s perspective, and I have a LOT of years under my belt. Not in kindergarten, but still. I know Punky is your first baby to send off to school, I know it’s traumatizing, I know you’ve been struggling with the decision to even send her at all, I know, I know, I know.The teachers will elicit all this info from you and Punky both, all in due time. Let them initiate it. Trust them, and the school, to do their jobs. Give them a chance.From what I can tell, Punky is a DOLL; extremely smart, loving, sociable, creative and inquisitive. She will be every teacher’s dream. She’ll excel in school, so trust me, you don’t need to write the letter. Many teachers do a version of the “Million Words or Less” thing, but as I said, let them initiate it, not you.Also, the um, “advocates” in our school are the PITA parents who send eyeballs rolling and teachers screaming every time they see their names on an email, letter, phone message, etc. They are the people who want to tell us how to do our jobs, how to run the school, what curriculum we should use and how and when to teach it. They want what they want for their kid and they want it now. Their kids are never wrong, and everything is always someone else’s fault. (I’m not saying this is how you’d be, just sharing what I’ve seen, from our advocates with Frequent Flyer Miles)Someone upthread had great advice – talk to the teacher frequently, volunteer in the classroom weekly, etc. Try not to get caught up in the gossip and rumor mill. Trust me, they will love Punky, they will love you, and she’ll be fine.Now I suppose a boatload of people will come behind me refuting everything I’ve just said. I’m just telling you – I know of what I speak. Don’t start off on the wrong foot being one of those infamous parents that are the stuff of which teacher lunchroom legends are made.
>Bring some tissues.On first day of actual kindy, bring the whole flippin’ box.Get involved with your children’s school. Bring the teachers coffee, purse hand lotions, stuff your kids make for their teachers. NO APPLE ITEMS!We have a cash limit of $25 per year for gifts, but there is no limit on prepared food (how about dinner on conference night?!), classroom supplies or education opportunities with credit hours (increases teacher pay).
>I am dealing with this SAME thing right now. I love these ideas though. If nothing else, they will leave me reassured that the school is in fact ready for him! I’ll still be crying with you on the first day of school.
>I was able to volunteer for an hour once a week in my son’s Kindergarten class. It allowed me to get to know the kids in his class and also see first hand his environment. I also picked one day each week to have lunch with him. Those 2 things made it easier on me the first year and we both have some special school memories.
>Honestly? My advice? Relax. She’ll love it, and so will you. Mine started last Sept, and it’s been FANTASTIC.
>I would say that unless your child has really specific needs (and it really doesn’t sound like she does–I’d bet she rolls with the punches pretty well) I would let the chips fall where they may.Cube Farmer’s comment is great and right on the money.
>I WISH I had written letters. What a fabulous idea. I may keep that in mind. My son is what you’d call a spirited child. Basically when my son started Kindergarten it was strange to have him gone the entire day. I know some Kindergartens are still half a day but his was a full one. It was shocking. And okay, much quieter in the house. I was so used to hearing his shrieks and shouts throughout the day that it was a shock when it was suddenly taken away.
>hey lindsay!I went thru this last year with my clara. Talk to Punky about her school just to prepare her. When her first day comes, I agree with maybaby. Give a quick hug and say a short and cheery goodbye and walk away. Make sure you take pictures of her first day :)maiji aka dizzytanjerine
>This is an awesome milestone! The first time is hard but don’t let yourself be too anxious you want Punky to look forward to this and not take on any of your anxiety.My children are older, grade 5 to high school, now they ask if I’m going to actually stop the car on the first day of school.
>Thanks for the advice so far- and the warnings. All great!I think all of this comes down to nuance and intent. The letter writing idea is a good one for me because I’m a writer. I actually don’t want to come across as the nightmare helicopter parent, and I think I’ll be able to convey that in my writing. At least if Punky gets a bad teacher, I’ll know I did all I could to prevent it.The same goes for being the involved parent at school. I’ve been in our school system with my stepdaughters for eight years now. I have seen the supremely-annoying-parents-who-clearly-have-no-lives. That will never be me. If anything, I tend to be the one who doesn’t go in and “make a fuss” when in retrospect, there are times when I was right to let the chips fall where they may and times when I should actually have helped my kids and remembered that they are not adults, and not capable of handling every situation that comes up at school- particularly those involving teachers. I want to be ready to do that this time when and if the situation arises.
>Just a word of warning: if you are always at the school, super-involved in YOUR child’s education, be prepared to be “volunteered” for all kinds of activities for the everyone else’s children. This can be a good thing, but you may ask yourself later, “Did I sign up for this?”Also – this is just our personal preference – we’ve taken the view that educating our children is our job, but sometimes we subcontract parts of that job out to teachers. At the same time, (especially as they’ve gotten older), it’s important to relay to our kids that the teachers are our partners, not our adversaries. If they get the impresion that they can just come home and say “My teacher HATES me!”, resulting in a parental trip the chew out the teacher, the principle, and the janitor for daring to cross our little darlings, the kids learn quickly to think they do not fall under anyone’s authority but mom and dad (if that). We may be extreme, but we’ve told our kids from the beginning that our default in a conflict is to believe the teachers. We will investigate, but we always put up a united front with the teachers, and this gives the kids proper authority boundaries. (And yes, we have, after investigation, complained to the principal about a teacher – it turned out we weren’t alone).So far, it’s turned out VERY well.
>Long time reader but infrequent commenter who happens to have older kids and loves your blog has to second what GIg had to say. Think she had some great advice…but I appreciate that given that you are a writer how a letter appeals to you.
>We go tomorrow. I’m sad and excited for her.
>As a teacher, I have to say that advocating for your kids is terrific, BUT please remember that your child will be different at school than she is at home. Too many times I have teachers argue with me about what a child did because their baby could never do such a thing. Even when I saw it with my own two eyes. Even when the child admits to it. So please, advocate for your child – but advocate for her teacher, too. Oh – and gifts for teachers shouldn’t be limited to elementary school. High school teachers deserve some love, too!!
>Heather brings up a good point. My two kids are completely different people at school than they are at home. When I look at the portion of their report cards that describes their behavior, I always have to double check the names at the top of the page to be sure I’m reading about the right kid. In future years, you will probably find her classroom teacher to be the best resource for the info you’d want to relay to the principal. Our placements are done probably like most. The principal, registrar and current grade level team sit down together and go through each kid. After they’ve chosen the “ideal” setting for that child, they then do some shuffling so that kids who receive pull out services are clustered in one or two classes per grade level (to minimize disruptions), balance ratios, make sure all of the behavioral issues aren’t one teacher’s problem, etc. Of course, as new kids come in and teachers move around, things change. Everyone will not be happy in the end…it’s just not possible to manage so many people’s expectations satisfactorily.I’d urge parents to take what you hear about teachers through the grapevine with a grain of salt. A teacher whose personality and style clashed with a friend’s won’t necessarily be a problem for you and your child. I remember hearing awful things about one of the first grade teachers at our school. My son didn’t end up in her class. Over time, though, I’ve gotten to know her and watch her with her students. (I spend a lot of time at the school). I’d have loved for her to be my daughter’s teacher.
>I’m in the same boat — getting ready to send my only child off to Kindergarten. It’s a bit easier for me, though, since my daughter has been in full-time daycare since she was 1yo. But I’m sure I’ll be crying anyway the first time she gets on that school bus. In my school district, the principal asked and encouraged parents to write that letter about their child, saying that they spend a great deal of time matching students to teachers. We also had the opportunity to request a specific teacher, but I felt it best to write a detailed letter and let them assign the best teacher for her.
>Well things were a bit different for me. Here in DC they have Pre-K and K. Lael got to start Pre-K at 3 and it was ALL DAY. It was really hard for me but the best advice I can give is to stay strong for her and give her pep talks. If she sees you are scared she will be scared. Get contact (email is best) info from the teachers and stay as involved as you can. I tried to chaperone all field trips. Being active duty military I couldn’t be there as often as some parents but about 6-7 times during the year they took trips and I took leave for EVERY one of them. Yes I was busy but I MADE time to be there and it set my mind at ease. Good luck honey and keep the tissues close.
>Our school has a lovely tradition, perhaps you could start it at your school. The first day of school they have coffee & pastry set up in a common room for Kindergarten parents. After you get the kids settled, most parents walk over and grab a coffee. You get a chance to meet the other parents you'll doubtless be seeing for school functions for the next zillion years, and you can support each during those difficult first 30 minutes or so.
>Our school has a “Boo Hoo Breakfast,” but I’m not sure I’ll make it in there.I just started reading Punky’s school supply list and burst into tears. Embarrassing, and there wasn’t even anyone to see!I’m not sure I want everyone’s first impression of me to be me sobbing uncontrollably. 😉
>Maybe you should also focus a little time on yourself after you drop Punky off at school. Like schedule an appointment at your favorite spa to start an hour after you drop Punky off at school. And then have lunch with a great friend. Or plan on buying a great pair of shoes later on that day.You’ve worked really hard to raise Punky to be the fabulous girl that she is and you deserve some time to reward yourself and celebrate your hard work. Moms don’t really take enough time for themselves and not only is this a tremendous and fabulous day for Punky, it is one for you as well.
>Yeah, that day comes in three years, when Bruiser goes to kindergarten.Plans are being made even now.
>I have to second a previous poster’s suggestion of preparing Bruiser. My son was 2 1/2 when my daughter started K and he FREAKED OUT. He was incredibly jealous that she rode the bus and had a lunch box. He missed her while she was gone. He had several rough weeks of adjustment. My daughter handled it much better! My son started K this year and I’ve never seen a kid so happy to get on a bus 🙂
>What a bittersweet day, I will be sending my second child this September. My daughter will be going into the 4th grade this year. My daughter had a teacher that my fellow parents had labeled as mean & nasty. I never paid much mind to it, but it was always in the back of my head. I resisted the urge to helicopter and let the year play itself out. After a month or so at school, we got the call for volunteers and I signed up. This "infamously nasty" teacher turned out to be one of the best teachers my daughter has ever had. She held her expectations of the kids high, and most kids were more than happy to live up to those expectations. It was one of the few classrooms that I really enjoyed volunteering in. The "rumor mill" can be brutal.
>Me advocating and staying involved wasn’t enough to protect my kids and the welt I developed in the center of my forehead was really starting to hurt.So we homeschool now and my kids have never been happier or healthier.
>Go to the Boo Hoo Breakfast. Seriously. There’s so many comments here I might have missed it but I didn’t see one that said what I found to be the best thing I did which was make friends with as many of the other parents in Punky’s class as possible. Other parents in the class have been my best resource for figuring out what’s really going on because you get a wider view of every issue. Also any social issues with the other kids at that age are usually easily solved with a playdate and that’s easily arranged if the other parents know you.
>You must get a copy of The Kissing Hand. Begin reading it NOW. Read it every chance you get until the first day of school. Then, on that fateful morning, read the book the last time before you drop her at the Big K. This book got me through two first days of K. I love it and wish I had written it.Best,K
>If like here you meet your child teacher in the June or July and then start school in the september, then take your camera when you meet the teacher and ask if you can take a picture of her/him, I did this for my son when he was four, photos of his teacher and her assistant were on his bedroom wall all summer and he felt like he knew them when he finally started, otherwise 6 weeks is a long time for them to remember their class and teacher, also take some pics of the classroom.