Tricks Aren’t Just for Kids
“I can’t stand it when teenagers show up at my door on Halloween night without costumes,” a mom said the other night at my stepdaughters’ season ender soccer party. “And I’m supposed to just give them candy anyway.” The other parents murmured their agreement over plates of pizza.
“I love it, actually,” I said. “I have special candy just for them.”
“Special candy?” another mom asked.
“We keep a basket in the kitchen for all the candy we collect throughout the year,” I explained, “and every Halloween, I go through it and put aside the nasty pieces of year-old candy at the very bottom. That’s what I give to the kids without costumes, or the ones who are rude.”
The parents laughed. I’m sure they thought I was kidding.
I wasn’t.
Here are a couple of my favorite offerings from the “Trick” basket. First, a packet of Pop Rocks that appears to be about 25 years old. The candy inside has hardened to one nasty mass in the center. The package has gotten brown with age. But this next one is my personal favorite.
Fun Dip from Valentine’s Day, ca. 2005. If you look closely, you can still make out that this particular Fun Dip was a gift from some kid named Logan. I’ve been laughing all morning just thinking of the poor sucker’s face who finds this in his sack of candy at the end of the night. Awwwweeeessssommmme.
>I’m in! We’re doing this. Fantastic idea!
>That is awesome. My mom’s street is THE street to go to in town and she was thinking of putting up a sign that said “No Costumes, No Candy.” I think your idea is better, though.
>Great idea. I’m so going to do this next year. Hahahahaha!
>hahaha! Brilliant.
>omg I’m cracking up here. That is so funny. I love how you think!
>I’m stealing this idea. It’s too good not to.However, for the kids not in costume, teenagers or just plain rude, I make them work for their money.My husband says I’m mean.I say I like to find the joy in life where I can.Dance my little puppets. Dance.
>I just found some expired yogurt in the back of my fridge. I’m thinking about saving it for that one teen that scares Maddie every freakin’ year.
>Too funny! I’ll have to remember that one!Have a safe and happy halloween!
>Serves ’em right. Wish I had something to contribute. Like the hairy stick of gum I found in the bottom of my purse.
>We do this too! Except we buy the yucky candy no one likes. Such as those peanut butter taffy things in the orange and/or black wrappers. Or circus peanuts. Or raisins. Or 1 piece of that bubble gum that’s in the red, yellow, and blue wrapper that loses it’s flavor 1 second after you begin chewing it.
>Two words, Mary Janes.
>That is utterly hysterical. If we celebrated Halloween, I’d totally do that.
>I was just lamenting this very issue on my blog, today!I like your solution even better.Brilliant!
>What equally bugs me are the adults carrying around a baby in costume and trick-or-treating for the baby. I give candy to all ages but, come on, that 6 month old in a pea costume is NOT going to be eating at Snickers bar. If you’re going to punish the teens with nasty candy then should you not equally punish the adults who are panning for free candy by trick or treating with a baby too young to eat the candy?And how old is too old? My son was adult sized at 12!
>Fantastic! That with the idea of putting ketchup packets in their bags, and I’m set. Happy Halloween!
>For three years running, (and with more to follow tonight), we’ve handed out jalopenos from our plant that have ripened to the red stage. At first glance, they kinda look like candy. Imagine the surprise if they try to bite into that ๐
>Ooh! Can I have the fundip? Man I love that stuff!I’m with you on the no costume older kids. That has always irked me. At least cut some holes in a pillow case and stick it over your head!
>Love it. ๐ In response to the commenter who asked about “punishing” adults who take babies trick-or-treating (and the baby is in costume, I would totally just give them candy. I remember how excited I was about my kid’s first Halloween (although I didn’t take him out until he was about 21 months old or so), and I remember how it was nice to get out and see the neighbors and show off the baby. It’s just a coupla pieces of candy, after all. ๐
>that is hilarious! I am going to start saving my candy now for next year.
>well now…I’m putting THAT idea on the back burner for when we live in a neighborhood where there are actually kids that come….I LOVE IT!!!!!And since I’m really hard on candy-giving to my own kids, we ALWAYS have that year old stuff. I remember getting ticked off (even though I wasn’t a teen yet!) about getting Valentines or Easter candy…and old candy canes too!This is a KEEPER!
>Brilliant!
>Genius! Now I know what to do with those two apples that have passed their prime.
>I’m so stealing this idea for the future! Ha!
>You are mean but FUNNY. That’s a brilliant idea.
>Aww really? Punish the adults with a baby dressed up all cute? I bought my 10 month old the most adorable elephant costume and we were going to go around to the neighbors and get some fun pictures.I mean I don’t want the stupid candy anyhow, but I don’t want anyone to be MEAN about it and give us something nasty.Sheesh.
>Eh? I’m talking about teenagers, not parents. I’m one of the parents who trick or treats with a baby. Hell, you do what you have to do.
>I was talking about above commenter Janet “baby-hater”.
>That is HILARIIOUS! I think it’s a great idea. And if nothing else, they know not to come to your house next year ๐
>I have considered re-wrapping chocolate Ex-Lax squares with previously-enjoyed Dove chocolate wrappers. And handing those out to the slink-and-pose-tres-tragic teenagers who are Too Cool to dress up.But no, I don’t. *sigh*I have two big bowls of candy. One with full-size treats. The other with loose candy corn, bite-size wrapped chocolates and hard candies like Jolly Rancher pieces. The bowl with the Big Stuff gets quickly withdrawn so they barely get a glimpse. The other bowl is then brought out, and they are told to “Go Ahead and Take one.” I can’t believe it, but they all reach down and take one! Sheep, the lot of them!
>I love it! Great idea!
>I’m not a “baby hater”. I’m not a hater at all. As I said, I give candy out to all. Sheesh. If you’re going to hand out candy to some then hand it out to all. If you can’t play nice don’t play at all.It’s just a coupla pieces of candy, after all.
>I heard that they were giving away the BIG Hershey Bars in Traceside
>Gosh, I love this idea! Totally stealing it. First time visitor … nice to meet you.
>Janet, sounds like you’ve been trick or treating without a costume… Naughty, naughty.
>Yeah! Fricken 6 month old babies shouldn’t be trick or treating! They shouldn’t get Christmas presents either! They don’t know the difference! And why do we bother reading to them? They can’t READ!(Ha-ha!)
>I think I just peed myself laughing. I’m soooo doing this over the next year.
>Ok, that’s just damn hilarious…Remind me to wear my costume if I ever trick or treat at your house. One year when I was a highschooler trick or treater someone gave my friends and I cough drops….
>My son’s first Halloween I actually refused candy when we went to the mall-I couldn’t believe people were giving it to him, lolol. (he was 9 months old)You know, I work at a high school and love it when kids that I know show up at my door. If they’re polite, costume or not, they get extra. ๐ Haven’t had a rude one yet.
>OMG! That is schweeeeet!I wish we didn’t live out in the boonies, I would SO do that!
>Freakin’ brilliant! I have a big “vat” of old candy that we just haven’t eaten throughout the year (just like you – old valentine/school party treats) and that stuff is going in the “trick” basket next year. LOVE IT!
>Good one! Lol!I also like to give costumeless-teens Barney and Teletubby stickers and small toys from the Goodwill.Carrots would be good, too.But yeah, we have a lot of grungy candy around that I’d like to get rid of.
>Excuse me but are you aware that by passing out old candy you are possibly making kids ill?? Candy has an expiration date, and can become moldy.Besides, what if the kids parents are too poor to buy a costume? How freakin rude you people are. I’m certainly glad I didn’t live in your suburbs when I was a kid and/or teen. You’re totally destroying the whole concept of Halloween, which is a day of fun.I feel sorry for the kids in your neighborhoods, and hope none of them get ill or worse from your “we’ll give you stale, moldy and possibly toxic candy” plans.
>Anyone can make a costume, Sue, particularly a teenager. I’m not asking for a $50 Party City special, I’m asking for a little effort and politeness. And if they can’t do that, then TOXIC CANDY! Mwah ha ha ha!!!!Seriously, Sue, lighten up.
>Year old candy?? Ex-Lax?? You folks have some serious social issues. What’s next on the list – apples with razor blades? (That’ll teach ’em not to show up at MY house without a costume!!) About 25% of the kids that came to my house this year didn’t have costumes, but hey, it’s Halloween, everyone should get some goodies. SAFE, NON-TOXIC goodies. How self-righteous are you going to feel when you hear about the neighborhood kids visiting the local hospital with food poisoning? Are you folks seriously considering doing this?
>wow… arent you just too cool. I mean, really! You are just so much better than those kids, whom you dont even KNOW. You must be so very proud.Repulsive. Hope it comes back to you in bags of new dog shit.
>i cant believe your a mother and do stuff like this , if i would find out that someone INTENTIONALLY did that to my kid wether he is 5 or 15 i would be on their door step with a police officer so fast bringing charges to you for deliberatly giving out rotten , past due and even medication like ex-lax to my kid and others without their knowledge and risking their health…..some of these candy or medication can cause serious arm espacially if a kid or teen as a health issue or allergy….that idea is pure stupidity…..i hope someone around you actually finds out and catches you….and i cant believe you moms all encourage that idea ….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!if the kid is rude to you be THE ADULT ,just tell him politely he gets nothing and to get out of your house , ….halloween is a fun day and everyone should enjoy it , i get people visiting our haunt every year all weekend before the big day so often alot are not costumed , even on the big H day some older ones will come not costume to enjoy our display and we still give them a little something good…i am even suprised with kids and teens these days that no one as figure out you did that and came back to vandalize your display or house , you should be carefull now days, what you do can get you back some serious actions… . just my 2 cents !!!
>Suburban Turmoil, perhaps you and all the other people that call themselves “moms” in here ought to lighten up. Everyone that comes to my house gets the same, FRESH treats. Costume or no costume, baby or teenager. Adult or pooch. I refuse to risk making some kids sick because they’re not dressed up. Shame on you and your friends. Like Otaku said, what’s next, razor blades? And the poster who wants to rewrap Ex-Lax, how would you feel if it were your kids??I feel sorry for your kids, being brought up by such “caring” moms.
>I am so laughing at this right now. We did not have any young ones this year, only the teenagers that were too cool for t-o-ting. However I stocked up on butterscotch discs in advance (supposed to be for hubby’s work) and handed that out. I had one “kid” aprox aged 15 say no thanks.First tiem visitor and you are funny!
>Okay, I finally realized that you people are coming from some Halloween forum, where you go by handles like “Shadow Mistress” and claim you’re vampires. And you think I’m strange? You’ve never been here before, which is fine. But you should read a little more before you haul off and write something rude. First of all, this is a humor blog. I write things that I think are funny, not long, emotive posts on the beauty and magic of Halloween. Second, if you had bothered to read my most recent post (which, of course, you didn’t), you’d know that I DIDN’T ACTUALLY GIVE THAT CANDY OUT.So comments are closed here, my little killjoys. Go find some other blog to haunt.